Move Over Dolly
A/N- I don't own the characters from Lord of the Rings or anything Tolkien. I do not own or have any affiliation with R.A. Bartlett Research Laboratory and Experimental Grounds and I am seriously praying that no one who works there reads this. Anything else you don't recognize I do own. Except for my friends who either belong to themselves or their masters since I sold them off as servants to the rich and powerful. Oh, and before I forget I have a notorious love for run-on sentences and switching between past and present tense so please don't flame me for it. And now without further ado, here's the story.)
Chapter One
They what ?
Our heroes (A.K.A. those who are wanted by local authorities for B & E or just me and my friends) were hiding in the shadows awaiting the perfect moment to spring upon their foes to unravel said foes nefarious plans of world domination. Wait ! That's not quite right. We are waiting in the shadows but not for our foes. They've already gone home for the night. We're waiting for the alarm to their facility to be turned off or to be smashed to smitherines whichever comes first. And our foes, well, they're not exactly world domineering, fascist, communistic dictators either. They're scientist who have the misfortune of working at R.A. Bartlett Research Laboratory and Experimental Grounds (quite a mouthful isn't it). The head scientist who runs the joint claims they only experiment on plant life but we think differently. Have you ever seen a research facility only experiment on plants ? I didn't think so. So, since it was a Saturday night and seeing as we have no life we decided to give the place a private tour. Some people call it breaking in; we call it an unguided tour with stops at all of the restricted areas. On this tour we plan on liberating any plants (cough) animals (cough) that happen to be in any cages. Yes, we are animal activists. Animal activists who are devout devourers of meat. Chickens, cows, and pigs are evil. We have the scars to prove it. Anyway back to our unguided tour.
Matt looked at me strangely before asking ",You okay there, Jess ?"
"Yes, just wondering what we're going to do if they have any rabid animals in there. I mean, what if those geeks are infecting things with rabies so they can turn them loose on us and kill us all off painfully so they can rule the world ?"
"Trust me. There are no rabid animals in there."
"But what if ? What if there's a rabid alligator in there ? You know I hate gators."
Matt sighed. "We'll leave any rabid gators in their cages."
I watched as Matt continued to look at the large white building. Then I looked to his radio. Then I looked back up at Matt. "Ummm, shouldn't you tell the others ?"
"Fine." Matt pushed the button the radio and growled ",Jess has requested that we leave all rabid alligators in their cages."
I furrowed my brow in thought before I looked back at Matt, asking ",What about rabid baboons ?"
"Jesus Christ ! We're too leave any rabid animals in their cages."
"Shouldn't you tell them what a rabid animal looks like ?"
Matt pushed the button again ",A rabid animal has a foamy mouth like it just swallowed an Alka-Seltzer. And if I find out who gave Jess sugar I am going to hurt them."
The radio crackeled to life as a bored voice came through the small speaker ",Sorry. I thought you wanted to have some fun."
"Figures it was Chris. You two are not allowed to hang out with each other anymore," Matt yelled down to me, which was only six inches and caused my ears to ring.
The radio snapped, crackled and popped again but this time it was Faron ",Incase you guys were wondering I took care of the alarm. You can meet me at the front door."
Matt and I quickly ran across the street to the front doors of the huge building. Which took us like five minutes because Brilliant Matt had to hide across the street which was like a long way away from the laboratory. I doubled over trying to catch my breath while Matt, Faron, Chris, Billy, and Libby were trying to figure out how to get in the front door. In other words they were trying to figure out how to pick a lock since none of them knew how. I was just concentrating on breathing when I found our ticket in. I threw the large rock in between Libby and Matt's heads causing them to fall out of the line of fire of anymore objects. The rock hit exactly where I wanted it to and the plate glass door shattered from the force. Everyone just looked at me. I shrugged in return ",Improvise I always say. Shall we enter."
Once inside Matt decided to divide us up into teams. "Okay, Faron and Libby go right. Billy and Chris go left. Me and Jess will go straight. Now lets go and meet back here in ten minutes."
Billy and Libby went to the right. Chris and I went left. Faron began to follow Matt straight. Matt quickly noticed this and stopped dead in his tracks. "Do none of you people plan on listening to me ?"
"No," we all answered back before walking off in different directions.
Chris and I were walking down our narrow hallway completely ignoring the doors that we were passing. "Why did you decide to come with me, Chris."
"Oh, well, you're sugar high. And when you're sugar high you tend to get yourself into insane amounts of trouble. I thought it would be fun to watch."
Chris Parker sarcastic wit, how I hate it. I clamped my mouth shut before I could say something just as sarcastic back. Actually, I didn't do that. A door with a dim light coming through its window caught my short attention span. "Oooohhhhh, lets see what's in there."
"And hopefully humourous trouble for you can be found on the other side."
Faron and Matt's adventure
So, Faron and I'm just walking and walking until a door with a bright orange light shining through the window caught our attention. Faron looked at the sign on the door and read it out loud ",Dark side. Ha ! I wonder if Darth Vader is inside. Can we turn him loose if he is ?"
I swung the door open while glancing over my shoulder at Faron ",No." Faron's eyes grew as large as saucers. He was staring over my head at something. "Dude, what's up with you. Is there a beautiful chick in there or something ?"
I turned around and my eyes nearly popped out of their sockets. Floating there in the middle of the lab was a giant flaming eye. It immediately set its pupil upon us and a voice was heard thundering in the room ",I see yooooouuuuuuuuuuu."
"And we see you, too," Faron managed to get out as he began to laugh.
"Attackkkkkkkkkkkk," the flaming eye hissed.
It was about then that the two of us noticed these muddy looking pods that were moving. All laughter ceased shortly thereafter. The first pod cracked and broke open as a fist had punched through it.
"Uhmmm, Faron, I'm having horror movie flashbacks. I don't want to stick around to see what pops out."
"I second that. RUN AWAY !!!!!!!!!!!"
Faron had already taken off down the hallway towards the main enterance by the time I could get my legs to work again.
Billy and Libby
"I'm bored, Billy. Lets go home and make out."
"That's fine with me."
So Billy and I went home to make out without telling anyone that we were leaving.
Chris and Jess
I swung the door open with a loud bang and ran in to inspect the faint light. I ran in, slipped on something, and slid (ungracefully) to a halt in front of.... "Monkey brains," I screamed, struggeling to get up but falling back down again.
"Dude, cover your package up," Chris gagged out while covering his eyes.
"Get it away ! Get it away ! Its like a millimeter away from my face !"
Chris threw a lab coat at the guy who just stood there staring at us. He called something in gibberish over his shoulder and soon seven more naked people appeared in front of us. I managed to stand up and hid behind Chris who was busy throwing lab coats in the general direction of the people while covering his eyes. The three naked men, midget, and four kids began to talk some more gibberish while staring at the white coats in fascination. Chris rolled his eyes as he looked over his shoulder at me ",Why do I have to do everything ?"
Chris walked over and showed them how to put the coats on. Once they were covered I opened my eyes and looked at them. "So this is what they were doing ? Experimenting on people. How sick. Those two look normal except for being way too tall like the blonde one. Maybe they were trying to make basketball players with them. The blonde one has pointy ears and his hair is way too perfect. Maybe a supermodel with him. The one short guy is way too hairy. And those four kids have feet that are too big and pointy ears."
"Thank you Miss Obvious," Chris stated in, what else, sarcasm.
About that time Matt and Faron came barging into the room screaming their bloody heads off. They closed the door and bolted it shut while panting. "We've gotta get outta here. Giant visene desperate eyes and pod people. We gotta bolt. Like now....hey ! Who're they ?"
"Human experiments," I explained to my two best friends.
"I'll go open a window for us to get outta here," Faron called, running to the back of the lab. "I found one. Come on !"
We pushed the eight people to the back of the lab where an open window awaited us but no Faron. Faron popped his head up on the other side of the window looking completely terrified. "Come on. The pod people are almost at the door."
As if on cue the door splintered open from some unseen force since we couldn't see it as we were in the back of the lab trying to get out of the window. The eleven of us made it outside just in time and ran like our lives depended on it.
A/N- I don't own the characters from Lord of the Rings or anything Tolkien. I do not own or have any affiliation with R.A. Bartlett Research Laboratory and Experimental Grounds and I am seriously praying that no one who works there reads this. Anything else you don't recognize I do own. Except for my friends who either belong to themselves or their masters since I sold them off as servants to the rich and powerful. Oh, and before I forget I have a notorious love for run-on sentences and switching between past and present tense so please don't flame me for it. And now without further ado, here's the story.)
Chapter One
They what ?
Our heroes (A.K.A. those who are wanted by local authorities for B & E or just me and my friends) were hiding in the shadows awaiting the perfect moment to spring upon their foes to unravel said foes nefarious plans of world domination. Wait ! That's not quite right. We are waiting in the shadows but not for our foes. They've already gone home for the night. We're waiting for the alarm to their facility to be turned off or to be smashed to smitherines whichever comes first. And our foes, well, they're not exactly world domineering, fascist, communistic dictators either. They're scientist who have the misfortune of working at R.A. Bartlett Research Laboratory and Experimental Grounds (quite a mouthful isn't it). The head scientist who runs the joint claims they only experiment on plant life but we think differently. Have you ever seen a research facility only experiment on plants ? I didn't think so. So, since it was a Saturday night and seeing as we have no life we decided to give the place a private tour. Some people call it breaking in; we call it an unguided tour with stops at all of the restricted areas. On this tour we plan on liberating any plants (cough) animals (cough) that happen to be in any cages. Yes, we are animal activists. Animal activists who are devout devourers of meat. Chickens, cows, and pigs are evil. We have the scars to prove it. Anyway back to our unguided tour.
Matt looked at me strangely before asking ",You okay there, Jess ?"
"Yes, just wondering what we're going to do if they have any rabid animals in there. I mean, what if those geeks are infecting things with rabies so they can turn them loose on us and kill us all off painfully so they can rule the world ?"
"Trust me. There are no rabid animals in there."
"But what if ? What if there's a rabid alligator in there ? You know I hate gators."
Matt sighed. "We'll leave any rabid gators in their cages."
I watched as Matt continued to look at the large white building. Then I looked to his radio. Then I looked back up at Matt. "Ummm, shouldn't you tell the others ?"
"Fine." Matt pushed the button the radio and growled ",Jess has requested that we leave all rabid alligators in their cages."
I furrowed my brow in thought before I looked back at Matt, asking ",What about rabid baboons ?"
"Jesus Christ ! We're too leave any rabid animals in their cages."
"Shouldn't you tell them what a rabid animal looks like ?"
Matt pushed the button again ",A rabid animal has a foamy mouth like it just swallowed an Alka-Seltzer. And if I find out who gave Jess sugar I am going to hurt them."
The radio crackeled to life as a bored voice came through the small speaker ",Sorry. I thought you wanted to have some fun."
"Figures it was Chris. You two are not allowed to hang out with each other anymore," Matt yelled down to me, which was only six inches and caused my ears to ring.
The radio snapped, crackled and popped again but this time it was Faron ",Incase you guys were wondering I took care of the alarm. You can meet me at the front door."
Matt and I quickly ran across the street to the front doors of the huge building. Which took us like five minutes because Brilliant Matt had to hide across the street which was like a long way away from the laboratory. I doubled over trying to catch my breath while Matt, Faron, Chris, Billy, and Libby were trying to figure out how to get in the front door. In other words they were trying to figure out how to pick a lock since none of them knew how. I was just concentrating on breathing when I found our ticket in. I threw the large rock in between Libby and Matt's heads causing them to fall out of the line of fire of anymore objects. The rock hit exactly where I wanted it to and the plate glass door shattered from the force. Everyone just looked at me. I shrugged in return ",Improvise I always say. Shall we enter."
Once inside Matt decided to divide us up into teams. "Okay, Faron and Libby go right. Billy and Chris go left. Me and Jess will go straight. Now lets go and meet back here in ten minutes."
Billy and Libby went to the right. Chris and I went left. Faron began to follow Matt straight. Matt quickly noticed this and stopped dead in his tracks. "Do none of you people plan on listening to me ?"
"No," we all answered back before walking off in different directions.
Chris and I were walking down our narrow hallway completely ignoring the doors that we were passing. "Why did you decide to come with me, Chris."
"Oh, well, you're sugar high. And when you're sugar high you tend to get yourself into insane amounts of trouble. I thought it would be fun to watch."
Chris Parker sarcastic wit, how I hate it. I clamped my mouth shut before I could say something just as sarcastic back. Actually, I didn't do that. A door with a dim light coming through its window caught my short attention span. "Oooohhhhh, lets see what's in there."
"And hopefully humourous trouble for you can be found on the other side."
Faron and Matt's adventure
So, Faron and I'm just walking and walking until a door with a bright orange light shining through the window caught our attention. Faron looked at the sign on the door and read it out loud ",Dark side. Ha ! I wonder if Darth Vader is inside. Can we turn him loose if he is ?"
I swung the door open while glancing over my shoulder at Faron ",No." Faron's eyes grew as large as saucers. He was staring over my head at something. "Dude, what's up with you. Is there a beautiful chick in there or something ?"
I turned around and my eyes nearly popped out of their sockets. Floating there in the middle of the lab was a giant flaming eye. It immediately set its pupil upon us and a voice was heard thundering in the room ",I see yooooouuuuuuuuuuu."
"And we see you, too," Faron managed to get out as he began to laugh.
"Attackkkkkkkkkkkk," the flaming eye hissed.
It was about then that the two of us noticed these muddy looking pods that were moving. All laughter ceased shortly thereafter. The first pod cracked and broke open as a fist had punched through it.
"Uhmmm, Faron, I'm having horror movie flashbacks. I don't want to stick around to see what pops out."
"I second that. RUN AWAY !!!!!!!!!!!"
Faron had already taken off down the hallway towards the main enterance by the time I could get my legs to work again.
Billy and Libby
"I'm bored, Billy. Lets go home and make out."
"That's fine with me."
So Billy and I went home to make out without telling anyone that we were leaving.
Chris and Jess
I swung the door open with a loud bang and ran in to inspect the faint light. I ran in, slipped on something, and slid (ungracefully) to a halt in front of.... "Monkey brains," I screamed, struggeling to get up but falling back down again.
"Dude, cover your package up," Chris gagged out while covering his eyes.
"Get it away ! Get it away ! Its like a millimeter away from my face !"
Chris threw a lab coat at the guy who just stood there staring at us. He called something in gibberish over his shoulder and soon seven more naked people appeared in front of us. I managed to stand up and hid behind Chris who was busy throwing lab coats in the general direction of the people while covering his eyes. The three naked men, midget, and four kids began to talk some more gibberish while staring at the white coats in fascination. Chris rolled his eyes as he looked over his shoulder at me ",Why do I have to do everything ?"
Chris walked over and showed them how to put the coats on. Once they were covered I opened my eyes and looked at them. "So this is what they were doing ? Experimenting on people. How sick. Those two look normal except for being way too tall like the blonde one. Maybe they were trying to make basketball players with them. The blonde one has pointy ears and his hair is way too perfect. Maybe a supermodel with him. The one short guy is way too hairy. And those four kids have feet that are too big and pointy ears."
"Thank you Miss Obvious," Chris stated in, what else, sarcasm.
About that time Matt and Faron came barging into the room screaming their bloody heads off. They closed the door and bolted it shut while panting. "We've gotta get outta here. Giant visene desperate eyes and pod people. We gotta bolt. Like now....hey ! Who're they ?"
"Human experiments," I explained to my two best friends.
"I'll go open a window for us to get outta here," Faron called, running to the back of the lab. "I found one. Come on !"
We pushed the eight people to the back of the lab where an open window awaited us but no Faron. Faron popped his head up on the other side of the window looking completely terrified. "Come on. The pod people are almost at the door."
As if on cue the door splintered open from some unseen force since we couldn't see it as we were in the back of the lab trying to get out of the window. The eleven of us made it outside just in time and ran like our lives depended on it.