Life after you
The sun rose in morning. The sun sank down on the horizon at the end of the day. Day after day. Time passed by unnoticed. Rain drops fell from sky and dried up again. Wind blow through the city and the skyscrapers. Leaves lay under big trees. Children ran through the streets. Flowers lost the last colour. Autumn was a beautiful season of the year. Autumn should be a beautiful season.
Everyone needed a personal life. Everyone deserved happiness. Everyone wanted someone to cry out at his shoulder. Important content in life. All this wasn't important for her. She wanted vengeance. She needed vengeance. She deserved it. In her entire carrier she had never really understood Rule 12. Never. But now she understood.
Never date a co-worker.
She had thought about several reasons.
After a break-up you can't work together anymore. Maybe this was Gibbs's Rule 12. But not hers.
You can't decide right or wrong anymore.
But these reasons were wrong. One after another was wrong.
Never date a co-worker, because he could die.
The worst rule ever. The worst reason ever.
Being involved personally with a co-worker was… Good. Until something happened. She knew it. She wanted it to stop. She wanted it to end.
Her dreams were full of him.
Every night he was there. Haunting her. And it helped. She needed him so much. She never knew until it was too late.
Ziva threw her key on the small couch table and put her black coat in the closet. She was so incredible tired. She felt so incredible alone. She put off her clothes and walked to the bed. Wrapped into thick, soft blankets she felt better again. Ziva didn't want to cry. She didn't feel the need to cry. She wasn't one of these women who always cried. But sometimes it helped.
Nobody was there to help her. Everyone seemed to go on. Nobody thought about Tony. No one. Vance hadn't said anything. Gibbs did his job. McGee did his job. It seemed that only Abby was sad about his death.
"Don't die, Tony. You aren't allowed to die! I'm telling you, when you die."
"I've seen this movie, my ninja."
Ziva didn't show how hurt she was. For everyone else she was still the tough, crazy ninja chick. But when she was alone she was hurt. Inside her she felt lonely. Every night she saw him. Walking through her dreams. And the more often he visited her, the more she wanted him. She closed her eyes and tried to enter her dreams. Slowly she drifted away in this wonder land without death and loss.
"Welcome back in DiNozzo-Land. I hope you enjoy your visit here." Tony's smile was beautiful. He looked happy. A face without pain. He sat on a brown, old leather couch and a big flat screen TV in front of him. Tony clapped on the empty place beside him and wanted Ziva to come up to him.
"Hey, nice to see you." Ziva said and smiled. She loved her dreams. Each one of it. She sat on the couch and Tony wrapped his arms around her. He searched the play-button on the recorder and they started their movie night.
"We've seen this movie already." Ziva stated after a while. Tony nodded and switched off the TV.
"You have to go, Zee. It always ends with a movie. In my world it does. You have to live a life. Without me. Please go on and don't look back."
"It took me 5 years to realize that you are the guy I love and then just you die. And now you want me to move on?" she couldn't believe what he had told her seconds ago.
"I'm just a dream Ziva. I'm not real. There is a life after death. You've seen it with your own eyes. There is a life after me. The only thing you have to do is to discover it. Don't waste your life, because I died." Ziva stood in front of him and she wanted to cry. Tony could see it. He could feel everything she felt. And it was his fault. He wanted to go to her, but Ziva moved back. Tony didn't want to lose her again without saying the most important.
"I love you." he whispered to her. Then he kissed her. They remained silently next to each other, her face in his hands.
"Please don't kill my murderer. Vengeance feels good, but I don't want you to die." These were the last words he said to her.
Ziva woke up. She could feel the tears that ran down her cheeks. She didn't want to forget him. She could never forget him. But he was right; there was a life after him. She didn't want him to be right. She wanted to remove the bullet in his lungs. She wanted a rewind-button. But there wasn't one. She had to live with it.
"There's a life after you." she whispered quietly to herself and fell asleep again. This time, without Tony.