Chapter 1:
The Weirdo
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In his cage, Kurama, the nine-tailed fox, was comfortably lain on a gigantic sofa, and switched boringly channels on the TV. Weather forecasts, wildlife documentaries, reality shows, the Voice, and then came, the Thing:
"Doctor Kyuubi. Doctor Kyuubi. Doctor Kyuubi. You are the best. You are the best. Oh Yeah! You are the best! Of course you are! You are our hero! So manly and so kind! He can ravish all women to his side! He is the Best. He is the Beast. He is our hero! My Fox my Hero!"
Kurama yawned as he watched this absolutely horrible caricature of a TV show. On the screen, a fox who stood on two feet, and wearing a suit and tie was giving many advice about how to lose weigh. Fat women were running on a conveyor belt. Ads forwarded their products and praised their wondrous effects. All in all, the actor (the man disguised in fox) who impersonated Doctor Kyuubi was just plain pathetic. Even the jingle was idiotic. Everything in this broadcast was just good to be trashed.
Kurama often had wondered what would have happened if humans had developed a liking to him. The result was even worse than when they feared him. At least, they showed him some respect. Now, they just used his image for diet programs. Oh wait! Last week was to cure hemorrhoids. HEMORRHOIDS.
"GRUAAAAAGH! NARUTO! You better explain yourself if you don't want to get your tongue cut!", roared the all Mighty Kyuubi in all his Might, inside the body of his host. The blond Hokage just sighted inwardly.
"I'm sorry Kurama. But you know, when they asked me to draw you, I never imagined it could take such proportions!", apologized Naruto.
"They shall just die! Those pests, I swear I will—"
"Please! Please Kurama! I thought you finished with this illness about wanting to destroy everything."
"No! No! That crime shall not be unpunished. They deserve to..."
"... get their body hanged up above water, decapitated and then thrown in a pit where they would be devoured by hounds, and..."
And Kurama stopped his monologue as he noted that he was no longer in his lovely — and familiar living room, but in front of two humans who were... fornicating. Kurama eyed the situation the most objective possible. Why, in the hell, could he be in presence (and why he felt so small) of two humans in the dubious process of making babies?! Oh wait! Wasn't it Minato and Kushina? So he guessed, they certainly found themselves stuck in Naruto's mind too! Kurama felt so smart! He really did not loose his touch!
With an unfathomable poker-face, he bowed before them:
"I'm deeply sorry to interrupt. I wish you good luck and having fun in your fruitful activity. See ya!"
When he was on the point to depart, he felt a kunai brushed his seemingly throat.
"Who the fuck are you, to invade our privacy, and naked at top of that?!", threatened Minato ominously.
"So, let me rephrase; you said you come from the future, that you are actually the Kyuubi, you saved the world with the son of Minato, and that you time traveled."
The Sandaine was glaring at the now dressed up convict with a completely blasé attitude. His eyebrow did twitch though.
"Sorry for the wording, but your story is the biggest amount of bullshit I've ever heard in my whole life."
The inmate was sweating bullets. How comes they did not believe him? He was telling the truth after all!
"ANBU! Arrest this man! He committed an outrage to the future Hokage!"
"No please! I'm innocent! I swear! I—" But Kurama was already seized off by two brutes.
"And shut his mouth by whatever scotch tape you can find! I just want him to shut up!"
Behind the tinted window, Kushina had been watching the prisoner in his cell equivocally. The individual himself was mumbling some insults about the whole non-sense of his situation.
Kushina wondered how this man had managed to break through seals and stuff through the home that her and Minato shared. They did not even remarked him until he spoke, even though they were elite ninjas. That was really weird. The man himself was a weirdo. And yet, he was the dead ringer of her husband, excluded by his whiskers-like scars on his jaws. Minato had made amends to her for the trouble this man caused, swearing they would probably have another occasion to "explore each other's body". Free time for ninjas was scarce. And she had been really moody to be disturbed when she and Minato eventually had managed to coordinate each other agendas.
Are you frustrated, Birdy? purred the Fox inside her. May you release me for I express the full extent of your furry.
"Shut up, Furball. I did not ask for your advice," she muttered arms crossed.
Ah! contemplated her Demon with sarcasm.
"Nor your comments."
"Missy! It's about time for you to come back at home. It's dark late," an ANBU remarked as he put a hand on her shoulder. She grunted she was done there. She would eventually come back tomorrow.
"Naruto, Naruto, Naruto. I wonder where you are, but I swear if I find, a way to get out of this place, you better hope to have, a good explanation, for this shit...", the mad prisoner singed very poorly. The ANBU who guarded him had to put swab ion his ears for no longer listening to his constant rambling. The masked man swore that he would seek retribution to this so-named Naruto if this fucker did not stop.
"Lalala lalala...", continued Kurama, always chained and hand-cuffed. "I count at three, if you don't move you ass, to get me out, of this shit. One, two, three. Boom!"
And then, an explosion resounded in all Konoha's surroundings.
"Explain!", ordered Minato as his again circled the foreigner by himself. "How did you manage to produce Chakra, despite my seals on you." Kushina stood aside him.
"Ah!", exclaimed Kurama, who oddly sounded like her inner fox, "I am sorry for all this mayhem, but I felt bored."
"You almost destroyed all the detention center just because you felt bored?!", said Minato in disbelief as he lifted a fist.
"Mi-na-to" spelled the weirdo in tune. "Why are you so mean to me?", he nearly whined
"Perhaps you may let me talk to him?", asked the read-head to her husband. This one released the caveman as Kushina knelt down before him.
"Can you tell us who you are and what are your goals?" she inquired sincerely curious.
Ah... Her previous container had always been so sweet. Though Kurama remembered her to be louder than her stupid Blondaime.
"I want to go back in my vessel," he hiccuped with non-sense. Minato shook his head. "I no longer know who I am. Got this stupid and useless body and lost all my magnificence. I completely lost it..."
"What do you mean by magnificence?" demanded Kushina. She was annoyed as she heard the ANBU approaching.
"My fur. My beautiful fur! So red and vivid. I was the most beautiful of my species!", he moaned. The more he talked, more Kushina and Minato became perplexed.
Such a shit, added the Fox inside the red-hair in disgust. Just throw him in some pit.
Kurama sighted. Kushina raised an eye-brow. "Can you hear him?" Kurama nodded. Minato was even more confused.
"Yes. Such a rude folk...", deplored Kurama. Even if he had been the said folk in the past. "That is awesome!", shined Kushina as she hugged Kurama. Minato did big eyes.
It's not, commented sourly the Kyuubi, as he already regretted its misdoing there.
"Awesome, isn't it?", finished Kurama, dumbfounded before the puzzling reaction of his previous vessel.
Minato was mostly pissed, beyond pissed, that his wife did not loosen one time her grip over the man hehad been forced to bring before the Sandaime in his office. This one coughed in disbelief as he saw the innate he just sent yesterday in custody.
"The hell is that?", asked the old man. Minato sighted as he explained the whole situation, and the fact that this man named Kurama could hear the Fox.
"Awesome," commented too the old man, fuming his pipe. Minato glared at him. "I mean, it is an unheard ability to hear the thought of the Tailed Beast."
It's starting to bore me. Go kill something.
That Minato would have approved the Kyuubi for once, if he had had this useless ability.
"I'm confused," confessed Minato, "but in which case this skill can serve us?"
Hiruzen yawned. "Perhaps he could help us to bring the village in more peaceful terms with our tailed beast."
Dream on, old branch. Kushina frowned at the remark, as Kurama laughed.
"If you want to befriend with the Fox, give him some sausage, he's fond of it."
If I ever escape, you'd be the first to go. I'd cut your tongue out and bathe in your silent screams.
Kurama shivered. "He really got one kind of humor," he continued. Kushina could not help but nod.
"Hmm... It will do," concluded the Sandaime. Minato was doing a no-no with his head. "Where are you coming from?" he required as he filled out absentmindedly a form he picked out from a drawer.
"The forest," replied automatically Kurama. The Sandaime frowned. "That's unusual. Let's just say you are Kurama Namikaze and you are Minato's cousin who comes at Konoha to meet your sister-in-law. I'm sure it will explain why you are so alike. Though..." added the old man as he saw Minato begged not to with watery eyes, "you will have to stay in Minato's and Kushina's home. Are you okay with this?"
Minato's face was turning green.
"Yes," Kurama conceded delighted. Kushina was happy. It could not have been better. The Kyuubi grumbled for its part, so did Minato.
"So, we are done. You are free to go, Kurama Namikaze, I hope you will enjoy your stay in Konoha."
"So, tell me about your hobbies?" asked Kushina to her new lovely "brother" in the living room, while Minato was cooking the dinner, alone. Kurama rubbed his chin meanwhile.
"I guess... I like watching TV and... running in a grassland and... I dunno," he shrugged. "What about yours?"
"I like training, I like speaking loudly, I like hitting my husband and I like doing some pranks to those stick-ass ANBU," she counted on her fingers.
"Those are very respectable hobbies," commented Kurama magnanimous. Kushina could help but happily agree. Respectable, my ass... thought Minato in his corner.
"You are so sweet. I guess you must be a really strong ninja as you manage to get away so easily from the prison!" This point still was an unresolved mystery, considered Minato.
"Not so much," conceded Kurama humble as he lifted two palms in air. "There was a breach in the detention center I take profit of."
"What was it?" questioned Kushina really curious now. Kurama sighted. "It was not adapted for the prisoners who cannot manage their stress." Kushina giggled and Minato face-palmed as he brought up the ramens on the bowls.
"Dinner is ready!"
"So, what is your specialty, as a ninja I mean?" asked Minato as he was giving a good share of ramens at Kurama, who swallowed in one gulp, much to Minato's despair. He would have to plan a cut in his savings.
"Blowing up things." Kurama fox-grinned when he cleaned the left-overs from his mouth.
That's good thing, lad, agreed the Fox. Kushina was confused as Kurama was proudly showing off his teeth.
"Aside from that?" questioned the blond, annoyed. Kurama seemed to think deeply.
Then, Kurama slammed his fist on his palm in delight. He took a knife and plunged it deeply in his leg, many times. Kushina screamed and Minato was already running, searching some handkerchiefs. But Kurama's hand glowed red as he put it on his bloody leg, that healed in few seconds. Kushina became relieved as Minato came back, astonished.
"How did you do that?" Even Tsunade was not so skilled to heal injuries. But it came from the long experience, when Kurama had to deal with his foolish vessels who threw themselves in any kind of danger.
"Like that," responded equivocally the man who had just hurt himself, badly.
"You could have shown us other way around. You have completely ruined the carpet with your blood..." complained Minato surly.
Kurama raised his hand toward him as to apologize.
"Doctor Kyuubi, at your service!"