Pairing: Trory, duh. Unfortunately, this will be a angst/drama type of fan fiction, or so I hope; so bear with me!
Author's note: Those who remember my fics, thanks for your support. Unfortunately, I doubt that Innocent Angel and Incarceration will be finished. (But hey, miracles do happen) I'm very sorry, if you were hoping for an ending… I feel that I have lost my momentum and ideas; I did have plans for it, but right now, it's not the right time to rush and finish the story. I do expect that people will not like my stories, or my writing, but the negative comments just seemed to put writers block on me, but I'm trying my best to fix the problem by rereading my story, and brainstorming ideas (I'm so lost, I don't remember where I ended) and finish it soon.
Also, it's not grammatically perfect, I'm doing this for fun, I'm not making money from this, so don't expect perfection. If you don't like it, don't read it; simple as 1, 2, 3. This is an outlet for me, and I feel that people should express their creativity. Seriously, if you do like it, please R&R, but if you don't just click the browser to close.
Love can sometimes be magic. But magic can sometimes...just be an illusion. - Javan.
When I first met my husband-to-be, it was not what the movies described. There was no love at first sight, or even second sight for that matter. Actually, it took probably more than a billion 'sights' before I even considered a date with him, and when I did finally fall in love with him, it was incredible. It was fast, it was whirling and it had this heady feeling… like taking drugs. It got addictive, and I wanted that feeling to last forever. I felt like I was floating on air, or walking across the clouds. But we all know that good things can't always last forever. It's like chocolate: when we were kids, chocolate tasted so good – it's delicious, and it melted in your mouth beautifully. Then you find out that chocolate, and sugar in general, were bad for our teeth and our health.
I want to tell you the story how I fell in love, and how I fell out of love with my husband. Don't get me wrong, I do love my husband, but I wonder if I'm in love with him. Now how do I tell you the story of my life? Where did it all fall apart? Can I go back? Can we, our marriage go back to what it was? So many questions, and I can't seem to answer them. I went to one of the best schools in the world, and they could have not ever prepared me for this, and I never expected that my marriage with him would end up like this. We both said hateful things that we wished we took back, and I wish I had done things differently. But no matter what I have done, he doesn't love me less. Anyone who met us in high school would not believe me if I told them that he is the most wonderful man, husband, and friend to me in the world, or how giving and generous he is with his heart. That's what makes this story so hard for me to tell you. There is no way to justify my actions. This story will make me the villain in my marriage, not the saint that people believe me to be. But he would not agree with me, he would blame himself for the failure of our marriage - that's how much he loves me. That's what makes me feel so guilty for not loving him as much as he deserved to be loved.
Let me tell you something. Marriage is a fickle thing. It's not easy like a relationship, because you just can't give up so easily, yet when you're married, you don't want to give up easily either, even when you desperately want to. You really have to work hard, and no, love does not conquer everything. Love gives you the motivation to try harder and fix the problem. When I was a kid, mom and I loved to watch Love Story. The one line that haunts me to this day is when Jenny Cavalleri tells her husband, Oliver Barrett IV, "Love means never having to say you're sorry". I just wish marriage was simple as that line.
When I married him, I promised to be a good and loving wife, to be faithful for all the days of our lives. I promised to be there for him in good and the bad, for better or for worse. I promised all those things and more, and somewhere down the line, I forgot about them. We both took our marriage and ourselves for granted, and forgot that love did not conquer all. Love did not give us an excuse for bad behavior and false promises. We let things go by, and didn't communicate like a married couple should. We thought we had the time to fix our problems, and that was our fault. We watched our marriage fall apart in shambles. The worst part is - we stood there idly while it fell apart. Does that disgust you? Because it should, since it does to me.
I wish this wasn't so hard, but it is. There is no going around it; I have to tell someone other than him. If I don't tell you what happened, I think I'm going to go crazy. Or maybe I am. If I was sane, I wouldn't have done the things I thought I never would have done. But it's all just "what ifs" and "I wished…." I can't turn back time, as much as I want to. I have all the proof of the pain I caused. Our house is silent, and I go crazy from it. I still hear the cries and the words we've said. The broken hearts of ours is barely there and beating. Even though we yelled and cried a lot, the pain is still there. I feel his and mine, and I wish it didn't have to end this way. Maybe we can fix it, but I highly doubt it. We haven't even tried to solve our problem; I think we're both subconsciously waiting for love to fix our problem. At this point, I don't even know if I believe in love. I thought he was the love of my life, and when I carelessly broke my promise, my marriage to him, I suddenly wondered if love existed.
Most of all, I'm mad at myself for letting my marriage come to this. I look at him, and I see his heart in his eyes. Then I see the tears. Then all I want to do is cry for hurting him this badly, because he didn't deserve any of this. He was the innocent, for all he did was love me. I'm the one who betrayed him, by breaking his heart in the worst possible way. Yes, as you can guess, I did cheat on him. People sometimes cheat on their spouse when they go through their mid-life crisis, or just for the thrill of it. If those were my reasons for cheating on him, we probably could save our marriage. For me, it was a completely different reason. I, Lorelai "Rory" Leigh Gilmore Dugray, cheated on my husband with Jess Mariano, for love. I think that when I cheated on him, it hurt him, but not devastated him. For infidelity can be fixed and talked through. It's a solvable problem where the hurting party can forgive the cheating spouse. My husband had this thing called hope. He was hoping that we can fix our problem. But the problem wasn't as simple as he had first thought.
I told my husband, Tristan Dugray, I wasn't in love with him anymore. And that broke his heart.
As of right now, I have a general idea where the story will go, but I'm still … eh, about it, so bear with me. I had so many things to say and write, but at the time when I'm writing it out, I forget what I wanted to say. So you're just going to have to endure this crap.
Please Read and Review; nice comments only!!! It's been a long while since I've written anything, so I'm a bit out of practice, but hopefully I can improve as the chapters go by. I know that the paragraphs are a bit awkward and all, but as I said, I'm out of practice. So thanks for taking your time to read this and I promise to finish this story not like the others, just keep on reviewing to give me that motivation I need.