I have admired Johanna Mason ever since her first games. Her weakling act amazed me, her acting skills so perfect. She'd somehow managed to convince everyone (including me) that she was weak. That she was not a fighter. And yet after most of her opponents were dead she managed to come out fighting. She's a fiercer, more fiesty, more rebellious version of me. Johanna actually terrifies me. She's determined and that is yet another thing I admire about her. Haymitch, Boggs and pretty much everyone else had been giving me updates on Peeta's condition so I made sure I got Finnick (Johanna's best friend) to let me know how she was doing. Finnick and I had become close during our time in District 13 and he spent every spare moment that he wasn't with Annie checking up on Johanna, so he was the perfect person to ask. I would go myself, but she doesn't exactly like me, in fact I'm pretty sure she hates me, but I do blame myself for everything she's been through.

"Katniss, are you there?" Finnick asks

I snap out of my thoughts, "Yeah, you were telling me about Johanna"

"I was. She's not doing much better. She's scared and she's in a lot of pain, although she won't admit that to anyone, not even me. I think she was hurt the most. Physically speaking of course."

When they got back, I caught a glimpse of Johanna. She was unconscious so she had no idea I'd seen her. She was emaciated and her head had been shaved. She was dotted with bruises and scabs. But most horrifyingly, she looked young. She looked about my age. Hurt. So badly hurt. She'd lost her fierceness. I couldn't even begin to imagine what they'd done to her.

"How does she say shes doing?" I ask to distract myself from my thoughts

Finnick sighs. "She says shes doing 'fan-fucking-tastic'"

"At least she's still sarcastic."

"That's exactly what I was thinking" he tells me as he turns to leave. "Actually, wait. There's one last thing"

I start to worry. Has something happened to her? I mean besides almost being tortured to death because of me. Has there been an accident? Is she okay? Has she died? No, she can't of died. She's too stubborn for that.

Finnick looks over at me. "No, no Katniss. She's okay. Well, I mean she's okay as can be expected"

"Well then, what is it?"

"She wants to see you"

Johanna Mason wants to see me. Why?

"Bu- but she hates me" I stammer

"Just go see her" he tells me. "I'm sure she won't try to kill you"

"What, now?" I ask when I notice him looking at me.

He chuckles slightly running his hand through his hair, "Yes, now"

I slowly make my way down to the hosptial and I bump into Prim there.

"Hey, Prim"

"Hi, Katniss. What brings you down here?" she asks "We hardly ever see you down in the hospital"

"I was talking to Finnick and I thought I'd go see Johanna" I tell her honestly

Prim smiles before looking down at a clipboard in her hand. "That's a great idea. I think she'd like that. She's in room 257"

I thank her and head in the direction she points, but I somehow still manage to get lost.

A doctor walks by with his head down. He wears a name tag saying 'Dr. R Smythe'. He must see the lost expression on my face when he gazes up from the paperwork in his hands. "Are you lost?" he asks

"Yeah" I say gratefully. "I'm looking for room 257"

"Yeah, well some of us actually have things to do" he replies.

I'm taken aback by his attitude as he basically storms past me. I continue to walk down different corridors until I come to a door that says '231-279' I shove through those doors and continue down that corrider. 249, 251, 253, 255, 257. I spent the whole time getting lost that I haven't actually thought about what I was going to say. I've been lost for about half an hour and I decide I can't hold this back. I knock the door loudly. No answer. I knock the door again. Still no answer. I decide to just walk on in.

As soon as I shut the door Johanna says "Just fuck off, you dumb a-"

"Uh," I stammer.

She turns around. "So you finally decided to show up" she says raising her eyebrow quizically. "Didn't think you were coming"

"I got lost" I mumble

"Of course you did" she mutters.

"Johanna, if you don't want me here, I can come back another day."

"I didn't say I didn't want you here."

"You told me to go away only thirty seconds ago" I state.

"You really are brainless, aren't you?" she says sitting up on her bed cross legged and patting a space at the bottom of the bed. I cross the floor towards her "I was talking about my head doctor. He's just ugh."

"Well then we've both met an annoying doctor today" I sigh.

She raises her eyebrow at this again. "Tell me" she urges

"I was lost, like I said. And I saw this doctor and I thought he'd help me find your room but no, he was really mean and wouldn't tell me"

"Sounds like my head doctor" she replies. "I'd love to put my axe in his face"

She laughs suddenly. It takes me a second to place the quote to a time. But I suddenly remember her saying that about her stylist in the elevator. Right before she took her clothes off. I laugh slightly too. I try to compose myself, but Johanna's still laughing. "That's the first time I've laughed in about two months" she gasps clutching her ribs

I look down at my hands. "Anyway, Finnick said you wanted to see me?"

She composes herself. "Uh, yes. Um, I just wanted to tell you that I didn't tell them. I didn't tell them any rebel secrets and I didn't give away any secret plans or anything. I kept my mouth shut so you can stop worrying."

I gasp slightly when I realize what she's talking about. She had been tortured almost to death and she thinks I'm concerned about secrets she knew.

"No, no I don't care about the secrets. I ju-"

"Well then why were you getting Odair to keep tabs on me?"

"What?" I ask. I always assumed Finnick didn't actually tell her I was asking him

"Don't talk shit, Brainless" she sighs. "I know you were getting him to keep an eye on me and report back to you and I don't like it, so I thought I'd tell you myself. I didn't tell them anything"

"No, it's not like that" I insist

She laughs sarcastically. "So what's it like then?" she asks with a wink

I blush. "No, no it's nothing like that. I mean, I would never -"

"You would never what? she asks with a smirk

"I mean I don't care about any secrets. I just wanted to know if you were okay, I'm worried about you, that's all." I retort in a more serious tone.

Her eyes spark with fury "I'm not a fucking child. You don't need to check up on me."

"I know you're not. You're the bravest person I know. I care, Johanna. I'm concerned about you and I don't particularly want to let you rot in here"

She laughs a high pitched sarcastic laugh at that. "Since when the fuck do you care about anyone?"

"What do you mean by that?" I demand, trying unsuccessfully to conceal my anger.

"Your precious little boyfriend was almost tortured to death too and you've seen him how many times? Once?" She retorted.

"How do you know that?" I say with a glare

"Finnick told me."

"Well then I suppose Finnick also told you about how he tried to kill me."

"What?" She snarled. "He tried to fucking kill you?"

I look down at my hands again. "Yeah, I guess. I mean it's not his fault bu-"

"He tried to fucking kill you." She fumed. "Wait, why?"

"I'm not really sure. I mean they - in the Capitol - they uh, did this thing called hijacking... They altered his brain and he's not himself and uh" I stuttered choosing my words as carefully as possible to avoid hurting her further.

She's silent. I've obviously used the wrong words. "Look, Johanna. I'm really sorry if I've said something that upsets or offends you an-"

"I'm fine, Brainless"

"You don't look fine" I state.

"Wow, thanks Brainless, that means a lot" she answers with her tone dripping in sarcasm

"No, I mean you look upset or something"

"You don't say"

I'm about to say something sarcastic back when the door opens. I turn around at the noise and Johanna gazes up.

"You finally get to meet my asshole of a head doctor" she mutters just loud enough for me to hear.

"It's a pleasure" I mutter back sarcastically. And that's the first time I've ever seen a genuine smile from Johanna Mason. She chuckles slightly shaking her head.

"Is something funny?" The doctor asks.

"Yeah, your face" Johanna replies.

I catch sight of his name tag. Dr. R Smythe.

He sees me at the exact same time. "I see you found your destination then"

I nod before looking back down at my hands, (Which I've noticed I've been doing a lot recently)

Johanna laughs sarcastically "Looks like you already have met my asshole of a head doctor"

Doctor Smythe sighs. Johanna shoots a glare at him. "Fuck off" she mutters.

"You're safe here. You don't need to shut people out anymore. You're perfectly safe."

"I'm not trying to shut people out. I'm trying to shut you out, because I don't like you"

When he finally leaves I run my fingers through my hair. "That was a pretty stupid thing for him to say."

"Which part? I thought it was all stupid"

"The part where he said 'you're perfectly safe here' that's a stupid thing to say especially to a victor."

"Ugh, I know. He's a fucking idiot."

"You swear a lot" I observe

"Always have" she replies. "It got worse after my first games"

I don't know why I do, but I reach out and touch her hands which she had folded in her lap. She instantly goes to pull away out of reflex but ultimately decides to keep them there.

"I'm sorry" I whisper

"Me too" she replies

This may not look like much to anyone else. But it meant it to us. It was a sign of mutual understanding. A bond. We'd both been through the horror of the games, and I genuinely think we can someday be friends. I want to be her friend.

"So are you still going to get Odair to keep tabs on me?"

"No" I reply, "I'll do it myself, as long as I'm sure you don't want to kill me"

"You can never be sure though, Katniss. You're quite annoying at times actually. Hell, I'd be doing everyone a goddamn favor if I killed you"

"Funny" I mutter

"Did Peeta actually try to kill you?" She asks. "Or did you just tell me that to shut me up?"

"Unfortunately, yes. He did." I mumble "but it's not his fault" I say snapping to his defence

"I never said it was. I'm just surprised, I didn't think they could do that. Like change his brain and that. I mean, I knew they were assholes, but I didn't think that was possible"

"Neither did I until it happened"

"I didn't even know. I was in the cell next to him, how did I not know? I mean I knew they were doing something, but not that."

"You were in the cell next to him?" I ask in horror

"Yeah" she mutters. "We're very familiar with each other's screams"

The horror must be evident in my face because she simply laughs and says "what did you expect?"

"I expected something like that, but you're just helping me visualise it"

"You're welcome"

"I didn't really want to know" I choke

"My head doctor tells me I shouldn't censor my thoughts"

"What, the same head doctor that you hate?"

"Yeah, that's the guy. He's a total pretentious asshole."

"And you listen to him, why?"

"I usually don't, I try to ignore him, but he's annoying and one day I told him how much of a fuckface he actually was and he was like 'see that's an improvement, Johanna. You shouldn't censor your thoughts' so that's about the only thing I listened to, besides it gives me an excuse to say anything I want anytime I want"

"And let me guess, you're going to use that key piece of advise to be as mean as you like to me until we're both dead?"

"I prefer to say 'until the rebellion is over' but whatever"

"Do you really think we'll win the rebellion?" I ask her

"We fucking better, I did not spend all that time suffering in the Capitol for nothing"

"I hope we do" I state.

"We will." She says "I'm not going to let you fuck up and die, Brainless."

"Is that why you didn't kill me? For the rebellion?"

"Yeah, pretty much. You were annoying as fuck in the arena. I kind of wanted to smash your face in."

She removes one of her hands from underneath mine and brings it up to stroke the side of my face. "But I'm glad I didn't, because it's a nice face."

I blush and find myself lost for words until I finally reply with "Your face isn't too bad either"

"You don't need to lie to me, Katniss. I have seen a mirror, I'm aware I look like shit"

"You don't" I tell her. "And I'm not lying"

"You're such a sap" she tells me

"I know" I admit

We're interrupted by a knock on the door and Prim comes in.

"Hi Johanna. Hi Katniss."

"Hey little duck" I reply "why are you here?"

"Dr. Smythe wanted me to bring this in. He says he doesn't want to be verbally assaulted again, so here" Prim says handing Johanna a clipboard.

Johanna scans her eyes over the writing on it before grunting and setting it on the bedside locker.

"Thanks" she tells Prim through an almost genuine smile.

"No problem, I've got work to do right now, but I'll be in again later" Prim tells her before leaving.

"Does she come here often?" I ask

"Yeah, quite a bit." Johanna confessed. "She's much more bearable than you, doesn't accuse me of trying to kill her, that sort of thing. She's a good kid."

I smile at the warmth in her voice and look up at her through my eyelashes. "How are you feeling?" I ask

"Fucking dandy" she replies sarcastically.

"No, but really?" I ask

"I feel like shit" she admits.

I gently place my hand on her upper arm, unaware of what to do.

Johanna sighs loudly before bringing her other hand up to her upper arm and entwining her fingers with mine.

"Sometimes, you're not too bad, Brainless."