A/N: For 3 months EJ Barrett has suffered, mired in grief and despair over the death of Leroy Jethro Gibbs. Teetering on the edge of emotional and physical breakdown, and with her career on the line, she must stop a threat of nuclear terrorism, only to uncover new evidence questioning Gibbs' death.
Continuation of the "A New Set of Rules" future reality, set 2 and a half years after season 10 with a newly established relationship between Gibbs and Barrett. (For back story read "A New Set of Rules".) This story is a long case-fic, with hurt/comfort, angst, sex, violence, torture and language making the rating "M". Please be aware of these situations and rating, then read on at your discretion.
For us McGee fans, McGee IS a major character in this story. Other NCIS characters appear only briefly.
Many thanks to TheSilentPartner for helping me get some of the DC and Virginia geography and locations revised correctly.
As always, I really appreciate your reviews and feedback. Thanks for reading. Disclaimer: I own nothing. No profit or gain.
Purgatory
Chapter 1 - Nightmare
Her lungs ached, starving for oxygen as she kicked and clawed desperately through the murky water toward the surface. One hand griped his lifeless body which weighed her down, threatening to take her deeper. But she would not let go, would not surrender him to the depths below her. She clutched at him frantically, struggling to retain her hold. Panic coursed through her as she felt exhausted muscles losing their ability to stave off the pull of the deep on his motionless form. He slipped from her grasp and she watched in horror as the still body sank deeper into the darkness. Her mind burned in agony as her mouth opened to scream out her despair. Water rushed into her lungs. The pain was excruciating. She began to sink as the depths reached up to claim her.
EJ Barrett's eyes snapped open as she bolted upright. Her scream found its voice, turning into a wail that filled the room with sorrow and grief, echoing off the walls, terrifying her further. Her sweat soaked chest heaved as she fought for air while her eyes struggled to see through damp and matted hair, darting frantically around the room trying to find something to anchor her, something familiar, something safe. The bedroom door burst open as Anthony DiNozzo rushed to the bed, dropped down beside her and pulled her into his arms. Her heaving breath turned into racking sobs as she buried her head into his chest. He held her, saying nothing, his face filled with pain and sadness.
Minutes passed. Her sobs slowly subsided, her breathing grew less ragged. Tony reached down and took her chin in his hand, gently raising her head, just enough for her eyes to meet his.
"Another nightmare?" he asked.
She nodded.
"Same one?"
"Yes," she whispered, her breathing still rough, her face flushed and tear stained.
"God, EJ. I am so sorry." He softly stroked her hair as she held onto him tightly.
"It's OK, Tony. I'm ... OK," she choked out, slowly pulling away from him, a weak smile of gratitude on her shaken face. "I'll be OK."
Tony held both of her hands in his, speaking softly, "Yeah, I know. It's just that you haven't had any sleep for weeks now. I'm worried about you – were all worried about you."
"I know," she sighed, her breathing calmer now. "You guys staying over here … it means a lot to me. I don't think I'm ready to be alone yet – not at night."
"Hey, no worries, kiddo. Best night of my week. I have someone who'll put up with watching movies everyone else hates," he flashed a grin at her.
She forced a weak smile and nodded.
They sat for a few minutes longer until EJ's breathing returned to normal. She laid her head back on the pillow and Tony made sure the night-light was on when he turned out the overhead light as he left, closing the door to Gibbs' bedroom.
He turned away from the bedroom door and walked down the hallway to the living room. Flopping down on Gibbs' old couch he let out a defeated sigh. EJ's grief was heart-breaking and nothing he could do would take it away.
Pulling out his phone he checked the time and noticed the date. It was almost three months to the day that the director had called EJ up to his office, followed a few minutes later by his summons of Tony, Ziva and McGee. Upon entering the office they found EJ sobbing hysterically, clutching at Cynthia, the director's administrative assistant. After Craig's explanation, he and the rest of his team stood, stunned, not knowing what to say or do, now that retired NCIS Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs was dead.
He was startled by his phone's ringtone. Ziva David's name showed on the caller ID.
"Hey Z," he sighed.
"Tony," she hesitated, "are you alright?" a tone of concern obvious in her voice.
"Yeah," he paused, "well, actually, no," despair seeped through his words.
"I can come over," she said.
"That's not necessary, Z. Everything's fine."
"You do not sound fine."
"I'm OK, Z."
"How is EJ?"
"Had another nightmare … woke up screaming. She just laid back down a few minutes ago."
"It was the same nightmare, yes?"
"Yeah. The one in the water - with Gibbs. God, Ziva, you should have seen her. It seems like it's getting worse."
"I will be there in twenty minutes," she said.
"Z, it's alright. You don't need to come over. It's not even your night."
"I know I do not have to. But I am going to anyway. That is what partners do for each other, Tony. You are my partner and I have your back. I will be there soon. Make some coffee."
"Ziva David, you are a pain in the ass," he said with a small chuckle. "I'll have the coffee ready." He ended the call.
He cringed at what he knew his next task must be, calling NCIS Director, Jerome Craig. He couldn't put it off any longer.
Craig had allowed EJ to continue working despite her deepening grief over Gibbs' death. But as EJ started to have recurring nightmares he began to second guess his decision and considered placing EJ on medical leave. She argued adamantly that she was capable of working and begged Craig to let her continue. The factor convincing Craig to keep her on active duty was the initiation of a rotating volunteer schedule by Tony, Ziva, McGee, Abby, Ducky and even Palmer, to stay with her at night for support and, more importantly from the director's perspective, to monitor her emotional and physical health. It had been three months since Gibbs had perished in the helicopter crash into Chesapeake Bay and for the past two months one member of the team had stayed with EJ every night.
EJ had insisted on staying at Gibbs' house, sleeping in Gibbs' bed. She said she didn't feel good about staying in her apartment, that his house was the home of their rekindled, and now short-lived, relationship. It felt a little weird to Tony, sleeping on Gibbs' couch a couple of nights a week without Gibbs in the picture. But he understood her need to be close to Gibbs, surrounding herself with his things, in his place, which seemed to provide her some small amount of comfort.
Every night before retiring to Gibbs' bedroom she descended to the basement spending several minutes rubbing and caressing the two wooden chairs that had been his most recent projects. She said she just needed to smell and touch the wood. He knew the wood's aroma and texture reminded her of Gibbs. He hadn't told her, but after he knew she was asleep, he would visit the chairs as well. Like her, the wood brought him closer to his friend and mentor. And like her, he often found that his grief felt comfortable enough to visit him while he communed with the wood.
Craig had given his agents specific orders to keep him posted on EJ and to report if she improved, or got worse. Tony had witnessed a significant deterioration in EJ's emotional and physical heath during the past week, so much so that it scared him. He knew he had no choice but to brief the director on his observations. He opened his phone's speed dial list and thumbed the entry for Jerome Craig's cell phone.
His report to the director was short and he knew the information he shared would result in Craig pulling EJ from active duty. He knew it would be ugly between EJ and him when she found out why Craig suspended her from the duty roster. He slumped back into the couch, exhaling slowly, his eyes dropping to the floor. He was thankful for Ziva's stubborn insistence that she come over. He rose, walking toward the kitchen. He had coffee to prepare.
###