Embrace
I remember being a child with him. Watching his eyes sparkle, his emotions always dancing across his face. I used to pray each morning he would smile at me, just so I could see his face light up. And he always did.
I loved Ben the most. I always have, and I know that even though he is gone I always will. After the escape, I thought about him all the time. I thought about everyone of course, but mostly him. When Logan told me a dead X5 had been found, I was heartbroken to see his bar code in the picture. And when I saw the man in the morgue, the man that looked nothing like my Ben, I felt alive for the first time in years.
And then it hit me, if Ben was alive, then who was this guy? Why did he have Ben's barcode? As I listened to the doctor tell me about the man's wounds, and the cause of death, I knew. I remembered the day in the forest so long ago, and I knew that Ben had killed him. I also think I knew that I wouldn't be able to stop him.
When I saw Ben in the church, it was fear that kept me from throwing my arms around him and hugging him. It was fear that kept me from burying my face in his neck and inhaling his old smell of warmth and sunshine. Maybe if I had, then things would have ended differently.
Killing Ben was the hardest thin I've ever done, and the hardest thing that I ever will do. He looked up at me with his bright blue eyes, the eyes of a child. He had pleaded with me, and I couldn't refuse him. How could I refuse someone I loved so much anything that he asked of me? So I did it. One solid quick movement that ended his life before I could blink. And with him, went a large portion of my heart. Maybe that's why I could never open myself up to Logan. I was dead inside.
And then, before I have time to breathe, I see you. You, with the twinkle in your eye. You with the long lashes. You with the same smile that lights up your face. And then you ruined it all by opening your mouth. But I know you care. You care, as much as anyone else who ever came into my life. You care more. You, so like Ben, yet so different.
And with your crude remarks, and with your sweet ones, I feel my heart opening again. A can feel the sun on my face again. I feel alive again. Looking at you now, so close, asleep in my bed, I see only you. My brother does not haunt me anymore. I feel loved lying like this in your arms, skin pressed against skin. Our world crumbles out there around us, but it can't touch us here.
Life is made up of moments. Some are good, like the first time you taste your favorite food, or sleeping in on Sundays. Some aren't so good, like burning yourself on a teapot, or hitting your head on a car door. Some are awful, like when I killed Ben, or when I made the choice to send Zack away. And then, there are moments like this one: waking up warm in your lover's arms. Free from all of life's bonds that hold you down. Moments like this are ecstasy.
~The End~
I remember being a child with him. Watching his eyes sparkle, his emotions always dancing across his face. I used to pray each morning he would smile at me, just so I could see his face light up. And he always did.
I loved Ben the most. I always have, and I know that even though he is gone I always will. After the escape, I thought about him all the time. I thought about everyone of course, but mostly him. When Logan told me a dead X5 had been found, I was heartbroken to see his bar code in the picture. And when I saw the man in the morgue, the man that looked nothing like my Ben, I felt alive for the first time in years.
And then it hit me, if Ben was alive, then who was this guy? Why did he have Ben's barcode? As I listened to the doctor tell me about the man's wounds, and the cause of death, I knew. I remembered the day in the forest so long ago, and I knew that Ben had killed him. I also think I knew that I wouldn't be able to stop him.
When I saw Ben in the church, it was fear that kept me from throwing my arms around him and hugging him. It was fear that kept me from burying my face in his neck and inhaling his old smell of warmth and sunshine. Maybe if I had, then things would have ended differently.
Killing Ben was the hardest thin I've ever done, and the hardest thing that I ever will do. He looked up at me with his bright blue eyes, the eyes of a child. He had pleaded with me, and I couldn't refuse him. How could I refuse someone I loved so much anything that he asked of me? So I did it. One solid quick movement that ended his life before I could blink. And with him, went a large portion of my heart. Maybe that's why I could never open myself up to Logan. I was dead inside.
And then, before I have time to breathe, I see you. You, with the twinkle in your eye. You with the long lashes. You with the same smile that lights up your face. And then you ruined it all by opening your mouth. But I know you care. You care, as much as anyone else who ever came into my life. You care more. You, so like Ben, yet so different.
And with your crude remarks, and with your sweet ones, I feel my heart opening again. A can feel the sun on my face again. I feel alive again. Looking at you now, so close, asleep in my bed, I see only you. My brother does not haunt me anymore. I feel loved lying like this in your arms, skin pressed against skin. Our world crumbles out there around us, but it can't touch us here.
Life is made up of moments. Some are good, like the first time you taste your favorite food, or sleeping in on Sundays. Some aren't so good, like burning yourself on a teapot, or hitting your head on a car door. Some are awful, like when I killed Ben, or when I made the choice to send Zack away. And then, there are moments like this one: waking up warm in your lover's arms. Free from all of life's bonds that hold you down. Moments like this are ecstasy.
~The End~