A.N: Super excited for my first Star Wars fic! :D
I've been on a Star Wars kick lately after watching a marathon of the original trilogy, and I randomly got this idea during my study period at school. XD
This is a bit of both a character study and an introspective sort of piece on Vader. I hope I did him justice, he's a lot more difficult to write than I expected. Constructive criticism always welcome. :)
IMMENSE kudos to the tumblr blog The Psychology of Darth Vader. Helped me out loads. :)
Enjoy! Thanks for reading!
0o0o0
It was something that was never asked.
Many wondered, yes, but were too afraid to voice these wonders aloud.
That is, until one day, a brave and rather foolish captain decided to voice the question everyone had already asked inwardly, but had never gotten an answer.
No one would've thought the answer was so simple.
A blood red lightsaber through the heart.
0o0o0
Vader had one request as the Death Star was being built. It was eyebrow-raising, of course, and his master refused to let it idly slip by without a few taunts. But it had to be addressed.
No mirrors. None whatsoever.
Palpatine, had, of course, used this as yet another way to tear new holes in his so called heart. That he was ashamed of how he wasn't even human, that he was a cyborg and wasn't entitled to the luxury of his own reflection.
Vader said nothing. The only indication he was even listening was his fists, clenched in twin vice-like grips.
No other comment was made on the matter.
0o0o0
His master's words had not even stung.
The reason? They were not close to the truth in the slightest.
Mirrors were more than just ornate pieces of glass. They were windows. Windows into the soul.
And according to many, including Vader himself, his soul was tainted. Tainted by the weak-minded fool that once occupied his mind. The fool that cost everything. The fool that was tricked into finding love.
And yet, the accursed prison that trapped his scarred form was a result of the fool. Everything that hurt, everything that caused him pain, those annoying pangs of sadness and regret, was all that fool's fault.
So why did he feel so empty?
0o0o0
Construction continued, and Vader made it a point to avoid all glass that would soon become the windows of the fortress.
Glass meant nothing. It was just a way to look at another. Not at oneself.
Especially not oneself.
As Vader marched through the hallways of the incomplete fortress, his head never strafed to the right. The glass wall was finished, and Vader didn't dare turn his head.
Occasionally, the thought of seeing himself, risking a glance, would invade, but was immediately banished. The fool was lying again.
It was never worth a glance.
Vader knew he wouldn't like what he saw.
0o0o0
Later, approximately half of the Death Star was complete.
Some stormtroopers had grown curious as to why they couldn't look at themselves anywhere except for windows, but nobody pressed, much to Vader's pleasure.
The fool was bothering him more than usual, slipping in thoughts on sneaking a glance at himself just once, that maybe in the long run it'll be for the better.
The thoughts were getting more sharp as well. Telling him that he was a monster, and that sneaking a look will finally help him realize that, and why couldn't he let himself see?
Vader wished the fool would be silent. He knew the truth already.
The fool was the monster, and Vader would reign supreme.
0o0o0
Temptations grew stronger.
With construction nearing its completion, Vader was everywhere, making sure all the idiot workers did their jobs correctly. More than a few threats were needed. The occasional desire to turn and face the glass walls was always squashed quickly due to either an order from his master or the incompetence of a construction worker. Vader's patience was wearing thin.
After all, glass is easily broken. One glance and Vader could have the desire the shatter it. He didn't want the repercussions of that.
Vader knew these thoughts were dangerous. He knew that these temptations could actually cause him to look.
And truth be told, he was afraid. Afraid to see the results of the fool's idiotic choices. Afraid to see what kind of machine he looked to be. Afraid of wondering what Padme would think about it…
Vader snarled and clenched his fists.
The fool had too much dominion.
0o0o0
When the Death Star was at last finished, Vader felt strange.
Not quite happy. Pleased was a better word. But also… another feeling. It wasn't anger, of course not. Sadness? At this point, he wasn't sure.
Now that every piece of glass was hung and in its proper place, Vader found it harder to avoid the incessant urges to look at his reflection. The fool was tearing him apart.
It was during a very ordinary moment that a very close call occurred.
He had just finished a very successful interrogation session, and made a sharp right turn. As he marched down the corridor, there was a clear shout that resonated to his right. Vader turned his head, and caught a glimpse of his own skull-inspired mask, the mask of a monster, the mask of someone that tears people apart how could you do this-
Panting, Vader jerked his head back forward and inhaled slowly and deliberately. The grip on his lightsaber was so strong it could bend steel.
Vader released a long, drawn-out breath. Luckily, no witnesses were around to view his shaking grip on his composure, otherwise they would've received an actual answer to the long wondered question of his underlings.
The answer was simple. A mirror was simply a way to view all that he had lost thanks to the fool.
To him, a reflection was another prison. The fool was the warden. And the Dark Side was the key to his cell.
A.N: To those that may have found it unclear, "the fool" is Anakin. I feel as if Vader views himself and who he used to be as two different people, literally. Vader blames all his struggles on Anakin, and "Vader" is a new alias to escape.
Thanks so much for reading! Review please! Have a nice day/night. :)