Our communication skills really do suck. She just asked me to tell her something I really mean and I still couldn't tell her.

We just finished this case with diamonds and Waaldt and, oh yeah, Monica. Crazy chick who stole said diamonds and tried to convince me to run away with her. When she started to seduce me while Kensi was listening in on coms it really got to me. Kens tried to be subtle and joke and be sarcastic, but I too am a trained agent and could hear the hurt - and maybe just a little jealousy - in her voice.

When we got back from the case I was looking for Kensi who had disappeared immediately after we got out of the car. I found here in the armory cleaning her gun and desperately needed to know that she and I were still good. When I asked her if she was good she just responded "I'm fine". There for I knew she was definitely not good. But she wasn't gonna let me in on that bit of information and just asked me the same thing. I wanted to get some response out of her tonight so I said "I'm good if you're good'. She automatically responded with "I'm good". I got a little frustrated that we both just couldn't say how we felt that I just answered "Well that's, you know, great". With that I started to walk away and called out a "See you tomorrow" over my shoulder.

But then I heard her sigh and she surprised me by calling out to me "Marty!"

The fact that she called me back was already a shock, because Kensalina does not talk about feelings well. But the fact that she called out my first name which no one ever used in NCIS was an even bigger shock. I whipped my head around and tried schooling my features in an attempt not to startle her with my very surprised reaction showing on my face.

"Yes Fern?" I asked, trying to lighten the mood a little.

But Kensi's face was all serious when she asked me "Say something you actually mean?"

Wow, the hits just keep on coming today. I knew with the whole Monica situation that I heard something in her voice that justifies this reaction from her, but Badass Blye normally doesn't give in to those tendencies of showing her feelings.

But she already accused me of bad communication skills once and I definitely lived up to those tonight. I just couldn't get over the shock of this whole moment with my partner and I just could not find the words to tell her I loved her. Because along the way her and I became friends, best friends and something more than partners. But now? I LOVE this woman. This beautiful, kickass, lethal, loyal, junk food junkie. So I just needed to tell her "I love you" and go from there, but I couldn't.

So I just said "I'm incredibly hungry!" with a big smile on my face and asked her if she wanted to grab a bite.

Again I could hear the disappointment in her voice when she reluctantly agreed, but this time I also saw it in her eyes. It was killing me and I was silently cursing myself for being such an idiot right now. Hopefully I could fix this when we were on my couch with some take out, Titanic playing and Monty lying between us.