I can't sleep…
My head mocks me. It tries to keep me awake. Every time I close my eyes, it all comes back like a movie that I can't turn off. Thoughts are buzzing. Please just let me sleep! Just for a little while… Sounds from my closet interrupt my whining. I open my eyes even though I know it makes no difference. It's a habit, I guess. Darkness surrounds me. I remember when I was younger, I was afraid of the dark. I guess I got over it…
The floor is cold against my naked feet. I shudder. Taking my blanket with me as I stand up and listen. I know all the sounds in my room. I know where everything is, so I know if I take five steps forward I will reach my closet. When the sounds still don't go away, I decide it's for the best that I take a look…so to speak. With nothing else to do, I count the steps. One, two, three, four, five. A wooden surface touches my fingertips. Weird. Didn't I leave the door open? When I open the door, I can make out the sounds. Crying.
"Elliot… What happened?"
The crying stops and it's replaced by sniffling. I can hear him moving deeper into my closet away from me. I sigh and sit down on the cold floor. It feels like my legs are resting on ice. Has the radiator broken down again? Gizmo won't like that… Not wanting to scare my visitor, I carefully reach out. Something smooth… Hair.
"Elliot…" I say slowly, "It's alright. I'm here."
I move closer to him.
"Nightmare again?"
I can feel that he moves his head up and down. A nod. Aww, not again. This is the third time this week. I smile pitifully.
"It was just a dream. I'm here now."
I can feel his smooth skin. It's as cold as the floor and he shakes.
"That bad, huh..?"
I don't have to see to know that he is breaking into tears. I can feel his warm tears against my hand.
"Come," I whisper sweetly
He moves closer in a instant, hands testing to see if I'm really here and not a dream, then he hugs me close like if he lets go I will disappear. I can feel his heartbeats, so I put my arms around him and lead his head to my calm chest to calm him down and let him cry out his fears in a silent scream. In a soothing motion, I rub my hand up and down on his back and I tell him what I always say. It's okay. I'm here. It doesn't make him stop crying, though. It never does, but I still don't what to say.
You would think I would know what to say to or at least do something to make my best friend calmer, but I don't. Our friendship feels shallow and when I think about it, I don't know much about him. I know he likes cooking and baking makes him smile. I know that, because I found him in the kitchen one night crying while trying to bake a cake.
He leans heavily on me now. I sigh tiredly.
"Move."
He complies and lets me get into the closet with him. I still don't know why he comes to me. Maybe he used to come to Jinx… I wrap the blanket around us and let him rest on my shoulder with the doll I gave him resting between us. I open my month and talk, something he can't do.
I talk for a while, mostly about how annoying the Titans were today. We were robbing a bank and guess who comes to save the day. The Titans. And it didn't stop there. No, she was there with him…
I shudder. The thought of him makes me sick to my stomach… Still, I talk about them.
We care. She was family… I know she left because we weren't enough… Warm tears fall freely, but I still do not stop. I don't want to… She... Jinx, our leader… My first love left us, her friends, for some crush. I bite my lips. Nothing personal?
A soft, innocent voice in my head interrupts my ranting.
'Seymour, I miss her…'
"I know," I say slowly as I hug Elliot closer, "Me, too."
We stay like this, comforting each other, until I can hear repeated calming breaths. I carefully, not wanting to wake him up, take him in my arms and carry him to my bed. One, two, three, four, and five I count as I walk back. I lay next to Elliot, holding him close. Protecting him.
I wonder… does Jinx also lie in bed sleeplessly thinking about us…?
The family she left behind.