Draco Malfoy vs A Letter

The only reason Draco saw the letter was because they were screening his mail. Normally he wouldn't have bothered with a such a letter– the envelope was made of thin, cheap paper and looked like it would contain a mail-in offer for soap samples– but someone in Postal Control thought it looked suspicious and set it aside. Then it had somehow worked its way up to Harry Pus-face.

Draco and his mother were on house-arrest, so Harry Pimple-chin and his Merry Band of Scum Lickers personally made a call to the Malfoy Manor roughly three weeks after the letter had been set aside.

The Boy Who Was Quite Unpleasant To Look At had brought both of his little sidekicks: Scum Licker #1, the Weasel King; and Scum Licker #2, the Newly Crowned Weasel Queen, Formerly Known As Frizzmeralda of Hairis, Formerly Known As The Beaver Child. For some reason, Scum Licker #1's father, the Muggle-Fuggler, was also present and looked oddly excited.

Draco's mother reluctantly made them tea and set out a plate of cheap cookies she had bought before the war for the sole purpose of serving to unwanted guests.

"Now Draco," Harry Plopper said after a few minutes of very painful small talk, "we have something very serious to talk about."

He handed Draco the letter, and our Most Magnificent Malfoy opened and read it.

Dear Draco Malfoy,

We are pleased to inform you that you have been accepted at Woolly Croton School for Science and Engineering. Please find below your computing ID and temporary password. Please follow instructions to log into your Croton student account. Further information will be emailed to you.

Yours sincerely,

Maximus McConnell

"What the troll piss?" Draco asked, passing the letter to his mother.

"It's very highly regarded," Scum Licker #2 said, looking mystifyingly envious under her Muskrat-Meets-Devil's-Snare haircut. "You could get into any university you want with a diploma from Woolly Croton."

Draco wasn't sure what a university was. It sounded suspiciously muggle.

"I thought it was only a legend!" the Muggle-Fuggle nearly squealed. "They're incredibly secretive."

"No one knows how their selection process works," Scum Licker #2 continued, "but it is incredibly competitive."

"What," said Draco's mother in a nervous voice, "is sky-ance?"

"Science," Scum Licker #1 corrected with the smugness of someone who had learned the word himself only moments earlier.

Then Scum Licker #2 stood and gave them a horrifying speech about muggle inquiry and experiments with nasty muggle things and something about muggle arithmancy and astronomy, perfectly respectable subjects which Draco was sure they had ruined forever.

"But what does that have to do with my son?" Draco's mother asked with a hint of panic in her voice. "He has to go back to Hogwarts in September."

All of the wizarding children were redoing the past year, except for perhaps Harry Puke-Glasses, who was too conceited.

"It's very simple," the Muggle-Fuggler said, reeling in his obvious excitement at the prospect of Draco's life being ruined forever by muggles. "We think that– given the Malfoys' current circumstances– this is a very good opportunity for Draco to prove that his family has truly changed their ways, and perhaps shorten his father's sentence. Do you accept?"

Draco and his mother exchanged a long look. A chance to save his father in Azkaban and redeem his family's shattered reputation? Could he really say no to such an opportunity, no matter the personal sacrifice?

Draco gave a single nod, then swallowed back bile welling up in his throat.

The Boy Who Was Most Definitely More Diabolical Than The Dark Lord grinned and held out his hand for Draco to shake.

"Draco, yer a scientist."

Draco's mother burst into tears.