MICHAELSON-BE OK. CRISTINA
Cristina Yang was hardcore, and nothing touched her. Not hot army surgeons, or bad best friends. Just her and surgery. That's what she thought she'd be after Burke left her. But then the chief and Hahn both took that off her too. No de facto teaching- no cardio. Now she had to poke at people's brains and handle shit. What did she have?
If only she knew what she was missing. And actually- she suspected it was a lot of those things that she considered problems. Cristina Yang mated for life. Then Burke left her, Meredith didn't support her, and Owen confused her in a way that made her brain hurt. Who was her mate? Meredith was supposed to be the one with the crappy life, and since the fight,since Hunt turned up, she just wanted to wake up one morning and know things would be ok.
2. MAROON 5- LOSING MY MIND. IZZIE
Seeing dead people wasn't normal. There was an area of Izzie's brain that knew that. You couldn't be happy having sex with people who were alive and dead. But then again- even if sex with Denny was in her head- it was the best sex she ever had.
And then there was Alex. He was sweet, he said he loved her- he was alive. She knew he wouldn't disappear, she knew he wasn't going to follow her everywhere. And yet,she couldn't shake the spectre of Denny. She was going to hurt someone, probably both of them, and it would be irretrievable. She would lose her chance to be happy, and Alex's hope that he could have a meaningful relationship with a girl.
She was terrified, she thought she might be losing her mind.
3. ROBBIE WILLIAMS- BETTER MAN. MARK
It was a one step program, and he faltered at the first and last step. He had little grey begging him to teach her. When Derek asked him not to sleep with Lexie, Mark was willing to bet Derek wouldn't have imagined her taking her clothes of in front of him in some kind of desperation.
The thing about Lexie? She was a good woman, and she wouldn't just be in it just for sex- she would think she was, but people like her with white picket fenced childhoods wanted the same things in their lives. They wanted the nice neighbourhoods where the kids could play, she wanted the three children and other animals, and Mark Sloan wasn't the type of guy to give that to anyone. Everyone else knew he was a manwhore, but he saw that hope in Lexie's eyes- that she could tame him, keep him in the cage of a relationship. And looking into her vulnerable brown eyes, for a minute, he thought he could do that, he could give that to her.
Is that why he was driving back to his place with her all over him, kissing his neck while he put all of his energy into concentrating on the road, just trying to exert all the self control he could to just drive the few blocks to the hotel and NOT pull over?
Little Grey. She was Little Grey. There was something about her that was so forbidden, and that made her alluring. Just like Addison. But there was something- she could have had anyone else, and she chose him. Maybe she believed enough in the happy ending for both of them.
He could be a better man.
4. JAMES MORRISON- YOU GIVE ME SOMETHING. MEREDITH
Derek's mother was coming to town today. Today. Mama Shepherd. In the same place. Meredith had never met the parents before, she never stuck around long enough for anyone to like her enough. Besides, she wasn't that type of girl. People generally didn't see her as the 'mother of her children' type, she wasn't the person boyfriends took to their parents.
Maybe she had never wanted to be that girl until now. She never thought she'd love someone- that was someone's else's dream. And then she met Derek- fell in love with him even though it was a stupid thing to do.
He gave her something that made her scared, but she was willing to give it a try. Letting Izzie give her this stupid ponytail was her giving it a try, practising her fake-yet-real smile in the mirror was her giving it a try. She had to, because this was Derek, and he had encouraged her to go further with him than she had ever wanted to before. If she wanted the house and the kids and the life, then she could meet his mother.
Couldn't she?
5. COLDPLAY- VIVA LA VIDA. THE CHIEF
If Richard Webber died tomorrow, he'd be remembered as the chief of surgery whose department dropped to number twelve in the rankings. He had inherited it at number five, and it had slipped seven places. People tried to console him, Adele had told him that it had been a hard year for him, and if only she knew.
He had found Ellis Grey again- his real love. She had brought back all these feelings from deep inside that had be suppressed for so long, and they were brought to the surface in a second. He knew it would be trouble when he saw Meredith Grey's name on the shortlist for interns, but he would never had expected this. Ellis had Alzheimer's and the only one there for her was Meredith. He couldn't help but feel that if things had been different, he would have been there for Ellis too, and out of honour for what they used to have, maybe he got in too deep.
That's why his hospital slipped to number twelve. These doctors- they weren't just members of his department, his employees- they were something more. Meredith was a daughter figure that blurred all kinds of professional lines, Derek was his successor, like his son. Bailey- she was his rock, his eyes and ears…and now everything was out of his grasp.
Would that be on his grave stone? 'Richard Webber- #12.'
6.TRAIN-FOR ME, IT'S YOU. DEREK
Derek was more sure than ever that he and Meredith would work. They had started the day with a 'quickie' and ended it in bed together again. It had been a bad day, but Meredith made it better. Just being with her and dancing with her, agreeing to disagree without it being such a huge things was something that Derek had never been through with her.
They had been on opposite sides all day, in that highly charged, emotionally tough day where memories of his dad's death had come flooding back to him- and Meredith was there. He was glad she had suggested the dancing as a light relief at the end of the evening. In retrospect it was just what he wanted- and besides, it didn't count as dancing in public when it was in your own living room.
Meredith was loving, she was giving, she was patient, she was kind. It didn't matter she was nervous, if sometimes she was a little self absorbed. He loved her because of those traits, not despite them. After Rose, he had learned to love Meredith for all of her, not just bits of her, he knew that being with Meredith and navigating the hard times was better than not being with her and having a less tumultuous time. She made him realise that there was no one else out there for him but her.
While he was waiting for Meredith to come back home after her shift, he remembered what he said to her after they broke their kiss in the house of candles that night.
"For me, it's you."
7. RYAN ADAMS- DESIRE. MER/DER
Derek caressed Meredith's face gently, his fingers touching her smooth face as he rolled her over in their bed. This wasn't quick at all. This was slow. Deliciously slow. He was drinking her in, taking in every breath, every touch. These moments with Meredith were what he lived for, where they weren't ruled by pagers and alarm clocks and annoying roommates.
With his skin against hers, his movements matching hers in synchrony- it felt like there were no secrets with each other, where they could be completely open with each other. At this point of time it was just about them in their simplest form, letting their hearts speak words their brains couldn't articulate. The moonlight crept through the windows and swathed the room in a silvery light, providing just enough illumination to see the gentle contours of each other's bodies in their most natural way. Derek's fingers followed the light down to Meredith's hip as he kissed down her neck.
Their passion was building slowly into one of the biggest crescendos. Derek could feel it developing from his toes and rising up through his body. Meredith was his one and only desire.
8. GREG LASWELL- GIRLS JUST WANNA HAVE FUN. CALLIE
Callie Torres liked women. She was watching Sadie Harris all night making eyes at her from across the bar. This wasn't supposed to happen. Men. She liked men. She had been married, she had booty calls numerous times with Mark Sloan. Erica Hahn was supposed to be a one off. And yet all she could think about was Sadie Harris. Naked.
She gulped down the rest of her drink. Mark was a bad sponsor. He was currently off to Denver with his intern. Callie could have her Denver too. Maybe this thing was more than just a phase. Maybe she had been avoiding something that had been staring her in the face all this time.
She liked women.
Joe set down another drink, which she swallowed in a second. Dutch courage. She wiped her mouth with the back of her hand and approached the blonde Australian girl who was making flirty glances towards her. Callie's breath became shaky as she approached her. It didn't feel this hard with Erica. She closed her eyes, took a deep breath, and tapped Sadie on the shoulder.
"Hey, wanna get out of here?" Callie asked in a low voice.
Sadie's eyebrows raised in surprise, but she smiled and grabbed her coat. Callie took one last look at Joe who was watching them, smiling and shaking his head. Callie just shrugged helplessly.
Girls just wanna have fun.
9.AQUALUNG- EASIER TO LIE. BAILEY
Bailey yawned as she glanced at the clock on the wall, and cringed as she gathered up all her papers. She was late home for Tuck, and that meant another missed bedtime, and another argument with Tucker. He refused to believe she was trying, but she really was. He was making her feel like a bad mother and a criminal for trying her damndest to be a mother and a surgeon. They weren't mutually exclusive.
Unfortunately, it seemed that while trying to do both, something had to give- and that meant she didn't have any time to be his wife- to be his Miranda that he fell in love with. Sometimes dinnertimes were filled with no conversation, finding it easier to lie in their silence than to argue about everything. She was trying to be everything to everyone, and now she was starting to be no one to herself.
She couldn't be the chief's right hand woman while he locked himself in ORs. She couldn't be Tuck's mother while she was elbow deep in someone's bowel. She couldn't be Tucker's wife when she was dancing around her other three roles. But what did she want in ten years time? In twenty? Where did she want to be? She knew the answer, and she knew how to get it. Until then she would have to bear the weight and push into the sky. It's easier to lie- to herself especially.
10. JACK'S MANNEQUIN- THE RESOLUTION. MEREDITH
The notion that Dr. Wyatt made that Meredith was careless with her life wasn't true. Meredith had two near-death experiences, one with the bomb blowing up ten feet away from her and the drowning, and only good things had really come out of it. She really believed if neither of those things happened, she wouldn't be with Derek right now.
She had survived. She had two second chances, and they were rare. All she needed was someone to pick her up and brush her off, and she would be able to do everything else herself. Her mother had brought her up to be extraordinary. Extraordinary people come back from the brink of death. Extraordinary people tell their ex-boyfriends that they're going to defy every fiber in their body and jump in feet first into a meaningful relationship with them. She was living in the moment, taking her life into her own hands and enjoying it.
Even if it didn't mean much to anyone else, she had to have her life mean something to her- and it didn't mean anything if Derek wasn't there. She was still learning how to do this, still trying, and she was still there. Nobody else had to realise that. She was alive, she didn't need a witness. She survived, and now she was going to make the most of it.