DEADPOOL VS MASTER KWEE
NOTE: I DO NOT OWN DEADPOOL AND THIS MIGHT CONTAIN UNSUITABLE STUFF.
It was just my average Sunday morning, I was sitting in a hot tub surrounded by corpses. Blood stained the floors and the pool was crimson red. I pulled myself out of the pool as I walked towards the door. Walking out, I found myself face to face with an old man. His teeth was yellow and cracked and he wore a red shirt. His white beard reached all the way to his chest. It was Santa Claus!
"Santa Claus! But Its not Christmas yet!" I cried out.
"DEADPOOL! You Bastard!" Mr Gerry yelled at me.
"Gosh Santa use some ! #$%^& breath spray!" I yelled out before spraying breath spray into his mouth, "Santa are you on your period?"
"Do you know what you just did?! Your going to get us both killed! ARGH! I told you to kill Master Kwee and his gang not barge in a nightclub and kill random people you b #%h!" Mr Gerry screamed out, " You just gave me a big problem! And we need to face this problem before you get me killed!" Mr Gerry yelled in frustration.
"Kill the mafia by sunset or you'll never get your $500,000!" Mr Gerry replied before storming off.
"Okay, its time to get serious! We have two hours left! Lets go kill the mafia!" A voice echoed in my head.
"Yeah! Kill the mafia! But, first lets get fooooood!" I replied to the voice as I walked towards Taco Bell.
An hour later...
I crouched outside the window of the mafia gangs hideout. I peeked in to see their boss, Master Kwee, on the couch with two smoking babes!
"BOOBS!" I yelled out as I placed my hand on the window making a gesture as though I'm squishing them. When suddenly, a rain of bullets came showering towards me. Fortunately, I'm immortal so its impossible for me to die. The bullets plunged into my flesh and went straight through me. I pulled out both my katana's as I plunged them into the mens chest, there were about ten of them! I threw a punch towards one of the men before kicking his knee caps and planting my katana straight into his knee. Blood scattered all over the floor as I snatched an AK47 from one of the men and shot the other attackers mercilessly. I could hear footsteps coming from inside the small hideout.
"Ta! Ka! Ta! Ka! Ta! Ka!" A shower of copper bullets sprayed through the air as I plunged straight at the shooter. I cocked both arms back and double punched upwards into the mans back. Air whooshed from the man lungs as he was pushed into the air. The impact from the attack killed the man almost instantly. I threw myself into the window as I entered the room. Shards of glass came flying into the room.
"Ta Da! Abracadabra Andiwillfukyou!" I yelled out as half a dozen man charged towards me.
Rushing towards them ,I slashed my sword towards one of the man. The man used his gun as a shield and my blade clashed against the metal of the gun with a shriek that sent sparks flying into the air. I planted a kick into the mans crotch as I slashed my katana into another approaching man, immediately killing them both. I felt bullets plunge through my heart as I fought the other attackers. I pulled one of the attackers hair before gripping his head in between my arms and twisting my body.
"Crack!" The sound of his cracking skull echoed in the room. I was left with three more attackers. Two of them charged at me while shooting continuously at me. However, their bullets had no attack on me. I twisted one of the attackers head as I jumped over him. I then curled my legs on the other mans head as I angled myself to the right, twisting his head and cracking his skull. I plunged towards the last attacker as I pushed my katana straight into his chest. I carried myself up before feeling a sting in my chest. A sword had plunged straight into my chest.
I was then thrown into the ground before I yanked the sword out of my chest. Master Kwee stood before me in all his glory.
"I really don't see the logic of you trying to kill me when I cant die!" I yelled out as I threw a kick straight into Master Kwee's face. The kick didn't seem to harm Master Kwee in any way! Master Kwee took off his trench coat to reveal a black shirt and black jeans.
"YAAAAAAARGH!" Master Kwee yelled as he charged towards me. I was thrown straight into the wall. Master Kwee raised his hand, telling his men to stand back as he pulled out a dagger from the back of his shirt. He smirked as he pushed the dagger into my neck, slicing and separating my head from my body. My head rolled around the floor as Master Kwee walked away.
"Oh god! I cant die! You can try kill me but I seriously cant die! Blame Thanos you mutha #!$%^!" I yelled as my body crawled towards me and connected my head back to my body.
"But I know something Master Kwee, your not immortal!" I yelled as I threw a AKM Bayonet towards him. He sliced his dagger into the air causing it to crash into the bayonet before it was able to strike him in the head. I pulled out my katana as we charged towards one another. Sparks flew into the air as my katana and his dagger came in contact. I kicked master Kwee straight in his knee. He fell head first causing blood to splash and splatter around the room. I pulled Master Kwee violently as I threw him across the room. During the throw, Master Kwee planted his hands into the ground as he plunged himself back at me. I was thrown straight into the wall.
"Deadpool, your so weak. So lame. I expected a challenge," Master Kwee cried out as he pointed the tip of the dagger at my head, " I know your immortal but its so fun to toss you around, don't lie, I know you feel the pain." I gripped my katana.
"Yeah well, I met this guy who killed this other guy that married that other guy's friends' cousin and he said the same thing that you said. Yup. And this was my reply," I cried as I swished the katana up into the air, penetrating Master Kwee's chin. Blood splattered into the room. He yelled in pain as I plunged my katana in his heart.
"T.K.O! WHOOOOO!" I yelled as I raised both my hands in the air. And within seconds , half a hundred men charged at me. SLANG! SWOOSH! TANG! SYAAAANG! SPLAT! SYAAANG! And within a minute I stood above the dead bodies lying all over the floor.
"Santa Claus! Oh Santa! Where's that Santa Claus?" I screamed out for Santa Claus.
"The name ain't Santa Claus you dumbass!" A voice came from behind me.
"Oh. Hi Santa! So tell me, where's the money?!" I yelled out as I pointed my katana at his forehead.
"Take it and leave us!" Mr gerry cried out as he threw a bag at my feet. I smirked before opening the bag to check its contents. I then stood up as I slang the bag around my waist.
"Cheers Santa!" I yelled out as I climbed out of the hideout before tossing a grenade into the hideout.
"KA-BOOM!" The place was engulfed in flames and gravel.