I do not own Allegiant. That would be Veronica Roth's title. Also, I am so sorry.
::
You won.
You actually won.
Evelyn chose you over power.
And as she hugs you, you forget that she ever abandoned you in the first place.
Because you feel like a little kid again, wrapped in your mother's arms while she hums to try and keep the monsters under your bed away.
But they weren't the ones you had to worry about.
(the real monsters were always in your head)
::
You almost can't believe it when Marcus and Evelyn come to an agreement.
But as you watch your estranged parents shake hands, you think that maybe just maybe things are going to work out.
Jeanine Matthews is dead.
There's no war brewing.
You won't have to watch any more of your friends die.
You smile as you make your way to the compound, eyeing the empty halls and corridors.
The only explanation is that everyone is wandering around aimlessly, their memories completely wiped.
They did it.
They actually did it.
Tris and Caleb really did it.
::
Of course, you should have expected everything to come crashing down.
You're just not supposed to be happy.
Cara comes in, but it's not the bruise and bandages on her face that worry you.
It's the look in her eyes.
It's the absence of the only person you wanted to see.
"Where's Tris?"
She apologizes, but you can already feel your body shutting down because you know. Christina's voice is harsh when she demands to know what happened. If your mouth was working, you would have told her to stop. Because you really don't want to know.
You want your last memory of her to be the fierceness in her eyes as she fought and the love in her face as she kissed you.
Not her death.
Tris. Caleb. Death Serum. David. Shot. Didn't survive.
You only catch every few words, but it's enough to make you freeze.
Tris, your Tris, is gone.
Why'd you always have to be the brave one, Tris?
You should have known she would go instead of Caleb.
You really should have known.
::
Christina's shoulder presses against yours as you follow Cara.
The silence makes your heart ache.
(Tris would have had something to say)
And suddenly, there she is.
Lying in front of you as if she's just sleeping.
But she's not asleep. And she's not going to wake up.
You frown, taking her hand.
It's cold.
Too cold.
Tris should never be that cold.
She is warm and beautiful and alive.
...was.
This is what she is now.
Cold and lifeless.
But you still think she looks beautiful.
Christina cries.
Cara hugs her.
But you never look away from Tris.
You grip her hand tighter, wishing that you could bring her back. Wishing that if you squeeze hard enough, your life will pass through to her and she'll come back to you.
I need you, Tris. Why did you leave me? Why?
And then you break.
Every single ounce of strength you had been holding onto .
And you think you're crying, but you really can't tell.
All you know is the only person you've ever loved is dead.
(what makes you good enough to live when she doesn't?)
::
"Tobias?"
You stop moving for the first time since you saw her body.
Caleb.
You shudder. You don't want to see him.
"Wait, please."
You don't want to look at him. You don't want to see him breathing. Especially when she isn't.
It should be him in the morgue.
But you find yourself turning to him anyway, wanting to see a glimpse of Tris in his face.
You don't.
He chokes when he tells you what she said.
You wonder if it should make you feel something.
It doesn't.
If she didn't want to leave you, then why did she?
You tell him as much.
You watch him fight tears.
You watch him walk away.
(it just makes you angrier)
::
The next few days pass in a blur.
Until you see him.
David.
He's just sitting there, hunched over in a wheelchair, looking as dazed as the others.
And all of the sudden, you're on fire, rage filling your entire being.
"What is he doing here?"
You don't recognize Cara's explanation or Evelyn's words.
You want to wrap your hands around his throat and squeeze until he stops breathing.
You want him to suffer.
Like she did.
Your mother holds you back and tells you to stop, but you can't.
It's not fair that he gets to live after what he did.
Christina breaks you out of your thoughts when she points to Uriah's room and informs you that they're about to pull the plug.
Just another friend dead because of you.
I'm so sorry.
::
You can feel the memory serum burning a hole in your pocket as you walk, avoiding eye contact and ignoring the people who call your name. You keep walking until the door is swinging shut behind you.
Tris would never forgive you if she was here to see what you've become.
A weak shell of your former self.
But she's isn't.
And for once in your life, you want to be selfish.
You want to forget.
"Matthew told me you stole some of the memory serum. I have to admit, I didn't really believe him."
Christina.
You grip the vial protectively, glaring at her as she moves closer.
"This is my decision. Not yours."
You've always hated making decisions.
When she calls you a coward, you know she's right, but most of you doesn't care.
What is the point of being brave anymore?
And then your arm is at her throat and you can't breathe and oh god, she's really gone.
You crumble, her arms folding around you, and you cry.
You give her the vial, but the feeling of loss still remains in the back of your mind.
(if there's one thing loving Tris taught you, it's that you can never really forget)
::
You only last a week before you can't anymore.
You spend all of your time in a blur, moving without really going anywhere.
Tris changed you. She took your broken pieces and she put them back together. She made you worth something.
She might hate you for it, but you can't be in a world that doesn't have her in it.
What kind of a place is that anyway?
The Ferris Wheel looks the same.
But everything else is different.
Tris is gone.
You climb to the top, peering out over the trees and remembering how it felt to have her hand in yours.
You wonder if the tragedy is her dying or you living.
But then, you're flying and you can almost pretend that Tris is right there with you, telling you that she loves you.
You see her smiling face just before you hit the ground.
And then everything goes black.
(after all, one more tragedy couldn't hurt, right?)
::