Prologue
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He was screaming, mask damp and slick from a mixture of blood and saliva he had coughed up, and he knew that at any other time he would feel shame over showing such weakness.
Not now.
Not when his lungs burned from too little air. Not when his throat tore itself trying to vocalize the pain he was in. Not when his heart could not decide if it wished to race or stall. Not when there was hair in his hands, damp with blood from when he ripped it out. Not when his blood boiled with a pain and rage and desperation that was foreign but far too familiar. Not when his body betrayed him and could no longer support him as he sobbed, screamed, bled and lay spasming in the dirt.
Not when Sensei was shouting his name but unable to do anything to help him.
Not when he chose this.
Not when a kind of numbing darkness started to descend upon him- slowing his heart, quieting his screams, distancing his pain, calming his body...making Sensei that much more desperate.
If he could speak right now, Kakashi would apologize.
For placing Sensei into the role of a father when he was far too young for it.
For being a terrible student.
For being a coward.
For getting his teammates killed.
For killing one of them.
For leaving Sensei alone with a legacy of three dead students in as many years...
Then a last minute epiphany struck as numbness prevailed and his sight was lost-
I don't want to die.
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NO! The voice, vicious and vibrating with power, roared from within. My tale will not end due to the weakness of an insignificant worm! I shall not die a PRISONER!
Delirious, half-formed thoughts came to him- dragging him from his peaceful nothingness- that begged him to find out to whom the voice belonged and what it meant.
"I'm sorry. Please- please- Just-...just breath."
He tried to fall back into nothingness, he had never known such peace as he had there and he wanted it more then anything. It was safe and without pain or guilt or regret and he felt he could be happy there-
Why? Why couldn't they let him be happy?
You. Will. Not. Die! The voice, all power and determination, lashed out- filling him with something that dragged him further from the nothingness.
"C'mon Kakashi, breath- that's an order. You're not going to disobey your Hokage, are you?"
He could almost cry because he knew if the voices let him go he would be able to go beyond the darkness- to a place where sorrow would never reach him, where his father was waiting and he would meet his mother. To where Rin and Obito would be able to forgive him and they would wait for Sensei together so they could be a team again.
Please...let me go.
"Kashi- Please don't die...Don't leave me the only one left."
LIVE!
And he breathed once more.