I loved Blaine in last week's episode. The vulnerability, the confusion, the sick terror at the thought of losing Kurt, the prideful adoration at the thought that Kurt belonged to him... and all of it expressed in his eyes. Darren did an amazing job. That's not to say there weren't things I strongly disliked about the episode (did anyone else notice that Sebastian was dressed like a preppy Finn and Karofsky was dressed like Burt?), but overall I fell even more in love with Blaine's character than before. I guess this is just my sorry attempt to deal with the whole Sebastian issue.

I don't own Glee.

The thing that unnerved Blaine the most was that if he had met Sebastian before meeting Kurt, he might well have given him everything: his virginity, his first kiss, his heart.

Blaine had been desperate for affection when he transferred to Dalton, and had thrived on all the positive attention the Warblers gave him. But he'd also been desperate to prove to himself and to all his former classmates he never intended to see again that there really was nothing wrong with being gay, and he'd wanted to prove it by having a relationship with another guy as quickly as possible. For a long time, he hadn't even cared if that relationship was primarily physical.

Thank god Jeremiah had shot him down. The dismissal had hurt, but it opened his eyes to how amazing Kurt was. It made Blaine sick thinking about living his life without Kurt now that he was allowed access to some of the inner workings of his heart and mind. Kurt was just so… pure. The way he moved, the way he sang, the way he grieved, the way he loved… it was with all of him every time, just pure Kurt. Blaine adored that about him. Half the time it was what he thought about as he lay alone in bed at night, stroking himself to relieve the pressures of the day. The other half of the time... well, Blaine very much looked forward to the day Kurt was willing to become more physical.

For months after they started dating, Blaine was satisfied with what he had with Kurt. He never questioned it. Even when he was annoyed or frustrated by Kurt he never questioned it. But then he met Sebastian and all of the wants and insecurities from his pre-Kurt years came rushing back, making him wonder about the what ifs again.

Sebastian seemed to be solely about the physical. He was a hedonist in every sense of the word. He knew what he wanted and what would give him pleasure and he went after it regardless of the consequences, especially if that pleasure was physical: the first and last thoughts in his mind were clearly about sex. His eyes positively blazed with barely restrained lust, and it made Blaine unreasonably nervous. Which was ridiculous. After all, they were both teenage guys, it shouldn't be so nerve-wracking. People checked each other out all the time. Hell, Blaine used to check other people out like that all the time.

The thing was, no one had ever looked at him like that before. Not the fangirls at Warbler concerts, not other guys he crushed on. Not even Kurt.

Blaine knew he was attractive and talented and any number of other appealing adjectives people generally prized in potential partners, but few people ever went out of their way to complement him on those points, and even fewer people ever looked at him like they wanted to rip his clothes off.

It was a new experience being looked at that way, and part of Blaine guiltily reveled in it. The rest of him reminded him that he had a boyfriend. Whom he loved. Even if said boyfriend still seemed to be terrified to even talk about about sex in specific terms, let alone actually do anything sexual.

The reticence they both showed in pushing the important matter of sex sometimes made Blaine worry that he and Kurt were just in puppy love, that they wouldn't last long enough to move to New York together. Or rather, they wouldn't last long enough for Blaine to follow Kurt to New York.

He sometimes wondered if it was healthy for him to be so willing to follow Kurt anywhere, if all those old love songs were actually kind of fucked up. It wasn't like they were completely dependent on each other for everything, but they never went a day with talking to each other on the phone at least twice, and despite his burgeoning friendships with the other members of New Directions, Kurt was still his primary social connection at McKinley. Yes, they were boyfriends, but that didn't mean they should be each other's everything, did it?

But Sebastian… that would not be a good place to go. They could be friends, Blaine liked him well enough for that, but anything more than that would just be… he couldn't do that to himself. For all his outrageous flattery, Sebastian often mocked Blaine in the same breath – the same sentence sometimes – that he complimented him. It confused Blaine, hurt him and disturbingly turned him on all at the same time. It made him wonder if there was something wrong with him.

Blaine wanted to be someone Sebastian would find interesting despite knowing how dangerous that could be, despite being madly in love with Kurt. He hated it, but something about Sebastian enthralled him. Literally. He almost felt like the other boy had cast a spell on him.

Still, whatever his doubts the last thing Blaine wanted was to lose Kurt. Unhealthy or not, Kurt was his everything. Where Sebastian made him want to be more interesting, Kurt made him just want to be better, to be worthy. It wasn't about the physical with Kurt – at least not entirely. Not like it was with Sebastian. With Kurt it was about music and culture and romance – in short, everything Blaine loved about life.

Blaine was sure he could forge a friendship with Sebastian without damaging what he had with Kurt. After all, they could both use more gay guys their own age to hang out with. As long as he kept his hormones in check he could ignore the way Sebastian made him feel. He only needed to think about Kurt in certain of his outfits to feel ten times hotter. He could do this.

He just really hoped he didn't screw everything up.

Even after a week of playing with this story I'm still not entirely satisfied with it, but I'd love to know what you think.