18 Weeks
Author: Leslet
Disclaimer: Don't own a thing…yadda yadda.
Spoilers: To 12-14
23 March 2006
God, she needed a cigarette. A year ago it would have been second nature, as she
entered the cold Ambulance Bay, to defend herself against a wave of stress with sweet
sweet nicotine. That first breath of polluted air, that feeling of relief. Oh, how she
missed it.
It wasn't, of course, an option. She hasn't smoked in almost 10 months, almost a
year. She thinks, with no real intention, that she may throw a celebratory party when
she reaches that milestone. Its not a very good idea, in two months time she knows
she'll be in a constant cycle of apprehension, anxiety and backache. Not that she isn't
full of the first two already and she dreads the latter. At least, she thinks, with a surge
of a feeling she doesn't remember ever feeling about anyone else, that Luka will rub
her back and calm her fears. She fears, as much as she is reluctant to admit it, that
this might just be love.
She shudders at the cliché. She realises finally, at age 38, that love might just be the
way he clears her mind of those nagging voices that tell she is not good enough, not
strong enough, that she will be a terrible mother. He contradicts these things as she
finds herself voicing them and for the first time in 31 years, it doesn't go through one
ear and out the other, urged on by years and years of failure, resentment and guilt but
instead buries itself deep within her mind, where she knows she will remember it
when it is most important.
Perhaps, she muses. Real love is the way she feels, late at night when she lies
spooned against Lukas chest and she feels his hand as it rests unconsciously, so
naturally, on the curve of her stomach, which is now growing at an alarming rate. She
knows people at work are definitely noticing, well those that aren't already aware.
Morris keeps eyeing her stomach and making sly comments about 'cutting out the
doughnuts', though she knows she doesn't need to worry about him telling anyone
and simply mouths a word that looks a lot 'Albright' and may just be a threat.
Neela knows too but, busy with her surgical elective, she's rarely around long enough
for any kind of conversation with anyone. And Luka has told Sam; she feels almost
guilty, knowing how it feels to have an ex-lover move on in such an unexpectedly
permanent way. She thinks of Carter and wonders if he has married Kem yet,
remembers the secret jealously she had felt at their situation when he had returned to
Chicago, she thinks with refreshing clear-headedness, that she hasn't felt that way
about Carter in a long time. She still thinks of him occasionally, and hopes he has a
brighter future ahead of him that in no way reflects his dismal history.
She glances at her watch, her shift was over 5 minutes ago and Luka is late. Today is
the day the big announcement is to be made. At 18 weeks she's pretty sure they can't
wait any longer.
She notices him immediately as he rounds the corner. She knows his walk. She
senses his smile. He speeds up as he notices her waiting. Enveloping her in a bear
hug and lifting her off her feet as he reaches her. Suddenly she is not a day over the
age of 16.
He kisses her. Looks into her eyes. He's missed her. She's missed him too. And in
a synchronised move that challenges the Figure Skating at the Olympics. They turn,
hands clasped together, to face the music, and boy, they will dance.
fin
To sappy? Very possibly! But please let me know! Thanks!