One day, Link was roaming the forests of Endor, in search of the fifth element. He met a young, female Ewok by the name of Rimjob Ul-Fazahd, who took him back to her village. They danced and ate with the other Ewoks, and then Rimjob Ul-Fazahd took Link into her home and they made sweet love in the doggie-style position for 20 minutes.
The next morning, Link woke up early and left before Rimjob Ul-Fazahd woke up. After an hour of wandering, he stumbled upon a treasure chest which contained the fifth element, $1 billion and a gift certificate for infinite girlfriends.
He returned to the Ewok village to find Princess Zelda, who said, "I am Rimjob Ul-Fazahd, and I had a curse on me that turned me into an Ewok. The curse could only be broken by the cock of my one, true love tearing through my hymen."
Link was shocked, but then threw Zelda down onto the bed and spent the next hour performing a combination of cunnilingus and anallingus until Zelda squirted her warm love juices all over his face.
Then they lived happily ever after, until the next game.