He used to love this time of night. It brought with it a certain peaceful stillness to the air that couldn't quite be described. It was that time of night where, although it was dark, you could still see some light lingering in the sky. It was that slither of light that was all that remained of the day, settling in for the night and getting ready to sleep, to be ready for the next day.
At this time of night, even with the artificial light provided by the street and house lights, everything silhouetted against the fading day. The trees, the buildings, the hills, even the clouds were mysterious dark shapes at this hour as the sun gave way to the moon.
He remembered back when they were still in Hogwarts, during their last few years. While everyone was bustling about in the castle, doing some last minute homework for the next day, playing violent games of exploding snap and chess etc., they would slip out of the common room, go down through the castle to the main door, and sit at the top of the steps looking out over the forest and the lake. Whenever it got cold, Sirius would wrap his arms and cloak around him as they quietly murmured away to each other, not wanting to disturb the peace of the scene before them.
During these times they would talk about anything and everything, from the inconsequential, such as that incident involving a certain Slytherin and a hair dye potion at dinner, to the slightly more serious topics, such as future plans. These plans changed on an almost daily base for Sirius, but one thing always remain constant. They were always together.
They had dated since their forth year and by the time they were coming to the end of their seventh they knew, just knew, that they would always love each other, that there would be no one else for either of them. The night before their graduation Sirius had made that promise to him, sitting there on what had become 'their steps'. He had promised that they would always be together, that no matter what, he would never leave him, and that if by some unavoidable circumstance he did have to leave his side, he would always come back, no matter what it took.
And he did come back. Before that fateful Halloween night, Sirius had been sent on a number of errands and missions, some as part of his auror training, some as favours for Dumbledore. But he always came back. Even after spending thirteen years in Azkaban, one of the first things Sirius said when they were alone was that he would always come back. No matter how long it took, he would always come back.
But those days are now gone. That promise was broken. Sirius isn't coming back this time. No matter how much time he spends in the libraries of Hogwarts and Grimmauld Place, he knows it is useless. Once someone goes through that veil, they won't come back, no matter how hard you pray and hope and wish. Magic can do a lot of things, including timetravel, but it can't undo the past, not without serious repercussions (repercussions which, in this case, would likely have meant the life of one of the students and he couldn't bear the thought of that – he wouldn't trade one life for another, no matter how much that Sirius' life was worth to him) and it most certainly can't bring the dead back to life. It can animate the remaining body and they can come back as ghosts if they had unfinished business, but it couldn't bring them back just as they were.
So here he was, at that time of night. Standing at the window in one of the upper floors of Grimmauld Place, looking out over the streets with trees scattered randomly among the houses, branches poking out over the roofs, all silhouetted against the fading day. It wasn't the same. Sirius should be there with him. He should be there, wrapping his arms around him just as he used to before. But now Remus was alone.
Never again would Sirius be there to make him smile. Never again would he be there to poke fun at Snape, or to plot revenge on Pettigrew, or to make the full moon less of a horror, or watch harry grow to be the fine young man he was becoming. He would never again wrap his arm so casually around Remus' waist and drum his fingers against Remus' hip bone as he waited for a meeting to finish. Never again would he lay Remus down on their bed and make love to him till morning. Never again would Moony see his mate and never again would Remus see his love. Never again would Remus be able to find any piece in hour where the sun set and the moon rose.
Never again.