Alice Cooper
Trash (1989)
Hell is Living Without You
I can't find your face in a
thousand masquerades
You're hidden in the colors of a
million other lost charades
In life's big parade
I'm the lonliest spectator
Cuz you're gone without a trace in
a sea of faceless imitators
I can't take another night
Burning inside this
Hell is living without your love
Ain't nothin' without your
Touch me
Heaven would be like hell
Is living without you
Try to walk away
When I see the time I've wasted
Starving at a feast
And all this wine I've never tasted
On my lips your memory has been
stained
Is it all in vain
Tell me who's to blame
I can't take another night
Burning inside this
Hell is living without your love
Ain't nothin' without your
Touch me
Heaven would be like hell
Is living without you
Nights get longer and colder
I'm down and begging to hold ya
On my own and I feel like hell
Is living without you
Hell is living without your love
Ain't nothin' without your
Touch me
Heaven would be like hell
Is living without you
Nights get longer and colder
I'm down and begging to hold ya
On my own and I feel like hell
Is living without you
Author: Kitten (a.k.a. Cat)
Rating: PG13 - There will be some harsh language at times.
Timeline: Post Fin
Summary: An interpretation of what might have happened after Gabrielle returned to Greece.
Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters from the Xena Warrior Princess show or Hercules the Legendary Adventures. I do however own the story line.
Angry blue eyes stared out into the darkness. "Where the hell am I" her voice shrieked into the emptiness around her. She tried reaching out to feel for something solid, but nothing. Nothing, complete darkness swallowed her up. For the first time in her existence she couldn't grasp where she was, she had lost control. She fell to her knees and released an agonizing scream "Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo."
Earlier that evening aboard a ship heading to Greece.
"So what do you think" asked Gabrielle to her ghostly friend "we head home and find a way to bring you back, look up some old friends and retire from this whole thing?'
Xena's spirit sighed as she looked down on her friend "Gabrielle please don't start that again. I am staying with you, but I can't come" Xena's form faded sight before she had finished.
Gabrielle continued her journey home alone. Hope for Xena's spirit to return slowly faded as she accepted her death. The night before she arrived to the Greek port she sat alone in her cabin holding the weapon that had meant so much to her lost soul mate and the final remains of her physical being.
"I want to keep this, but if Xena is to have her final rest I must complete the circle that she began so long ago" Tears etched her face as she spoke softly to the air around her "Xena I am lost without you" she sighed "Do you know what you have done, what your noble deed has caused." She set the urn down on the small table next to her cot and held the Chakaram to her heart "I just hope he doesn't kill me when I return it." Placing the weapon back in her pack she laid down and let the exhaustion take her over falling into a dreamless sleep.
One week later at a temple dedicated to the God Of War…
The wind echoed the turmoil and pain building in his chest as the loan figure advanced upon him. Never before had he really known fear, but now it raced through his immortal veins. He knew in his head the meaning of the weapon at her hip, but his heart refused to believe. She would be here in a moment. It was a sad joke she was playing. It had to be, but the truth was etched in the bard's face. She slowly held out the weapon to him, the weapon he had given so long ago, the weapon that held their bond, now broken. He didn't want to take it, but had no choice. Grasping the thing that was the physical image of their bond he closed his eyes and let the images of her passing fill him. A single tear fell from the Great God of War has he mourned the one being that held his heart.
The wind picked up, cutting into her bear arms to her bones as she neared the temple. The storm had gotten worse the closer she came to this dreaded place. She wanted to keep the precious weapon at her hip, but her heart knew this was the right thing. With the returning of this Xena would come full circle and rest at last. Yes, giving this back would break the bond he had had over her all those years and her spirit would free at last. Her breath was taken back when he appeared before her atop the temple stairs. He looked so angry, much more than she had ever seen him. Fear began to build in her as she advanced toward him. There was nothing to stop him form killing her now that Xena was dead, would he follow through on those long laid threats. She climbed the stairs to stand before him, attempting to conceal the fear she had as she offered the Chakaram to him. He said nothing as he grasped the weapon from her. Gabrielle watched as a single tear fell from his imposing form. She took leave of him at that moment, his eyes closed, she retreated to the surrounding forest and disappeared into the lonely night.
Ares was unsure how long he stood with his eyes closed as he let the loss of her fill him, but when he once again opened them the Bard was gone, revenge filled his dark eyes. Silently he was glad she was gone. He couldn't stand to see her self righteous face now. "She let her die, let her die for the values that the Bard held dear and imposed on everyone" he hissed to the night "Take heed little blonde you can't hide from a God and she isn't here to save your pathetic ass now." Ares Raised his hand and shot several fire balls to the surrounding forest igniting the trees before he vanished in a shower of blue shards. The small fires burst into huge flames and consumed the forest surrounding the temple, leaving the land black and unforgiving, echoing the heart of the God of War.
Gabrielle ran for her life, taking only a moment to glance at the advancing flames "Xena where are you?" her mind screamed. She didn't stop running until she reached a small village some ways from the temple. Stopping to catch her breath she decided she would have to leave Greece and soon "He won't stop until I am dead" she thought to herself "First find a horse, second get the hell out of here as soon as possible." She found the stable and secured a horse, then to the market to purchase her supplies. Once she was ready she had one thing to finish and she could turn her back on Greece and find a new life "perhaps I will go north and look for the remaining Amazon Nation" she whispered to the steed beneath her "yes that is the only family I have left." She headed out of the small village to complete her last promise to Xena.
She rode the horse as hard as she dared. She traded horses several times, never giving her self a true break as she neared her destination. Soon the remnants of Xena's home village came into view. Not much remained of the once prosperous land. Ignoring the pain building in her heart she directed the animal to the small stone building outside of the village. She dismounted letting the sight wash over her. If she had not known where to look she would have ridden past the now hidden building. Overgrowth of the plant life had covered the building completely. After some time she finally located the entrance. The entrance to the small building was over grown with vines. Gabrielle hacked away at the greenery for a candle mark before she had cut away a big enough hole to climb in. Once inside she felt the walls with her hands in search of a torch that she had hoped was there. Her search was not in vain as she finally located a long forgotten torch. Taking her flint and stone from the small bag she carried she lit the torch on the second strike. Now with light she followed the hallway to the center of the building. As she entered the room she was overrun with emotion as reality set in once again "You will rest with your family soon Xena" she whispered to the air as she advanced further into the dark room. She found three more torches aligning room. Turning once more she now faced the middle of the lighted room. Before her were three long forgotten sarcophagus. Each holding a member of Xena's family, her Father, her Mother and her Brother. Gabrielle sighed as she once again reached in her small bag, but this time she produced the small urn that now held the only remains of her best friend "Xena I have now brought you home" she wiped a stray tear away "rest well my friend." She set the urn down and pushed open the resting place of Xena's beloved brother. She once again picked up the urn and placed it with the faded remains of the long dead sibling "It is only right that you rest with him now." She pulled the lid shut and turned to leave. She put out the torches aligning the walls and now stood before Xena's final resting place with the light of only one. Tears now fell unabated as she said her final goodbyes "Xena I feel in my heart your choice was wrong, but I respect you too much to hold that in my heart. I take my leave of you for now and will wait until we are united once again." She paused as she gathered herself, wiping away her tears "Goodbye Xena." She turned and exited the tomb the way she came. Once outside she covered the entrance. Once satisfied that it was sufficiently hidden once again she mounted her horse and headed north, away from Greece and away from the past.
Ares had watched the bard as she laid Xena's remains to rest. He held back the urge to destroy the little bitch when he heard the words she spoke. He appeared inside the tomb, the torches lighting themselves at his arrival. Walking over to her resting place he opened the stone lid again. He lifted the urn to his chest "So you even let your little bard down" he paused as he looked the simple urn over "She was right you know, it wasn't your time my dear" with that Ares disappeared taking her ashes with him.
Ares reappeared at his mountain castle. Here he could be alone to contemplate what he had to do to bring his princess back. He carried the simple urn to an alter next to his throne and placed it upon it. He sat down heavily in his throne. "Well Xena you have certainly done it this time, and here I was ready to fry your little bard for letting you die and I found out you let yourself be killed" his voice grew angrier "AND FOR WHAT I ASK?" He rose again and pulled his sword from it's sheath. He began to move through practice movements. Letting the sword cut through the air and his anger to subside a little "You decided it was better to be dead in a foreign land for a lost cause than return to me" an evil smile crossed his face "and to think I thought at our last meeting there was a chance, you said you would be back and that you would tell her about it when you returned." He brought his sword down hard and destroyed a marble statue of his beloved Xena "You have betrayed not only your friend and myself but yourself Xena and if you think I will let it go, you are sadly mistaken." He continued the movements growing now more angrier as his thoughts were now on her betrayal "DAMN IT XENA I LOVED YOU AND YOU TRICKED ME AGAIN." He again brought his sword down on another statue of his beloved Xena, ripping the marble in half as though it were made of silk. He stopped as he stared at the broken remains of the statue and then he raised his gaze to the urn that held the shattered remains of her mortal body "If you had only taken the apple you would be here now." He fell to his knees an let his anguish take control. Tears fell from him and feelings that he had never truly known raced through him, he felt regret at letting her go and he felt anger at her for going but mostly he was angry at himself for not trying harder to prove his love to her. "Xena I am lost without you" he whispered to the air as he crumbled to the ground letting grief wash over him.
And this is how Aphrodite found him, crushed by love. "Ares" she whispered as she neared the form lying before the alter.
"Go away" he responded his voice filled with tears "Just go away" his back still to her.
"Ares I can't leave you like this" her voice soft and soothing as she tried to help her lost brother "Please look at me."
"You don't want to be around me now" his hoarse voice replied "I might forget you are my sister and kill you."
She straightened up "Ares come on don't be that way I am here to help you."
Ares suddenly stood up and whipped around to face her. She shuddered at the sight that met her eyes. Ares looked insane with grief. His eyes were blood shot from the tears that had fallen. The look they held were that of a crazy man, except this was no man it was a God and his heart had broken. He had protected his heart for centuries, that is until she had forced him to recognize the mortal that was his match, and as with anything he did not take it in moderation. He had to have it all no matter the cost, well before her now stood the cost. He was broken and lost.
His heart filled with rage and grief. "YOU WANT TO HELP ME" he screamed stepping closer to her with each word "IF IT WASN'T FOR YOUR MEDDLING NONE OF THIS WOULD HAVE HAPPENED." He now stood in front of her rage pouring from him.
Aphrodite did not back away from him, she stood her ground "And without knowing her you would not have felt love and joy" to emphasis he placed her hand upon his cheek and a soft pink glow came forth, his eyes closed. Images of his time with Xena flooded his mind. Not only of just her, but of happier times when they were together in battle and in love. When the images came to and end he opened his eyes to Aphrodite's concerned blue eyes "You see brother as with war love has too sides too, you just have never seen the harsh side and I needed to remind of the gentler side." Aphrodite pulled him into a hug "She loved you brother I know it for I felt her love."
His voice now calm yet still hoarse "Thank you for helping me" he said as he pulled himself from her embrace "I will cherish the happier memories and respect her choice" he paused gathering himself "even if I do not agree." He turned and walked to the alter which now was for her mortal remains "I will put these back were the bard left them" he turned once again to Aphrodite "and don't worry I will not follow through on the threat to kill the blonde. From what I overheard she is not pleased with Xena's choice either."
Aphrodite approached the alter "You have her remains" she exclaimed "that will make it much easier." Her eyes on the urn as she passed Ares.
"What are you going on about?" he questioned as he grabbed her outstretched hand attempting to take the urn.
Aphrodite stopped and turned to meet him face to face "That is what I came here to tell you" she paused gathering the words to tell him of the disastrous news "Xena's spirit is being punished" tears welled up in her blue eyes "She was lied to and now is in torment for eternity." Her tears fell now "They will not let her be born again."
He looked at her unbelieving "How do you know of this?"
"She came to me, but was ripped away" she fell into Ares searching for comforting herself now "earlier today she came to me barely visible, she looked scared" she paused and backed from him "She said that she had made a mistake and that the spirits would not let her pass over."
"What then?" he asked desperately needing to know the end of the story. He grabbed her by the shoulders "WHAT THEN?"
"They were holding her in torment for their sins so that they could pass and she could not" she looked down at his hands digging into her shoulders "She said she had to be restored or her spirit would be gone forever."
"WHAT THEN?" he asked again pressing his hands into her shoulders more forcible "WHERE IS SHE NOW?" his voice was once again filled with anger.
"That's just it I don't know. Something snatched her away before she could tell me, that is why I came to find you." Pain was now forming from his grip.
Ares realized the pain he was inflicting and released her. He watched as she rubbed her sore shoulders "We have to find her before they destroy her entirely" he turned and picked up the simple urn again and held it to his heart "We will bring her back." For the first time since he felt the bond break he felt hope grow in his heart.
He turned to Aphrodite "We have to find the bard and return to Olympus."
"Why back to Olympus her soul must be in Japa and why Gabrielle?" Questioned Aphrodite she had not been back there since the fall of her family and had no intentions of returning.
"We need the Bard to help find the sacred scrolls of Athena and they are somewhere on Olympus." He stepped nearer to her "If there is a way it will be in the scrolls and who better to help us but the Bard who knows her and loves her." He smiled at the look he was now getting from Aphrodite. She looked at him as though he had lost it again "Don't worry Dite I haven't lost it. In fact for the first time in a long time I feel as though I can do something worth while."
"I know Gabrielle is her best friend and all and a talented bard, but how will she help us find the scrolls?" she questioned further.
"Because my darling sister who else do you know that has memorized just about every tale ever told of us. She will know which one we seek all she has to do is believe us."
"That might be harder than you think. She heard the threat you made and I believe she is currently high tailing it out of Greece as fast as her horse can carry her" replied Aphrodite.
"Then lets quit wasting time here." He held out his free hand and took hers "I have my princess to save" and they vanished in shards of blue and pink.