Disclaimer: Square Enix owns Kingdom Hearts and Final Fantasy, i do not. I also do not make money off of this story either.
Living a Lie.
I'm not normal. I've known this ever since I was young.
I noticed this when I was in second grade. Some ignorant kid with a scar on his face named Seifer punched me. My mouth bled and seething pain plagued my face. All the other children praised me on how I didn't cry. Not even a tear came to my face. My brother Sora, came to me wailing like a newborn. As though he was doing the crying for me. I saw the fear on his face and assured him that it didn't hurt. In fact, it felt good.
When I hit sixth grade I began hiding the pleasure. It was indeed me denying what I already knew. Every time I fought, or every time I was struck almost to unconsciousness, I would devour the pain whole. As though it were my favorite meal. I sought for a fight, I yearned for the pain. But when I told my best friend Hayner about my wanting of hurt, he gave me a disgusted look and told me I wasn't "normal."
"Tell your Dad to take you to a doctor, you need to get your sick head checked out. In the mean time, don't tell me anymore." I was hurt by the look and the words he fed me. But I swore I wouldn't tell my father. Especially if it was as bad as Hayner relayed it to be. From then on, when I fought, I made sure to resemble some sort of discomfort.
Ninth grade came out of nowhere. I finally realized what Hayner had meant. Every chance I got, I would make fun of those masochistic individuals as though I hated them. Honestly, I just began believing the lie.
I don't quite understand why I couldn't be myself. I mean, I have the looks. I have the personality. Why should anyone care what my sexual fantasies are. After all, I could easily find someone who liked them. But I couldn't help but lie. Lie and lie and lie. It just kept growing. The burden grew to big, it's pestilence was unforgiving. And I couldn't turn back now.
In the second semester I found myself a girlfriend. Her name was Namine, and we complemented each other. She had big blue doe eyes, and blonde hair. Just as I do. She was soft, and looked so plush. I kissed her, and hugged her. I put up a front of actually enjoying her. Deep inside me I grew tired of her kindness. How sweet she was. But I couldn't help it. This lie was too huge. I had to play along, I told myself. Be "normal."
We did the usual. Go on dates, group dates, parties and such. But she was too goody too shoes. Don't get me wrong, if that was what I was into, I'd be all over it. But every time she'd kiss me, put her hands on my cheek, or on my zipper, I felt sick. I was a forty year old man with ED and for a while, I believe that too. I was more grossed out than anything. I would nonchalantly pull away, acting like the sweet innocent boyfriend I was, because after all, we complimented each other. Kids in school cooed and 'awed' and wished and hoped to be in either one of our shoes. Sadly, I would have handed it over with a smile upon my face.
Then came the last marking period. How great it was to have best couple. How great it was to hold her hand while getting the award. Only, that was the mask. Once more, deep in me something didn't feel right.
When summer came, I walked into a convenient store, my innocent body and mind wanting something, not-so-innocent. My father always had me get his liquor here. The man Squall knew him well. So he sold it to me, assuming it was for my dad. His assumptions were always correct. But once I walked through that door all I saw was a flash of red. And I was thoroughly interested. It was a good thing too. Because I forfeited my main reason for going, and settled on a Coke-Vanilla. I didn't get to figure out what exactly the bright red was. At least, not yet.
The next day I rode to Namine's house. School wasn't out yet, but I figured it had to be done. After pondering what the red "thing" was, my thoughts started flowing, and I needed to take a step at ending the lies. Being with Namine was only feeding the monster, and eventually, it needed to be destroyed. When I got on her door step I wondered if instead of going through with this, I could just move far away. Hoping that I could start over new. I had to retreat from this small town that I called the black hole, or vortex. Never having to deal with the lies again.
Of course, dreams are called dreams for a reason.
So, I knocked on her door, loathing what needed to be done. I closed my eyes, and I heard...
"Oh! Hiya Roxas!" in her girlish, adorable voice.
I was annoyed just by that, I had to grit my teeth and bite my tongue. That way, I wouldn't have said something cruel and uncaring.
"Heyyyyy...there...Nam..." I opened my eyes and made sure I didn't stare at hers. I figeted my feet a bit. Nervous and antsy. "Can you talk? For a bit?" I ask sheepishly.
"Of course baby!" Ewwe vomit! I had tasted it. When she spoke it just seemed to come up. I always knew I felt sick, but I never actually vomited, this monster had become worse.
"What's wrong? You look sick, and...pale? Is everything okay darling?" She said, then her hand was on my cheek. Another wave of puke, except this time, it didn't stay in my mouth. All I can remember is me launching up off the porch, over to her bushes, and yacking to my hearts desire.
"Oh my goodness! You are sick! Sweety! You need to go home!" She sat me up and next thing I knew she was in the house, telling her parents to take me home.
"It'll be okay my love, you'll be home soon." is what she said when we got into the car. Sadly, I didn't have anything to say. I said nothing the whole ride. And once we pulled up to my house, I got out of the car and escaped from the kiss I was supposed to get.
I never got the balls to try and dump her again. So now I'm stuck. Lying about pain. Lyon about my relationship. Lying about ED. Shit, lying about everything. The only thing I have to my name is my body. And soon enough, a demon will take that from me too.