Disclaimer: I do not own The Hunger Games, or any of it's characters.
Disclaimer 2: I do not own the lyrics or songs used in this chapter.
Trigger Warning: Mentions of anxiety, panic/anxiety attacks, death, depression, and suicide. ¡Dark themes ahead¡
Chapter One: Shh
Peeta
Her name was Katniss Everdeen.
She had the darkest black hair, and the most silvery gray eyes. She was small, and thin, but healthy and athletic. She had a beautiful olive complexion, and was the captain of the archery club, as well as the leader of our track and field team. The only hint of makeup on her is the beautiful metallic silver lipstick she's worn every day since freshman year. She was also set to be our valedictorian, and rumor had it that she had a full scholarship to Stanford just waiting for her.
Katniss Everdeen was perfect.
Well, to me she is. Others think of her as. . . something un-fixable. But I don't think so. I could never think so. So what if she didn't talk? That doesn't matter the slightest, as she's still a spectacular human being.
I've never actually spoken to her-but I've noticed her. She lived here in Panem when she was younger, up until the time she was eleven-years-old. . . and then her father passed away after a bad construction accident. She had disappeared then. Gone without a word. Simply withdrawn from school and never to be heard of again.
That is until freshman year.
Word had gotten around that that a new girl was in town and that she would be a freshman. But the one detail about her that spread like wildfire was that she was hot. Little did anyone know it was her.
It wasn't until the first day of the actual school year that people learned the one and only 'important detail there was to know' about her; she didn't speak.
People had figured it out soon enough, when many guys, and some girls, attempted to strike up conversations with the hot new girl. At first, she would just bite her silver lips and either nod, shake her head, or shrug in response to them. They thought she was just being difficult, but their attempts eventually led to multiple panic attacks. The teachers were eventually forced to inform everyone that she was mute.
Katniss isn't mute due to any medical complications, but is a selective.
And then the talk started from those in her choir class, "She sings! And she's actually good! The best!" People had begun to question her mutism, but teachers once again clarified that it was a selective. She didn't feel comfortable communicating with people through her words, but the reason she had turned mute was because the loss of her father. And singing reminded her of him, so she continued the practice.
She had returned to Panem when her mother committed suicide and she moved in with her grandparents. It wasn't much later (this summer) when Katniss' sweet little sister followed suit.
Katniss' last chord had finally strung then, and she had noticeably become more distant. At least for those who looked for it. I anonymously sent her a basket of primroses and my special cheese buns each respectively to her home after Primrose's death, and even attended the young girl's funeral.
My attraction to Katniss hadn't started in freshman year though. In fact, it began on our very first day of school, when she was five, and I just four. She was in my homeroom, and when we had music class, she had volunteered to sing the Valley Song. Her voice was the most beautiful thing I'd ever heard, and I'd fallen head over heels for her then and there.
It was now the very first day of my final school year, and I sat in my old truck with my hands on the wheel, deciding that this was finally the year I would work up the courage to talk to her. As the engine roared, I took my car out of park and began my drive to Panem High.
As I got out of my car, I looked around and spotted her instantly. She wore a pretty-but very uncommon-dress. It was a simple dark blue thing lined with black that went down to her knees. Above it, she wore a simple black cardigan, with matching black flats. Her hair was also uncharacteristically out of its braid, and trailed behind her in waves along the soft refreshing breeze. Her familiar silver cup in her left hand. The one other thing that was there, as it had always been, was her trademark metallic glittery silver lipstick that brought out her eyes so beautifully.
"Looking good, Everdeen!"
"I can make you talk again, just give me one night!. . . In bed!"
"Get all dolled up for me?"
My blood boils upon hearing the ridiculous boys' comments. It amazes me how she can ignore them so well. . . besides the finger that she gives them as she walks into the school building. A small smile spreads across my lips before my ears register Delly's screeching.
"Peeta!" she yells as her small yellow heels click on the pavement of the parking lot. "Aren't you just so excited!"
Opening my arms to engulf her in a hug, I nod. "Of course. I'm ready to be done with this already."
"Who isn't?" I let go of her and she begins smoothing her hands over her tan dress dotted with tiny yellow flowers. "But we know we're gonna miss it when it's over."
I laugh and begin to make my way into the building, "I'm not too sure about that."
She gives me a pointed look before placing a hand on my shoulder and proceeding to walk alongside me, "Whatever you say, Peet. What's your first period again?"
"How many times do I have to remind you that we don't have any classes together this year?" I ask, laughing as I open the door for us to enter the building. "We're at two completely different academic levels, and aren't really interested in the same things."
She walks in and waits for me to join her before continuing to walk, "I know I just miss having classes with my best friend." She pouts before her face erupts into a giant grin, "Thom!"
"Careful!" I yell after her as she runs to her boyfriend of four months. He'd asked her out a month before junior prom and it's been a 'fairytale' ever since. At least that's what she describes it as. Chuckling, I decide to grab the pencil and notebook I'd placed in my locker on the day we got our schedules.
My breath catches in my throat as I see her puzzling over how to open her locker, her silver cup in one hand and a piece of paper in the other.
"Here, I'll hold your cup." I offer as I approach her locker, which is thankfully right beside mine. She glances up at me suspiciously, eyeing me as if I was going to try something as all other boys in our school do around her. "I just want to help you." Pursing her lips, she cautiously hands me her cup with a nod.
I turn to my own to the right of hers and begin to put in my combination. I'd already memorized mine when I found it on schedule pick up day. I place her cup in my locker as I place the pencil in my pocket and take out my notebook, tucking it in my arm. I retrieve her cup before shutting my locker once more.
Katniss places her bag on the hook given and takes a couple of things out before shutting her own. I'm about to hand her back her cup when she seems to consider something before pulling out a marker and beginning to write on the small dry erase board she carries everywhere. She then turns it towards me, "Thank you, Peeta." It reads.
I forget how to breathe when I see that she knows my name. I realize my mouth is gaping open and turn it into a smile. "You're welcome, Katniss." Now it's her turn to be shocked as she looks up at me in confusion before proceeding to wipe the board clean. I hand her back her cup.
"What's your first period?" I ask suddenly. She jumps at my words before pressing her lips together, perhaps to remind me that she doesn't speak. But I already know. "Mine's cooking."
Her eyes show recognition before motioning to herself and nodding. "You too?" She nods again. I smile. "I didn't know you took that class, is this your first year?" I ask stupidly.
Katniss appears startled at my words. Damn it, I probably just creeped her out "I didn't know you took that class" that makes me sound like a creep. She quietly nods before jerking her head to the side, motioning to the door nearest to us with a questioning look. What does she mean?
She shyly hands her cup over to me once again. I take it without hesitation and watch as she begins to scribble on the whiteboard again. Her neat cursive reads, "Yes, it's my first year. Where exactly is the class?" I nod.
"It's my third year, I'll take you." I say. She appears slightly relieved as she wipes her board clean. Once she's done and puts away the marker she reaches for her cup. "I can hold it. Plus, I talk quite a bit, maybe you'll need to keep on writing a little while longer."
Katniss' face flushes and she looks away. A smile breaks out on my face, I've made her blush. Once she faces me again, she motions forward and I grab her wrist to ensure I don't lose her as we weave through the many students of our school.
Once we reach the class, I let go and motion to the door. "We're here." She nods and enters the classroom. Ms. Lavinia greets everyone and smiles upon seeing me.
"Peeta, darling!" she says, motioning me to come closer. "Oh, I swear you grow a foot every summer."
Chuckling, I briefly hug my favorite teacher. "Only you, Ms. Lavinia. How was your summer?"
"Just wonderful." she says before nodding to the stations. "Seniors pick their own seats this year, choose wisely, dear."
I smile and look at all of my options carefully before my eyes land on my favorite spot in the middle of the classroom. "Thank you, I won't be too bad this year."
"Never! You're always an angel." she says.
Quickly walking to the station, I take a seat. It's meant for two people and I begin to watch the door for people to sit by me before Katniss comes into mind. I look around and see her seated at a station in the corner on her phone. I place my notebook down and make my way to her.
Planting myself in front of her, I smile. She looks up at me startled, a questioning look on her face. "Come sit next to me. I don't know anyone very well in this class, and I want you to have a good partner."
Katniss scowls at me before looking over to my seat. She purses her lips before looking over everyone in the class. She looks up at me and furrows her eyebrows. "Come on, I want you to sit with me." Her cheeks flush a deep red before she eventually stands up and makes her way over to my table. I smile and jog up to her, taking my seat.
I pull out my own phone and begin to scroll through a couple messages before an idea comes to mind. I swiftly place my phone in front of her before swiping her own out of her hands. She shrieks as she sharply turns to me, an irritated look on her face.
Her little pout makes me want to kiss her, "I just want to add my number. So you can text me. If you don't mind, I'd appreciate it if you did the same?" Her cheeks redden once again and she crosses her arms over her chest, an angry look etched across her beautiful features.
I quickly type my number into her contacts and take a quick selfie to put as my image. An amused scoff escapes on her side at that and I look over to see her trying to suppress a smirk. "You done?" The expression leaves and she shakes her head defiantly. "Then I guess you won't be getting this back."
The anger begins to return and she takes my phone and hurriedly begins to enter her number. Once she's done, she hands me the phone and holds her hand out for me to return her own. But I just smile and begin to type a message and send it to her phone. When it doesn't signify that I sent a message, I let out a hard laugh.
Turning to her, I see her bright red face as she looks down. "Clever. I'm guessing you've done this before, but I'm the first with a brain?"
She looks up sharply and her blush is still very prominent as she shrugs. I instead call my number on her phone and answer quickly on my own before hanging up. I hand over her phone once again and save the number into my phone. Katniss scoffs and decides to ignore me, but one more thing pops into my head.
Opening my camera app, I position it on her face before calling her name. When she turns, I snap a picture quickly and chuckle at my victory. She shoves me quite strongly and I look at her in surprise, but she just turns away from me once again, her face red in anger. I smile at her once again before turning to my phone.
My breath catches upon seeing the beautiful picture of her. Her eyes look impossibly silver, and her lips shine perfectly in unison with them. Her cheeks are a deep pink and her face has the most beautiful expression. I quickly go to make it her contact image before she catches me.
Just then, the bell rings, signifying tardiness and that the announcements were soon to come. "Alright children! Turn off your phones, the announcements will begin soon!"
I turn my phone off and put it into my pocket and watch as Katniss does the same. I have a feeling that this will be one of my favorite classes.
Pulling out my schedule, I set it on the desk top and turn to Katniss, "Do we have any other classes together?"
She pulls out her own and compares them before pointing to three other classes, creative writing, AP Spanish, and symphonic chorus. Her finger freezes on the last one. She points more prominently towards it before pointing to me. I blush and nervously run my hand through my hair.
"Yeah, uh, this is my first year. I don't sing much, but I guess Mrs. Barton liked my voice." I trail. The only reason I joined was to hear Katniss' voice again, I just know it's gotten more beautiful. To my surprise she actually somewhat smiles and awkwardly holds up a thumbs up. I chuckle, "Thank you, Katniss."
I sit back and try to hold in my giddiness. We've never had more than two classes together, and now four? I have a feeling I'm going to really like this school year.
A beep sounds from the loudspeakers, telling us that the announcements are starting and we turn away, readying ourselves for the long speech principal Snow will be sure to make.
I'm rushing through the halls, trying to get to class as quickly as possible to see Katniss again. We don't have second period together, but we have third as it is creative writing. And then AP Spanish after that, before our last period, seventh, symphonic choir. I'm so determined to get there that I nearly miss my friends' calls.
"Peeta!"
"Where ya going hot stuff?"
"Got somewhere to be?"
"Hey, stop!
"Peeta!"
Skidding to a stop, I turn to find Cato, Glimmer, Marvel, Delly, and Clove making their way towards me. "Sorry guys."
"Finally," Clove says, rolling her eyes. "We've been chasing you since you left Lavinia."
I chuckle nervously, "Sorry. You know how Ms. Trinket feels about being on time, and I'm off to her class next."
"Ooh." Marvel says, gritting his teeth, "Good luck with that, Peet. I hear she's really cranky this year."
Nodding, I begin to tap my foot on the ground, "Yeah, well, I should get going before she lectures my ear off."
My friends laugh before saying their goodbyes and I speed off to Ms. Trinket's creative writing class. When I enter, I find Katniss seated in the two-person desk nearest Ms. Trinket. Smiling, I make my way over to her and sit down right next to her.
Katniss jumps with a start before looking at me, a look of relief on her face once she realizes it's not a complete asshole. Grabbing her dry erase board, she pulls out her black marker and begins to write. Once she's done, I read her message, "Before the bell. Nice. Ms. Trinket would have eaten you alive."
Laughing, I wipe the message off for her. "I'm not afraid of Effie." I say proudly, but Katniss gives me a face that says, "Oh really?" and I roll my eyes. "Okay, fine. Who isn't at least a little bit afraid of her?"
She turns away without another word.
As soon as the bell rings, Ms. Trinket zips inside. "Well, hello everyone! I hope our first day of school has been a pleasant one so far!"
After a few murmurs she claps her hands excitedly. "You're the first class to respond to me today! Now, since it's our first day, I want us to get to know each other better. So for our first activity, I want you guys to answer in your notebooks each question that I show on my PowerPoint. Now go get your notebooks from the cabinet marked 3rd."
Everyone does as we're told, and only a few people who neglected to bring notebooks have to use notebook paper. Ms. Trinket gives us time to get ready and write in our table of contents before she begins with the slides.
Question One: What is your favorite color?
Sunset orange, I scribble down in my notebook. She gives us a couple more seconds before going to the next slide.
Question Two: What is your favorite season?
Autumn.
Question Three: When is your birthday?
September Twenty-Fourth.
Question Four: Who is your hero?
. . . A pang of hurt rings throughout my body. I decide to leave that one blank.
Question Five: What are your three favorite things to do?
Paint, bake, and spend time with my friends.
Question Six: Who is/are your favorite person/people in the world?
Delly Cartwright.
Question Seven: Who do you love most in the world?
. . . I want to leave this one blank as well, but then again I don't, so I scribble Delly Cartwright on there once again.
Question Eight: Where is your favorite place to be?
My family's bakery.
The slideshow ends and Ms. Trinket pops up out of her seat. "I'm going to be writing my own notebook alongside you all, so I'm just going to read off my own answers before you and the person beside you can switch.
Upon hearing Katniss gasp beside me, I turn to face her and see her struggling to breath. "Hey, hey. It's okay. Just breathe in and out with me, okay?" I whisper, she nods quickly before I begin, "In. . . Out. In. . . Out. In. . . Out." I repeat this softly until Katniss calms down.
Effie has finished reading now and tells us to begin sharing, but Katniss is hesitant. "What's wrong?"
Her silver eyes bore into me as a worried look dominates her features before she turns to her dry erase board and begins to write, "I don't like sharing personal information."
I nod my head, "That's okay. . . you can still read mine if you'd like." Katniss presses her lips together before I hand her my notebook. She hesitantly begins to read. A small smile forms at first, but is then replaced by a look of confusion. When she's finished I ask her what she thought. And when she points to something, I think it's going to be question three but am surprised to see her finger resting right on Delly's name.
"Delly's my best friend. Almost my sister, really." I say nonchalantly. "She's really nice, I've known her since before we could talk." Katniss then seems to decide something as she looks at my notebook, before reaching over and grabbing her own, placing it in my hands and motioning for me to read. I smile softly at her before proceeding to do so.
One: Green.
Two: Spring.
Three: May 8th.
Four: Father.
Five: Archery, run, sing.
Six: Gale.
Seven: Gale.
Eight: Woods.
I smile at her bluntness, but my heart sinks upon seeing Gale's name. How could I have forgotten Mr. tall, dark, and handsome who was two years old than us and always used to be by her side when he attended.
She must sense my discomfort because she takes the notebook from me suddenly and begins to scan her answers in worry. Had she misspelled a word? Written something incorrectly? No, she simply mentioned the man I stood no chance against.
Gale Hawthorne was two years older, and had graduated Panem High two years before as the valedictorian himself. Gale went off somewhere to college, but he always comes to visit during the summer. It's why I sent my gifts anonymously and didn't speak to her at the funeral, he guards her as if she were the Queen. In his eyes, she probably was.
A light tap on my shoulder pulls me back, and her notebook lay on the desk. She points at it and then gestures to me, a questioning look on her face. I contemplate asking, but my curiosity on how she sees him gets the best of me, "Gale?"
Her face lights up and she pulls out her marker and begins to write on the dry erase board. When she's done, she slides it in front of me, "Gale's my best friend. I met him during freshman year. He's in college now, though."
I nod, "Yeah, I think I remember him. Valedictorian of his year, right?" She blinks a couple times before nodding slightly.
"Alright! I hope you guys have had enough time to share, now. . ."
As I see her walking to the choir room, I go to walk next to her. She nods in greeting once she notices it's me before falling into step beside her. I look her over and see that she has a relaxed look about her face. Then I notice something missing. Her cup.
I remember that she hasn't had it with her since first, "Where's your cup?" She's openly confused before she looks nervous. I'm about to ask what's wrong, but her face turns into an indifferent mask and she points to the lockers that line the hall. "You put it in your locker?" She nods before bowing her head and rushing forward.
Ever since her first day of freshman year, Katniss has carried a silver cup in the mornings. No one knows what's in it, but she's never gone a day without it. Some joke and say it's alcohol, but everyone knows that's ultimately not true. Others say it's 'what makes her not speak', those people are stupid.
As we approach the choir room, I begin to feel excited. I mean, I know we're not going to sing as it's the first day, but the thought of it is enough to make me beyond happy.
Upon entering, I see that there are only a small amount of people. The symphonic choir is the smallest of three choirs Panem High gives, the others being concert and women's. Symphonic consists of nine select people with different styles of voices, though only sophomores-seniors can be in. There are six people in the room when we get there, including Madge Undersee, one of the only people Katniss associates with. She sits beside her, and I sit next to her.
When the last person enters, my mouth falls open, "Cato?"
His head shoots up at the recognition and his face immediately begins to turn a deep red, "Mellark? What are you doing here?"
"I'm, uh, part of the symphonic choir this year," I say, still stunned upon seeing his arrival, "I didn't know you sang."
Cato rolls his eyes and makes his way over to me, sitting in the empty seat beside me. "No, you idiot. I'm the beatboxer."
"Really?" Madge pipes up. We look over to her and she looks at Cato with a look of amusement. "That's not the complete truth, now is it?"
I have to suppress my smile as I turn to face Cato, "What's that mean?"
"Now you talk, blondie? So quiet, I sometimes thought you were mute like Miss Everdeen," Cato says looking at a fuming Katniss. I punch his arm and he turns to me, annoyed. "And, I sometimes sing bass."
Shaking my head, I turn to face the teacher as the bell rings. Mrs. Barton, the all-around choir teacher, stands from her seat at the piano which sits in front of the white board. "Hello, my symphonic choir! I'm so glad to see most of you have returned! But, there are some new faces as well!"
I look around and see that most of them are looking at me and two others who appear to be sophomores. Well, now I know who else is new here with me.
"Okay, so, today I'd like us to familiarize ourselves and our vocals with those of everyone else in the group." Our teacher begins, and I can feel a slight tension arise between all of the students. "So after our warmups, we will all sing a small piece of music I think fits each of your voices evenly, let's begin!"
After doing a series of rather odd warmups, Mrs. Barton takes out a cream colored folder labeled 'Symphonic Choir' and begins to take out a stack of various sheets of music, each with a students name on them. She passes them out to each designated student.
Upon seeing mine, I quirk an eyebrow. It was a very modern and new song, and I'd heard it around multiple times. I look around and see others inspecting our teacher's choice of song for themselves, most looking pleased. I read over the highlighted verse I'm supposed to sing.
Mrs. Barton claps her hands suddenly and we all look up to face her, "The order in which people will sing will be completely up to you all. We will start with volunteers, and then I will begin to pick when you stop."
The first six to volunteer are all fairly well, with Madge surprising me the most with her gentle yet beautiful voice on a rendition of Tori Kelly's, Hollow. It's down to Cato, Katniss, and I when the volunteering ceases.
"Hmm. . . Cato! You're next!" our teacher announces before looking to me. "We'll save my little birdie for last, you're after Cato, Mr. Mellark." I nod nervously before shooting a victorious look towards Cato for not having to go before him.
Cato ends up having a pretty good voice, and I purposefully clap obnoxiously loud and whistle when he's finished, which earns me a discreet finger. "Okay, Mr. Mellark, you're next." I hear from my teacher. I take in a deep breath before looking down at my music and beginning to sing the song she'd given me.
The room is silent before Cato begins to cheer even more obnoxiously than I did and I punch his arm lightly. "I knew you'd be a wonderful addition," compliments Mrs. Barton, and I give her a kind smile in return. "Now you, birdie." She says to Katniss.
Katniss presses her lips together slightly before flipping to a highlighted page, with a deep breath, she begins her beautiful melody,
"I remember tears streaming down your face
When I said, 'I'll never let you go.'
When all those shadows almost killed your light.
I remember you said, 'Don't leave me here alone.'
But all that's dead and gone and passed, tonight. . .
Just close your eyes,
The sun is going down.
You'll be alright,
No one can hurt you now.
Come morning light,
You and I'll be safe and sound.
Don't you dare look out your window, darling,
Everything's on fire.
The war outside our door keeps raging on. . .
Hold on, to this, lullaby.
Even when the music's gone,
Gone. . .
Just close your eyes,
The sun is going down.
You'll be alright,
No one can hurt you now.
Come morning light,
You and I'll be safe and sound."
This time, the class erupts into honest and awed claps and cheers, but no one expects her to flee from the room. Gone in a flash. I begin to make my way out of the room in search of her, but our teacher stops me.
"That's her and Primrose's song, give her some air," she says softly, "She sings it every year, but we can both understand why it's especially hard this time around."
I stare at her, feeling utterly helpless. I want to go comfort Katniss, but I know that she'll push me away. Especially since it regards her little sister. "Okay."
Katniss doesn't return for the rest of class, and I don't see her at the end of the day either, so I suppose that she went home early. I felt empty after she left. The class, and atmosphere in general, didn't feel the same after the abrupt departure of Mrs. Barton's star pupil.
And she was all I could think about now.
On my way home, I picked up another basket of primroses from the florist and leave it at her doorstep. And a note, though still anonymous, attached with a batch of cheese buns.
The rest of my day consists of alternating between reality and thinking of Katniss, my final thought of the night hoping that she wouldn't close herself off to the world tomorrow.
A/N ~ This chapter, and story in general, went through a lot before I deemed it suitable for posting and I really hope you guys enjoyed it!
I decided to post this new story in dedication of my readers who are being patient while I fix and retrieve my old files for my previously uploaded stories. I have not given up on them, and currently wrote this on a different device. Oh, and this story will be updated weekly unless I get impatient or something comes up. I'm uploading a little earlier than intended because I'm heading off to visit family in New Jersey, but Saturday's will be the days you guys should keep a lookout for updates.
Also, do you guys want to try and beat me at The Hunger Games quizzes? Join my new favorite app, QuizUp, and follow me by searching "Daisy #ILA" I accept all challenges and have found it to be the best app for quizzes. Just thought I'd share the fun with you all!
With love, Daisy
Written: December 20th, 2015
Published: July 21st, 2016