Hey guys! Just checking in with ya'll! Still Lizzington all the way! I've just been working on this for a while and wanted to get it published! This may be a one-shot or it may be a two-shot. Still thinking on it. Please do your thing! Read and review and I'll love you forever!
PS: I own nothing.
It was really all a game.
Hot and cold.
From the time she packed up her little red Camero and hugged her mother goodbye for the last time, Jennifer Reddington had played the game with relish.
Toledo had been her first stop. The hustle and bustle of the city was a little more than she was used to, and as she sat in the parking lot of the very first 7'11 she'd ever seen in her life, the levity of the situation hit her. She was in a strange city with no friends, no family, and no plan. And to make matters worse... her mother had been absolutely right. She had no idea what she was doing.
Salvation came in the form of a sweet elderly lady named Mona. Mona had placed an ad in a local Penny Saver for a live-in sitter. Jennifer got the job with little problem. For a place to live and some cash, Jennifer could most definitely sit. She could sit all day long. Six months at Mona's little house passed without incident, but Jennifer felt it was time to move on anyway.
It was important to stay ahead of the game.
Taking the cash she had hoarded away for exactly this type of rainy day, Jennifer made her way south, driving until she hit Miami. It was quite a different scene; work was easy to find and people were always up for helping you drink away your earnings. Not that she had much left after bills. Miami was expensive. Living with four other people did save her a lot in rent, though. Her roommates were friendly enough, but she figured out pretty quickly that she preferred living alone. Or at least with quieter people.
Four months into her Miami adventure, Jennifer decided it was time to go. Her roommates now considered her a friend, and apparently friends were allowed to ask questions.
Jennifer could not tolerate questions.
Feeling a change of climate necessary, she aimed north and drove until she could no longer drive, stopping in the most beautiful town she had ever seen... Camden, Maine. Camden seemed like something out of a movie...a picturesque fishing town where boats drifted in and out of the harbor, slow and steady. It didn't take long for Jennifer to fall completely in love. After two long nights at a local inn and several intense scourings of every newspaper she could get her hands on, she found a tiny house nestled deep in the woods. It was perfect. Life was perfect.
Almost.
A little over a year into her stay in Maine, random amounts of money started showing up in the bank account she had worked up the nerve to start up.
She had been found out.
Unacceptable.
Leaving two month's worth of rent under her landlord's front door and closing out all accounts that she had been foolish enough to open under her own name, Jennifer stilled the voices that begged her to stay in the beautiful town and drove away from Camden forever. It was for the best, really.
Two weeks later found Jennifer in a small motel in Alabama. It also found her with a new name.
Alison.
Generic enough to blend in, but pretty enough that Jennifer didn't feel the urge to shoot herself in the face whenever she scribbled it on a motel registry.
Alison Jennings.
Alison Jennings didn't last long in Alabama.
On the side of the road, off of a busy highway in Mississippi, Jennifer flipped a coin. Heads: Texas, tails:
California. The coin fell into her palm.
Texas.
She flipped again.
Texas.
Texas, Texas, Texas.
Jennifer hated Texas. Anyone who knew Jennifer knew that she hated Texas.
She stayed in Texas for three years.
Growing up, if anyone would have told her that she'd spend three years both living in and working at a Best Western in Amarillo, Jennifer would have punched their lights out. Or at least stomped their big toe.
Short girls didn't have that many options.
And yet, she was happy there, or at least as happy as she could be as Allison Jennings.
Apparently three years of happiness was all she was allowed to have.
The game she'd been winning for years almost came to an abrupt halt one cold January night as she was working the front desk.
Skimming through the pages of an old romance novel left behind in one of the rooms, Jennifer was startled by the ringing of the bell situated in front of her.
"Ma'am? Ma'am? I'd like to acquire two rooms for the night. Adjoining, if possible."
The urgency in the man's heavily accented voice did not escape her notice, and she hurriedly located two adjoining rooms before she even looked up.
"That's entirely possible. I can get you two for $100. Is that okay?" Jennifer asked, finally getting a good look at the man. He was tall and black and...bloody. She looked down quickly as he nodded. "Will that be cash or credit?"
"Cash."
Of course.
The man paid and Jennifer tried to keep her eyes on her novel as he walked out of the front door, only to walk back in, his arm around the shoulder of a shorter man, obviously holding him up. It was hard to ignore the blood covering the man's face, however.
And the blood on his shirt.
And the blood on his pants.
And the blood trailing the carpet.
"Sir!" Jennifer cried out, throwing the book on the counter. "Sir! Do you need help? Should I dial 911?"
The shorter man waved her on.
"No, thank you. We'll manage. It isn't nearly as bad as it looks, right, Dembe?"
Jennifer's blood ran cold.
It couldn't be...
"Nothing but a scratch," the man called Dembe muttered, grunting as they both stumbled over the carpeting. "Hardly noticeable."
"Are you still on about that car? As I recall, it was your idea to crash it. I still maintain you could have outrun them..."
The men disappeared into the elevator and Jennifer sank to her knees. She would know that voice anywhere.
It wasn't too late. She could pack a bag and be gone long before dawn and this night would fade into a bad dream.
But there was blood.
So much blood.
No!
Whatever happened, she was sure her father had it coming to him. If it was even her father. She hadn't heard his voice in years.
Jennifer rose to her feet, steadying her shaking limbs on the counter. "It's really late and your mind is playing all sorts of lovely tricks on you," she said aloud to herself. "That poor man is not your father. He's just a man. A badly injured man. In fact, if you were any kind of decent human being, you'd go check on him."
She was on the elevator before she could talk sense into herself.
Her footsteps fell softly on the carpeted hall outside the adjoining rooms. Almost imperceptible, but to Jennifer they sounded like an elephant trampling the floor. She was never really good at sneaking around. As she drew closer to the door of the first room, muffled voices grew clearer with every step.
"How long can we continue like this?" the man called Dembe hissed, the temper he had been holding back at the front desk finally showing itself.
"As long as we have to."
Jennifer choked back a snort.
"You're going to get yourself killed, and me along with you. I know you like to think that your life is my whole life, but I have a family now too."
"Way to go Dembe!" Jennifer silently cheered.
"You don't have to stay."
"That's right," Jennifer agreed, "You don't have to stay. Ditch him."
"I couldn't do that," Dembe stated quietly. "I owe you my..."
"You owe me nothing. If anything I owe you. You've always been free to go."
"Go!" Jennifer could barely contain her opinion on the matter. She had no idea what the situation was -nor did she care- but she knew one thing... the man Dembe was with was bad news.
"Go, Dembe. Go home. Ditch this loser and go back to your family."
"No. I will see this thing through to the end, even if it kills us both. You're my family too, Raymond."
Jennifer never thought twice about leaving Texas and Alison Jennings sitting in the dust.
Never again.
Never again would she allow herself to settle.
Never again would she give her father the chance to win.
She would forget the blood and the world-weary sound of Raymond Reddington's voice.
He didn't deserve her thoughts.
She would drive from state to state, only stopping when her supply of cash started to dwindle.
She would be smart.
She got married instead.
Ben was everything she could have hoped for in a husband. Thoughtful and kind, he could read her like no one else could, and talk her into just about anything, including saying yes when he slipped a diamond on her finger and asked her to be his forever.
She never regretted it.
Except for now.
When he was being really, really stupid.
"Babe, you know I've been working on this promotion for months now!"
"Yes, Babe, you said you wanted a promotion. You said nothing about a transfer!"
The air was tense as Jennifer stormed around their Malibu home, her husband trailing after her like a scolded dog.
"How could you accept an offer like that without asking me first?" she cried, genuinely stung. They talked about everything. How could he just say yes?
"I know I should have discussed it with you. I know that! But that's an awful lot of money to keep them up in the air about. And we're definitely going to need it." Ben's hands slid around Jennifer's waist and came to rest on her swollen belly.
And she had been so happy...
"Did I ever tell you that I was born in Maryland?" Jennifer asked quietly, pretending not to notice when her husband's arms tensed around her. "Bethesda, in fact."
"No. You've never told me that. You've never told me anything about your childhood. I've always assumed that topic was taboo."
Bitterness did strangely erotic things to Ben's voice.
No...she could focus on that later, when she didn't want to ring his dumb neck.
"It is. It has to be." Turning in her husband's arms, Jennifer conjured a sweet smile to hide the panic.
Because she was definitely panicking.
"I think you've pretty much figured out that I didn't have the best childhood, but I don't think you understand just how bad it was."
Okay...admittedly it wasn't as bad as she was making it out to be, but she was desperate.
"You're right. I don't," Ben sighed. "And I never will unless you tell me. So that's your choice. Either you tell me what happened or you be the big girl I know you are and come with me to Maryland so we can give our little girl the life she deserves."
Jennifer sulked all the way to Maryland.
"You're gonna love it, Babe." Ben could hardly contain his excitement as he chauffeured his pregnant wife around their new neighborhood, not knowing that this was, in fact, her old neighborhood. "As soon as the realtor sent me that email I knew it was for us."
There was nothing to keep Jennifer's eyes from rolling back in her head. She hadn't even bothered to look at the email. Why should she? She hated every single house in Maryland.
Childish? Maybe.
Justified? Absolutely.
"It's a gorgeous place. Three bedrooms...two baths...and a legitimate basement!"
"Whoopie."
"But I think the thing that's really going to sell you on it is the big bay window. All that light..."
No.
There was no possible way her husband was taking her to that house.
Except he was.
And he did.
Ben pulled into the drive and cut the ignition. "What a great color! That blue really just makes the house, doesn't it?"
No, horror made that house.
"I hate it."
Much to Jennifer's surprise and annoyance, Ben laughed. "You haven't even stepped foot in it yet. Come on," he said, practically running up the steps and leaving Jennifer to waddle behind at a much slower pace. "Let's pick out the baby's room."
The nursery gave her nightmares.
The whole house gave her nightmares.
It was not an uncommon occurrence for Ben to wake in the middle of the night to find his wife downstairs, staring out of the big bay window, sipping tea instead of the wine she most desperately wanted.
"Mandy. Mandy!"
Jennifer blinked as she turned from the window.
Yes.
Mandy.
If she had known that she was going to lose what was left of her mind and get married, she would have chosen a different name. She had a dog named Mandy once. Mandy ran away.
Smart dog.
"Is it the dreams again?" Ben asked quietly, shuffling his feet across the hardwood floor.
"Yeah."
As if it could be anything else.
"You know you can tell me anything."
"Wanna bet?"
"Maybe it would help to get it all off your chest," Ben continued, a look of rejection already playing about the corners of his eyes.
That stung.
For a few brief moments, Jennifer actually considered it. What would her husband say if he knew the truth? That 'Mandy' was actually Jennifer? And what of her nightmares? How could she possibly explain that instead of ghosts and monsters, her nightmares were filled with gunshots and FBI jackets and daddies that didn't want her anymore?
Could he even comprehend?
"Ben..." Jennifer stepped forward, the swell of her belly brushing her husband's abdomen.
Her security.
This baby would soften any blow.
She could tell him anything now.
Warm hands brushed her hair back from her face and ran softly down her neck, landing firmly on her shoulders.
"You can do this. You have to do this. You can't sit on this forever. And he loves you so much. He deserves this."
"Ben, I..."
"...love you."
It was the most cowardly thing she'd ever said.
Ben smiled.
The poor, deluded man actually smiled.
"And you know I love you." Ben's hands slipped from her shoulders to grasp her hands. "You need to relax. Rest more. Do some shopping."
Jennifer groaned.
"No!" Ben laughed, taking in her disgusted expression. "Don't fight me on this. The baby could be born any day now, and we don't even have a crib."
Shameful.
"I'll do better," Jennifer thought, pulling a hand free to rub her stomach, smiling at the movement beneath her fingers. "I promise."
"Go tomorrow. Take the credit card. Go nuts. Whatever this baby needs and a million little outfits she'll never wear. Have fun."
Bless him.
Were Jennifer any other woman, Ben would have been in trouble. But, Jennifer was Jennifer and when she stepped out of the Tiny Tots Boutique the next morning, she had only bought a few frilly outfits.
And fifteen different onesies.
And a multitude of tiny shoes.
How could a foot be so tiny?
While pondering tiny feet and cute onesies and the possibility of a big lunch, Jennifer missed something.
The step down off the curb.
It should have been a disaster, a pregnant woman flailing out in the middle of the street, showered in tiny shoes and cute onesies.
But it wasn't.
Jennifer sucked in a breath as she was grabbed by her arm and about her waist. Blood rushed to her ears.
"Don't faint in the street. Don't you dare faint in the street!"
Jennifer breathed deeply, staring at the pavement below her.
She was so stupid.
The baby delivered a swift kick to her bladder in agreement.
"Are you alright?"
The hand on her waist travelled to the small of her back, but the iron grip on her arm never faltered.
Jennifer glared at her treacherous feet. "I'm fine, thanks. Just need to pay more attention to where I'm going."
"Understandable. I'm a bit distracted myself today."
Jennifer shook her head slightly, bringing herself out of her stupefied daze. "Huh?"
The man chuckled. The sound rolled around her, warm...deep...familiar.
Fate really fucking hated her.
"I think you're still a little out of it, Hon."
She nodded, looking up at her savior for the first time.
He had aged.
While she could vividly remember running chubby fingers through thick tresses, her father was now bald, the hair shaved down almost to the skin. Where she once knew smooth skin around his mouth and eyes, there were lines. Laugh lines. Frown lines. Worry lines.
But his eyes...
His eyes were the same.
Green and vibrant...and without a hint of recognition.
He had no idea who she was.
Funny it should hurt so much.
"Come. Let's sit you down over here," he said, his forehead crinkling in concern. Jennifer allowed herself to be led to a bench on the sidewalk.
"Sit."
She sat.
The automatic obedience sickened her.
"Is there anyone I can call? You're obviously not well."
Obviously.
Jennifer laughed, a nervous giggle that came out of nowhere.
"I'm fine, really. I just zoned out. Distracted." She gestured at her belly. "Pregnancy brain."
Was that even a thing?
"Oh," he chuckled again. "The mythical 'pregnancy brain'. My wife used that excuse to the fullest extent for nine whole months. I think it's something you all make up."
Her mother.
She hadn't seen her mother in years.
Jennifer's hand flew to her throat. Did she sound like her mother? She could barely remember her voice. She certainly didn't look like her mother. Not anymore. Jennifer had made sure of that. Her once blonde curls had been dyed and cut and shaped into a red, shoulder-length bob, and her sun-kissed skin had paled significantly over the past few months.
Not a lot of sun-bathing to be done in Bethesda.
Maybe she shouldn't have been so shocked that her father hadn't recognized her.
She barely recognized herself.
"Believe me; I wish it was something we made up."
There. Nice and light. Casual. Too casual?
"Boy or a girl?"
"Hmm?" Jennifer caught his index finger pointing at her stomach.
"Girl."
He smiled.
She had missed that smile.
She hated herself for missing that smile.
"Congratulations. What are you going to call her?"
She could have told him it was none of his business. She could have gotten up and sent him on his way.
"Jennifer. We're going to name her Jennifer."
The low blow landed.
He turned his face from her, but not soon enough. Pain shadowed his features and his eyes seemed to seek someone in the distance.
Dembe.
The little bit of hope she had for Dembe's future died. This man would die for her father one day. She was sure of it.
"Jennifer is a lovely name." Her father's voice cracked just a bit...just enough to let her know he'd been thinking of her.
She hoped it hurt.
"One of my favorites, in fact."
Jennifer smiled brightly. "My husband and I had discussed some other names, but Jennifer just felt right, you know?"
He nodded.
"I know very well, believe it or not."
She believed it.
"Well, I do believe you're going to live," he beamed, straightening his hat as if she hadn't just done her level best to dismantle him.
Jennifer smiled back. "I think I was more shaken than anything. It would absolutely kill me if anything happened to our little Jenny." She brandished the nickname like a weapon, all the while rubbing her belly and ignoring the sharp, indignant jabs of the child's foot.
She and this kid were going to butt heads.
"Of course." He smiled again and the smile did not reach his eyes. "Congratulations." He eyed her belly almost nervously, and she knew what was coming. "May I?"
What the hell.
Jennifer nodded and he grinned, placing his hand on the top of her belly. Impulsively, she grabbed his hand and moved it lower, right to where her daughter was practicing her karate.
Ben called it ballet.
Fuck Ben.
"Funny how this never stops being amazing." He watched, almost in awe, the movement beneath his hand.
Jennifer couldn't stop herself.
"Do you have any children?"
His hand left her stomach.
"I was a father, once upon a time."
And that was that.
Raymond Reddington said his goodbyes and left his only child seething on the bench.
She had never been a good loser, and technically, she had lost.
He had touched her. In a game of Hot and Cold, that was as hot as he could get.
Even if he didn't know who he was touching.
Jennifer groaned as she rose from the bench. "Well, Baby Girl, what do you say we call this round one?" Her stomach thumped merrily. "You ready for round two?" A sharp pain in her back and a rush of liquid down her thighs was her answer.
"I'll take that as a yes," she hissed through gritted teeth, pulling her cell phone from her purse. "Way to start off with a bang there, kid."
Round two was going to be a gas.