Stardate: Ratatouille
Captins log: picard here , I asked spock to make a salad because we are trying to lose weight and spock claimed he could make a mean salad.
Spock walked into the Starship Enterprise kitchen and started taking out the materials needed for a salad. He took out a big bowl, and a salad spatula, and a big hunk of lettuce. But not just any lettuce - the lettuce that Spock took out was Space Lettuce. Spock waggled his pointy ears and said "alright, time to make a salad. A MEAN salad."
But just as he was about to wash the lettuce to get all the pesticide and space gmos out there was an explosion from the deck below, and the flood lights went on. Captain picards voice squaked out of the radio; "Intruder coming through the teleporter, AND ITS NOT HUMAN"
a little rat comes flying out at full speed. Spock was amazed because he loved rats. Unfortunately, picard HATED rats. When picard was a child living on earth, he saw a decomposing body being eaten by rats. This traumatized picard. Picard was screaming like a little girl and ran away. Picard comes over the radio and says "get that rat out of here" but spock loved rats. So spock took the rat and put it in hat. Spock radioed in that the rat has been sent out into space
Meanwhile, in Paris:
The red-haired cook boy sat at his desk in the Ratatouille restaurant. He was typing away like crazy. Suddenly, his girlfriend the scary cook lady came in. "Hey cook boy, have you seen the rat? Cook boy said "yeah, he teleported to some other dimension or something." The cook lady asked her boyfriend what he was writing. He said he was writing a fanfiction crossover between Shark Boy and Lava Girl and the video game Destiny. Back on the Starship Enterprise, things were getting CRAZY.
spock was in the hollow deck practicing his kung fu or whatever because he remembered that he was supposed to be losing weight when he remembered that he had put that smelly rat in his drawer and it was today was inspection day. he had to get the guy out of there before they found the rat and fired him or found all of the drugs
but it was too late. Picard slipped in and tried to seach my room. I ran over to the drawer that had the rat and drugs. Picard told spock to stand back and spock said asked if there was something he was hiding anything. Spock replied with yes because spock was an honest guy. Picard said to spock he could look the other way for a favor, he then winked at spock. Spock took I huge gulp because he knew where this was head but he agreed because he loved the rat so much. Spock gets on his knee and begins to pull down picards pants. Picard huge hard cock comes flying down. Picard rock hard 7 in cock was facing spock in the face. The only way to protect his rat was to suck picard off. Spock places his lips around picards junk and start sucking him minutes later it was over. Picard was seen leaving the room while zipping up his pants and spock was out of breath. He went to check on the rat. The rat was still there. Spock wipes his head in relief. At this point he knew he didn't suck picard off for nothing
"Why did you do that" said the rat. Spock could understand the rat because his mother was a rat, which made Spock part rat. "Because I love you," said Spock. The rat blushed. Spock picked up the rat and they shared a long and passionate kiss. Spock's ears glowed blue in the dim light of his cabin. Suddenly there was a knocking at the door, and Spock quickly put Ratatouille under the chef's hat that he always wore. Picard strolled in. "Where the fuck is my salad you claustrophobic dickhead?" he shouted. Spock whimpered and said "it's coming up sir, don't you worry." Picard said it had better be or Spock would have to suck him off again. He then walked out of the room. Spock collapsed on the floor, crying. "I don't know how to make a salad!" he wailed. Suddenly the rat spoke up. "Back where I come from, in Paris in another universe, I worked in a restaurant. I can make a salad EASY PEASY." With that, the rat pulled on Spock's hair which made him stand up. He then pulled on the hair so that Spock walked towards the kitchen.
"We will have you up to your salad making best in no time" Said the rat. "Stop pulling my fucking hair rodent, how do you even know where the kitchen is anyhow." They made it to the kitchen anyway and they started on the salad.
The rat start doing his rat magic. The rat was great chef. He says his name is ratatouille. Spock was amazed. The rat said that a salad is a easy thing to make. The salad is finished in mere minutes and it looks delicious. Spock brings out the salad to everyone and its a hoot. Every one loves the salad ever picard. "This meal was so good we are having movie might tonight!" picard yelled. Spock was happy because he loves movies. "And SPOCK is making the popcorn" yelled picard. Spock gulped because he cant make popcorn. Ratatouille said no problem and they started right away. They made so much pop corn it could last for weeks. The movie "Now you see me" was on and everyone was laughing having a good time watching the movie. Spock walks in and looks for a seat. The only seat available is next to picard. spock tries to slip out but picard sees spock and yells "come sit over here, Spock!". Spock shuffles over to picard and sits down. Picard pulls out the popcorn that spock made and said "this is some good popcorn". Spock never actually tries the popcorn and picard was offering it. Spock reachs in and eats some popcorn. It's so good. Now spock is chowing down on the rats popcorn and watching "now you see me". When something weird happened. Spock felt something hard in the popcorn bucket. Upon further investigation, it was picards penis. Picard winked at me. Picard cut a whole at the bottom of the bucket and slipped his penis in. Picard did it so spock could touch his dick. Spock freaked out. Spock got up and left. Spock had to get some rest after the crazy day. But little did spock know, picard put pills in the pop corn. Spock goes back to his room and crashes. Picard follow and proceeds to have sex with spock as he is unconscious. This whole time, the rat being under the hat.
Then the rat jumped out and bit Picard's dick! Picard screamed and shook his dick around but the rat wouldn't let go. All this commotion woke Spock up, who said "hubba bubba what's going on?" Picard finally managed to shake Ratatouille off of his cold hard penis. Ratatouille hit the wall and slumped to the floor. It was at this moment that cook boy teleported into the room. Without even pausing he shot Picard in the head with a pistol! "That's my rat you rat bastard" he said, eyes aglow with rage. Spock was by the wall, cradling Ratatouille in his arms and crying. All of a sudden, somebody else teleported into the room. It was Picard from the past! "I'm Picard from the past," he bellowed, and held a pistol up to cook boy's temple. He was about to shoot when Spock tackled him from behind! While they were wrestling for control of the pistol cook lady materialized with a Gjallarhorn and pointed it at Picard. "Wait! said cook boy. "If you kill him you'll create a paradox!"
Picard shoots the cook boy and he falls the ground dead. And the cook guys lady didn't have the balls to shoot picard but that gave picard enough time to shoot the lady. Spock looked picard in the eyes and picard put the barrel of the gun in his mouth and pulled the trigger. The starship enterprise was heading toward earth at a dangerous speed and they crashed. The rat and spock being the only survivors. they head back to paris where spock and ratatouille make love underneath the Eiffel tower. The End