Chapter 1 – Aint' it Fun?
"Alright, so which one of you is going to tell Artie?" Rachel demands, suspiciously eyeing the goateed man with whom she is sharing custody of a subway pole.
"Tell him what?" Sam asks, not-so-subtly checking out a leggy blond seated nearby.
"That we're taking his dorm room out of rotation for our Tuesday night family dinners. I mean, a Broadway star cannot afford to be squished with five other people onto a broken IKEA futon eating Ramen noodles. My masseuse is going to need an extra half hour to work this kink out of my back and Rupert is going to kill me if my costumes don't fit after all those carbs!" Mercedes and Kurt roll their eyes at Rachel's typical diva behavior.
"It's not that bad! I think there's something kind of charming about it. We all just skipped right over the dorm lifestyle, so I actually like getting a glimpse of the true college experience," Kurt replies.
"And it reminds me of my Dalton days," Blaine chimes in, exchanging a glance and smile with Kurt, "you know, minus the beer pong and the girls in leggings and Ugg boots."
"Yeah, Rachel, I like visiting Artie's dorm too. It keeps us rising stars humble and grounded," Mercedes pipes up as the subway car jolts to a stop. "Alright, this is us. See you boys tomorrow on our three-way Wednesday evening Skype call with Tina?"
"Wouldn't miss it!" Blaine calls out. Rachel, Mercedes and Sam exchange quick hugs and cheek kisses with Kurt and Blaine as they exit the subway car.
As the car begins to move, Kurt says "She's exasperating, but she's right, you know. We should just host every week. We're the best cooks and have the most comfortable and well-decorated apartment."
"Do you really have time to host a dinner for six every single week in between wedding planning, NYADA classes, your internship and working at the diner?" Blaine asks.
Kurt sighs. "No, I don't have the time, but I'm willing to make the time for them. They're the best friends I've ever had. We've been through so much together, and I love that we've managed to create all these traditions that keep us close even when our lives are going in separate directions. When Rachel and Santana got into their ridiculous, melodramatic catfight over Funny Girl, I felt like my family was being torn apart. I've lost enough people in my life, and I'll do anything I can to keep the ones I still have close."
Blaine looks wistfully into Kurt's eyes and pulls him into an embrace. Refreshingly, and unlike their experiences in Lima, no one around them seems to bat an eye at their public display of affection. "I love you so much," Blaine whispers as he kisses Kurt tenderly.
The following night, Rachel, Sam, Mercedes and Artie gather around Rachel's laptop in the loft. The left side of their screen shows a typically dapper Blaine and Kurt while the right side displays a shockingly sexy, smoky-eyed, wavy-haired Tina.
"Girl, you look amazing!" Mercedes gushes as Tina giggles back shyly.
"Thanks! I just came from a sorority happy hour and I have a date in half an hour."
Blaine fakes a stern, fatherly voice, "You know all dates need to be approved by me first, Miss Cohen-Chang. And where is the other half of that shirt?"
Sam joins in on Blaine's joke with a series of rapid-fire questions. "Yeah, who is this guy, how'd you meet him, where's he from, what impressions can he do?"
Rachel scoffs at the boys and coos, "More importantly, Tina, what does he look like? Send us a link to his Instagram!"
Tina blushes. "You guys! I love how protective you are but you don't need to worry about me. He's a great guy – pre-med, plays lacrosse, does sketch comedy, volunteers at the children's hospital. And he's gorgeous; his abs might even be better than Mike's!"
Kurt feigns outrage. "Blasphemy! Anyway, Tina, you'll be happy to know that we're all doing great too. Rachel's Broadway debut is upon us, Mercedes' album sales are picking up, Blaine and I are learning a ton at NYADA and making progress with wedding plans, Artie's first student film is in post-production, and Sam just booked another underwear campaign!"
Tina replies with just the slightest hint of wistfulness, "I'm so happy for you guys! It's just crazy to think how successful all of our friends are right after graduating. I guess McKinley is a better school than we ever gave it credit for."
Artie senses a hint of something amiss in his oldest friend's voice and tries to break the tension. "So, what else is going on with you girl?"
"Oh you know, everything is great. I'm getting all A's, I'm playing my dream role of Kim in the student production of Miss Saigon, the boys are so cute, I've made tons of new friends." Tina pauses and glances at something off screen. "Actually, I'd better get going, my roommate needs my help with something. I miss you guys!"
Tina disconnects abruptly, and the screen goes black before her friends have a chance to say goodbye.
Tina sits alone in her dark dorm room. Her hair and make-up are impeccable and she's wearing a cleavage-bearing black blouse, but the parts of her body that were out of view of the webcam are adorned in ratty pajama pants and slippers. She glances over at her bed covered in textbooks and scattered papers and bursts into tears as "Ain't it Fun" by Paramore begins to blare from the dorm hallway.
She wipes her tears defiantly, tosses her hair into a messy bun, removes her make-up, and changes into a baggy, faded t-shirt while singing along.
I don't mind
Letting you down easy but just give it time
If it don't hurt now but just wait, just wait a while
Tina looks longingly out the open dorm door into the hallway where students are partying.
You're not the big fish in the pond no more
You are what they're feeding on
She resumes her regular hunched over position at her desk, staring so hard at her textbook that the words begin to blur. She glances up mournfully at photos of happier days from high school adorning her desk.
So what are you gonna do
When the world don't orbit around you?
So what are you gonna do
When the world don't orbit around you?
She thinks back to earlier today, as she walked alone on campus through a sea of students seemingly having the time of their lives.
Ain't it fun?
Living in the real world
Ain't it good?
Being all alone
At her first class of the day, the T.A. had handed back their midterms face down. As she lifted the corner to peek at the other side of the paper, a giant red "C" glared back at her.
Where you're from,
You might be the one who's running things
Where you could ring anybody's bell and get what you want
After class, Tina had stopped by the student activities office to check the cast list for Miss Saigon. She scanned the list, her own name nowhere to be found. Instead, Kim would be played by a blond-haired, blue eyed Texan girl named Rebecca Cherry.
See it's easy to ignore trouble
When you're living in your bubble
On her way home for lunch, a cute boy had smiled in Tina's direction. She smiled back, but was dismayed when he burst into laughter as he passed her. As she turned around, she finally realized that a long tail of toilet paper was trailing out of the back of her skirt. She pulled it out, crumpled it in a ball and threw it in the nearest trash bin, hanging her head in embarrassment.
So what are you gonna do
When the world don't orbit around you?
So what are you gonna do
When nobody wants to fool with you?
At her dorm cafeteria, Tina scanned the room for an open space at a table, saw none that looked welcoming, and brought her lunch up to her empty dorm room to eat alone.
Ain't it fun?
Living in the real world
Ain't it good?
Being all alone
The reflection on her crappy day and the energy of the song bring Tina to her breaking point. She tears down posters from her dorm walls, throws away flyers for extracurricular activities, rips up her poorly graded test, and begins to trash her entire room.
Ain't it good to be on your own?
Ain't it fun, you can't count on no one
Ain't it good to be on your own?
Ain't it fun, you can't count on no one
Ain't it fun?
Living in the real world
Tina imagines herself back in the classroom, campus, hallway and cafeteria moments from earlier in the day. In each instance, she had been on the verge of tears. In her memory, the nameless, faceless people around her mouth along to the words of the song as they go about their business. It's like they're taunting her without even doing her the courtesy of noticing her existence.
Don't go crying to your mama
Cause you're on your own in the real world
Don't go crying to your mama
Cause you're on your own in the real world
Don't go crying to your mama
Cause you're on your own in the real world
Don't go crying to your mama
Cause you're on your own in the real world
Tina wonders why her friends have acclimated so easily to life after high school while she's regressed back to feeling like the shy, angry girl she was four years ago. If she's not careful, she'll start stuttering again and dressing in all black. At least then she can tell herself that she's pushing people away instead of facing the reality that no one seems to want to get to know her. So far, college has been like all the worst parts of high school, but on a grander scale. She's supposed to be free and living life to the fullest like all her friends in New York. All her friends in New York. All her friends. They all have each other, and she has no one.
She begins to imagine what this song would mean to them right now. She knows the chorus is meant to be sarcastic, but she can picture the words actually being literal to her old glee club friends who have absolutely nothing holding them back from their dreams. In Tina's mind, Rachel, Sam, Mercedes and Artie are dancing goofily while Rachel sings elatedly. Blaine and Kurt work excitedly on wedding plans and everyone joins in for the riffs.
Ain't it fun? Ain't it fun? Baby, now you're one of us
Ain't it fun? Ain't it fun? Ain't it fun?
Ain't it fun?
Living in the real world
Ain't it good? Ain't it good?
Being all alone
Ain't it fun?
Living in the real world (Cause the world don't orbit around you)
Ain't it good? Ain't it good?
Being all alone
Don't go crying to your mama (To your mama)
Cause you're on your own in the real world (Don't go crying)
Don't go crying to your mama (To your mama)
Cause you're on your own in the real world
Don't go crying to your mama
Cause you're on your own in the real world (This is the real world)
Don't go crying to your mama
'Cause you're on your own in the real world (This is the real world, this is the real world)
Don't go crying to your mama (Don't go crying)
'Cause you're on your own in the real world
Don't go crying to your mama
'Cause you're on your own in the real world
Tina sits at her desk, wiping the tears from her eyes as she glances at her calendar. She joins back in on the last lines of the song playing in the hallway.
Don't go crying (Don't you go, don't you go crying)
Don't go crying (You're on your own)
Don't go crying (Don't go crying to your mother)
Don't go crying
Finally, a smile graces Tina's face again. She gets up from her desk and hops into bed, ready for her first good night's sleep in months. As she shuts her eyes, the last thing she sees are the words on her computer screen, the words that will get her through the next two weeks:
Confirmed:
Tina Cohen-Chang
Flight 292
March 22, 2014
Providence, RI (PVD) to New York, NY (JFK)