Second Kuro fanfic, (first song-fic ever) and I have to say, I like it. Angsty, sure, but who doesn't love a tortured Ciel? ;)
Just a short drabble I thought of when listening to World So Cold by Three Days Grace. Really, I think I could probably make a Kuro fanfiction for every 3DG song I've ever heard. lol That's probably just because they like to use words like 'soul' xD
Ahem. Anyway. Anime-verse, spoilers for season two, and based after the entire series. Italics and underlined are lyrics. I did not use the entire song- I cut out the parts that repeat themselves.
As always, please feel free to tell me what you think.
Disclaimer: I do not own Kuroshitsuji/Black Butler or the song World So Cold by Three Days Grace.
Ciel stared blankly at the cliff's edge in front of him. It had been almost ten years since that day. The day when he had unintentionally broken his side of the covenant he had with Sebastian. The day when he had forced Sebastian into an unbreakable bond that the older demon did not want. And it was killing them both.
I never thought I'd feel this
Guilty and I'm broken down inside
Livin' with myself nothing but lies
The former Earl of Phantomhive was, at first, almost amused at the outcome of Sebastian's battle with Claude. After all, it was as if Ciel had won in a game he didn't even know he was playing. Because of that, it had given his some small amount of morbid satisfaction. However, he had also gone back on his word- even if it was not his fault entirely.
I always thought I'd make it
But never knew I'd let it get so bad
Livin' with myself is all I have
As the months passed, however, his amusement had run dry. He was no longer entertained by the dead eyes of his forced companion. It was as if his once devoted caretaker was only half there. And Ciel had started to feel an emotion he had once thought he would never feel again, especially after becoming a demon-guilt.
I feel numb
I can't come to life
I feel like I'm frozen in time
Though it had been almost ten years, the guilt had not passed, like he had foolishly thought it would. Every day that he had to look at his servant-no, not even servant any more, his slave- felt like an eternity to him. When he had been human he hadn't thought much on what Hell must be like, but surely this was much worse. To be the one causing pain was surely worse than to be the one in pain. Or, at least that was how he felt until he looked into Sebastian's eyes.
Livin' in a world so cold, wasting away
Livin' in a shell with no soul since you've gone away
Livin' in a world so cold, counting the days
Since you've gone away, you've gone away
Slowly, he stepped forward until he was on the edge of the cliff.
"Sebastian?" he mused, voice filled with pain.
Do you ever feel me?
Do you ever look deep down inside
Starin' at yourself, paralyzed?
"Yes, my lord?" came the emotionless reply. Ciel winced. Sebastian stood dutifully behind him, eyes as dead as ever. Uncaring. Emotionless.
"Kill me,"
I'm too young to lose my soul
For a moment, it was as if he had been slapped. He just stood there, dumbfounded. Never had Sebastian expected his young master to say somthing like this.
"Young...master...?"
I'm too young to feel this old
"Tomorrow is my birthday, Sebastian. I will be twenty-three years old. Twenty-three, Sebastian. I was suppossed to die ten years ago," he turned and looked at his servant, a pained look etched on his face.
So long,I'm left behind
"You were suppossed to kill me ten years ago. I wanted to die, Sebastian!" uncharacteristic tears were forming in the corners of his eyes as he started to scream at Sebastian, the years of built-up pain finally showing on his features.
I feel like I'm losing my mind
"You were supposed to take my soul! I didn't..." the tears started spilling down his cheeks, "...I didn't want this. I didn't want to live. I didn't want to take your freedom away and starve you, Sebastian," his voice was soft now. "Please, just..."
I'm too young
Sebastian could do nothing but stare in shock at his master's emotional display. Never in all of the years he had served his lord had he showed so much emotion. And it was over him.
Slowly, he stepped forward until he reached his master. He reached out and cupped his tear-streaked face in his gloved hands, gently brushing the remaining tears away with his thumbs. And for the first time in ten years, although it was filled with sadness, Sebastian smiled.
"Thank you, my lord."
I'm too young