A/N A little fic for Valentine's Day, dedicated to the good folks of the McShep slash archive at Yahoo -) Warnings - multiple pairings both slash and het, silly comedy, nothing explicit by any stretch of the imagination. Please R and R!

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"I brought you a present," said Major John Sheppard, with a slightly mocking, lopsided smile, as he held out a small box to Dr. McKay.

"What is it?" McKay, suspicious, made no move to take it. He kept an eye on the item as he poked at something that vaguely resembled a lamb cutlet on his plate.

"A little something I found during the last recon trip. I thought you might like it. After all, it is Valentine's Day tomorrow…"

"I didn't know you cared, Major." McKay's tone dripped with sarcasm, but he took the box and made to open it. He was obviously interested in its contents; it took a lot to make the scientist put down his knife and fork at mealtimes.

"Er…it came gift-wrapped? Did the Ancients do that often?" Ford, who was sitting with them in the mess, flashed his warm grin at Sheppard.

"Good point," McKay froze in the process of opening his 'present'. "Is this thing booby-trapped?"

"Would I do that?" Sheppard put on his most innocent expression, scandalised. Sitting across from him, Teyla raised her eyebrows in amusement. She had been told of the Earth tradition of giving gifts and cards to those one was attracted to romantically on a certain day of the year, but was relatively sure that the Major did not harbour any such feelings for Dr. McKay.

His curiosity getting the better of him, McKay finally opened the box, keeping a sharp eye on Sheppard all the time. When no rubber snakes or itching powder appeared, and nothing exploded, the scientist turned his attention to the small and delicate object he had withdrawn from its protective casing.

"What exactly is this?" he wondered, gazing at it in fascination. It looked like a locket of some sort, though it didn't appear to open; a gold-coloured oval of metal, on a long, slim chain.

"You gave McKay a necklace? Cute, sir…" Ford tailed off, smirking. Sheppard winked at him.

"Don't ask, and I won't tell."

McKay scowled at them both. "Please! This isn't a necklace, it's a piece of Ancient technology, it's probably…"

"I'm sure it'll look lovely on you, Doc," Ford snickered. McKay rolled his eyes and turned to Teyla for support.

"Will you please tell these two buffoons to act their ages?"

Teyla smiled at him.

"I am sure that if Major Sheppard had truly intended the gift as a bribe for your favours, Doctor, he would not have given it to you in public, over lunch."

McKay sighed. "The day you fall in with their juvenile humour, Teyla, is the day I truly despair of humanity. It seems that day has come, so I'm going to leave you clowns to it and take this to the lab," he waved the necklace at Sheppard, "and find out what it does. I'd like you to come as well, Major."

"Generous of you, Rodney," murmured Sheppard, winking at the others. McKay grunted and got up.

"Pathetic…" he muttered, heading for the door. Sheppard grinned and followed, leaving Ford and Teyla together at the table, laughing quietly.

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"Are you sure this is a good idea? After the incident with the personal shield and all…"

Sheppard was perched on one of the lab benches, squashing a number of delicate instruments beneath his weight.

"How else are we going to find out what it does? It hasn't responded to any interactions or tests so far, obviously the only way to make it work is to actually use it. What harm can it do? It's just a necklace…and would you please get your ass away from that electron microscope?"

"Rodney, the microscope's at the other end of the bench. Now, my ass isn't that big."

"Are you saying I have a fat ass, Major?"

"I didn't say anything about it."

"I heard the stress you put on the 'my'. You were implying that I have an unusually large backside. Well at least I've got more meat on me than a stick insect addicted to emetics."

"I've changed my mind. I think you putting on an Ancient necklace when it might potentially make your head explode it a wonderful idea," Sheppard tilted his head and gave the wry, mocking smile that invariably induced a glare of disgust from McKay. The scientist had spent the last four hours subjecting the device Sheppard had found to myriad tests, with no result. It responded to neither of their touches, remained inert no matter what they did to it, and it seemed clear that the only way they were going to identify it was for one of them to try it on.

Sheppard had been McKay's first choice for a test subject, naturally, but the Major had insisted that, as chief scientist of the expedition, and the most qualified in pretty much everything, it was McKay's responsibility – nay, privilege – to be the first person to interact with any Ancient (or indeed alien) technology they encountered.

"You're just scared of the thing, aren't you?" McKay had sniffed, but his ego had been satisfactorily massaged and his sense of curiosity was already so aroused that he'd more or less decided to try the device himself anyway.

"Maybe we should consult with Weir and maybe Beckett first," Sheppard suggested, mildly, shifting his weight – something that felt like a scalpel was digging into his leg.

"They'll only tell us not to do it," McKay pointed out, already picking up the necklace and beginning to drop it over his head.

"Uh, Rodney…"

Too late; the scientist was already wearing it. At first it didn't appear to be doing anything…and then a sharp flash of deep red light engulfed it, and subsequently, McKay.

"…that's probably why we should've talked to Weir," Sheppard finished, as the light faded, leaving McKay standing stunned but apparently unharmed. "You okay?"

"Um…yeah, I think so." The scientist stared down at the necklace. It was still glowing faintly, but as he watched, the colour ebbed out and the device seemed to become inert again.

"What did it do?" Sheppard asked, easing himself off the bench and lifting the locket where it lay on McKay's chest.

"No idea. Nothing that I noticed, apart from the fireworks. Maybe it's just a very dramatic and ostentatious piece of jewellery?"

"All the same," Sheppard replied dryly, "you should probably take it off now."

McKay nodded, reached for the chain, lifted it. It slipped over his head, the silver colour looking a little scorched. The locket, however, did not come with it.

"Um…Major? A little help here?"

Sheppard examined the locket. "I hate to say this, Rodney…"

"What? What?" McKay fidgeted in alarm, pulling away from Sheppard. "What's wrong?"

"Well…I may be mistaken here, but…it looks like the locket part is sort of welded onto your flesh."

"It's what to my what? Oh, my God." McKay looked, and felt, for himself. Sheppard was right. The piece of metal was fixed to his chest, right over his heart. It seemed to have burned right through his shirt, and stuck there.

"Doesn't it hurt?" Sheppard wondered. "It looks as though it burned right into your body."

"You had to say that. No, it doesn't hurt. Maybe I'm in shock. That's it. I think I'm starting to lose the feeling in my …ow! Oh, no, there it is."

"Rodney, calm down. Let's just get you to the infirmary, see if Beckett can do something about this." The Major activated his radio. "Carson? McKay and I are heading down to you. Rodney did it again…"

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Mr Wembly, it happened again... ;-)