This is Alpha Draconis, and yes I did write this fic/masterpiece/abomination.
For a change of pace, I wrote this with one question in mind. What happens
when the cameras aren't looking? So I made this crazy fic...
Sora and Tai stood on the balcony looking out at the rising sun, and
hearing the everyday sounds of Odaiba.
"Sora?" Tai began.
"Yeah Tai?"
"Do you ever think about all the people who live in this city?"
"What do you mean?"
"I mean, think about it, every single person in this city has their own story to
tell, it's just we never really notice them."
"Ten Short Stories About Digimon"
-Written by Alpha Draconis
"So Tai," Sora began, "What do think is happening right now?"
"Let's find out!"
Piedmon was walking into the building. It was kind of strange; someone had called him from his place and told him to go room 514 in the building and to come alone. He walked up to the desk clerk.
"Uh, yeah... which way to room 514?"
"Go down this hall and take a left. It's the door that has the sign INTERVENTION on it. "
"Thanks... I think. "
Piedmon walked down the hall as Gennai came to the desk clerk.
"Let me guess," the clerk said, "Dealing with senility?"
"NO! I'm here for my car."
The clerk eyed him for a moment.
"Oh wait, dealing with senility."
Piedmon approached the door and wondered if this intervention was for him. He'd done nothing wrong. Perhaps it was for Metalseadramon; yeah he had been smoking Palmon's leaves and was getting pretty doped up. That must be it, he thought as he opened the door and walked in seeing Puppetmon sitting in one chair with a cramped Machinedramon and on the opposite side of him was Metalseadramon, with a really glazed appearance. In the middle was Piedmon's chair. He nervously sat down.
"Piedmon," Puppetmon began, "Do you know why you're here? You have a problem..."
"I don't have any problems." Piedmon nervously replied.
"You keep dressing up in women's clothing!" Machinedramon yelled.
"Duuuude." Metalseadramon mumbled.
"What? I don't dress up in women's clothing! I'M ALL MON!"
"Well, your roomy Myotismon told us you dressed up like Mimi!"
"No Way Puppetmon! I was practicing for a play..."
The three Dark Masters exchanged glances, and Metalseadramon starting rambling.
"Dude! I'm a fish! I'm a dinosaur! I'M A FISHOSAUR! A FISHOSAURMON!"
"Do me favour and hold an intervention for him and not me! I DON'T DRESS UP IN WOMEN'S CLOTHING!"
"Piedmon, we already booked an Intervention for Metalseadramon, but HOW DO EXPLAIN THIS!"
Puppetmon ripped off Piedmon's shirt revealing that he was wearing a bra.
"Umm... ahh..."
"PIEDMON! PUPPETMON IS SUPPOSED TO BE THE QUEER DARK MASTER!'
"Machinedramon you son of a bitch! If you don't shut up I'm gonna stick this hammer, where the sun don't shine."
"BITE ME!"
"Yeeaaaaaaah! PUPPET PUMMEL!"
"GIGA CANNON!"
"TRUMP BRA, I mean TRUMP SWORD!"
"FISHOSAUR!"
The sounds of brutal violence were carried across the city into the suburbs...
Leomon made sure no one saw him leave the house, but no one was outside, so he walked to where he parked his car, while zipping up his jeans, and pocketing the box of condoms. He turned around to the figure in the window.
"See you tomorrow." He coolly said.
"Goodbye." Lady Devimon responded.
Leomon turned around to find that his car, his Jaguar, was stolen.
"Well son of a fuck. Who the hell could have stolen my car?"
Just, then Ogremon sped by in a convertible, with Eminem blaring off the radio, and several Numemon hanging on as Ogremon sped by at twice the speed limit. Leomon pulled over a man on a motorcycle.
"What seems to be the problem-" CRACK!
Leomon punched the biker off the bike and sped off after Ogremon.
Ogremon and the partying Numemon sped through Odaiba Park crashing into plants, animals, and people, while Leomon followed in his wake of destruction.
Ogremon adjusted the rear-view mirror to see who chasing. He caught a glimpse of Leomon flipping the bird.
"Oh no." Ogremon said, "Leomon. Numemon, light his feline ass up."
A drunken Numemon grabbed a bazooka from under the backseat and targeted Leomon. Just then they passed under the newly fixed Obaida Bridge, when the Numemon fired his weapon. Of course, when it came to drinks, he didn't to say when, so obviously he hit the support pillar, and the bridge collapsed. Damn shame.
Leomon, frantically stopped the bike, and saw the damage, he noticed one small metal support beam leading directly at his car. He revved the bike twice, pulled a catwalk (he-he) and drove right over the wreakage, and landed in front of his car and its occupants. He then dove off the bike and into the car, while punching Ogremon.
"You're..."
"OW!"
"Going..."
"OW!
"Down..."
"OW!"
"PUNK!"
Then Ogremon was thrown out of the car and hit a fire hydrant.
SNAP!
The Numemon saw this and bolted up.
"Oh my god, he killed Ogremon!"
"You son of a bitch! Oh! Wait, he's alive."
Ogremon sat up on the sidewalk.
"Ow, my spine! I guess Leomon forgot I told him I was borrowing his car."
Ten stories up, Tentomon witnessed the entire ordeal. He then walked over to Izzy, on his computer (surprise, surprise).
"Izzy! Izzy! You should have seen what just happened outside. Leomon-"
"Not now Tentomon. I'm trying to see if I can hack into the civil defence records."
Izzy's mom walked into his room with some snacks on a small tray.
"Izzy, I made some snacks for you and Tentomon. What are you doing?"
"Oh, trying hack... into the Steven Hawking chat room."
"Well you play nice." She walked out into the living room as Tentomon scarfed down the snacks, and talked to Izzy between mouthfuls of food.
"You know Izzy..." Tentomon began, "You're mom is a great cook and good looking if I might add..."
Izzy bolted up asked.
"Are you hitting on my mom?!?"
"...Maybe."
"I can't believe you!"
"I...um...ah... Hey look dropped by! Palmon!
"Hey what am I doing in this fic?"
Tentomon whispered to Palmon, "Just keep Izzy company." Then Tentomon slipped out of the room silently leaving Izzy and Palmon in Izzy's room.
"So Izzy..." Palmon began "What's new with you?"
"Well... I've broken into the civil defence records, but Japan is BORING! So I'm searching the internet for anything Digimon."
"IZZY! IZZY! Type in my name and see what there is!"
"Why not..."
Izzy typed in 'Palmon' as the subject of the search. He pushed enter.
The screen lit up.
"Hmm..." Izzy said, "There are 13,000 matches."
Palmon was shocked, I mean shocked.
"Well Izzy... just try the first one."
"Done."
Then Screen read 'Palmon's Adventures.' It was a black and white Japanese
Comic. They read through and were shocked.
"Um, Izzy?"
"Did you realize that this comic is a Hentai comic?"
"No."
"...With you and me starring?"
"NO!"
"... Turns me on."
"Likewise."
Three stories above them was (13th floor) Myotismon's apartment. He lived there with Devimon, but Devimon snapped when he was fired from the show. It took 86 officers to take him down. Now let us never speak of him again. He also lived with Demidevimon, and he had his girlfriend, Lady Devimon (too many Devimons!). Anyway Myotismon couldn't cook, so he ordered in pizza, or lured young women to the thirtieth floor. Myotismon was trying order pizza, but the restaurant refused to deliver there, since they lost five delivery girls already. What is he saying?
"... What do mean you can't deliver? It's a pizza not rocket science!"
"Sorry pal. You could drive over and get a pizza."
"I DON'T A DRIVER'S LICENCE!"
"That's you problem." CLICK!
"Hmm... Fuck. Damn, where do you get licence?"
"At the DMV, you stupid bastard!"
God, Myotismon thought, Demidevimon was so mean to me, I outta kick him out... But now pizza is the main problem. He walked down to the DMV and signed up.
Myotismon felt cramped in the tin Volkswagen Bug, but he needed the licence so he waited for the instructor.
"Good mourning Mr. Mylotismon?" It was going to be a long day.
"Myotismon."
"Ah, Well let's begin."
Myotismon turned on the car. It was parallel parked so he backed up into the car behind him, so he sped forward... into the other car. After a few minutes, they were out and driving through the suburbs.
"I am your instructor, Mr. Izumi."
"Izumi...Izumi... Oh! Do you have a son named Izzy?"
"Yes."
"Wow! Small world."
"Do you know him?"
"KNOW HIM! Hell, I tried to kill for a long time."
"Okay..."
"Mr. Izumi? What's it like being married?"
"Uhh... It's nice, why do you ask?"
"I've been thinking about popping the question to my girlfriend Lady Devimon."
"Oh."
"Yeah, we've been together for only six months but I think we really connect."
They drove by a Japanese pizza place, when Mr. Izumi spoke up.
"I hate that place. I wish they would go under."
"Okay."
Myotismon shot his Crimson Lightning at the restaurant and it burst into flames.
"WHAT THE FUCK ARE DOING!"
"You wanted it to go under..."
"Go under, like out of business, not six feet under!"
"Oh."
They stopped at red light. Myotismon turned to left and saw police officer on motorcycle kindly waving to him. He sneered at him and revved the car's engine twice.
"What are doing?'
"Don't worry, I learned everything about driving from 'Grease.' It's a good movie."
Mr. Izumi nearly threw up as the light turned to green and Myotismon floored it. The officer started up his siren and Myotismon pulled over as the officer stepped over to his car.
"What seems to be the problem officer?"
"Well you-" CRACK!
Myotismon punched the officer in the face and sped off, with a flabbergasted Mr. Izumi.
"Don't worry I know what I'm doing."
2 HOURS LATER
BEEP! BEEP!
"Geez, people keep walking all over the road."
"Well Myotismon, maybe that's because this is THE GREAT WALL OF CHINA!"
"Whoops."
"This is going to be a looooooooooooooooooooooooooooong day.'
1 HOUR LATER
"Don't worry Mr. Izumi, I just parked in high place to get my bearings straight."
Mr. Izumi opened his eyes to find he wasn't in China anymore. Their car was balancing on top of the CN Tower. Mr. Izumi was about to wet himself.
"M-M-M-M-Myotismon," He stammered, " I-I-I have fear of h-h-heights."
"Don't worry it isn't THAT tall."
"The CN tower is 553.33 Metres tall."
"I'm aware of that."
"That's 1.815 feet and five inches."
"Shit."
LATER
Myotismon fiercely drove the Bug off the roof the building and the car plummeted down. It smashed in its original parking space. The car was burning, bullet-ridden, rusting, and missing several engine pieces. Myotismon got out of the car and stretched his legs.
"I guess I failed. I'll be back tomorrow."
"WAIT!"
Myotismon turned around.
"I'll give you your licence if you do one thing."
"Yeah."
"Stay the hell away from me."
"Deal."
Mr. Izumi took the rest of the day off sick, and trudged home. At least my family would cheer my up. He quietly opened the door to his apartment and found Tentomon making out his wife.
"OH MY GOD!" He yelled.
"Look what Izzy is doing!" Tentomon defended, as Mr. Izumi opened the door to his son's room where he found Izzy and Palmon making out on Izzy's bed.
"IZZY!" His dad yelled. "WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING!"
Izzy shot up and Palmon was sneaking away.
"Well, dad... There's a time in every boy's life when- Hey! Are you letting Tentomon off Scott free?"
Remembering that, Mr. Izumi ran into the living room. While Izzy and Palmon looked out his window and saw Gennai stumbling around in an alley.
Gennai had few too many, and was stumbling around the alley, bumping into hobos and trashcans, while mumbling nonsense and drinking.
"Ya stoopid Digimon keeps Digigivolving, 'n kicking asssssssss."
The people in the alley began to stare at him. "What dah hell you staring bitch!"
He stumbled along, taking drinks from his hooch and he stepped out onto the busy street.
"Get off the road asshole!" The driver of a nearby driver yelled. Then Gennai slurred back, insulting the man.
"Shuddup yur scrotum-lickin', fucked-dup face!"
Two nearby police officers confronted the drunken maniac.
"Excuse me sir," The first one began, "Are you all right?"
"I'm all fokin' right, ya crusty ass lickin MANIAC!" Gennai belted out.
The officers exchanged glances of disgust and once again tried to reason with the drunken senior citizen.
"Sir could you please walk form here to that, light post?"
Gennai began to walk in perfect line to the light post, but veered off and ran into the window of a building and began to startle the people on the opposite side of the window.
"Hello fishys."
The officers brought out their batons, while Gennai tried to fight back, but wound up punching the window of a car, smashing it. The officers began to beat Gennai until one of the officers cuffed him and they dragged him into the backseat of the Police cruiser.
"What the hell was that?" Veemon said as he looked out the window to where Gennai was. "Oh well. Wormmon, I see your twenty and I raise you ten." Veemon finished in the dank atmosphere of the pool hall. Wormmon responded.
"I see your ten and raise you fifty." He proudly finished. Veemon talked to Hawkmon for a second and began, "I see your fifty, and raise you sixty!"
"Hey Veemon you're outta chips."
Veemon looked around the room and saw Davis at the pool table with Gabumon and Amardillomon.
"I bet Davis."
Davis overheard this. "What are you doing Veemon? You can't bet me!"
"Don't worry Davis! I can't lose!"
"Let's see your cards."
"Full house, bet that wormy!"
"We are playing basic poker right?"
"Yeah so?"
"Straight flush."
Veemon just stood there for a second. He lost $110, and Davis to Wormmon...
"Well Veemon, no hard feelings, anyway I'll collect my winnings and be on my way."
"VEEMON YOU GAMBLED ME AND LOST TO A HOMOSEXUAL DIGIMON!" Davis yelled.
"Uhh... Wormmon, buddy you don't wan't Davis do you?"
"Hmm..." Wormmon eyed Davis for second, "Not really."
"Well is there else you want besides Davis?" Veemon negotiated.
Wormmon looked over Davis's shoulder at the Digimon Emperor who was talking to the bookie. Wormmon nodded.
"Alright."
VEEMON ARMOUR DIGIVOLVED TO... FLAMEDRAMON, THE FLAMES OF COURAGE!
Flamedramon, took a large sack from Wormmon and crept up behind Ken and through him into the sack, and tied it up, while Ken yelled and struggled inside the sack. He De-Digivolved and gave the sack to Wormmon.
"Pleasure doing business with you." Wormmon said as carried Ken back to his house. Veemon went outside and saw Leomon in his Jaguar and jumped in.
"Man, Leomon I just had a weird day."
"Tell me about."
"What's new with you."
"I'm going out with someone..."
"Oh you're having an affair with someone."
"So," he said as he drove into the suburbs of Odaiba, "I mean what do you know about romance. You don't even like anyone."
"That's true I guess."
'C'mon. You must like someone. Who is it? Gatomon, Biyomon, or are you gay?" He said making sure his jeans were zipped up.
"Umm... Ahhh... I guess Floramon is cute."
"Sicko."
The Jaguar zoomed by a small psychiatrist's office. Who is the psychiatrist? Why it's Pixiemon of course!
Puppetmon walked to the receptionist at the psychiatrist's, who told him to go in. Puppetmon walked in to find Pixiemon with another client of his, Adolph Hitler who was talking to Pixiemon.
"I sometimes think zat, most people do not like me." Hitler finished.
Pixiemon nodded as he wrote in his notebook, JUST PLAIN NUTS, and underlined it several times.
"Hey Fuhrer!" Puppetmon yelled, "Get the hell outta here!"
"Vie don't Chu make me!"
Puppetmon pulled out his mallet, and threatened him, "They won't be able to save your brain now Hitler!"
Hitler walked slowly away and then ran, while Puppetmon sat down on the chair.
"So Puppetmon is this you're first visit?" Pixiemon asked.
"Yeah, I'm kinda nervous."
"Relax, everything said in here is private."
Behind a large mirror was a secret room with several Numemon, drinking coffee and hooking up recording equipment.
"I have weird feeling that someone is watching me."
ACHOO! The two Digimon stared at the mirror.
"Why did that mirror sneeze?"
"Look, it's just an old haunted mirror."
"How can a mirror be haunted?"
"Uhh... It fell and crushed Richard Nixon, and his ghost haunts it."
"Oh. I have real problems with the entire Dark Master idea, I mean so much is expected out of me, and all I want to do is chill."
"I see."
"I mean, I wouldn't even have been a Dark Master, if it wasn't for my parents. I told my dad I wanted to be a Cherrymon, but my dad started going I have no son, and so on."
"Please continue.'
MUCH, MUCH LATER
"So...*sniff*...Piedmon's just poking me *sniff* and poking me, all Metalseadramon said was 'Dude."
Puppetmon burst into tears.
Pixiemon shrugged at the mirror, and the people inside. The Numemon had their own views.
"Jeez, I'll never look at him the same."
"That's more than I needed to know."
"That was fucked up."
Back at the Kamiya's, Tai and Sora were still on the balcony.
"Well Tai you were right. Everyone here has their own story to tell."
"The authors are just too damn lazy to write them all."
THE EN-
"HEY WAIT!" *pant pant* ""Hey it's me Joe, sorry I'm late I was writing exams when, Oh! Hey don't go yet, I didn't do my skit! Oh wait please stay; I've got some really juicy gossip! HEY! Did you know Cody is gay?!"
"You promised it would be our secret!"
"Sorry Cody, oh wait please no, I just gotta-
THE END
"Damn. Missed it.'
By Alpha Draconis and Brakkiss
For a change of pace, I wrote this with one question in mind. What happens
when the cameras aren't looking? So I made this crazy fic...
Sora and Tai stood on the balcony looking out at the rising sun, and
hearing the everyday sounds of Odaiba.
"Sora?" Tai began.
"Yeah Tai?"
"Do you ever think about all the people who live in this city?"
"What do you mean?"
"I mean, think about it, every single person in this city has their own story to
tell, it's just we never really notice them."
"Ten Short Stories About Digimon"
-Written by Alpha Draconis
"So Tai," Sora began, "What do think is happening right now?"
"Let's find out!"
Piedmon was walking into the building. It was kind of strange; someone had called him from his place and told him to go room 514 in the building and to come alone. He walked up to the desk clerk.
"Uh, yeah... which way to room 514?"
"Go down this hall and take a left. It's the door that has the sign INTERVENTION on it. "
"Thanks... I think. "
Piedmon walked down the hall as Gennai came to the desk clerk.
"Let me guess," the clerk said, "Dealing with senility?"
"NO! I'm here for my car."
The clerk eyed him for a moment.
"Oh wait, dealing with senility."
Piedmon approached the door and wondered if this intervention was for him. He'd done nothing wrong. Perhaps it was for Metalseadramon; yeah he had been smoking Palmon's leaves and was getting pretty doped up. That must be it, he thought as he opened the door and walked in seeing Puppetmon sitting in one chair with a cramped Machinedramon and on the opposite side of him was Metalseadramon, with a really glazed appearance. In the middle was Piedmon's chair. He nervously sat down.
"Piedmon," Puppetmon began, "Do you know why you're here? You have a problem..."
"I don't have any problems." Piedmon nervously replied.
"You keep dressing up in women's clothing!" Machinedramon yelled.
"Duuuude." Metalseadramon mumbled.
"What? I don't dress up in women's clothing! I'M ALL MON!"
"Well, your roomy Myotismon told us you dressed up like Mimi!"
"No Way Puppetmon! I was practicing for a play..."
The three Dark Masters exchanged glances, and Metalseadramon starting rambling.
"Dude! I'm a fish! I'm a dinosaur! I'M A FISHOSAUR! A FISHOSAURMON!"
"Do me favour and hold an intervention for him and not me! I DON'T DRESS UP IN WOMEN'S CLOTHING!"
"Piedmon, we already booked an Intervention for Metalseadramon, but HOW DO EXPLAIN THIS!"
Puppetmon ripped off Piedmon's shirt revealing that he was wearing a bra.
"Umm... ahh..."
"PIEDMON! PUPPETMON IS SUPPOSED TO BE THE QUEER DARK MASTER!'
"Machinedramon you son of a bitch! If you don't shut up I'm gonna stick this hammer, where the sun don't shine."
"BITE ME!"
"Yeeaaaaaaah! PUPPET PUMMEL!"
"GIGA CANNON!"
"TRUMP BRA, I mean TRUMP SWORD!"
"FISHOSAUR!"
The sounds of brutal violence were carried across the city into the suburbs...
Leomon made sure no one saw him leave the house, but no one was outside, so he walked to where he parked his car, while zipping up his jeans, and pocketing the box of condoms. He turned around to the figure in the window.
"See you tomorrow." He coolly said.
"Goodbye." Lady Devimon responded.
Leomon turned around to find that his car, his Jaguar, was stolen.
"Well son of a fuck. Who the hell could have stolen my car?"
Just, then Ogremon sped by in a convertible, with Eminem blaring off the radio, and several Numemon hanging on as Ogremon sped by at twice the speed limit. Leomon pulled over a man on a motorcycle.
"What seems to be the problem-" CRACK!
Leomon punched the biker off the bike and sped off after Ogremon.
Ogremon and the partying Numemon sped through Odaiba Park crashing into plants, animals, and people, while Leomon followed in his wake of destruction.
Ogremon adjusted the rear-view mirror to see who chasing. He caught a glimpse of Leomon flipping the bird.
"Oh no." Ogremon said, "Leomon. Numemon, light his feline ass up."
A drunken Numemon grabbed a bazooka from under the backseat and targeted Leomon. Just then they passed under the newly fixed Obaida Bridge, when the Numemon fired his weapon. Of course, when it came to drinks, he didn't to say when, so obviously he hit the support pillar, and the bridge collapsed. Damn shame.
Leomon, frantically stopped the bike, and saw the damage, he noticed one small metal support beam leading directly at his car. He revved the bike twice, pulled a catwalk (he-he) and drove right over the wreakage, and landed in front of his car and its occupants. He then dove off the bike and into the car, while punching Ogremon.
"You're..."
"OW!"
"Going..."
"OW!
"Down..."
"OW!"
"PUNK!"
Then Ogremon was thrown out of the car and hit a fire hydrant.
SNAP!
The Numemon saw this and bolted up.
"Oh my god, he killed Ogremon!"
"You son of a bitch! Oh! Wait, he's alive."
Ogremon sat up on the sidewalk.
"Ow, my spine! I guess Leomon forgot I told him I was borrowing his car."
Ten stories up, Tentomon witnessed the entire ordeal. He then walked over to Izzy, on his computer (surprise, surprise).
"Izzy! Izzy! You should have seen what just happened outside. Leomon-"
"Not now Tentomon. I'm trying to see if I can hack into the civil defence records."
Izzy's mom walked into his room with some snacks on a small tray.
"Izzy, I made some snacks for you and Tentomon. What are you doing?"
"Oh, trying hack... into the Steven Hawking chat room."
"Well you play nice." She walked out into the living room as Tentomon scarfed down the snacks, and talked to Izzy between mouthfuls of food.
"You know Izzy..." Tentomon began, "You're mom is a great cook and good looking if I might add..."
Izzy bolted up asked.
"Are you hitting on my mom?!?"
"...Maybe."
"I can't believe you!"
"I...um...ah... Hey look dropped by! Palmon!
"Hey what am I doing in this fic?"
Tentomon whispered to Palmon, "Just keep Izzy company." Then Tentomon slipped out of the room silently leaving Izzy and Palmon in Izzy's room.
"So Izzy..." Palmon began "What's new with you?"
"Well... I've broken into the civil defence records, but Japan is BORING! So I'm searching the internet for anything Digimon."
"IZZY! IZZY! Type in my name and see what there is!"
"Why not..."
Izzy typed in 'Palmon' as the subject of the search. He pushed enter.
The screen lit up.
"Hmm..." Izzy said, "There are 13,000 matches."
Palmon was shocked, I mean shocked.
"Well Izzy... just try the first one."
"Done."
Then Screen read 'Palmon's Adventures.' It was a black and white Japanese
Comic. They read through and were shocked.
"Um, Izzy?"
"Did you realize that this comic is a Hentai comic?"
"No."
"...With you and me starring?"
"NO!"
"... Turns me on."
"Likewise."
Three stories above them was (13th floor) Myotismon's apartment. He lived there with Devimon, but Devimon snapped when he was fired from the show. It took 86 officers to take him down. Now let us never speak of him again. He also lived with Demidevimon, and he had his girlfriend, Lady Devimon (too many Devimons!). Anyway Myotismon couldn't cook, so he ordered in pizza, or lured young women to the thirtieth floor. Myotismon was trying order pizza, but the restaurant refused to deliver there, since they lost five delivery girls already. What is he saying?
"... What do mean you can't deliver? It's a pizza not rocket science!"
"Sorry pal. You could drive over and get a pizza."
"I DON'T A DRIVER'S LICENCE!"
"That's you problem." CLICK!
"Hmm... Fuck. Damn, where do you get licence?"
"At the DMV, you stupid bastard!"
God, Myotismon thought, Demidevimon was so mean to me, I outta kick him out... But now pizza is the main problem. He walked down to the DMV and signed up.
Myotismon felt cramped in the tin Volkswagen Bug, but he needed the licence so he waited for the instructor.
"Good mourning Mr. Mylotismon?" It was going to be a long day.
"Myotismon."
"Ah, Well let's begin."
Myotismon turned on the car. It was parallel parked so he backed up into the car behind him, so he sped forward... into the other car. After a few minutes, they were out and driving through the suburbs.
"I am your instructor, Mr. Izumi."
"Izumi...Izumi... Oh! Do you have a son named Izzy?"
"Yes."
"Wow! Small world."
"Do you know him?"
"KNOW HIM! Hell, I tried to kill for a long time."
"Okay..."
"Mr. Izumi? What's it like being married?"
"Uhh... It's nice, why do you ask?"
"I've been thinking about popping the question to my girlfriend Lady Devimon."
"Oh."
"Yeah, we've been together for only six months but I think we really connect."
They drove by a Japanese pizza place, when Mr. Izumi spoke up.
"I hate that place. I wish they would go under."
"Okay."
Myotismon shot his Crimson Lightning at the restaurant and it burst into flames.
"WHAT THE FUCK ARE DOING!"
"You wanted it to go under..."
"Go under, like out of business, not six feet under!"
"Oh."
They stopped at red light. Myotismon turned to left and saw police officer on motorcycle kindly waving to him. He sneered at him and revved the car's engine twice.
"What are doing?'
"Don't worry, I learned everything about driving from 'Grease.' It's a good movie."
Mr. Izumi nearly threw up as the light turned to green and Myotismon floored it. The officer started up his siren and Myotismon pulled over as the officer stepped over to his car.
"What seems to be the problem officer?"
"Well you-" CRACK!
Myotismon punched the officer in the face and sped off, with a flabbergasted Mr. Izumi.
"Don't worry I know what I'm doing."
2 HOURS LATER
BEEP! BEEP!
"Geez, people keep walking all over the road."
"Well Myotismon, maybe that's because this is THE GREAT WALL OF CHINA!"
"Whoops."
"This is going to be a looooooooooooooooooooooooooooong day.'
1 HOUR LATER
"Don't worry Mr. Izumi, I just parked in high place to get my bearings straight."
Mr. Izumi opened his eyes to find he wasn't in China anymore. Their car was balancing on top of the CN Tower. Mr. Izumi was about to wet himself.
"M-M-M-M-Myotismon," He stammered, " I-I-I have fear of h-h-heights."
"Don't worry it isn't THAT tall."
"The CN tower is 553.33 Metres tall."
"I'm aware of that."
"That's 1.815 feet and five inches."
"Shit."
LATER
Myotismon fiercely drove the Bug off the roof the building and the car plummeted down. It smashed in its original parking space. The car was burning, bullet-ridden, rusting, and missing several engine pieces. Myotismon got out of the car and stretched his legs.
"I guess I failed. I'll be back tomorrow."
"WAIT!"
Myotismon turned around.
"I'll give you your licence if you do one thing."
"Yeah."
"Stay the hell away from me."
"Deal."
Mr. Izumi took the rest of the day off sick, and trudged home. At least my family would cheer my up. He quietly opened the door to his apartment and found Tentomon making out his wife.
"OH MY GOD!" He yelled.
"Look what Izzy is doing!" Tentomon defended, as Mr. Izumi opened the door to his son's room where he found Izzy and Palmon making out on Izzy's bed.
"IZZY!" His dad yelled. "WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING!"
Izzy shot up and Palmon was sneaking away.
"Well, dad... There's a time in every boy's life when- Hey! Are you letting Tentomon off Scott free?"
Remembering that, Mr. Izumi ran into the living room. While Izzy and Palmon looked out his window and saw Gennai stumbling around in an alley.
Gennai had few too many, and was stumbling around the alley, bumping into hobos and trashcans, while mumbling nonsense and drinking.
"Ya stoopid Digimon keeps Digigivolving, 'n kicking asssssssss."
The people in the alley began to stare at him. "What dah hell you staring bitch!"
He stumbled along, taking drinks from his hooch and he stepped out onto the busy street.
"Get off the road asshole!" The driver of a nearby driver yelled. Then Gennai slurred back, insulting the man.
"Shuddup yur scrotum-lickin', fucked-dup face!"
Two nearby police officers confronted the drunken maniac.
"Excuse me sir," The first one began, "Are you all right?"
"I'm all fokin' right, ya crusty ass lickin MANIAC!" Gennai belted out.
The officers exchanged glances of disgust and once again tried to reason with the drunken senior citizen.
"Sir could you please walk form here to that, light post?"
Gennai began to walk in perfect line to the light post, but veered off and ran into the window of a building and began to startle the people on the opposite side of the window.
"Hello fishys."
The officers brought out their batons, while Gennai tried to fight back, but wound up punching the window of a car, smashing it. The officers began to beat Gennai until one of the officers cuffed him and they dragged him into the backseat of the Police cruiser.
"What the hell was that?" Veemon said as he looked out the window to where Gennai was. "Oh well. Wormmon, I see your twenty and I raise you ten." Veemon finished in the dank atmosphere of the pool hall. Wormmon responded.
"I see your ten and raise you fifty." He proudly finished. Veemon talked to Hawkmon for a second and began, "I see your fifty, and raise you sixty!"
"Hey Veemon you're outta chips."
Veemon looked around the room and saw Davis at the pool table with Gabumon and Amardillomon.
"I bet Davis."
Davis overheard this. "What are you doing Veemon? You can't bet me!"
"Don't worry Davis! I can't lose!"
"Let's see your cards."
"Full house, bet that wormy!"
"We are playing basic poker right?"
"Yeah so?"
"Straight flush."
Veemon just stood there for a second. He lost $110, and Davis to Wormmon...
"Well Veemon, no hard feelings, anyway I'll collect my winnings and be on my way."
"VEEMON YOU GAMBLED ME AND LOST TO A HOMOSEXUAL DIGIMON!" Davis yelled.
"Uhh... Wormmon, buddy you don't wan't Davis do you?"
"Hmm..." Wormmon eyed Davis for second, "Not really."
"Well is there else you want besides Davis?" Veemon negotiated.
Wormmon looked over Davis's shoulder at the Digimon Emperor who was talking to the bookie. Wormmon nodded.
"Alright."
VEEMON ARMOUR DIGIVOLVED TO... FLAMEDRAMON, THE FLAMES OF COURAGE!
Flamedramon, took a large sack from Wormmon and crept up behind Ken and through him into the sack, and tied it up, while Ken yelled and struggled inside the sack. He De-Digivolved and gave the sack to Wormmon.
"Pleasure doing business with you." Wormmon said as carried Ken back to his house. Veemon went outside and saw Leomon in his Jaguar and jumped in.
"Man, Leomon I just had a weird day."
"Tell me about."
"What's new with you."
"I'm going out with someone..."
"Oh you're having an affair with someone."
"So," he said as he drove into the suburbs of Odaiba, "I mean what do you know about romance. You don't even like anyone."
"That's true I guess."
'C'mon. You must like someone. Who is it? Gatomon, Biyomon, or are you gay?" He said making sure his jeans were zipped up.
"Umm... Ahhh... I guess Floramon is cute."
"Sicko."
The Jaguar zoomed by a small psychiatrist's office. Who is the psychiatrist? Why it's Pixiemon of course!
Puppetmon walked to the receptionist at the psychiatrist's, who told him to go in. Puppetmon walked in to find Pixiemon with another client of his, Adolph Hitler who was talking to Pixiemon.
"I sometimes think zat, most people do not like me." Hitler finished.
Pixiemon nodded as he wrote in his notebook, JUST PLAIN NUTS, and underlined it several times.
"Hey Fuhrer!" Puppetmon yelled, "Get the hell outta here!"
"Vie don't Chu make me!"
Puppetmon pulled out his mallet, and threatened him, "They won't be able to save your brain now Hitler!"
Hitler walked slowly away and then ran, while Puppetmon sat down on the chair.
"So Puppetmon is this you're first visit?" Pixiemon asked.
"Yeah, I'm kinda nervous."
"Relax, everything said in here is private."
Behind a large mirror was a secret room with several Numemon, drinking coffee and hooking up recording equipment.
"I have weird feeling that someone is watching me."
ACHOO! The two Digimon stared at the mirror.
"Why did that mirror sneeze?"
"Look, it's just an old haunted mirror."
"How can a mirror be haunted?"
"Uhh... It fell and crushed Richard Nixon, and his ghost haunts it."
"Oh. I have real problems with the entire Dark Master idea, I mean so much is expected out of me, and all I want to do is chill."
"I see."
"I mean, I wouldn't even have been a Dark Master, if it wasn't for my parents. I told my dad I wanted to be a Cherrymon, but my dad started going I have no son, and so on."
"Please continue.'
MUCH, MUCH LATER
"So...*sniff*...Piedmon's just poking me *sniff* and poking me, all Metalseadramon said was 'Dude."
Puppetmon burst into tears.
Pixiemon shrugged at the mirror, and the people inside. The Numemon had their own views.
"Jeez, I'll never look at him the same."
"That's more than I needed to know."
"That was fucked up."
Back at the Kamiya's, Tai and Sora were still on the balcony.
"Well Tai you were right. Everyone here has their own story to tell."
"The authors are just too damn lazy to write them all."
THE EN-
"HEY WAIT!" *pant pant* ""Hey it's me Joe, sorry I'm late I was writing exams when, Oh! Hey don't go yet, I didn't do my skit! Oh wait please stay; I've got some really juicy gossip! HEY! Did you know Cody is gay?!"
"You promised it would be our secret!"
"Sorry Cody, oh wait please no, I just gotta-
THE END
"Damn. Missed it.'
By Alpha Draconis and Brakkiss