Disclaimer: I own nothing except my collection of books. So there. Plus, this really doesn't mention much that Brian what's-his-name-and-how-the-heck-do-you-spell-it owns. I know there's probably a ton of these, any similarities are completely coincidental!
A/N: OK! i give up! the stupid thingy won't let me make my directions into a list thingy. It seems to like paragraphs. well, poo to it. if anyone knows how to fix it, please tell me! please!
How to Eat a Strawberry
There are bacically four ways to eat a strawberry:
If you're one of those meticulous beings, then:
Carefully select a strawberry. Don't get one too big- those are always nasty, or one too small- those are nasty too (or, at least most of the time) Inspect closely for bugs, dirt, or other debris. Remove all bugs, dirt, or other debris. Wash thoroughly in cold water. Wash thoroughly in warm water. Tie a CLEAN string to the stem and dip in boiling water to sterilize. Do not leave it in boiling water for too long. Untie the string and dispose string in a trash receptacle. Your strawberry is now fully CLEANSED. Find a CLEAN napkin and spread it on a CLEAN surface in front of you. Place strawberry in the center of your CLEAN napkin, and discourage anyone else from breathing on it. (If this happens DO NOT PANIC!- just dispose of strawberry and repeat steps 1-7) Starting at the tip of the strawberry, take small moderately sized bites until you reach the white part near the stem. Now, carefully take little, teensy-weensy nibbles to eat the rest of the flesh. CAUTION! – AVOID CONTACT WITH THE STEM, its okay if you have to sacrifice some flesh, as long as you avoid contact with it! Wipe face and hands with napkin. Wrap strawberry stem in napkin. Dispose strawberry stem and napkin in trash receptacle. Wash hands in cold water. Wash hands in warm water with soap. OK! We're done now!!!
If you're one of those slightly-less-than-meticulous-but-not-overly-sloppy-beings, then:
Select a strawberry. Wash it off in water. Find a clean napkin. Eat the strawberry. Wipe your face and hands off with the napkin. Throw away the napkin and stem.
If you're one of those slighty-less-than-slightly-less-than-meticulous-but-kinda-sloppy-beings, then:
Find a strawberry. Wipe it off. Eat it. Wipe your mouth off on your shirt. Throw the stem in the bushes.
And, if you're a hare/dibbun:
Swipe a strawberry. Shove it. Pick the stem out of your teeth. Chuck it somewhere where no one will find it.
A/N okay, I hope you liked it, if you didn't please tell me, and I'll stop tormenting you. I originally planned to make more, but if it totally stinks, please tell me in a review, or e-mail me.