Disclaimer: I don't own anything!
It was a mistake," you said. But the cruel thing was, it felt like the mistake was mine, for trusting you."
― David Levithan, The Lover's Dictionary
You Don't Know My Name.
Trina had just started her second year of high school at Hollywood Arts and was feeling proud of herself for her achievement. Everyone thought that she was a talentless loser who wouldn't make it a month but she showed them. She was about to open her locker when she noticed a new kid walking through the halls looking nervous. Trina felt sorry for him. She remembered how it felt to be a new student. She closed her locker and walked over to him.
"Hi, I am Trina Vega." She said introducing herself.
The boy smiled nervously
"I'm André Harris" he said.
Trina smiled and for the rest of the day showed André to all his classes. They sat together during lunch. Trina was sure she had finally made a friend at Hollywood Arts.
They talked about anything and everything under the sun. André told her about how his parents. His mom was a piano teacher and his dad owned a music store. They died when he was eleven and so he was sent to live with his grandma; who was extremely paranoid and scared of everything.
Trina told him about her parents and her mixed feelings about her sister. It wasn't that she hated Tori, she loved her sister. She just wished her parents cared about her as much as they did Tori. André comforted her and the two became best friends.
After a while Trina was sure that one day they might be more than that. She could see herself becoming Mrs. Trina Harris in the future. But she never told André how she felt. She loved André, more than she had ever thought possible. Loving André was scary but somehow I feel safer. André gave her hope. She kept her love a secret though because she was afraid say it out loud because maybe if life found out it'll try to beat it out of her.
They spent every day together after school.
"Hey Trina, want to go get some sushi," André asked waiting by her locker.
"Sure," she said smiling.
"You want to go hang at the mall after," she asked.
He nodded.
They hung out on the holidays exchanging gifts.
"Guess what I got you?" Trina asked.
André raised an eyebrow.
"What?" he asked.
Trina smiled and pulled the present from behind her back.
"A ceramic Piano," she said.
He laughed and hugged her.
"This is the cutest, most thoughtful gift anyone's ever given me," he said.
Trina blushed.
"It's not that great," she protested.
André shook his head.
"It's from you and that makes it special," he said.
They talked about their hopes and their dreams.
"I want to shine," she admitted.
"I want to be somebody special and have a crowd cheer for me," she said.
"I want to write music," André said. "I want to hear my music playing on the radio,"
André would write music and play it for Trina and then once she knew the song she would sing them. André would often record her singing on demo tapes.
"Your voice is so amazing," he would encourage.
They were like two half's of the same whole until André realized his true talent
Kids at school didn't understand why André, who was so talented, would burden himself with Trina who, in their eyes, was talentless. Trina ignored there harsh words and told herself that they were just jealous but André slowly became distant after that.
He would cancel his plans with Trina to hang out with other people. He ignored her phone calls. He didn't tell her if he got parts in plays. He didn't let her read his music. Sometimes, if he was if he saw her in the halls, he wouldn't even talk to her.
Still, every morning he was always waiting by her locker and they always sat together during lunch. Then one day he wasn't waiting for her by the locker. Trina couldn't find him anywhere. She sent him text messages but they went unanswered.
She called his phone but it went straight to voice mail. When she finally caught up to him at lunch he was sitting with two new people. She recognized one of the people as Beck Oliver but she didn't recognize the girl. She took her usual seat next to André ignoring the looks the other people at the table were giving her.
"Hey André" she said smiling.
"Where have you been? I snagged you the last chicken taco." She said sliding the second tray she was carrying to André.
André stared at her like he didn't know her.
"Have we met?" he asked taking the tray and biting the taco.
Trina laughed, nervously.
"Very funny, André" She said eating her lunch.
"Tanya right?" he asked.
Trina frowned.
"Trixie?" he asked.
Beck and the girl laughed. Trina swallowed nervously.
"Q-quit it André" she said nervously.
"You know my name." she told him.
"Teresa?" he asked.
It was then that Trina realized that he wasn't kidding. He was really pretending that he didn't know her.
"André please," She whispered. "Stop doing that,"
André's eyes flashed with indecision.
Trina thought that he was going to laugh and say it was a joke.
That he was still her friend. That he knew who she was. Then they could forget all about this.
"What am I doing Tamera?" he asked raising an eyebrow.
Trina stood up and left the lunch room. She didn't give up though. For the rest of the week she continued sitting at the table with André and his new friends. She continued to talk to him in the hall.
She continued calling his phone and sending him text messages. André was her only friend and she wasn't going to give him up without a fight. It seemed like her efforts had paid off when on Saturday André called her and apologized. Trina wasn't one to hold a grudge so she forgave him. André invited her out for dinner at a new restaurant downtown. Trina agreed to meet him at 9:00. Trina had her dad drop her off and got there early.
She looked for the restaurant but instead found an abandoned building. She tried to pretend it was a mistake. She decided that she must have got the address wrong. She reached in her purse for her cell phone but couldn't find it. Trina walked to a payphone and dialed André. André didn't answer. So she put in another quarter and tried again.
She tried again, and again, and again. André never answered. She was down to her last quarter. She decided to try one more time.
"Hello?" she heard André say.
Trina sighed, relieved.
"Hey André it's me. Where are you?" she asked.
André was quiet for a minute.
"Who is this?" he asked.
Trina froze.
"André it's me!" she exclaimed.
"Tori?" he asked and Trina dropped the phone.
She couldn't believe he did that. He knew that she hated being ignored for her sister. He knew that she had issues with her family after her mother accidentally calling her Tori.
She stared at the phone that was just hanging there. She picked up the phone and slammed it. She reached in her purse for another quarter, to call home, but realized that she had spent all her change on André. Trina fought back tears and walked away from the payphone. She went into stores, restaurants, anywhere that there might be a phone. But they kicked her out when they realized she didn't have any money. Eventually, a bum took pity on her and gave her fifty cents.
She called her father's cellphone but he didn't answer. She called her mother who informed her that Tori wasn't feeling well and that they had to stay home and take her to the doctor. Trina waited for hours before they finally came to get her. No one asked her about her night. Trina never forgave André for that.
She tracked him down one day in the hall.
"André!" she called as he passed her.
He paused, shoulders tensing. "What do you want now, Tamara?" he asked cruelly.
This was a side of André that only she got to see. Her André was gone and in his place was this secretive, twisted, boy…who could hurt her with just a glare.
"I want you to understand something, as far as I'm concerned this friendship, or whatever the heck it is we had, is over. And, if we never speak again for the rest of our lives, that'll be fine with me. I gave you a second chance that night André and you blew it." With that she turned and walked in the opposite direction.
The next day, someone sprayed painted 'TALENTLESS LOSER' on her locker.
She ignored André's pranks.
She ignored the rumors spread about her.
She ignored the way André came to every one of her performances and sat in the front row talking loudly about how terrible of an actress she was. She ignored the mean emails and the glares.
But she couldn't ignore the names.
She knew it and he knew it. Each time he forgot her name she'd cringe. She'd flinch or show some other sign that might not be noticed by anyone other than him.
Because once upon a time he was the one who knew her best.
He had been her best friend. He had been her confidant. He had been her last chance. And one day something inside her snapped.
She started calling him names too.
ANDY
ANTHONY
AUSTIN
ANTONIO,
AARON,
ADAM
Her favorite name of all: ANDREW
She knew that he hated that name since that's what his aunt Nicole always called him.
They kept their distance from each other and could barely stand the sight of the other. The rumors got worse and people started question how she got into Hollywood arts. André was the one who answered everyone's questions. His answers were stupid and made her look like a fool.
Then they were assigned to be partners for the winter showcase. Trina resolved to make it a miserable experience for him. She forced her voice to be as loud as possible, not even trying to sound good. She made sure to call him by his least favorite name. She tried to control the speed of the music.
She didn't care about the performance anymore. She just wanted to hurt him like he hurt her.
However her plan back fired. Instead, he made friends with her sister Tori, and helped her get into Hollywood Arts.
The one place Trina had where she didn't have to be compared to her sister, the one place where she could actually shine.
And he did it using her song!
"You don't have to be afraid to put your dream in action
You're never going to fade you'll be the main attraction
Not a fantasy
Just remember me
When it turns out right
'Cause you know that if you live in your imagination
Tomorrow you'll be everybody's fascination
In my victory
Just remember me
When I make it shine!"
She knew he'd done it just to spite her.
She could see his determination to get Tori to perform. But she'd decided not to let him have the satisfaction of her fighting him. Instead she encouraged Tori.
But he's still found a way to get to her.
He turned her sister against her. He made fun of her and insulted her and called her crazy. He came over to her house, invading her space. He pretended to like her and got her in trouble with her dad. He flirted with her sister. He was constantly (Consistently) saving Tori.
Where was he when she needed him?
She could feel herself getting out of control.
More and more desperate for attention; for acknowledgment.
For someone to say she wasn't talentless. That she was just as good as Tori. She could feel her last strands of sanity slipping.
"I wish it was me. I know that we're not friends anymore. And I know you think I'm horrible and I know that you think I'm talentless but...I've constantly watched you rescue Tori and sometimes I just wish you could rescue Me." she said, sitting on his porch.
"From what?" he asked
"From ALL of it! From my life, from my parents, from the school," she paused, energy draining.
"I just really miss you," she said.
"Ok then," he said, stepping over her.
"Well I've got to go meet Tori," he said, walking away and not looking back.
"It was nice to see you… Tirana,"
Trina gasped as her eyes snapped open. Hearing her alarm clock chime, she sighed. It was time she woke up anyway.
It was Christmas time, she should be happier. She needed a distraction. She needed a project she needed:
"You bought a tree?" Tori asked.
"Yarp," she said.
She tried to focus on other things.
She didn't want to think about her dream.
She didn't want to think about her life.
And she didn't want to think about André!
"Hey Trina, Trina!" Tori said, excitedly.
"What?" Trina asked, not in the mood for Tori's drama.
"You want to see what I got André for his secret Santa gift?" she asked.
Trina felt a sharp stab of pain.
"No." she said, trying not to reveal anything.
Tori ignored her. "Look! It's a little ceramic guitar. I made it at Color-Me-Pot!" she exclaimed.
Trina looked at the little ceramic guitar.
She'd made a ceramic piano for André, back when they were friends.
He said it was cute.
He said it was special.
He said it was the most thoughtful gift he'd ever been given.
After he'd decided they weren't friends anymore, he brought it to school and was talking loudly to Beck about it.
He said it was useless!
He said it was ugly!
He Sold It To Sinjin For 5 Bucks!
"I thought Sikowitz said that your secret Santa gifts have to be really special and creative." Trina said, unable to contain her bitterness.
Tori looked hurt.
"He did." She said.
Trina looked at the guitar. It was taking everything she had not to take it from her and break it.
"Well, that's ugly. And useless." Trina said using the exact same words André had used to scar her.
Trina felt tears well up behind her eyes and she didn't want Tori to see. If Tori saw her cry then she would ask questions. If she asked questions then she might side with André.
She always sided with her friends.
"I'm embarrassed for you," she lied as she walked away.
"That was mean," she heard Tori say in jazzy- accent.
Trina found herself in the guidance counselors office confessing how lost she felt lately.
"I had this messed up dream last night. Tori was drowning and I could have saved her. But I didn't! I let her die and was happy," she sobbed.
The counselor never responded. He just continued reading his emails and eating a cookie. She knew he wasn't taking her seriously. He probably thought this was a cry for attention. She left his office in tears and ran into André on her way to the bathroom.
He took one look at her red, blotchy, tearful face and laughed.
"What happened? Let me guess you didn't get a part in a play?" he asked.
"Part of me thought that if you ever saw me cry. If you ever saw how badly your torture hurt me you might stop." She said, looking down.
Trina glared at him through watery eyes.
"But I almost forgot that you're the guy who loves to rip the rug out from under me just when I feel like I'm standing on some sort of stable ground. Well, I don't have anything left to stand on!" she said, angrily.
André took a step back but Trina followed him.
"I wish I could kill you. I wish I'd never become a part of your life. I should have never talked to you. I should have let you burn." She said.
André looked surprised but then he brushed it off.
"I never needed you. I never will," he said.
He leaned in close whispering the next words directly in her ear.
"You never meant anything to me. To me you will always be Nothing," he said.
That name stung the worst.
Trina was devastated.
She pushed André in to the locker and ran towards the bathroom.
Tori was in the bathroom with Cat and Jade.
"What happened, Trina?" Tori asked.
Trina exploded. She told Tori everything. About André and how he had become her friend only to hurt her later.
She talked and she talked, spilling her guts. She talked about her nightmares, her insecurities, her insanity, everything.
After she was finished Tori stared at her for a minute.
"You're lying," she accused.
Trina's eyes widened.
"What?" she asked.
Jade smirked and Cat giggled, lost in her own world.
"You're making it up. André would never do any of that stuff. You just want some attention." She said.
"N-no! Tori, you have to believe me." Trina begged.
Tori shook her head.
"I don't have to do anything. André was right. You are nothing," she said, leaving her in the bathroom.
Cat followed Tori out but Jade stayed.
"I believe you, Trina," she said.
Trina glared at her.
"But nobody is going to help you Trina. Nobody likes you. Nobody wants you. You should just do yourself and everyone around you a favor and disappear." She said, leaving the bathroom.
She glanced over her shoulder as she left seeing Trina staring at the empty space she vacated.
That was the last time anybody saw Trina for a long time.
Author's note: Just had to finish this.
Review or P.M your thoughts.
No flames, please!