I couldn't help myself. Not after all I've gone through. Not after nagisa left me. My sweet,sweet, nagis-chan. I still have that notebook with me. On the first day, when we just met. I remember that embarrassed look on her face.
I can never look at it and smile anymore.
She must be very happy with Shizuma. Unlike me, their feelings are mutual. I see them often together now. It has been two months since the elections. Not that I've noticed. They visit the Etoile once in a while, usually. In the greenhouse. I see them cherish those memories they had, and look forward to the ones that will come to pass.
I can only watch on, as the flower wilts away, leaving nothing but the lingering remnants of what was and what could have been. I can almost imagine it sometimes. Me and nagisa, together as the new Etoiles. But each time I never make it.
I end up crying on my own.
Everyone, though seems accepting of this tenuous, new and unfamiliar relationship between those two. They still look on with the same admiration and respect they did when Shizuma was still Etoile. But I can sense something different in their eyes.
Envy.
I wonder if I could be like Kaname. Thinking up those devious plots to get what she wants. But I am too weak, too rational. Everyone knows how that line of action would end.
…...
Which is why I find myself in the arms of Miyuki Rokujo.
It's ironic, you know. We've both lost something that was dear to us. Something we both tasted but can never feel again. I think we're just consoling each other now. But we've been doing that for the past month.
Her touch is new and oddly pleasant, to me. Every caress is so careful, sensitive, yet over tipping with emotion and passion. One time, I thought she was going to collapse in my arms and cry.
That isn't right. Not for the student council president. But as inappropriate as this is, I want it to happen. For someone to finally open up to me. Screw rules. Screw pride,seniority, whatever...right now, I only want love.
It's painful for both of us, nonetheless. No matter how long we are together, or if I somehow manage to find my heart with her, we will never forget. Not until the day we die.
Perhaps we are, just, you know, helping one another get over our loss, moving on after we have recovered. She probably will forget about me in a year or so. I know we both have different destinies. But I don't want to know. I want this to last as long as it can. This sorrowful peace. This strange relationship. This is how I feel in her arms. On her bed. And please. No fantasies, people.
Who knows? Maybe we might end up together. I guess we have to see, huh?
"Hey, Miyuki?"
"Yes?"
"Where do you want to go?"