Title: All's Fair in Love and War
Summary: It was love at first sight. For Majinkarp's Obscure Slash Challenge and DanceswithElvis just because.


It was true love.

"Tsuzuki-san." Muraki's voice was a sigh of pleasure, mixed with disbelief. "I…I didn't know you felt this way."

At first sight.

"'M-meet me…at…'what the hell is that idiot's problem, can't he write properly? This looks like he tried writing it while eating somethi…gah! Syrup! I swear I'm going to kick his ass good this time. Better not tell Kannuki, she'd get all girly on me and tell me not to do it…"

In a beautiful sunny park, on a beautiful sunny day.

"You!" Muraki faltered, nearly dropping his bouquet of roses as it was not who he expected (though verily they did look quite similar).

"You!" Terazuma flinched, turning in surprise to look at Muraki, the movement of his dark hair revealing the tips of his pointed ears.

"I thought you were…"

"Aren't you supposed to be…"

"Tsuzuki?" The two spoke at the same time. And then blinked.

Where a sweet breeze blew, scattering the early-blooming sakura…

"W-what are you doing! Sneaking up on decent people like that! And you…licked my ear?!" Terazuma shouted. Fortunately this corner of the park was pleasantly deserted.

"What are you doing? You're not Tsuzuki-san. Unless…no, my Tsuzuki-san doesn't have such feral eyes or such ugly expressions."

"…Are you saying that I'm…that he's…" Terazuma's jaw dropped.

"More handsome than you? Most certainly." Muraki sighed, trailing a hand through silver-pale hair. "Oh, if only he were truly here, then I'd…well, that's something that's unsuitable for the likes of you."

Terazuma looked as though he was about to beat Muraki himself.

But then, the wind shifted.

Terazuma tilted his head and sniffed the air. Once. Then twice, little rapid breaths scenting something.

Muraki tilted his head the other way, wondering what Terazuma was up to.

There was a pause as the two faced each other.

"You." Terazuma's eyes glowed faintly red, his voice sounding almost threatening.

Muraki arched an elegant silver eyebrow. "Me?"

"What's that smell? Something…something herbal…" Terazuma's shoulders twitched and his movements quickened, as if the crouch of a large cat stalking its prey.

"The cologne that Tsuzuki-san sent me as a gift. Though it's not quite my style, I thought I'd wear it for this occa…AAAAH!"

Without warning, Terazuma had shifted forms, the hulking Shikigami body knocking down trees in its wake as it grew. KaGanKokuShunGei in all his dark fiery fury, had latched onto Muraki's shoulder and was shaking him like a cat shaking a favored toy.

Muraki screamed. It was utterly an indignity; afterwards he would curse himself, realizing that he still sounded like a little girl when he cried out like that. But at the time, it made sense. So he screamed some more.

His attempts at trying to fight were thwarted when KaGanKokuShunGei decided to start rolling on Muraki, occasionally pausing to snuffle at Muraki's head with nostrils the size of dinner plates, hot breath snorting in and out. At one point his face got sucked in with the suction, and he thrashed until he was let go.

He couldn't teleport – the beast had drawn blood when it bit him and something about that was preventing him from safely disappearing.

Muraki kept screaming, but as it was a deserted part of the park, no one heard.

Of course, that wasn't as bad as what happened afterwards.

Terazuma panted happily, having reverted back to his human form in a sweaty heap of hot naked shinigami. He nuzzled Muraki's neck, where much of the cologne had been applied.

"You're…so…SNUGGLY!" Terazuma's voice was giddy with catnip-induced drunkenness.

"No! Let me go!"

That was about when Terazuma discovered the other place Muraki had copiously perfumed.

"EEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!"

Tsuzuki handed Hisoka the binoculars. "I think you'll appreciate this."

Hisoka peered. A little hint of a smile crossed his lips and then a few moments later he began laughing quite madly. "That…Those two…I can't believe you did that!"

"Happy Valentine's day, Hisoka." Tsuzuki said with a smile, putting his arm around Hisoka's shoulders as they sat on a hill overlooking the park. "I hope you like my present."

Hisoka threw his arm around Tsuzuki and snickered uncontrollably as he heard the faint squeak of Muraki's screams wafting through the warm spring breeze.

End!

Omake!

"What's that smell? Something…something herbal…" Terazuma's shoulders twitched, and his movements quickened, as if the crouch of a large cat stalking its prey.

"The cologne that Tsuzuki-san sent me as a gift. Though it's not quite my style, I thought I'd wear it for this occa…AAAAH!"

Without warning, Terazuma had shifted forms, turning into a tiny plushie-like thing with white fluffy wings. Kero-chan, in all his yellow sarcastic glory, had latched onto Muraki's shoulder and was berating him for not bringing him sweets with the flowers.


Author's note: Watari, of course, made the cologne. ;)