A (very) short one shot about Chris' disappointment when he runs into some complications stocking his Villain lair.

I Own no characters featured in this story, no copyright infringement is intended.

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"Alright, bring it in!, further,further,fur-Too far!"

"Right here?"

"Yea-No!, a little bit back!, no, forward now, okay, oka-stop!"

"Right here?"

"Yeah, yeah set it down!"

The operator of the crane gingerly began lowering the crate marked "CAUTION: HAZARDOUS CONTENTS", onto the wet, concrete parking lot behind the warehouse. The crate struck the ground with an audible thud, causing the boy in the red mask and cape to jump up and shout;

"Shit!, be careful asshole, you want that shit leaking everywhere?"

"Relax Chrissy it's fine, this box is nice and tough"

"Fine. And how many fucking times have I told you not to call me Chrissy, asshole?"

"Sorry Christopher."

"Fine".

"You asked for hydrofluoric, right?", the crane operator said.

"Yeah, the uh, the melty kind, you know, like in the comic books?, Green, and bubbles and shit?."

The operator looked uneasy. "..What are you planning to do with it Chrissy?, I-I mean Chris."

Christopher's eyes lit up, like a child describing a good report card to his parents.

"I'm gonna build, like an acid pit, like, with a trapdoor and shit."

"Chris you can't do that."

"Why the hell not?"

"Chris Hydrofluoric acid is toxic, that shit'll burn your fucking lungs out."

"Are you fucking kidding me Luigi?"

"Umm, No."

"What the fuck man?, Why the hell would you bring me this shit?, It's fucking worthless man!"

Luigi threw his hands up in defeat.

"You asked for it!"

"No, I Asked for the kind of acid like in comic books, how the fuck am I supposed to lower Kick-Ass into an acid pit if I'm dying from the fucking fumes?"

Luigi rolled his eyes, kicking away a rock at his feet.

"In my defense Chris, I didn't know you were planning to do something so utterly ridiculous with it."

"Well what the hell else would I use it for asshole?"

"Uh, I dunno, your daddy used acid for 'wasted disposal' a lot."

Chris stormed over to the crate, capes swishing behind him rather comically.

"So in other words", He gave the crate a hard kick, and then flinched, trying hard to hid his obvious pain. "This is fucking useless."

Luigi shrugged, "If you were planning to go all Bond villain with it then, yeah."

Christopher pinched the bridge of his nose, sighing in frustration.

"Fine, fine, what about my lasers?"

Luigi looked away apprehensively.

"Assuming you get all your information about the functioning of dangerous products from comic books and action movies, I'm afraid we run into a similar problem."

"Oh fuck you Luigi."