Heart Ache - Heart Mend
Arthur looked into Gwen's eyes as she embraced her mistress and saw no hope for anything between them. He turned and walked back down the staircase. He moved through the halls to his rooms as one devoid of happiness. His servant had gotten there earlier and had a hot bath and a simple meal waiting for him when he arrived.
Arthur didn't speak as he entered the room and Merlin thought it better to remain quiet for the moment. Silently, he helped Arthur remove his chainmail and clothes, and scrub him down. Afterwards, wrapped in a robe, Arthur ate the cold chicken, bread, and cabbage almost absentmindedly. It was killing Merlin to see Arthur so despondent.
"Arthur, perhaps if you talked to her…," he started, but Arthur cut him short with, "Shut up, Merlin. That will be all."
"But Arthur…."
"Go away." With a heavy sigh, Merlin left Arthur alone in his room.
For a long while, Arthur sat at his table, thinking about the recent events.
"I think about her all the time. I care about her more than anyone. I don't know what I'll do if any harm comes to her." These things he divulged to Merlin was they went to rescue her. "To admit my feelings….hurts too much." It was almost a physical pain.
The prince left the table and flopped face down on his bed. As he rolled over, his eyes caught sight of a white scarf tied to his headboard. Gwenhwyfar had given it to him for luck in the jousting tournament some weeks ago. Oh, why did he have to kiss her? Why did he have to let her know his heart? Why did she want someone else?
He reached out a hand to finger the scarf. No, he didn't want any reminder of her, he thought, and griped it to tear it away from the post. Oddly, for some reason, his strength had left him. His hand trembled and would not pull the scarf off. Then the scarf became strangely blurry. He blinked and felt tears slide down his cheeks. That was odd. Men didn't cry, he told himself, he didn't cry. He was Prince Arthur Pendragon of Camelot, the future king. Princes and kings do not cry.
With a deep shuddering sob, Arthur Pendragon cried his heart out that night. A prince, he may be, but he was also human.
The day after Gwen's rescue, Arthur stayed in his room, claiming he needed rest to regain his strength. When he did emerge, he went about his duties as usual. Most people in Camelot noticed little difference in the prince's manner, but a few did. King Uther noticed his son was more commanding and professional with his knights. Morgana noticed he had grown a lot more quiet and spoke only when spoken to or when he had something to say, usually work-related. Gaius noticed he was more morose. Merlin saw all these things, but he also noticed that Arthur didn't smile or laugh anymore and that, he thought, was bad.
Gwenhwyfar moved down the corridor carrying fresh linen for Morgana's bed. She had not seen Arthur since her rescue from Hengist and his bandits. Gwen was anxious to see him, to explain, to apologize for hurting his feelings, to tell him she felt abandoned. She brightened slightly when she saw Arthur turn into the corridor. Gwen stopped as he come towards her and gave a little smile. "Good morning, my lord."
Arthur saw her - looked through her. "Good morning," he uttered stone-faced and passed by. Gwen stared after him. She understood.
From then on Gwen and Arthur were distantly polite with each other, to say the best. They ignored each other in the hallways, speaking to each other only when it was necessary.
"Gwen is something wrong?" Morgana asked her maid. "You seem so reserved these days. Are you still getting over your capture?"
Gwen wondered what to say to her mistress. How could she tell her, "The man I love has abandoned me because your future husband is in love with me"?
"I suppose so, my lady," Gwen lied. "I guess it affected me more than I thought. Don't worry about me, I'll get over it."
Gwen didn't cry when she was alone. She'd already done that the first night she was back in her own home. It had been a tearful two-hour wallow of hurt and self-pity. Now, she just got on with her life.
Some time later, Merlin had had enough of this. He'd been in a corridor and watched his two friends pass each other like strangers. He had to speak to Arthur.
"My lord, this can't go on," he said to Arthur. "You have to talk to her, if only to have closure on this whole business."
"The business is already closed," Arthur replied. "I saw the way she looked at him. No, I will marry Morgana as my father wishes."
"But you don't love her," Merlin said. He wanted to add, "Besides she's a witch."
"Perhaps not now, but then I haven't really given it much effort, have I?" Arthur reasoned. "I haven't really courted her."
"You're going to court the Lady Morgana?" Merlin asked incredulously.
"Yes, I am," Arthur replied confidently. "I will grow to love her and she me."
"Arthur, I really don't think…." Merlin started, but the prince cut him off.
"I shall start today. Merlin, I want you to go pick some pretty wild flowers and take them to her room," the prince ordered. "And be sure to tell her they're from me."
"In that case, don't you think you should pick them yourself?" Merlin ventured to say.
"Nonsense. The important thing is that she gets the flowers," Arthur retorted. "Now, off you go."
"This is madness, my lord."
"Off-you-go," Arthur said pointedly.
Gwenhwyfar was in Morgana's room, reading book of love poems to her. Gwen just read the words; there was no inflection or heart or emotion behind the words. And Morgana noticed this.
"That's enough, Gwen, thank you," Morgana said. Gwen murmured a quiet, "You're welcome, my lady," as she closed the book.
"What would you like to do today, Gwen?" Morgana asked her. "We could play cards, or go for a ride, or pick flowers, or go down to the Rising Sun and get knee-walking drunk." Gwen said nothing and didn't react; she wasn't listening.
"Gwen?" Morgana said, a bit louder than normal. Gwen snapped back.
"I'm sorry, my lady, you were saying?" the maid said.
"I asked you what you would like to do today." said Morgana.
"Whatever you like, my lady," Gwen replied.
"Never mind," Morgana said. "You can go. I won't need you until this evening."
"Very good, my lady," Gwen said as she curtsied, then left.
Morgana was at a loss. This was not the Gwen she was used to. This Gwen was in a major mope. What's more, Arthur wasn't himself either. Morgana suspected that something happened during or after Gwen's capture, and Morgana was going to find out was it was. The lady of Camelot knew just who to ask.
A page came up to Merlin, who was watching Arthur put his knights through their paces, and handed him a note.
"Merlin, I require your assistance at your earliest convenience. Morgana," it read. The young wizard was surprised to be summoned by the king's ward. Merlin knew Arthur would be with his knights for some time, so he took the opportunity to go to Morgana now.
Merlin knocked politely at Morgana's door and was bid to enter. "You needed my assistance, my lady?" he said.
"Yes, come in and shut the door," Morgana told him. When he'd done so, she asked, "Merlin, what's going on?"
"Going on, my lady? I don't understand," he answered.
"I want to know what is going on," Morgana insisted. "Ever since the three of you returned, Gwen has been moping about the place. She has no humor and very little motivation. That's not Gwen. And what is Arthur about? He's started sending me gifts; what does he think he's doing?"
"He's courting you, my lady," Merlin told her.
"He's what?"
"Arthur is courting you. He feels that you and he should be in love with each other before you get married, so he's courting you," Merlin explained.
"Oh, for heaven's sake," said Morgana, exasperated. "Arthur doesn't love me."
"No, he doesn't. I'm sorry, my lady," Merlin said.
"No, it's alright, Merlin. You see, I don't love him," she revealed. "Now, for the final time, Merlin, what—is—going—on?"
Merlin told her about Arthur/Gwenhwyfar/Lancelot triangle. Morgana started nodding in comprehension as Merlin related the details.
"I see," Morgana said when Merlin concluded his tale. "Now it all makes sense. You're not lamenting over some lost love, are you?"
Merlin looked down shyly, "No, my lady."
"Right. Now I've got to repair some broken hearts and you're going to help me," said a determined Morgana. "First, I've got to rid Arthur of any notion that he's going to marry me, no matter what promises were made. Now, how do we go about this?" she asked rhetorically.
They thought for a few moments, then Merlin's face brightened. "I've got an idea, but it has to wait until Arthur sends you another courting gift."
Three days later, Arthur called his servant who emerged from an adjoining room.
"Yes, sire?" Merlin asked.
"I want you to take this to the Lady Morgana, with my compliments and highest regard," Arthur said. He handed Merlin a lovely arrangement of apples and pears in a beautiful bowl.
"Yes, sire, at once," Merlin said with a bow and a big grin, which Arthur took to mean Merlin approved of his courtship of Morgana.
When Merlin entered Morgana's room with the fruit bowl, she asked, "From Arthur?"
"It sure wasn't Sir William of Deira," Merlin joked and Morgana laughed. However, she wasn't aware there was a subtext to that joke. "Phase one completed: delivery of the gift," said Merlin.
"Now for phase two," Morgana said. "The writing of the 'thank you' note."
Morgana took a scrap of parchment and wrote her note, then handed it to Merlin to read. "What do you think?"
"Perfect," Merlin said. "Very sweet and lets him down easy."
"So, phase two is complete, now for phase three: delivery of the note," said Morgana. "I think you'd better leave, Merlin. If she sees you here she may grow suspicious. But don't wander off too far."
Merlin went and posted himself in a secluded corner near Arthur's rooms. Presently, Merlin saw Gwenhwyfar knock on Arthur's door and go in. She didn't close the door behind her. Minutes later, Morgana appeared at Merlin's back, having taken a rather roundabout route so as not to pass by Arthur's door should it be left open.
"Anything happening?" Morgana asked as she came up behind Merlin.
"Nothing yet," he replied, "But Gwen's been in there for several minutes."
"That's good," Morgana said. "Phase four: get the two together, completed."
Gwenhwyfar did not want to do this, but it was her mistress' orders to bring the note. On her way, she practiced her best neutral, 'I will survive,' 'who needs you, I don't' face. Gwen tapped at Arthur's door and was told to enter.
Gwen opened the door and entered; she saw him and quickly looked down as she curtsied.
Arthur was sitting at his table sharpening his sword. Usually Merlin did this job, but Arthur liked to do it when he needed to think. Arthur looked up then looked away when he saw who is was.
"Yes, what is it?" he asked somewhat gruffly.
"My lord, the Lady Morgana sends you this note," Gwen answered.
"You can put it on the table and go. I'll read it later."
"My mistress instructed me to wait until you read it should there be a reply."
"Very well," Arthur said and read the note. "Dearest Arthur, thank you so much for the bowl of fruit. I know I will enjoy it immensely. This and your other gifts to me prove that I was right in thinking you would take such care of me as if you were my own sweet loving brother. With equal sisterly regard, Morgana."
"Sweet loving brother?" Arthur thought. "That wasn't right. What do I do now?"
Aloud, he said to Gwen, "There's no reply. You can go."
As Gwen turn to leave, before he could stop himself, Arthur asked quickly, "Are you well, Gwenhwyfar?"
Gwen stopped but did not turn to face him. "I am well, my lord. Thank you for asking," she said.
"Not at all. You had a harrowing experience," Arthur replied.
"Yes, my lord. Good day, sire." Gwen started for the door.
"Gwenhwyfar?" Arthur said.
"Yes, my lord?" she replied quietly.
"Gwenhwyfar…." Finally, she turn to face him. Arthur saw tears pooling in her eyes and it shattered his heart to see it.
"Don't cry, Gwen," he begged as he rose from his chair. "Please don't cry. It hurts me when you cry." Arthur gathered her to him and held her close. He stretched out a boot and pushed the door close.
Out in the hall, in a corner, a witch and a wizard gave each other a fist bump.
THE END