A/N: June 9th is gray-ace pride day in pride month. I would like to honor this day as it is my own sexuality. This fanfiction is based loosely on what I have experienced with growing up, being gray-ace, and my understanding of it. Keep in mind that not all gray-a/gray-aces/graces experience the same forms of feelings towards sex or sexual attraction, this fanfiction is based on my form of the sexuality. It is a bit personal but I would like to give awareness of this sexuality under the ace umbrella. I hope you enjoy and would love to hear your feedback.
For many years, Tweek believed he was broken. His sexuality had apparently already been decided for him by the town at the age of 10. Although he and Craig had 'broken up' by the time fifth grade rolled around due to everyone's lack of interest in them anymore, people continued to assume he was homosexual. It served to explain many things like his delayed reaction to Bebe's boobs in fourth grade. He acted like the other boys, yes, but only because he was copying their actions to fit in. That hadn't been a problem for the rest of elementary. He was only a kid after all. Dating, romance, just words that didn't have any actual meaning to him. The only 'available' person was Craig anyways, due to the belief that he too was gay. But neither wanted to go down that road again. That wasn't to say they weren't friends. Along with the other three in their group, they were inseparable.
Middle school was when there was slight complexity. Everyone was changing much like the videos they were shown in fifth grade explained. Tweek noticed things about himself and his friends and his fellow classmates. He didn't necessarily like them but nature was taking its course so it seemed. The girls rapidly out grew the boys in height. Tweek, who was one of the taller boys at the time, was beaten by Annie, Red, Heidi and a few others. Body hair had become a thing as he spotted stubble forming of Token's upper lip and thicker hair on Jimmy's arms. Odor was a raising issue as well considering when Clyde would move to hug him, Tweek found himself holding his breath. He thanked his lucky stars that the brunet invested in deodorant later on. Voices were cracking which caused a few laughs here and there. He could never forget when Cartman and Kyle were arguing and the red head's threats were cut by a sudden shift in pitch. Girls had begun to shave, those new to it having a few nicks running down their legs. They spoke of training bras as their once flat chests began to form. Bebe had become their go-to guru considering her breasts developed in fourth grade. Though this time the boys didn't act like a group of gorillas.
Tweek was no exception to the changes but his fair hair color made it hard to see the leg hairs. His armpits had much more visible difference considering he didn't shave. His voice remained slightly high unlike his friends though he wasn't alone in that factor as Butters, Stan, Kenny and a handful of boys were in a similar position. The biggest difference for him, or so it appeared, was his mentality. Tweek always had anxiety though not in this way. Conspiracies, underpants gnomes, people out to get him; that was normal. Now he cared about what his peers thought of him. He didn't want to be that twitchy gay kid anymore. He wanted to impress his friends though there was no need to. Even so, he went into boxing. Stan's uncle was more than happy to train him. He had stopped drinking so much of his beloved coffee as well. That was when Craig intervened. Tweek explained to him about his troubles to which his best friend replied with 'you're an idiot.' Seeing that the words hurt the blond, Craig punched his arm. "You don't have to change to get people to like you. I think you're fine just like you are," Craig ended up saying and buying Tweek five cups of coffee. Tweek felt butterflies in his chest for the first time.
The summer of eight grade, Tweek had his first sexual experience. He had woken up with an odd stiffness between his legs. Of course he knew what it was. At the age of 14, along with having heard other boys talk about similar moments, he was fully aware that he had a 'boner.' It was uncomfortable to say the least. Though he was curious. Licking his dry lips, he reached under the waist band of his shorts, feeling the coarse hairs that were at the base of his member before he grasped it in his hands. The act on its own had sent shivers through him but not what he was expecting. All the guys had talked about it being incredible.
'Maybe I have to keep going?' He thought as he moved his hand. There was little he could do as the movements were only awkward, unhurried. He bit his lip when suddenly an image of familiar, calculating, electric blue eyes flashed in his head. The thought brought him to completion. That, however, was unfulfilling. He was confused. There wasn't that bliss everyone told him about, that sense of amazement. Perhaps he had done something wrong. Though he wasn't very interested in trying again. He only cleaned up then went about his day as usual. He never told anyone about his experience either.
High school came about in what felt like the speed of light. Along with more changes. Tweek was now the shortest of his friends. Jimmy only appeared to be his height due to the slouch he had because of his crutches. The blond continued to take boxing, mostly because he found he enjoyed the sport. New interests came about with everyone. Sports teams, clubs, self-findings too. That along with sexual awareness. People had begun dating left and right. Hook ups, break ups, make ups, everything you could name. Tweek found himself seeing those around him differently. Girls were pretty. Very, very pretty. The blond was slightly awkward around them freshman year. Particularly Bebe, which his group of friends teased him for. The boob incident would always be brought up again. Clyde encouraged him to go for it, Bebe may have been his ex but he thought the two would make a great pair. Unfortunately, unlike his friends, everyone continued to assume he was gay. So when Tweek had done his best to flirt with her, she saw it as friendly gestures.
Craig was there to console him when his attempts failed. "She's an airhead. You can do better," The noirette assured. Tweek ended up spending the rest of that year by Craig's side. Sophomore year rolled around which was when Tweek wanted to be more independent. He couldn't rely on Craig forever and he was tired of how superficial people were becoming. Popularity, importance, gossip. Everything seemed so pointless. It was disgusting. He voiced this opinion too to which Token told him it was only a part of growing up. Tweek expressed his distaste with that as well. Clyde rolled his eyes, "If you're going to be such a downer, go hang out with the Goth kids." Tweek decided he would do just that.
He had been accepted into the new group. Or more so, they didn't care if he joined or not. His blond hair was dyed black. His wardrobe replaced with black as well. It turned out that the Goth kids weren't as bad as everyone said they were. That was probably why Stan still talked to them. While he hadn't been a big fan of their talks of life revolving around pain, he found the discussions insightful. They were definitely more refreshing than the self-absorbed egoists in the school. He had become close to the one with a splotch of dyed red hair, Pete. They spoke more often than not. Due to his refusal to smoke or believe everything was dark or depressing, Pete still dubbed him a conformist. "But you're a good kind," He told him as he blew smoke in his face.
Pete would come by the coffee shop daily. Sometimes even alone. Tweek found himself noticing details about him like how the goth had a few freckles that dusted his cheeks. They shared music interests, spending days listening to The Cure or Tears of Fears. Tweek enjoyed spending time with him, especially when Pete's light brown eyes seemed to glow slightly when he smiled. It was then he came to the conclusion that he was attracted to guys. That wasn't too much of a problem. He didn't mind being bi.
"Do you think you could give me a piercing?" Tweek asked him one day as they sat in Pete's room. The goth blinked at the sudden question, "Um. Yeah, I could. Why do you want one?" Tweek shrugged, "Just want one. Might look good."
"I think you'd look hot."
The words brought a blush to his face. Pete smirked before going to get the items he needed. He washed his hands then grabbed a lighter. Using the flame, he disinfected the needle in his hand before threading it. "Where do you want the piercing?" He asked. Tweek pointed to his left ear. "Alright, this might hurt," Pete moved closer, placing the end of the needles on Tweek's ear lobe. Tweek held his breath as Pete's calm voice counted down. "One...two...three," The needle was pushed in swiftly. At the same time, a warm pair of lips pressed against his. Tweek kept his eyes closed until Pete pulled away. He placed a simple black earring in the newly made piercing. They smiled at each other before kissing once more.
That had been the start of Tweek's first real relationship. People were surprised. They assumed dating was too 'conformist' for a goth and Tweek openly shared his dismay of relationships. Yet there they were. Holding hands, cuddling, that wasn't their thing. But it was hard to miss the way they sat closer to each other or the small pecks they gave from time to time. Henrietta, Michele, and Firkle were supportive of them. They liked Tweek and had been glad it wasn't that vamp kid that Pete chose. Tweek's other friends were...shocked. While he had changed slightly since entering this phase, he was still smiley, nervous, sweet Tweek. Pete, not so much.
"Wow, Tweek di-di-didn't know you had it in you," Jimmy said when Tweek told them about his relationship. Clyde's eyes were wide in disbelief, "I said hang out with them, not date one of them. They're freaks." The brunet was soon hit by Craig. "Tweek can date whoever he wants," Craig glared at the jock. Token nodded in agreement, "We're happy for you. But if he does anything to you, we'll kill him." The blond couldn't help the grin on his face. Clyde may have spoken without thinking, but he usually did that anyways. He knew it was just because Clyde was worried about him. They were all protective of him in some form or another. At the very least he had their blessing.
Things went by without much struggle. At first. Tweek loved every moment with Pete. Whether it was reading poetry together, listening to music, watching dark themed films or simply being in each other's company. He appreciative the tentative touches and sweet kisses. However, as the months went by, they had grown closer. That wouldn't have been a problem had it not been for the increase in physical activity. Pete was definitely attractive, Tweek could tell. His heart skipped a beat when he saw him shirtless but there was no real desire to touch him or be touched. Pete thought otherwise.
On Pete's bed, the two were pressed against each other. Their tongues moved in sync as Pete slid his hand up Tweek's shirt. They had been together for 9 months and Tweek felt that he owed him something. Pete gave him love and attention, what were a few sexual moments in return? While he told himself this, he felt nothing as his boyfriend undressed him. Nothing as he watched him prep himself. His body may have reacted like anyone's would when being stimulated and he did find himself somewhat enjoying how Pete quivered under his touch, but that was as far as it went. Even as their bodies moved together and the goth arched against him, there wasn't a single stroke of ecstasy. Tweek did feel discomfort at the tight heat that squeezed him and slight disgust at the sweat and sounds their bodies made. He was only happy that Pete was enjoying himself.
When they had finished, Tweek felt dirty. There was no euphoria. No post orgasmic bliss. Just detachment. As if everything was wrong. It occurred to him that maybe it wasn't the sex, it was him. Something was most definitely wrong with him. The thought made him sick to his stomach. He ended his relationship with Pete a few weeks later, deciding the teen deserved more than a broken human. While the goths saw the act as cruel, they didn't know the conflict Tweek was going through. He ran to the first person he knew he could talk to, Craig Tucker.
He went crying to the noirette. He was hurting at the fact that he ended his first love. Craig had an arm around him as they he sniffled. "I don't know what happened," Tweek mumbled, explaining the situation, "I liked him! I really did but- oh god!" Craig didn't say a word. "I felt gross! It didn't feel good at all…I've thought about having sex with him before but I never wanted to actually do it. He's hot, yeah, but- gah! I messed it all up!" The noirette brought him closer, "You didn't mess up."
"Yes I did! I couldn't even tell him about it!"
"Tweek," Craig said sternly, "What happened, happened. It didn't work out, so you can feel bad but don't stay stuck on it. You don't have to have sex with people if you don't want to." Tweek wiped his eyes, "It's not even that…it's like I think about it. The idea of it is interesting but I'm not- I don't- Jesus! I can't get off!" A dark blush covered his face as he confessed to it, "And even when I do I'm not interested. It feels wrong…do you understand?" Craig shook his head, "Not really but if that's you, okay. Not everyone is the same." Tweek rested his head against Craig's shoulder. His friend squeezed him carefully. "Don't ever think you're messed up. If someone tells you that you are, I'll beat them up." Tweek laughed at the threat, "Oh please. You're all skin and bones."
"Well not everyone has been boxing since they were 11." The two went back and forth. Tweek remembered why he would always be around him. Craig always found a way to make him smile.
Junior year was the hardest of them all. Academics wise at least. Tweek's phase had ended, his black hair returned to its bright blond. Though now he had a pastel green stripe going through it. Once again his friends outgrew him. Craig and Token practically looming over him, he reached Clyde's shoulder, and Jimmy beat him even with his slouch. Though he was the strongest next to Clyde who was on the varsity football team. Tweek had a lean body but it had been difficult to tell due to his choice of loose fitting clothes, especially when he wore Craig's hoodie. His childish face developed as he matured but kept a roundness to it, the dark circles under his eyes remained due to the many nights spent awake to study.
Everyone was running around, trying to keep their grades up in order to be accepted into the university or college they would apply for next year. Pressure was on which Tweek only did well under when he was in the ring. He was in simpler classes than his friends; he shared AP Spanish with Craig. Meaning they were over at the other's house constantly, trying to study together. Some days they would spend the night if time called for it. There wasn't much objection to it. The Tuckers saw Tweek as their second adopted son and the Tweaks held Craig in the light of a son-in-law. They were over so often now that some of their personal belongings were in the other's rooms. Craig's guinea pig would even whoop happily whenever Tweek visited. Both families didn't bat an eye when the boys shared a bed.
"So would we use preterit or imperfect?" Tweek asked as he worked on the pages they were assigned. Craig flipped the pencil in his hand, "I have no idea."
"Some Peruvian guinea pig god you are."
"Hey I was adopted by white people! I didn't even know I was Peruvian until those assholes took me there," Craig glared at him. Tweek flipped him off, a habit he had learned from the noirette. He looked down at his notes, "Maybe we should call David." Craig gripped his pencil tighter, "No. You always call him when you need help."
"He speaks fluent Spanish. He doesn't even have to take this class but it's an easy A for his GPA to go up. If anyone can help, it's him," Tweek shrugged. He saw Craig move closer, "Let me see." The blond shivered lightly as he felt the teen's chest touch his shoulder. Craig was looking over his shoulder, reading the sentence. His heart pounded while a light brown finger pointed to a few words. Craig's breath hit his ear as he spoke, "Imperfect. It says 'se siente' so it's talking about her emotions." Tweek nodded hesitantly before writing down the correct conjugation. "See? You didn't need David," Craig said before moving away. Tweek's heart didn't stop knocking against his chest. Had that been…jealousy? Caused by someone Tweek rarely spoke to unless it was convenient? He brushed a few strands of hair out of his face, "Th-Thank you." He didn't understand why he felt nervous. It was only Craig in front of him. His best friend since elementary. Tweek forced himself to calm down.
The year went by without too much going wrong. Grades fluctuated here and there. Though no one was too destroyed from the stress. As it all drew to a close, a party was help at Token's house while his parents were away. Tweek hadn't wanted to go but he rather spend time with his friends than alone. He remained at the side of one of his companions, anyone of them would do. He held a red SOLO cup in his hands, downing the cranberry mixed with vodka concoction. Illegal, yes, but he was a teenager living in a crazy town. Drinking alcohol once in a while in order to relax wasn't that bad. He twitched as music defended his ears. He watched as those around him danced as best as white kids could. He couldn't help a snicker when he saw Token and Clyde grinding on each other. They may have been intoxicated but it was still funny. He took out his phone then took a picture of the two.
"Y-You should send that to me," Jimmy told him. "I knew they were gay for each other," Jimmy's girlfriend, Mercedes, grinned. Tweek couldn't agree more with her. He bet the two they would hook up by the end of the night.
While time went on, Tweek drank more. The warm buzz gave him a pleasant sensation. Somewhere along the way, he lost sight of his friends. Token and Clyde may have gone off together, as well as Jimmy and Mercedes. Craig could have been outside smoking, he wasn't sure. Tweek decided to find him. He pushed his way through the crowd. Making it to the back door, he opened it. His eyes widened as he stepped out to the porch. Craig was pressed against the wall of the house, Kenny's hands down his pants. The sight caused his heart to stop beating, he was sure of that. Craig's breathy moans made his heart shatter. He made an odd strangled sound which caught the attention of the other two.
"Tweek-"
"I'm sorry!" Tweek shouted before running back inside. His head throbbed as he stumbled through the house. Since when were they a thing? He thought Craig hated Kenny. Tweek should have been happy for them. Instead he was confused, angry, upset. He hiccupped as he found himself in an empty hall. What could Kenny have that Tweek didn't?
He tugged at his hair at the thought. No. Craig was only his friend. They dated once but that was in fourth grade. They were kids. It meant nothing. They grew up. Tweek even had another relationship. It failed but it still counted. But Craig was always there. He couldn't remember when the noirette wasn't by his side, supporting him. If it hadn't been for Craig, Tweek may have gone insane. The further his thoughts delved into, the worse his situation became. The blond missed holding Craig's hand, he loved his sarcastic, deadpanned tone, his cold blue eyes, his rare smile, the warmth he gave when they slept together, the kindness he showed him. Jesus Christ. He loved Craig.
The realization should have been wonderful. The situation made it different. He knew exactly what Kenny could give Craig. Sex. Tweek regret ever opening his mouth to his friend. Craig knew how he felt about sexual intercourse. About his sexual attraction or lack of it. No wonder they were together. Even his best friend wouldn't want someone with a dysfunctional libido. His eyes filled with tears. He could change! He could make himself like it. Somehow. It wasn't as if he didn't have any attraction to people he simply didn't find it necessary to act on it. He wasn't interested in it.
"Dude?" A voice cut off his thoughts. Tweek snapped his head up to see Kyle standing in front of him. Kyle took a step back, "Whoa, relax. You just looked like a zombie for a second." The giggle that past the red head's lips followed by a lopsided smile signaled that he was tipsy. Tweek bit the inside of his cheek, "I'm fine…" He wondered why Kyle wasn't with Stan but the boy must have gone away with Wendy. Kyle drank a bit from the bottle in his hand, "Surprised you're not with the others." He was talking about his friend. "I could say the same," He replied. Due to their proximity, Tweek could see the freckles that danced on Kyle's cheeks. He could smell the whisky on his breath. Kyle giggled again, "You sure you're okay?" He nodded in response. He noticed the bright green of the Jewish teen's eyes. Had they always been that shade?
Tweek reached up, his hands cupping Kyle's jaw. He wasn't given any sign of discontent. An idea went through his hazy mind. If he was going to try and change, he may as well start now. He moved forward, glad that Kyle was only an inch or two shorter than him. Their lips met in a sloppy kiss. The feeling reminded him of when he had been with Pete. Different in the sense of there being no romantic emotions behind it but similar that it was nice. Kyle wrapped his arms around Tweek's shoulder as they deepened their kiss. He heard the bottle drop to the floor.
Before he knew it, he was in an empty room with the other. He had Kyle on his lap, pressing open mouthed kisses on his neck. Kyle began to gyrate his hips against his. Tweek let out an involuntary moan. Warmth pooled down his body. Once more, there was nothing. This time it was much harder to ignore. With Pete he had at least had an emotional connection. He wanted to make him happy. He had no motive with Kyle. Therefore, it felt all the more wrong. He pushed the feeling away. He could do this. He was surprised when the ginger pushed him down to the bed. "W-Wait," Tweek panted when Kyle unbuttoned his shirt. He gasped as Kyle worked on marking him. Disgust dug its way into his skin, making every hair on his body stand on end. He didn't want this. Not at all. Just as his hands brushed the zipper of his jeans, the door of the room slammed open.
They looked over. Craig was at the door frame. His expression contorted in rage. The noirette walked to them before tearing Kyle away from Tweek. He punched the red head square in the nose. "Get up," He ordered Tweek. The blond scrambled to button up his shirt which ended up in him looking like he had in elementary. Craig grabbed his wrist and pulled him out of the room. Tweek whined as he was dragged out of Token's house. They stopped at Craig's car. Those calculating eyes scanned his face. "God, you're wasted…" Craig huffed. There was something of disappointment and relief in his voice. "Your parents are gonna kill me. My parents are gonna kill me." Craig unlocked his car then instructed him to get in. Tweek was too scared to say no. Craig was sober, that much he could tell. That meant he had a clear head when he was with Kenny. That hurt all the more.
On the drive to Craig's house they had to pull over because Tweek became sick halfway there. After he had finished emptying his stomach, they made it safely. Lucky for both, Craig's family was asleep. Tweek was forced to brush his teeth. Even with alcohol coursing through him, he found his way to Craig's room with ease. He heard Stripe whoop in her cage as he plopped down on the bed. Craig had changed out of his clothes and into his pajamas. "Scoot over," He grumbled, pushing Tweek slightly. Tweek crawled under the covers, soon joined by Craig. The faced each other, the dark hiding their expressions. The noirette brought Tweek towards him, "What were you thinking?" About Kyle, was the unsaid ending. Tweek hid his face in the pillow, "I should ask you that."
"Were you jealous?"
No answer. "Don't shut down on me Tweekers." Tweek grunted in annoyance. He hated that nickname. "Maybe," He grumbled. He heard Craig sigh. "I'm sorry. I'm not with him I just-"
"Stop," Tweek cut him off, "I don't care."
"You obviously do. You nearly slept with Kyle because of it."
"Craig-"
"I thought you didn't even do that. What? Kyle is just your exception? He gets you off and nothing else?"
"Shut up!" Tweek sat up. He attempted to crawl over Craig, "I'm going home." Craig pulled him back down. They were silent for a moment. Craig kept Tweek in place, "I'm sorry." Tweek gave him a light kick then closed his eyes. He was too tired now. He needed sleep.
The morning after came with a raging headache. Along with embarrassment from his actions last night. He'd never be able to face Kyle again. Forget Kyle, he'd never be able to face Craig again. That wasn't a choice though as the noirette was the first person he saw as soon as he woke up. Tweek tried to move which resulted in his head throbbing. He groaned, waking the other. Craig blinked for a moment, trying to focus his eyes. Tweek looked away. "Morning," The noirette said while stifling a yawn. Tweek scrunched up his face as even his voice caused his head to ring in pain. Craig shook his head before getting out of bed. He walked out of the room.
Tweek sighed, trying to get more sleep. However, he continued to have flashbacks of the night before. He shouldn't have gone to that stupid party. It would have been much easier. Then again, if he hadn't interrupted Craig and Kenny last night would they have continued? The idea made his stomach lurch. He ran to the bathroom where he threw up again. He trembled as he gripped the sides of the toilet. He regretted drinking so much. Soon enough, he felt a hand pat his back. "I really should have been watching you yesterday," He heard Craig say. 'You were too busy with that whore to care,' Tweek thought. He immediately took it back because as many rumors as there were, Kenny rarely actually slept with anyone. Besides, Kenny was nice. And attractive. Everything Tweek wasn't. The blond whimpered when fresh tears made their way to his eyes.
Craig tucked a strand of his wild hair behind his ear, "Just let it out." Tweek felt a twitch go through him. He flushed the toilet then shakily stood up. He made his way to sink where he brushed his teeth to get rid of the taste of bile. "I put some water and pain killers in my room. You should take them," His friend instructed. He nodded before rinsing his mouth. The teen made his way back to Craig's room. He swallowed the pills with a gulp of water. Craig sat down on the bed, "We should talk." Tweek groaned, "Not now."
"Obviously but later."
"What if I don't want to?"
"We're going to."
Tweek glared at him. He could very easily leave right now. He could go home and never speak to him ever again. He could. But they both knew that he wouldn't. Tweek may have been a ball of anxiety but he had learned to face his conflicts over the years with help from his doctors. That and he could never go against what Craig wanted. For now, he was allowed to sleep a little more.
He woke up in the middle of the afternoon due to loud footsteps dashing across the hall. "Give that back you runt!" Craig shouted. He heard Ruby's laugher followed soon after. The red headed girl ran into the room and her eyes widened. He saw Craig's chullo hat in her hands. "Tweek? Since when were you here?" She asked him. Before he could answer, Craig ran in. He snatched his hat back, "I told you not to come in here."
"You didn't tell me your boyfriend was here," She smirked. Craig began pushing her out the room, "He's not my boyfriend." Tweek laughed as Ruby made kissing noises before the door was slammed shut. He smiled at Craig, "I love your sister sometimes."
"She's a brat," Craig snorted then went over to him, "How are you feeling?" Tweek shrugged his shoulders, "A little better." His headache had become more of a dull throb but the regret of his actions remained. Craig put his hat back on, "Enough to talk?" Tweek's face instantly became discolored. He didn't want this to happen. "N-No," He stuttered out. Tweek cursed inwardly at his obvious discomfort. "I should get home," He tried to move but Craig's hand on his arm halted him without much effort. He didn't dare look at his face. Craig didn't seem to care, "If you won't start, I will." A strangled noise escaped Tweek's lips. Craig took that as a sign to begin, "What you saw last night was exactly what you thought it was." Well it didn't take a genius to figure that out.
"I was outside smoking with Kenny because he was the only other person with a pack of cigarettes left. He was being annoying, like always, then he brought you up," There was a pause, "He was asking about you and me. Apparently a lot of people think we're together again." The first time wasn't even real. Not that anyone knew that. Craig continued, "They think you broke up with Pete because of me. Kenny kept asking me stuff about how good I was in bed to make you come back to me. I wouldn't answer but then he told me his stupid theories of what you're like when fucking. I got pissed off and told him to shut up. He wouldn't and threats didn't work either." Tweek flinched as Craig's hand on his arm tightened. He tilted his head up slightly only to spot the annoyance in his friend's eyes. "I told him we weren't together and asked what it would take to make him shut his mouth. What you saw was what he said would work. I said no but then he told me since you're available, he could go for you instead," He tightened his hold on Tweek's arm again, "I know what you're like about sex. I know Kenny would find some way to convince you into doing it with him. So I kind of took one for the team. But I didn't actually want him."
The explanation triggered a mix of emotions in Tweek. Part of him was more than happy Craig didn't have any feelings towards Kenny, another felt terrible that Craig was roped into that situation because of him. Even though it wasn't really his fault, it was the mentioning of him that caused the noirette to do what he had done. The blond felt like an idiot. He had become jealous and nearly slept with Kyle due to it. He wanted to scream. To turn back the clock. Fix what could have been solved if he hadn't run away from the scene. He shook as thoughts swirled in his head. Craig let his arm go, "Tweek?"
"Gah!" His eyes blinked one after the other. He jerked away from Craig as a reflex. Tweek bit his lip, "S-Sorry. I didn't know!"
"You ran before I could explain then hooked up with Kyle."
Tweek's cheeks flared, "Almost. I didn't actually…You kind of walked in before anything could happen." Craig rolled his eyes, "That hickey on your neck says that too." The blonde's eyes widened before his hand shot up to his neck. He didn't stop shaking, something he hadn't done since elementary. "I thought you didn't like sex. Why'd you go to Kyle?" Craig asked him. It was his turn to give an explanation. He gazed at anywhere other than Craig. "I-I didn't…likeseeingyoutwotogether!" He spoke so quickly that his words meshed, "Ngh! I don't know why," He did, "I hated it! I thought you hated Kenny but then you were doing that."
"So the thing with Kyle was some silent 'fuck you' to me?"
He shook his head rapidly, "It- I- agh!"
"You were jealous?" The same question as last night. Tweek could have sworn his throat had gone dry. "Y-Yes," He confessed, "But I wasn't trying to make you jealous." He saw Craig raise a brow, silently asking for a more in depth reason. "I thought you and him were together. Kenny's a pretty great guy, if you get passed a few things, plus he actually knows what to do with sex. I…don't," He tugged at a section of his hair, "I don't even want to! Th-then I thought you wouldn't want someone like that. But then I thought you wouldn't like someone like me." There went his heart again. He could hear it pounding in his ears. "I realized I wanted you to like me because I really like you," Tweek breathed out, "For you I thought…maybe I could learn to like sex…Pleasedon'thateme! I'm sorr-"
"You are the single most stupid person I know. And I'm friends with Clyde," Craig interrupted. Tweek flinched. Craig moved closer to him, "I've told you before that you don't have to change to get people to like you. Especially not me. I like you for you. A lot." He held Tweek's hand, "And don't ever do something like that again. I was ready to kill that ginger." Tweek felt his blush from before return with a vengeance. He looked down at their hands. That's when Ruby poked her head through the door and shouted, "GAAAAAAAAAY!" Craig ended up chasing her down the hall.
During the summer, he and Craig steadily built their relationship. They were already close due to their friendship but a romantic one was new territory. It wasn't like back in fourth grade where all they did was hold hands. The pair was legitimately trying this time. The efforts weren't in vein or very subtle considering Clyde called them out on how different they were acting. "I mean I've shipped you two since forever so please tell me you're a thing again! You're even cuddling!" He whined. Craig flipped him off while Tweek curled further into him. The group had gathered in Token's room, passing the time by playing videogames.
Tweek sat between Craig's legs, his back against the noirette's chest. Craig had his arms around him, controller in hand. "We're working on it," Tweek smiled. Clyde fist pumped the air, "I fucking knew it!"
"We all did," Token said as he used a special attack on Craig's character. Jimmy smirked, "Now all that's l-left is you t-t-two." Token nearly dropped his controller which Craig used to his advantage. Clyde choked on the popcorn he was eating. Tweek made a mental note to help them out later.
Senior year was a breath of fresh air. The work load had lowered to a normal amount and only those in advanced classes really struggled. Tweek and Craig had become an official couple. No one had been surprised. People had thought Tweek left Pete for Craig after all. Tweek hated the accusation but he turned away from it. He had to focus on finishing high school and his relationship.
Craig wasn't a perfect boyfriend but that was because no one was perfect. He was still cynical, lacked showing much emotion, and a majority still viewed him as a dick. This was true more or less. But he never once failed to keep Tweek happy. Tweek had the privilege to see his dorkier side. The space, guinea pig, and Red Racer obsessed nerd. The Craig that practically glowed whenever he spoke about his interest and smiled brighter than any star he could describe. Tweek gave Craig his full trust. There was nothing he could never tell his boyfriend. Every worry, every conspiracy, every doubt. Craig could see him at his very worst and at his very best. Craig would even go to his boxing tournaments. Should he need help healing a few injuries, Craig was more than willing to aid him.
There was no pressure to move fast. No rushing into a step they weren't ready for. Tweek was content. From time to time he found three words at the tip of his tongue. He never said them. There hadn't been a reason to. Craig could tell how he felt, he was sure of that. Just like how he could tell how Craig felt. With every hug, kiss, or small gestures, Tweek simply knew. The only issue that did rise was when the school year was drawing to a close. Craig never brought up the notion of sex. Not even when there was a chance to much like now.
They were in the living room watching the fourth season of Red Racer. Craig's parents were working and Ruby was out with Karen. Tweek laid on top of Craig as the cuddled on the sofa. Every so often, they gave each other small kisses which gradually grew longer. Tweek smiled against Craig's lips. The noirette rest his hands on Tweek's back. Carefully, he asked for permission to deepen the kiss. Tweek allowed him to do so. His eyes fluttered closed. When it came to intimacy, this was as far as he liked to go. He felt his heart skip a beat, enjoying the sensation. Suddenly, Craig pulled back. Tweek looked down at him, "What's wrong?" Craig had a rare blush covering his face, "Nothing. Sorry…"
He tilted his head and shifted slightly. That was when he felt something press against his leg. "Oh…" He mumbled. "It'll go away," Craig assured him. Tweek sighed inwardly. He felt guilty, having Craig wait so long. He knew his boyfriend was patient to only date him. He couldn't imagine what he felt about not having any sexual pleasure. The blond kissed his jaw, "I can take care of it if you want."
"Is that what you want?"
"Well…no."
"Then don't do it."
Tweek rested his head on his chest, "I don't mind if it's with you. If it makes you happy." Craig flicked Tweek's forehead, "You make me happy, Tweekers." He hit him lightly at the nickname, earning a chuckle. Tweek felt Craig grab his chin, making him tilt it up so their eyes met. "Don't feel like you have to do that for me if you don't want to," Craig told him calmly. Tweek looked away. Surely someday his boyfriend would want him to do something. He didn't want him to find someone who could give him both romantic and sexual fulfillment. Much like before, he could see Craig as attractive in a sexual way. The thought of sleeping with him crossed his mind but he didn't want to pursue anything like that. Now that they were in this situation, he truly didn't feel any attraction. However, he also didn't mind doing what pleased Craig.
"I might want to do it just because it's you," He said honestly. Craig gave him a sweet kiss, "Some other day. Right now I just want to stay like this." Tweek returned the gesture before snuggling against him. While the episode played on, Craig traced random shapes on his back. "Hey, Tweekers," Craig started, smirking as Tweek hit him again, "I love you." Tweek's eyes went wide. He knew the fact, he had for a very long time. Now that it was on the table, he was practically melting against Craig. Tweek didn't fight the smile that tugged on his lips and the increased rate of his pulse was one that he welcomed. "I love you too," He said confidently.
For many years, Tweek believed he was broken. Sex wasn't on his mind. Arousal was something he could ignore with ease. He didn't feel the urge to go after the passive sexual attraction. He didn't understand those that did. That wasn't normal. Not for a teenager whose hormones should have been raging. He allowed his relationship to be ruined because he didn't know how to fix his issue. It took him a long time to realize there was nothing to fix. Here, with Craig, he knew there was nothing wrong with him. He could have a healthy, wonderful love life without the pressure of involving sex. Should it someday involve that, it would only be to make Craig happy. Knowing he could please his boyfriend would be completion on its own. Craig loved him. Tweek loved him in return. That was all he needed.
A/N: Thank you for reading. I encourage you to look more into the ace spectrum, learn what you can. Ace people are not invisible. We exist. We'd love it if more could see that too.