Daria
in
'Halloween Daria'
----------------------------
By season5girl
Hey everyone! *grins*:)
I wanted to thank you all for your reviews-it makes my day to get them and I really appreciate
you all taking time out of *your* day to write them!:)
I also wanted to state that I in NO way meant ANY offense to the Pagan or any other religion in
this fiction. And I in no way insinuated that Paganism involves devil worship (which
it does NOT-repeat-NOT).
I am not unfamiliar with Paganism, I am VERY familiar with it and it was out of great respect
I wrote what I wrote. I would NEVER purposely do anything to offend ANY religion and I
apologize if I have in this fic. Which is in truth, all it is, a fic.
And again, seriously, thank you all for reviewing-more over for reading, it means a lot.
I write these because I truly enjoy doing it, but without people like yourselves
to read it, it would not be nearly as enjoyable for me. Thank you again! Lots of love, -s5g:):):)
******THIS IS A REVISED ADDITION******
DISCLAIMER: "Daria" is not mine. The show belongs to MTV and uh..whatever other people have rights to it. It's just not me though. I own all the original bits of the plot though. Deal.
I haven't seen all of the episodes yet, I'm only a recent(as in, maybe three weeks:P) convert,
so if this bares any resemblance to any of the eps, or is just plane not in character I
apologize;( It's not my fault, REALLY. Ok maybe it is.;)
ENJOY!
Dedicated to: N, for the teachings in the way of cynical behavior. And to Alex cause...well...why
not?:P
(Daytime: Daria's Living room)
Jake(standing on a step latter, hanging Halloween decorations and stumbling slightly):
How-how's this?
Helen(watching critically): Left. Left. Down, left again, no, right.
Jake: There?
Helen: There!
(Jake comes down)
Helen: Hmmm...it looked fine when you were up there...funny. Are you sure you put it where I said?
Jake: Left, left, down...uh...right?
(Enter Daria)
Daria: Why are you two hanging dead bats on the wall?
Jake: They're paper bats honey!
Daria: Thank you for clearing that up, I wouldn't have been able to rest properly with it weighing
on my mind.
Helen: Do they look straight to you Daria?
Daria: That, or worried.
(The Next Day: Daria and Jane walking to class)
Jane: So they were covering your wall with dead bats huh? What a thing to come home to. Any little
orange pumpkins popping up in unexpected places?
Daria: No. Not yet.
Jane: Oh, and I was just about to guess it was the Freaky-Decor-Gnome paying you a visit.
Maybe they really are just decorating for Halloween.
Daria: I should be scared.
Jane: Only if they really are dressing the house up.
Daria: I think they might be trying some futile attempt to join the pagan religion.
Jane: Nifty, can I help catch a sacrifice?
Daria: Actually, we're all kind of hoping Quinn will volunteer out of the goodness of her heart.
Jane: You mean your hoping she'll unknowingly blunder onto the sacrificial knife?
Daria: Whichever.
Jane: It might help if you held the knife out at her.
Daria: Amazing. You read my mind.
Jane: Hey, one of my many talents. So, are you dressing up for Halloween?
Daria: I thought I'd go as me.
Jane: Wow! Me too.
Daria: It must be ESP.
Jane: Yeah, that or our record of being ourselves 6 years straight.
Daria: Hmmm. That could be it too.
Jane: Is Quinn still scared of your Halloween costumes? You know, you.
Daria: Not anymore. I think she's gotten used to seeing it day in, day out by now.
Jane: I can see how that might happen.
Daria: I heard Brittany is going to be a cheerleader this year.
Jane: Now that's scary. I wonder how long it took her to come up with that idea.
Daria: Probably all her life. That or Math class.
Jane: Yeah, I get the funny feeling she doesn't pay attention in Math.
Daria: What gives you that idea?
Jane: Oh ya know. Just a hunch. Hey! Maybe we should go as each other? That might scare some
of the smaller children.
Daria: But I already have my Me outfit.
Jane: And you look just like the real thing too.
Daria: I've had practice. Still, maybe we could go as each other. It may come in handy.
Jane: We could definitely confuse The Sacrifice.
Daria: Alright. Your words of wisdom have convinced me.
Jane: Wow. And your usually so skeptical of my Zany Plans. I AM good.
Daria: I'm easily swayed when Zany Plans involve tricking the Sacrificial Quinn.
Jane: Who isn't?
(commercial break)
(Daria's House, Daria's Room)
SSW: What if your fish is really a transfigured Evil-Wizard waiting for just the right moment
to strike your local TV stations camera man?!? It's happened to ours! It could happen to yours!
Next time on Sick Sad World.
(Daria is sitting on her bed and shuts off the TV with the remote)
Daria: I just don't need the images of evil fish wizards in my mind before I go to sleep.
Especially with so many of my closest friends being local Camera Men.
(Quinn walks by the door)
Quinn(Calling): Mom! She's talking to the TV!
(Quinn looks back in)
Quinn(calling again): Oh my God! And it's off!!
Daria: Hey, it spoke to me first. I was only being polite.
Jane: Which is entirely understandable.
(Jane enters the room.)
Jane: Knock, Knock.
Daria: Hi.
Jane: Hey. I thought I'd drop off your Halloween costume.
(Jane holds up a pile of clothing identical to her own)
Daria: Wow. It's historically accurate too. You really went all out.
Jane: I try.
Daria: I'm afraid I don't have yours yet, this is my only one.
(Daria looks down at the clothing she's wearing)
Jane: That's ok. I should be going anyway, Trent is waiting outside. He gave me a lift on the way
to a gig.
Daria: Where are they playing?
Jane: 7th and Hudson's Ave.
Daria: There's a club there?
Jane: No, but there's a cozy street corner with lots of...
Daria: Atmosphere?
Jane: I was going to say pavement, but that'll do.
(Car horn beeps)
Jane: Ah, that's my queue!
Daria: Better not make them late...r.
Jane: The corner is usually pretty empty of struggling bands this time of night. Wanna come?
It should be good for a scare, what with all the drunkards about.
Daria: Thanks. I'm tempted. But I think I'll just stay in tonight.
Jane: That can be good for a scare too, with all the hanging bats and pumpkins.
Daria: And the Sacrifice walking around in her new shoes.
Jane: Hmm...I'm suddenly thankful that all I'll be facing tonight is drunks.
Daria: Sounds like fun.
Jane(shrugs): It's educational. You'd be surprised how many things some of these guys have done
in their life.
Daria: I'd take a note pad if I were you.
(car horn)
Jane: Good idea. You can come take notes with me sometime.
Daria: I'd...uh...be honored.
Jane: Don't worry, I'll forget about it by tomorrow. See ya.
Daria: Bye. Thanks for the costume.
Jane: Where it with pride.
Daria: Always and always.
Jane: Well don't get all mushy on me.
Daria: I'm just so overcome with rot emotion.
Jane: We're a chapter right out of Hamlet. Alas poor me, I knew me well.
Daria: And then the drunkards got to her. Such an untimely demise.
(Daira's dinner table)
(Daria enters and sits down next to Quinn)
Helen: Daria! How nice of you to decide to join us!
Daria: Hey, I'm doing my time. There's no need to gloat.
Helen: I'm just pleased that's all. Halloween is a time of family and togetherness! And you've
just been shut up in your room all day while we were decorating for it!
Daria: I thought Halloween was a time of dead bats and Napkin Ghosts.
Quinn: Oh Daria! It's so much more then that! It's also a time of sales and stuff!
Daria: Yeah. And you get to play dress up too, not that you'd let the time of year dictate when
you can play dress up.
(Daria and Jane walking the halls of Lawndale high the next day)
Jane: So what's the word on the Halloween home front?
Daria: Mom's started putting up black cats now. She also planned a 'family trip' to the pumpkin
patch this Saturday.
Jane: I'd run if I were you. Far, far away, to a land free of pumpkins and your mother's sense of
holiday spirit.
Daria: If only such a place existed else where then my dreams.
So how'd the drunk gig go?
Jane: Really well I think. No one seemed to notice the band's music, so Trent is assuming they
liked it.
Daria: Smart.
Jane: Or very optimistic.
Daria: No offense, but I don't see Trent displaying much of any emotion other then "whoa."
Jane: Is whoa an emotion now?
Daria: Keanu seems to think so.
Jane: He gives stellar performances.
Daria: When he doesn't speak.
Jane: Details.
(Daria's house, Daria's kitchen. Halloween Eve)
Helen: This all just doesn't look right! Maybe it needs more bats?
Jake(popping a Halloween Candy into his mouth): I think it looks great honey! All spooky and scary
and dark...foreboding...trapping...
...just like childhood.
(Jake starts to whimper and runs out of the room as Daria enters)
Daria(Looking around the room cluttered with even more decorations then the preivious day):
I can see why he ran.
Helen: Daria! You can help me with the pumpkin pies!
Daria: I don't cook.
Helen: Here, you can put these near the window to cool.
Daria: I don't help people cook either. Come to think of it, you don't cook...who are you and where's
my real parental unit?
Helen(laughing nervously): Oh Daria, I cook. I cook, just not often.
(Phone rings and Helen picks up)
Helen: Hello? Oh Bruce! Hi! Well, why can't we settle the deal on Monday?
(Enter Quinn)
(Daria turns to her)
Daria: Why is mom cooking?
Quinn: Grandma threatened to visit again.
Daria: So this way if she actually goes through with it this time, instead of deciding the rain
that might come would be too heavy to travel in, mom will seem the normal house wife?
It's so devious.
Quinn(Thoughtfully): Yeah..
Daria: If there's something on your mind you better say it. You don't want to hurt yourself.
Quinn: Well...I was thinking...
Daria: It will comfort mom and dad in their golden years to know your time at school did teach
you how to do something.
Quinn: Oh very funny Daria! I was wondering...are you going to be around for mom's party tonight?
Cause some of my friends are going to be here and it would be like so un-cool to have you around
and stuff.
Daria: You won't even notice I'm here.
Quinn: Right, so, why do you have to be here?
Daria: I wonder the same thing sometimes.
(Daria and Jane in Daria's room)
Daria: How do I look?
(Daria comes out of the closet in her costume.)
Jane: Wow, it's me.
Daria: No, it's not. It's really just a cleverly disguised mockery of your artistic nature.
(Jane goes into the closest to change)
Jane: Is that where my artistic nature went. I've been looking for it under the bed all week.
Damn thing's never there. I need it for that art show next weekend.
Daria: Trust artistic natures not to keep appointments.
(Jane comes out in her costume)
Jane: How about me? Do I pass for your cynical nature?
Daria: Cynical? Me? I don't know what you mean.
Jane: Your right. More of a Dry-Sarcasm and uh Blunt-Cynically inclined nature, really.
Daria: Try saying something Me-like.
Jane: Ok. 'I'm Daria.'
Daria: Wow.
(Daria and Jane coming down stairs in their 'costumes')
(Enter Quinn at the base of the stairs)
Quinn(Speaking to Jane as Daria): OH Daria, there you are! I've been looking all over for you!
Daria: You must not have been looking too hard. In fact, I don't think you are now either.
Quinn: Uh huh! I looked in the yard, and the basement, I mean like, even the laundry room.
Jane: Her logic confuses me.
Daria: Join the club.
Quinn(Turning to Jane as Daria again): So anyway, Daria, I wanted to make sure your leaving
tonight.
Cause like, Sandi and just about EVERYone who is anyone from school is like going to be
here soon.
Jane: I think you might have confused me with someone else. Someone related to you.
Quinn: So does this mean your not going to leave tonight?!? Daria you promised!
Jane: I'm not Daria.
Quinn: OH! Good! Just do that all night, if you HAVE to be around that is. If we're lucky they'll
just think you crashed the party or something. Cause I mean, who wouldn't want to crash
one of my parties!
Jane: No I mean-
Daria: There's no possible way to win this argument. You'll only confuse the Quinn specimen.
Quinn: Oh god! Is SHE going to be around too?! MOM! Daria is ruining everything again!
(Quinn runs off with her hands cover her face)
Daria: That worked better then even I expected.
Jane: Yeah, we should be each other more often.
Daria: I'm sure someone would notice the difference.
(Jake enters the scene)
Jake(To Jane): Hey kiddo!
(Jake exits)
Daria: There goes my last ounce of faith in man kind.
Jane: I thought you used it all up last year already?
Daria: Your right. This must have been my last ounce of faith in parental knowledge.
Jane: Scary. I didn't think you had any.
Daria: Hmm. No, I don't think I did.
Jane: Then what did you lose faith in?
Daria: You know...I don't know. I have to keep a list next time.
(Later that evening, Daria and Jane in the midst of Daria's now very crowder living room)
Helen: Quinn! Honey!
(Helen struggles through several members of the football team and reaches Quinn who is dressed
in what looks like a Cinderella costume.)
Quinn: MOO-OM! I thought you said you would stay IN the kitchen??
Helen: Well, after the second explosion I thought-
Quinn(laughing slightly as she blows Helen off): That was just some of the guys having fun.
Helen: Fun?
Quinn: Yeah, you know, that thing you forget how to have when you get all old and wrinkled and
stuff.
Helen: Well..keep the explosive fun to a min-
Quinn: Yeah, yeah, right mom! Oh HI Sandi!
(Quinn rushes off past her mom after spotting Sandi by the door. Quinn pauses and goes back to
Helen)
Quinn: You ARE gonna go back to the kitchen now, right?
(Daria and Jane standing amidst the the Halloween clad party-goers.)
Daria: Well this is fun.
(Another explosion goes off somewhere near the couch, setting off the sprinklers. Daria
and Jane look at each other and sigh. The football team(dressed in football team Halloween-
costumes) start to romp in the water now flooding the floor and begin splashing the
cheerleaders)
Jake(coming out from the kitchen with a candied apple): Wow!
Helen(off screen voice from the kitchen): WOW?!?! Wow what?! What's going on out there?
Jake: It's WET!
(Quinn standing at the door 2 hours later, waving good bye to her friends and the fire deparment)
Quinn: Bye Sandi! Sorry about the crasher's and uh..everything! heh heh heh
(Quinn laughs nervously.)
Sandi: That's OK. Just because none of MY parties would EVER be allowed to have CRASHER'S.
Quinn: Uh-yeah.
(Quinn shuts the door with a sigh. Her Cinderella crown slightly askew.)
(Daria and Jane sitting on the stairs.)
Jane: All in all I thought the evening was a success.
Daria: Yeah. We even got candy.
Jane: And managed to confuse The Sacrifice three times through out.
Daria: I think next year we should be cynical, dry-witted teenagers who spend the whole of the
evening in the other room. Hopefully a dryer room too.
Jane: Wow, no one will know it's us.
Daria: Exactly.
Jane: Care to go watch Sick Sad World?
Daria: Ok. I need to get back into my own clothes too, I'm starting to feel vaguely human.
Jane: Yeah, I thought I noticed some emotion on your face.
Daria: Now that's something to be scared of.
(Daria's Room)
(Jane and Daria are back in their normal clothing)
Jane: So do you still think your mom is turning neo-pagan?
Daria: Maybe just until Christmas. Once that hits she'll start to try to appease God again.
Jane: It's a vicious cycle.
Daria: Yeah. And April Fool's Day throws her for a total loop.
(TV screen is showing a street full of trick-or-treaters and several pigs tearing the place up)
SSW: Rampaging swine's destroy Halloween for one Oklahoma town! Are they coming to yours next?
Pig-Or-Treat, Next time on Sick Sad World.
Jane: Happy Halloween Daria.
Daria: Thanks. It's nice to have the world back to normal again, at least I know what sort of
ironic twists and desperately boring situations to expect from it.
Jane: That's always a comfort.
Daria: My thoughts exactly.
Jane and Daria at the same time: ESP.
(Roll credits) La la la la
A/N: No offense to Keanu Reeves, I like him very much, not just cause of his looks.
Hope you enjoyed this. It is my FIRST Daria fanfic, so please DON'T flame me!:)
I'll try better. Bye;) And thanks again!
"I write what I write. Whatever the story I might be doing says, where ever it goes,
it goes there because that's where it's meant to. I try my best to point it in the right
direction, but in the end, the story tells ME where it should go. And points ME in the
right direction. Actually, I think it's best that way. It knows more about what should
happen then I do."
in
'Halloween Daria'
----------------------------
By season5girl
Hey everyone! *grins*:)
I wanted to thank you all for your reviews-it makes my day to get them and I really appreciate
you all taking time out of *your* day to write them!:)
I also wanted to state that I in NO way meant ANY offense to the Pagan or any other religion in
this fiction. And I in no way insinuated that Paganism involves devil worship (which
it does NOT-repeat-NOT).
I am not unfamiliar with Paganism, I am VERY familiar with it and it was out of great respect
I wrote what I wrote. I would NEVER purposely do anything to offend ANY religion and I
apologize if I have in this fic. Which is in truth, all it is, a fic.
And again, seriously, thank you all for reviewing-more over for reading, it means a lot.
I write these because I truly enjoy doing it, but without people like yourselves
to read it, it would not be nearly as enjoyable for me. Thank you again! Lots of love, -s5g:):):)
******THIS IS A REVISED ADDITION******
DISCLAIMER: "Daria" is not mine. The show belongs to MTV and uh..whatever other people have rights to it. It's just not me though. I own all the original bits of the plot though. Deal.
I haven't seen all of the episodes yet, I'm only a recent(as in, maybe three weeks:P) convert,
so if this bares any resemblance to any of the eps, or is just plane not in character I
apologize;( It's not my fault, REALLY. Ok maybe it is.;)
ENJOY!
Dedicated to: N, for the teachings in the way of cynical behavior. And to Alex cause...well...why
not?:P
(Daytime: Daria's Living room)
Jake(standing on a step latter, hanging Halloween decorations and stumbling slightly):
How-how's this?
Helen(watching critically): Left. Left. Down, left again, no, right.
Jake: There?
Helen: There!
(Jake comes down)
Helen: Hmmm...it looked fine when you were up there...funny. Are you sure you put it where I said?
Jake: Left, left, down...uh...right?
(Enter Daria)
Daria: Why are you two hanging dead bats on the wall?
Jake: They're paper bats honey!
Daria: Thank you for clearing that up, I wouldn't have been able to rest properly with it weighing
on my mind.
Helen: Do they look straight to you Daria?
Daria: That, or worried.
(The Next Day: Daria and Jane walking to class)
Jane: So they were covering your wall with dead bats huh? What a thing to come home to. Any little
orange pumpkins popping up in unexpected places?
Daria: No. Not yet.
Jane: Oh, and I was just about to guess it was the Freaky-Decor-Gnome paying you a visit.
Maybe they really are just decorating for Halloween.
Daria: I should be scared.
Jane: Only if they really are dressing the house up.
Daria: I think they might be trying some futile attempt to join the pagan religion.
Jane: Nifty, can I help catch a sacrifice?
Daria: Actually, we're all kind of hoping Quinn will volunteer out of the goodness of her heart.
Jane: You mean your hoping she'll unknowingly blunder onto the sacrificial knife?
Daria: Whichever.
Jane: It might help if you held the knife out at her.
Daria: Amazing. You read my mind.
Jane: Hey, one of my many talents. So, are you dressing up for Halloween?
Daria: I thought I'd go as me.
Jane: Wow! Me too.
Daria: It must be ESP.
Jane: Yeah, that or our record of being ourselves 6 years straight.
Daria: Hmmm. That could be it too.
Jane: Is Quinn still scared of your Halloween costumes? You know, you.
Daria: Not anymore. I think she's gotten used to seeing it day in, day out by now.
Jane: I can see how that might happen.
Daria: I heard Brittany is going to be a cheerleader this year.
Jane: Now that's scary. I wonder how long it took her to come up with that idea.
Daria: Probably all her life. That or Math class.
Jane: Yeah, I get the funny feeling she doesn't pay attention in Math.
Daria: What gives you that idea?
Jane: Oh ya know. Just a hunch. Hey! Maybe we should go as each other? That might scare some
of the smaller children.
Daria: But I already have my Me outfit.
Jane: And you look just like the real thing too.
Daria: I've had practice. Still, maybe we could go as each other. It may come in handy.
Jane: We could definitely confuse The Sacrifice.
Daria: Alright. Your words of wisdom have convinced me.
Jane: Wow. And your usually so skeptical of my Zany Plans. I AM good.
Daria: I'm easily swayed when Zany Plans involve tricking the Sacrificial Quinn.
Jane: Who isn't?
(commercial break)
(Daria's House, Daria's Room)
SSW: What if your fish is really a transfigured Evil-Wizard waiting for just the right moment
to strike your local TV stations camera man?!? It's happened to ours! It could happen to yours!
Next time on Sick Sad World.
(Daria is sitting on her bed and shuts off the TV with the remote)
Daria: I just don't need the images of evil fish wizards in my mind before I go to sleep.
Especially with so many of my closest friends being local Camera Men.
(Quinn walks by the door)
Quinn(Calling): Mom! She's talking to the TV!
(Quinn looks back in)
Quinn(calling again): Oh my God! And it's off!!
Daria: Hey, it spoke to me first. I was only being polite.
Jane: Which is entirely understandable.
(Jane enters the room.)
Jane: Knock, Knock.
Daria: Hi.
Jane: Hey. I thought I'd drop off your Halloween costume.
(Jane holds up a pile of clothing identical to her own)
Daria: Wow. It's historically accurate too. You really went all out.
Jane: I try.
Daria: I'm afraid I don't have yours yet, this is my only one.
(Daria looks down at the clothing she's wearing)
Jane: That's ok. I should be going anyway, Trent is waiting outside. He gave me a lift on the way
to a gig.
Daria: Where are they playing?
Jane: 7th and Hudson's Ave.
Daria: There's a club there?
Jane: No, but there's a cozy street corner with lots of...
Daria: Atmosphere?
Jane: I was going to say pavement, but that'll do.
(Car horn beeps)
Jane: Ah, that's my queue!
Daria: Better not make them late...r.
Jane: The corner is usually pretty empty of struggling bands this time of night. Wanna come?
It should be good for a scare, what with all the drunkards about.
Daria: Thanks. I'm tempted. But I think I'll just stay in tonight.
Jane: That can be good for a scare too, with all the hanging bats and pumpkins.
Daria: And the Sacrifice walking around in her new shoes.
Jane: Hmm...I'm suddenly thankful that all I'll be facing tonight is drunks.
Daria: Sounds like fun.
Jane(shrugs): It's educational. You'd be surprised how many things some of these guys have done
in their life.
Daria: I'd take a note pad if I were you.
(car horn)
Jane: Good idea. You can come take notes with me sometime.
Daria: I'd...uh...be honored.
Jane: Don't worry, I'll forget about it by tomorrow. See ya.
Daria: Bye. Thanks for the costume.
Jane: Where it with pride.
Daria: Always and always.
Jane: Well don't get all mushy on me.
Daria: I'm just so overcome with rot emotion.
Jane: We're a chapter right out of Hamlet. Alas poor me, I knew me well.
Daria: And then the drunkards got to her. Such an untimely demise.
(Daira's dinner table)
(Daria enters and sits down next to Quinn)
Helen: Daria! How nice of you to decide to join us!
Daria: Hey, I'm doing my time. There's no need to gloat.
Helen: I'm just pleased that's all. Halloween is a time of family and togetherness! And you've
just been shut up in your room all day while we were decorating for it!
Daria: I thought Halloween was a time of dead bats and Napkin Ghosts.
Quinn: Oh Daria! It's so much more then that! It's also a time of sales and stuff!
Daria: Yeah. And you get to play dress up too, not that you'd let the time of year dictate when
you can play dress up.
(Daria and Jane walking the halls of Lawndale high the next day)
Jane: So what's the word on the Halloween home front?
Daria: Mom's started putting up black cats now. She also planned a 'family trip' to the pumpkin
patch this Saturday.
Jane: I'd run if I were you. Far, far away, to a land free of pumpkins and your mother's sense of
holiday spirit.
Daria: If only such a place existed else where then my dreams.
So how'd the drunk gig go?
Jane: Really well I think. No one seemed to notice the band's music, so Trent is assuming they
liked it.
Daria: Smart.
Jane: Or very optimistic.
Daria: No offense, but I don't see Trent displaying much of any emotion other then "whoa."
Jane: Is whoa an emotion now?
Daria: Keanu seems to think so.
Jane: He gives stellar performances.
Daria: When he doesn't speak.
Jane: Details.
(Daria's house, Daria's kitchen. Halloween Eve)
Helen: This all just doesn't look right! Maybe it needs more bats?
Jake(popping a Halloween Candy into his mouth): I think it looks great honey! All spooky and scary
and dark...foreboding...trapping...
...just like childhood.
(Jake starts to whimper and runs out of the room as Daria enters)
Daria(Looking around the room cluttered with even more decorations then the preivious day):
I can see why he ran.
Helen: Daria! You can help me with the pumpkin pies!
Daria: I don't cook.
Helen: Here, you can put these near the window to cool.
Daria: I don't help people cook either. Come to think of it, you don't cook...who are you and where's
my real parental unit?
Helen(laughing nervously): Oh Daria, I cook. I cook, just not often.
(Phone rings and Helen picks up)
Helen: Hello? Oh Bruce! Hi! Well, why can't we settle the deal on Monday?
(Enter Quinn)
(Daria turns to her)
Daria: Why is mom cooking?
Quinn: Grandma threatened to visit again.
Daria: So this way if she actually goes through with it this time, instead of deciding the rain
that might come would be too heavy to travel in, mom will seem the normal house wife?
It's so devious.
Quinn(Thoughtfully): Yeah..
Daria: If there's something on your mind you better say it. You don't want to hurt yourself.
Quinn: Well...I was thinking...
Daria: It will comfort mom and dad in their golden years to know your time at school did teach
you how to do something.
Quinn: Oh very funny Daria! I was wondering...are you going to be around for mom's party tonight?
Cause some of my friends are going to be here and it would be like so un-cool to have you around
and stuff.
Daria: You won't even notice I'm here.
Quinn: Right, so, why do you have to be here?
Daria: I wonder the same thing sometimes.
(Daria and Jane in Daria's room)
Daria: How do I look?
(Daria comes out of the closet in her costume.)
Jane: Wow, it's me.
Daria: No, it's not. It's really just a cleverly disguised mockery of your artistic nature.
(Jane goes into the closest to change)
Jane: Is that where my artistic nature went. I've been looking for it under the bed all week.
Damn thing's never there. I need it for that art show next weekend.
Daria: Trust artistic natures not to keep appointments.
(Jane comes out in her costume)
Jane: How about me? Do I pass for your cynical nature?
Daria: Cynical? Me? I don't know what you mean.
Jane: Your right. More of a Dry-Sarcasm and uh Blunt-Cynically inclined nature, really.
Daria: Try saying something Me-like.
Jane: Ok. 'I'm Daria.'
Daria: Wow.
(Daria and Jane coming down stairs in their 'costumes')
(Enter Quinn at the base of the stairs)
Quinn(Speaking to Jane as Daria): OH Daria, there you are! I've been looking all over for you!
Daria: You must not have been looking too hard. In fact, I don't think you are now either.
Quinn: Uh huh! I looked in the yard, and the basement, I mean like, even the laundry room.
Jane: Her logic confuses me.
Daria: Join the club.
Quinn(Turning to Jane as Daria again): So anyway, Daria, I wanted to make sure your leaving
tonight.
Cause like, Sandi and just about EVERYone who is anyone from school is like going to be
here soon.
Jane: I think you might have confused me with someone else. Someone related to you.
Quinn: So does this mean your not going to leave tonight?!? Daria you promised!
Jane: I'm not Daria.
Quinn: OH! Good! Just do that all night, if you HAVE to be around that is. If we're lucky they'll
just think you crashed the party or something. Cause I mean, who wouldn't want to crash
one of my parties!
Jane: No I mean-
Daria: There's no possible way to win this argument. You'll only confuse the Quinn specimen.
Quinn: Oh god! Is SHE going to be around too?! MOM! Daria is ruining everything again!
(Quinn runs off with her hands cover her face)
Daria: That worked better then even I expected.
Jane: Yeah, we should be each other more often.
Daria: I'm sure someone would notice the difference.
(Jake enters the scene)
Jake(To Jane): Hey kiddo!
(Jake exits)
Daria: There goes my last ounce of faith in man kind.
Jane: I thought you used it all up last year already?
Daria: Your right. This must have been my last ounce of faith in parental knowledge.
Jane: Scary. I didn't think you had any.
Daria: Hmm. No, I don't think I did.
Jane: Then what did you lose faith in?
Daria: You know...I don't know. I have to keep a list next time.
(Later that evening, Daria and Jane in the midst of Daria's now very crowder living room)
Helen: Quinn! Honey!
(Helen struggles through several members of the football team and reaches Quinn who is dressed
in what looks like a Cinderella costume.)
Quinn: MOO-OM! I thought you said you would stay IN the kitchen??
Helen: Well, after the second explosion I thought-
Quinn(laughing slightly as she blows Helen off): That was just some of the guys having fun.
Helen: Fun?
Quinn: Yeah, you know, that thing you forget how to have when you get all old and wrinkled and
stuff.
Helen: Well..keep the explosive fun to a min-
Quinn: Yeah, yeah, right mom! Oh HI Sandi!
(Quinn rushes off past her mom after spotting Sandi by the door. Quinn pauses and goes back to
Helen)
Quinn: You ARE gonna go back to the kitchen now, right?
(Daria and Jane standing amidst the the Halloween clad party-goers.)
Daria: Well this is fun.
(Another explosion goes off somewhere near the couch, setting off the sprinklers. Daria
and Jane look at each other and sigh. The football team(dressed in football team Halloween-
costumes) start to romp in the water now flooding the floor and begin splashing the
cheerleaders)
Jake(coming out from the kitchen with a candied apple): Wow!
Helen(off screen voice from the kitchen): WOW?!?! Wow what?! What's going on out there?
Jake: It's WET!
(Quinn standing at the door 2 hours later, waving good bye to her friends and the fire deparment)
Quinn: Bye Sandi! Sorry about the crasher's and uh..everything! heh heh heh
(Quinn laughs nervously.)
Sandi: That's OK. Just because none of MY parties would EVER be allowed to have CRASHER'S.
Quinn: Uh-yeah.
(Quinn shuts the door with a sigh. Her Cinderella crown slightly askew.)
(Daria and Jane sitting on the stairs.)
Jane: All in all I thought the evening was a success.
Daria: Yeah. We even got candy.
Jane: And managed to confuse The Sacrifice three times through out.
Daria: I think next year we should be cynical, dry-witted teenagers who spend the whole of the
evening in the other room. Hopefully a dryer room too.
Jane: Wow, no one will know it's us.
Daria: Exactly.
Jane: Care to go watch Sick Sad World?
Daria: Ok. I need to get back into my own clothes too, I'm starting to feel vaguely human.
Jane: Yeah, I thought I noticed some emotion on your face.
Daria: Now that's something to be scared of.
(Daria's Room)
(Jane and Daria are back in their normal clothing)
Jane: So do you still think your mom is turning neo-pagan?
Daria: Maybe just until Christmas. Once that hits she'll start to try to appease God again.
Jane: It's a vicious cycle.
Daria: Yeah. And April Fool's Day throws her for a total loop.
(TV screen is showing a street full of trick-or-treaters and several pigs tearing the place up)
SSW: Rampaging swine's destroy Halloween for one Oklahoma town! Are they coming to yours next?
Pig-Or-Treat, Next time on Sick Sad World.
Jane: Happy Halloween Daria.
Daria: Thanks. It's nice to have the world back to normal again, at least I know what sort of
ironic twists and desperately boring situations to expect from it.
Jane: That's always a comfort.
Daria: My thoughts exactly.
Jane and Daria at the same time: ESP.
(Roll credits) La la la la
A/N: No offense to Keanu Reeves, I like him very much, not just cause of his looks.
Hope you enjoyed this. It is my FIRST Daria fanfic, so please DON'T flame me!:)
I'll try better. Bye;) And thanks again!
"I write what I write. Whatever the story I might be doing says, where ever it goes,
it goes there because that's where it's meant to. I try my best to point it in the right
direction, but in the end, the story tells ME where it should go. And points ME in the
right direction. Actually, I think it's best that way. It knows more about what should
happen then I do."