Granny's keys
"Where'd you get those?" Granny's voice hit him like a hammer as he passed her. The sun was just beginning to set behind the dark forest that marked the edge of town, and its rays were scattered here and there among the buildings like rose-fire fingers. Will had just popped out the door of Granny's diner, where he'd nursed his whiskey in a coffee cup for over an hour. His mind had been far away, in another realm, one filled with wonder, and he stumbled absentmindedly down the steps onto the patio. He pulled up short at the sound of her commanding voice, and spun around to meet her steely gaze. Too late he realized he was absentmindedly spinning a keychain around on his finger-a keychain with a tiny pink plastic sneaker and a key attached to it.
"Uhm,' he glanced around, trying to come up with a plausible explanation. "Found them, right over there, on the ground." He gestured vaguely towards the picket fence. He knew in his heart that his flimsy excuse would not fool the woman for an instant, but his mind was filled with too much whiskey and too many swirling memories of an exquisite blonde queen's pouting lips on his, so it was the best he could come up with.
"You're lying," she hissed, "That key has been missing for over a year." She was facing him down now, out on the sidewalk, and he saw little chance to get past her, so he tried to look as clueless and as innocent as possible. "They disappeared," she continued, stepping closer and shoving an accusatory finger in his face. "The same time I came into the diner one morning to find a huge mess inside. Shattered glass, tables overturned, chairs broken."
He gingerly held out the keys to her. " 'Ere you go then—" he flinched and his eyes widened as she jerked up her crossbow and pointed it straight at his heart. 'Did she carry that bleedin' thing around with her all the time?' he wondered as he stepped back a little. 'Does she fancy herself a bloody merry man or wot?'
"What's going on here?" David and Emma, out on evening patrol, crossed the all but deserted street and strode over to them; David looking expectantly at Granny while Emma fixed her gaze on Will. Her face said it all, she was obviously disgusted to see him.
"She's threatening me life!" Will exclaimed, pointing at Granny, still holding out the keychain.
"He stole my keys!" she growled, her eyes narrowed, her crossbow never wavering.
"Found your keys! Bloody well found 'em!"
"And he trashed my place!"
"Didn't!"
David put a restraining hand on Will's shoulder. Will fought the urge to break and run; he'd outrun the blonde sheriff once before, but her dad could tackle like a rugby fullback, and face planting on Main Street would definitely be worse than plowing into the dirt and leaves of a forest path. He decided to content himself for the moment with enhancing his 'clueless and innocent' expression.
"My keys went missing," Granny hissed, "at the same time last year when my diner looked like a bomb went off inside it," Granny kept the crossbow level to Will's chest, "and there he stands, bold as brass and full of sass, swinging the very self same keys around on his finger." She reached out and grabbed the keychain from his hand.
"All safe and sound now," he smiled disarmingly as he attempted to ease away from David's grip.
"Not so fast, smartass," Emma growled, standing next to Granny and glaring at him. "Admit it. You stole the keys and trashed the diner, didn't you?What happened, you couldn't get into the cash register?" His face closed, and he smiled back at her defiantly. "Not admittin' a thing, and you can't do anythin' about it anyway." He tried a second time to shake David's hand off, and was rewarded with a tighter grip on his jacket collar. 'It's like his hand's a bleedin' vise,' Will thought, as he searched his brain for some way out of this.
"Really? Why can't we do anything about it?" asked Emma. Will tried very hard not to look triumphant. "Oh, don't you remember?" He shot back immediately, "your mum," he nodded to David, "your wife, the mayor, she gave me that lovely pardon, she did. All me past sins forgiven and forgotten, thank you very much."
"You and Mary Margaret never did explain that one to me," Emma fumed at her father, who frowned and sighed. "It's a long story," he muttered.
Emma turned back to Will, trying to contain her fury. "Well, your past may be forgiven, but you're on our radar now, and sooner or later, you're gonna be right back in your cell."
Will cocked his head to the side, and raised his eyebrows in mock surprise. "Wot, you still keeping me cell available? Me very own home away from home, now, is it?" He silently congratulated himself-he'd just put one over on both the sheriffs. "I'll just be runnin' along on me way then." He tried a third time to shake off David's hand.
"Wait a minute," Granny objected, still glaring at Will, her crossbow at the ready, "pardoned or not, my place got wrecked last year, and it set me back a bundle to get it all cleaned up and repaired."
Will sighed dramatically, and tried to look truly repentant, "Well, technically speaking, I didn't participate in the damage at all. I would never do anything like that to your diner—I like your diner!"
"Well, then, who did?" David asked him. Will sighed again, this time less dramatically and with more resignation. Maybe he hadn't put one over on them after all. "You wouldn't believe me if I told you."
David regarded the thief coldly. "Which means that you're lying. Look," he pulled Will around to face him, "you told Robin you wanted to make amends. Does that include making amends to the whole town?" He locked eyes with Will, who shifted uncomfortably.
"You got somethin' in mind?" Will asked, dreading to hear the answer, and knowing it would not be pretty.
"How about putting your talents to good use?"
"Doin' wot?"
"We'll discuss that back at the sheriff's office." David began to lead Will down the street, Emma trailing behind.
"You arrestin' me?" Will complained indignantly. He wriggled half-heartedly but knew he would't escape from David—he hadn't been able to get away from him that day in the woods and he wouldn't be able to today, either. He was out and out caught.
David smiled, not letting go of Will's collar. "Of course not, you've got that 'lovely' pardon, remember?" With his free hand he patted the thief on the back, maybe just a little bit harder than he could have.
"Yeah, I want to know more about that," Emma commented darkly. The three headed towards the sheriff's office. "Don't worry," David called over his shoulder to Granny, who stood in front of her diner, her crossbow now at her side. "You'll be fully reimbursed for everything."
Inside the station, David shoved Will into a chair, and stood behind him, leaning on the chair back, while Emma faced him, her arms crossed. "This ain't legal," Will protested weakly. He knew he was completely trapped between two sheriffs, with no apparent way out. It just wasn't fair.
"What's not legal, a job offer?" David smiled down at him. "Job?" both Will and Emma replied together. "During your one-man crime wave earlier this year," David continued, "it became obvious that security for the town's businesses is sorely lacking. In fact," David glanced at Emma, "security right here needs some updating, from the way you popped open your cell door when you were our guest."
Will squirmed uncomfortably in his seat. "Just wot' yer up to, mate?" he demanded.
David dropped his smile. "You're going to do a complete security review of the business district for us, starting right here in the jail." "Bloody 'ell!" Will exclaimed. He started to rise in protest but David quickly shoved him back down in the chair. "For which we will pay you a fair amount." "Well, that's different," Will calmed down at that. "And," David finished, "with which you will pay Granny for her troubles." "Bollocks," Will groaned, "This ain't fair, innit? It'll take forever! When do I have to start all this?"
"Right now," David answered, ignoring Emma's grimace. He gestured over Emma's shoulder. "Show us how you escaped from your cell."
Will stared up at them both, knowing he was right well stuck. He stood up slowly and slid past Emma, walked to the cell door, and glanced over his shoulder. He held up a paper clip he'd taken from the desk and started to unbend it. "This lock was popular about 100 years ago," he told them while he straightened the clip. "-used a lot in insane asylums back in England, don't you know. One tumbler, easy to flip with any long piece of metal—" He stooped down and inserted the straightened clip into the lock, then hesitated and looked over his shoulder.
"You're not gonna shove me inside when I open this, are you?" He asked apprehensively.
"No," answered David.
"Maybe," answered Emma.
He kept an eye on both of them and twisted the flattened paper clip in the lock. The door swung open almost immediately. Will stood up, stepped back from the now-opened cell, and looked at Emma. "You should have been able to open this easy," he told her, "with your skills." David stepped up to the cell door. "Do it again," he instructed, pulling the cell door closed, "and show me how to do it."
Will again slid the metal into the keyhole, wiggled it, and the door opened obediently. Watching closely, David then tried his hand at repeating Will's light-fingered touch. It took him a few minutes to get the feel of it, with Will has his unwilling teacher, until finally, he grinned from ear to ear when the door swung open under his hand.
Irritated, Emma crossed her arms and grumbled, "we can always just handcuff the criminals-" she looked pointedly at Will, "-to the bars." Will straightened up and tried a winning smile at her. "Oh, your cuffs are even easier to spring, love." "Show me," David interrupted as he detached his handcuffs from his utility belt. "Oh, please," Emma grabbed the cuffs from her father, "allow me the pleasure." She shoved Will around until she was behind him, and jerked first his left arm, then his right behind him, and snapped the cuffs tightly around his wrists. "There you go, hot shot," she stepped back.
Will spun around and locked eyes with her, his hands working furiously behind his back and out of sight of either sheriff. "You know wot I think," he smirked, "I think you really enjoyed that, didn't you? But you know, a piece of rope would be better than these things." There was a dull clang as the cuffs hit the floor behind his feet, and he pushed them to her with the toe of his boot, his eyes never leaving hers.
David grinned. "I think this arrangement is going to work out nicely; the town benefits, and you—" he clapped Will on the shoulder, "you get to make amends with everyone."
"Just wot I bloody well wanted," Will replied in resignation.