A/N: No, your PC wasn't attacked by some virus, the title is correct and last I checked, the writer is perfectly sane…as per her definition.

Hinata's Penthouse Letter

Dear Penthouse,

First of all, let me just say that I am slightly disappointed by the lack of female writers who contribute to your column. While I understand that your marketing targets the male audience, I would just like to direct your attention to the female populace who also feel the need to share their sexual experiences not only to their fellow females but to the gentlemen readers as well. This lack of venue for reaching out has left me no choice but to share my story with you.

Let me just say right off the bat that while I don't normally need to share my sexual proclivities, my recent experience has helped me discover a new one. I always knew that I got off reading about sex, hence my knowledge about this little column of yours. But a week ago, I discovered that not only did I like to read, I also liked to watch.

Yes, I have seen some pornography. My ex-boyfriend and I tried to get in the mood by watching an adult movie during our senior year in high school. It did its job by getting the both of us turned on and we ended up having sex on my couch. But what I saw last week was not the sexual act of a man and a woman; it was sex between a male and another male. More specifically, I saw my ex-boyfriend get it on with my current boyfriend's little brother.

Ok, let's start from the beginning shall we. My BF and I were celebrating our 2 year anniversary. I planned to surprise him with a steamy night of lovemaking by booking a suite at a 5 star hotel in the city. I had just finished setting up and lighting a few lavender scented candles inside our room and I had changed into see through pink teddies when I decided to adjust the curtains so that some of the late afternoon sunlight would filter into our suite. I was just straightening the fold I had made on the drapes when a movement alerted me to the happenings outside my hotel room.

Directly across the hotel I had booked was a one of the most expensive high rises in the city. I knew this to be true since my BF's brother had an apartment there. I was saved from the mental exercise of remembering which apartment was his when a familiar blond head came into view.

Apparently I really was booked across from my BF's brother's place. But what was my ex-boyfriend doing inside BF's brother's apartment? Those two guys hated each other ever since we were in elementary school. I remember that they would fight over the littlest things. My ex had proclaimed the other boy his eternal rival. Half the time, they were both at the principal's office because of some squabble. They competed for the same awards and graduated high school as Salutatorian and Valedictorian respectively. Both of them had even asked me to be their girlfriend but I had long since admired the blond blue eyed boy, so it was he that I went out with. Until this day, I can still feel his intense pride as we walked hand in hand past the scowling face of his arch enemy.

College was just a repeat of high school. The three of us including some of our high school friends had gotten into the same University. My BF's brother and I were both pre-med while my ex was pre-law. They still fought like cats and dogs the only difference was that instead of using their fists all the time, they turned to verbal sparring probably to add more spice into the mix. Most of their comments were borderline hateful and they had nicknamed each other "Dobe" and "Teme". A week would not go by without an encounter between the two.

By the time we graduated, my ex and I had broken up due to the pressures of the academe and the hate between the two had become a legend inside the campus. They had been arrested several times once after a drunken night at the bar that had turned out into a boxing match. And another time during a football match when BF's little bro had taunted my ex right after his fumble cost our team to lose at a division semi-final match. These did not include the other times other people had to break them up.

So if those two hated each other with a passion, who was my ex smiling at inside the apartment? Maybe, it wasn't my BF's bro's apartment. I was about to turn away from the window when the dark head of my BF's bro appear and join the blond head. Surprisingly, the other man had a smile on his face too. I felt like I was in the Twilight Zone. Surely, I was seeing things? Those two cannot be smiling at each other, right?

Wrong! Not only were they smiling at each other but my BF's bro had handed my ex a flute of what looked like champagne. The blond had his head turned to his side and even at a distance I could see the brilliant smile he was giving the other man. He had drained his glass and he was reaching out and plucking the champagne flute out of the other's hand as drew the other in an embrace.

I could hear my heart pounding as I hurriedly recalled where I had left my mobile phone. I might need it to call the paramedics. If not for the men in front of me, then maybe for myself! I could see their lips moving and I knew they were talking. Talking… not screaming at each other the way they normally did.

Then out of nowhere, my BF's bro began to unbutton my ex's shirt. His lips continued to smile, but I could see his lids getting lower. I was waiting for the punch that was surely to come his way, but instead of the punch, I saw my ex KISS BF's bro!

I remember rubbing my eyes. Maybe I was dreaming while awake? My jaw nearly dropped to the floor as my ex swats the pale fingers away and he tears his shirt. I could see the other man smirk as he removed the navy blue sweater he was wearing. Next thing I knew I was standing there watching the two "rivals" attack each other with kisses and licks.

My ex's back was to the window, so I could not see his expression. But BF's bro had his eyes closed and his lips partially open as he tilted his head to his side to allow my ex better access to that pale neck. I could clearly see his hands slowly make his way down my ex's front as fumbled on something that I realized later on was my ex's pants zipper. He kissed the blond again as he slowly trailed kisses down the tanned neck, going lower down his torso and I saw a tanned back arch as a dark head disappeared behind the tanned body.

My ex was looking down at my BF's bro who was probably on his knees right in front of him. I saw him grip the black tresses as his hands held the bobbing head. The blond head was suddenly thrown back and I could imagine my ex giving a moan of appreciation. He always did liked getting head.

The bobbing black head was going faster and I could see my ex thrusting his hips shallowly in time with the motions. The tanned hand suddenly gripped the black head away and I could see my ex fist what was most probably his erection as he emptied his seed into the waiting face of BF's bro. I felt my breath hitch as I saw the dark haired man lap at the semen dripping down his lips and chin. Who knew BF's bro was such a cum slut.

The blond haired man helped his lover up and then enthusiastically licked away the left over cum that BF's bro had neglected to clean up. I saw the dark haired man smile as a pink tongue traced his cheeks and chin. I then saw him remove several items out of his pocket before he stepped out of the dark blue jeans he was wearing. He kissed my ex as and then proceeded to turn the blond man away from him so that both of them were now facing me!

To see my ex's face redden in what could only be anticipation was enthralling. During our time together he always took care of my needs and I made sure to take care of his. We were good in bed, but judging from the lusty expression in his face, not only were he and BF's bro great in bed but out of it too.

Let me get this straight, I could only see them from the waist up, but their actions alone were enough to fuel my imagination. However, there was no doubt in my mind that the men across from my hotel room were about to have hot steamy man sex!

BF's bro was saying something to my ex and I could make out the other man's lips as he mouthed a "fuck yes" to whatever it was the dark haired man was asking him. Each time he uttered the words, his back would arch and I again imagined a grunt or a moan escaping his lips. The dark haired man was positioned at his back and was looking down at my ex's backside. He was slowly licking his lips as he pushed something inside my ex that made the man mouth the words over and over again.

Judging from their stance, I knew that BF's bro had not penetrated my ex. But something interesting was going on back there. It held the dark haired man's attention and I could see the dark brows furrow in concentration. Suddenly, the blond head turned to look at the man behind him and whatever it was my ex said it made BF's bro smirk as he lunged forward.

Without warning I saw the blond head slam into the double paned glass windows. I remember involuntarily jumping back and although I could not hear the thud that accompanied the painful action, I could certainly imagine how painful that hurt. My eyes were riveted to the couple having sex right in front of me. Even though his head must have hurt, my ex still found the strength to push back against the window so that his face wasn't squished unattractively against the glazing. The pain must have been brief and easily forgettable because now his mouth was hanging open, eyes closed in concentration and his breath fogged the window in front of him. Both of his hands were spread flat on the glass and he was bent at his waist giving me a clear view of the dark haired man slamming in and out of him with gusto.

I always thought my BF's bro to be a bit of a stiff, no pun intended. But I guess, being born into a family that thrived on pride and tradition bred men who were normally stoic, silent and unexpressive. He and my BF were exactly the same in that regard. And it seems that even during sex, they were the same too.

BF's bro was panting heavily as evidenced by the rapid rise and fall of his chest. His face glistened from the sweat running down his pale face as his exertions made the air around him hotter. By now, I was sure that the pale neck would slowly turn red and that blush would travel upwards and will soon appear on pale cheeks as he neared his completion. Even though the eyes were trained on the blond man in front of him, I knew that those charcoal grey orbs so similar to my lover would be gleaming like onyxes, glazed over with desire, lust and love (hopefully in BF's bro's case). In contrast to the hips slamming in and out without a care in the world, I could see the tender smile replace the smirk and I watch my ex orgasm as he mouthed my BF's bro's name in a scream. He has a tendency to be loud during sex, so I hoped that the other man had the presence of mind to soundproof his rooms.

The other man was still sliding in and out of my ex but then moments later, I saw him shudder and lean forward to kiss the tanned neck. I saw my ex turn his head to his side and I again saw the dazzling smile aimed at the dark haired man. Even after watching the both of them have sex, it still seemed surreal to me to see them smile at each other. Were they leading some sort of double life we all knew nothing about?

Don't get me wrong. I know that my ex was faithful to me the whole time. However, it just dawned to me right then and there that all that tension had to go somewhere. Maybe all that fighting and bickering was just some sort of bizarre foreplay that led to this ultimate "coupling".

I was so lost in thought and I gave a start as when I saw both men had straightened up and had their foreheads against each other's. My ex had his arms around BF bro's neck while the other man possessively clutched his hips. They were kissing tenderly while swaying back and forth slightly. Maybe there was music in the background? Suddenly, my ex pulled back and said something to BF's bro. The dark haired man nodded briefly and then kissed the blond again as he released him watching him go away. BF's bro looked down at something on his body and his face contorted in a grimace. When he had finished whatever it was he was doing, he drew up his arms above his head and stretched.

My eyebrows nearly reach my hairline as a small patch of curly dark hair suddenly became visible from my vantage point. I was about to close the drapes so that I can text my BF to hurry up when my eyes suddenly met black ones. My BF's bro and I just stood there and stared at each other. The other man suddenly gave me his patented smirk as he waved at me causing me to finally let go of the rope that held the curtains apart.

Just in time as I heard a keycard unlock my hotel room. Frankly speaking, watching the two men had me all…hot and bothered. Needless to say it was the best sex of my life. No scratch that. I told him what I saw and then he proceeded to give me round two of the best sex of my life!

I hope he reads this letter so that he and I can share some of those proclivities I was talking about earlier.

Sincerely,

BF's Bro's Soon To Be Sister-In-Law

p.s.

I am signing my letter so because he popped the question a few hours after our anniversary get away. I also found out the following day that I had just become a doctor, which was probably what BF's bro and my ex were celebrating while I was watching them!

~Fin~

Before you bombard my mailbox with complaints about how I made Hinata into a Peeping Tom or or how OOC she is by writing a Penthouse letter and Sasuke being seme, I'll spare all of you by addressing these concerns right now.

Sasuke is seme because he just became a doctor. The guy needs deserves a reward, ne? Plus it was his turn - in my Universe.

You can't stutter when you write letters can you? Ergo no blushing, shy or tongue tied Hinata here. And Hinata can write a Penthouse letter if she wants to. We all have our share of kinks which is why girls like you and me hang out here!

Hinata OOC? I would like to believe that underneath that mousy façade lurks the heart of a lion as evidenced by her willingness to jump in between Naruto & Pein in the manga.

Why not Ino or Sakura? Che, as if I'd let those two near Itachi!

Voyeurism is a staple in fandom, but I bet you didn't expect that from Hinata!!!

Thank you for reading!