Michael was sitting on one of the barstools in a seedy bar in Virginia ordering another glass of whisky for the 5th time….or was it the 6th? He really didn't know…and neither did he care… He was going to report to the office at Langley the next morning for his pre-mission debrief. And then all he had to do was hop onto another flight in order to extract a Ukrainian arms dealer or infiltrate an organized crime group in Tanzania…or just anything the CIA was going to make him do now. Basically they were just going to force him to move on.
As he sipped on his whisky, he wondered if he had ever gotten drunk before…on purpose anyway. But this time he couldn't help it. He still remembered how peaceful she'd looked as she slept, oblivious to him putting on his jacket getting ready to disappear from her life…possibly forever. He remembered how he had stood there staring at her face, the steady rise and fall of her chest. The remnants of their dinner that night were still lying on the dining table. He had cooked for her that night. He couldn't get the image of her laughing with him out of his mind.
She had the most beautiful laugh. And when she smiled her entire face lit up. He could still remember the way she used to have that shine in her eyes when she made explosives. The way her soft brown hair used to caress her slender neck. He remembered her blue-green eyes that stood out for miles. She was so beautiful. He could still remember the feeling he got whenever her soft lips were on his…The way she would run her fingers through his hair and kiss her way down his neck, her touch leaving a trail of fire over his skin.
Sometimes he wished he wasn't a spy and didn't have to follow all those damn rules about no connections. He wished he didn't have to hurt her the way he did. He was so sure that by now she would have found out that he had left her for good and he was pretty sure she would kill him if she saw him again. She was definitely capable of doing that.
He had obviously felt happiest when he was with her. He had felt different. He had lost himself in her, lost control and felt more than he'd ever thought he was capable of feeling. And then he had left her, without even a note…hoping it wouldn't hurt her as much as it hurt him. He had always stuck to the rule that disallowed attachments. But he had forgotten all about that damn rule the moment he had kissed her for the first time in the rain…He still remembered the way he could hear his own heart beating as if it wanted to break out of his ribcage over the sound of the pouring rain. The way she had looked at him, her hair soaking wet and the way he stood there staring at her, hoping she felt the same way he did and didn't think he was trying to assault her or something. Instead she had surprised him by pulling his head down for the most overwhelming kiss in his entire life. As soon as she pressed her mouth to his, all thoughts about engaging with an IRA terrorist being a bad idea were blotted out by a inexpressible desire.
He gave a hollow laugh as he remembered that he had been engaged when he had met her. And he wondered if he'd done the right thing by breaking of his engagement because he had fallen for another woman in Ireland. His mind told him he had done a terrible thing by hurting two women but he knew he couldn't stay engaged with his fiancé if he couldn't stop thinking about another woman, missing her, wanting her, dreaming of her. In the end it was just him left alone with his thoughts, free to mope over failed relationships.
What had happened to him? Why couldn't he just move on with his life? He was trained to do that yet he couldn't help but think about her. He couldn't stop remembering her….the way her eyes shone with delight whenever he suggested a certain operation needed some fireworks, the smoldering stare she would give him even if they were talking about something as mundane as the weather…The way she had held him tight when he had told her about his abusive childhood and his good-for-nothing father, the way she had that amused expression on her face when he had been jealous of her old boyfriend…The way she had whispered passionate words to him when they had made love for the first time in her one-room flat.
He smiled as he remembered her fierce temper and the way she would become so damn aggressive if he even said something that was likely to set her off. And he had mastered at saying the wrong things at the wrong time. Hell, he had quite a few scars to prove how tactless he was when he spoke. He chuckled as he remembered how every violent fight of theirs ended with him, her and very little clothes.
He ordered another round as he thought about what Dan had said to him when he got back from Ireland. "Come on Mike…You did a good job but since your cover was compromised you had to leave and so what if you didn't let the asset know the job was over? Big deal! And anyway falling for that girl was a bad idea from the start and you knew that as well as I did. You'll find another girlfriend"
Even though what Dan had said had made him want to erupt in anger and shoot holes in anyone who tried to stop him…he knew that Dan had a point. If he had told her he was leaving she would have wanted to come with him and that would put them both and her family in danger. And as Dan said…since his cover was compromised there wasn't much he could do anyway except get out of Ireland and out of her life. But that still didn't stop him from missing her more than he had missed anybody in his entire life. That didn't stop him from wanting to go back to Ireland, back in her arms…consequences be damned! That didn't stop him from doing the one thing he should have avoided from the very beginning.
He had fallen in love with Fiona Glenanne without even realizing it and he had fallen hard… and try as he may he couldn't stop being in love with her but he had to do what he was trained to do from the beginning…move on.
Author's note: Hey guys, this is the first time i'm writing a burn notice fanfic...or any fanfic for that matter...but i decided on Burn Notice cos its my fav show of all time :) so please review and let me know if you liked it and if I should write more...cos seriously I think i suck at writing..this is my first try... i'm sorry for any mistakes or anything...again i will shamelessly blame my inexperience :P anyway...if you guys like it ..i was thinking of writing a Fiona POV after he left her as well...but it all depends on whether you folks like it or not.. so review and let me know :)