A/N: This is my second song fic and third InuYasha fan fic. Yaay! I'm so
proud of myself! Anyways, this is based on a beautiful song by the Goo Goo
Dolls called "Here is Gone" off their latest album Gutterflower. So please
don't go running to their manager saying that some girl has stolen their
song.please please!!
Disclaimer: I don't own the manga or anime of InuYasha, and I don't own.hell, I'm not writing it again.just see above! ^_^
Warning: A little bit of cussing. These are InuYasha's deepest thoughts, you know! So beware! ^_^
Here is Gone
Part One
*****You and I got something
But it's all and then it's nothing to me.*****
The only thing that still really gets to me is the damn guilt. And it only gets to me because it's what eats away at me, almost like it's saying Look at me! You know I'm here, don't you?! You know that I'm not going to go away! It's a constant goddamn annoyance that won't leave me the hell alone.
I take that back. Maybe it's the other things I feel along with the guilt; the other things that are mixed in with it like a medicine that's supposed to help me heal, but only makes me sicker. That never-ending pressure on my insides when I think about you. That utter feeling of desertion when I remember you attacking me, knowing that you wanted me dead.
Betrayal.
Anger.
And because of all these feelings, my emotions fluctuate dangerously. One moment I feel so calm, so held together; then, the next minute I feel like my insides are being pulled in opposite directions out of my body. I feel pain. The emotional kind, at least.
I never felt that kind of pain before, you know. When both of us were alive, I was numb to that kind of damn pain. And my feelings for you didn't fluctuate like they do now; now, when I know that you are in reality an earthen body filled with the left-overs of your soul and an intense desire to see me dead.
*****And I got my defenses
When it comes to your intentions for me.*****
I try not to think about how you feel for me. About how desperate you are to see me fall into hell. I do think of you, however. It's hard not to. I see you sometimes so damn clearly that I feel that familiar ache, quickly followed by skepticism. And it all ends up spiraling down into sadness and pity for you.
But I do think of you. Your eyes were the strangest thing I had ever seen. Even now, fifty years later, I still see them. They could become the eyes of a normal woman for a single second, then avert back to the piercing and untrusting gaze of a priestess. At times you could look almost carefree. I watched you constantly, and sometimes when I was very close to you, I could see the transformation so clearly on your face. Tension would fade into serenity almost like a river flowing into the ocean. And I would wonder what in all the hells did that to you, what made you suddenly appear so at peace with the world even though your life gave you anything but peace. I suppose that was one of the many things that contributed to my falling in love with you.
So I guess the past is my defense against you and your constant presense in my mind. I try to forget how you are now, with your false body and meager, unnatural soul.
And then I suddenly find myself feeling guilty yet again. Because I find myself longing for what is gone. I feel angry with myself for wanting to return to a time and place that has long been in the past and out of my reach. Out of your reach. What the hell-out of both of our reaches.
And it's the anger that gets the best of me, goddamn it! I want what is gone, and I know that I can't have it. And it enrages me beyond my own belief. And I find myself wondering exactly how much I really loved you to desire to go back to that time when all that existed to me was you. Just you.
A/N: I'm not really sure yet just how long this supposed "short story" is gonna get. I would like it to be four parts long like its predicesor "Riverwide". Just to let you know, you can read this without any problem if you didn't read "Riverwide"; they aren't really connected, only in the set-up (both deal with thoughts more-so that action). I
Disclaimer: I don't own the manga or anime of InuYasha, and I don't own.hell, I'm not writing it again.just see above! ^_^
Warning: A little bit of cussing. These are InuYasha's deepest thoughts, you know! So beware! ^_^
Here is Gone
Part One
*****You and I got something
But it's all and then it's nothing to me.*****
The only thing that still really gets to me is the damn guilt. And it only gets to me because it's what eats away at me, almost like it's saying Look at me! You know I'm here, don't you?! You know that I'm not going to go away! It's a constant goddamn annoyance that won't leave me the hell alone.
I take that back. Maybe it's the other things I feel along with the guilt; the other things that are mixed in with it like a medicine that's supposed to help me heal, but only makes me sicker. That never-ending pressure on my insides when I think about you. That utter feeling of desertion when I remember you attacking me, knowing that you wanted me dead.
Betrayal.
Anger.
And because of all these feelings, my emotions fluctuate dangerously. One moment I feel so calm, so held together; then, the next minute I feel like my insides are being pulled in opposite directions out of my body. I feel pain. The emotional kind, at least.
I never felt that kind of pain before, you know. When both of us were alive, I was numb to that kind of damn pain. And my feelings for you didn't fluctuate like they do now; now, when I know that you are in reality an earthen body filled with the left-overs of your soul and an intense desire to see me dead.
*****And I got my defenses
When it comes to your intentions for me.*****
I try not to think about how you feel for me. About how desperate you are to see me fall into hell. I do think of you, however. It's hard not to. I see you sometimes so damn clearly that I feel that familiar ache, quickly followed by skepticism. And it all ends up spiraling down into sadness and pity for you.
But I do think of you. Your eyes were the strangest thing I had ever seen. Even now, fifty years later, I still see them. They could become the eyes of a normal woman for a single second, then avert back to the piercing and untrusting gaze of a priestess. At times you could look almost carefree. I watched you constantly, and sometimes when I was very close to you, I could see the transformation so clearly on your face. Tension would fade into serenity almost like a river flowing into the ocean. And I would wonder what in all the hells did that to you, what made you suddenly appear so at peace with the world even though your life gave you anything but peace. I suppose that was one of the many things that contributed to my falling in love with you.
So I guess the past is my defense against you and your constant presense in my mind. I try to forget how you are now, with your false body and meager, unnatural soul.
And then I suddenly find myself feeling guilty yet again. Because I find myself longing for what is gone. I feel angry with myself for wanting to return to a time and place that has long been in the past and out of my reach. Out of your reach. What the hell-out of both of our reaches.
And it's the anger that gets the best of me, goddamn it! I want what is gone, and I know that I can't have it. And it enrages me beyond my own belief. And I find myself wondering exactly how much I really loved you to desire to go back to that time when all that existed to me was you. Just you.
A/N: I'm not really sure yet just how long this supposed "short story" is gonna get. I would like it to be four parts long like its predicesor "Riverwide". Just to let you know, you can read this without any problem if you didn't read "Riverwide"; they aren't really connected, only in the set-up (both deal with thoughts more-so that action). I