Chapter 1
Personal Onslaught to Roy Mustang
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Dear Diary,
Earlier today Lieutenant Colonel Roy Mustang had questioned me if I knew the whereabouts of the Elric Brothers.
Like hell, no
How does he expect me to slay that shortstuff while I keep him under control?!
Seriously!
And you should see the amount of paperwork he left behind!
What the hell?!
I'm his Lieutenant, not his bitch!
He has enough of those!
and speaking of bitches, guess WHO ELSE came in today.
Kristina Von Manwhore.
The chick used to be funny and cute when I first met her; that was when she was only screwing Havoc.
But now, she upgraded from smoke to flame.
Only a worthless, brainless, tramp woulf go for the chief's extremely shallow (and not to mention inane) pickup line "Hey there".
I mean "Hey there"?!?!?!?!?!
How shallow is that?!
He might as well say "Nice shoes, can I screw you?"
It probably wouldn't make any difference!
and again, I CAN'T WAIT to see the day wherein he actuall submits his paperwork on time!
I'm surprised that he was ACTUALLY promoted to Lt. Colonel, even with all those airheads he keeps in line.
I'm actually writing this now, while KVM (Kristina Von Manwhore, remember?) is visiting the chief.
She's looking my way.
She smiles.
She says "good morning, Lieutenant"
SLUT!
She wears that pretty little plastic smile, but behind it I can see the words
"He's mine not yours, mine not yours, mine not yours, mine not yours and etcera etcera, coz you're only his Lieutenant!"
Tramp!
Like hell, i don't care about Roy Pyro maniac, flame throwing psycho Mustang!
Yeah he's hot, but NEWSFLASH sir One Night Stand!
I'M HOTTER!
For Your Information Lt. Colonel, I can have as many suitors in line like you have!
If i weren't so frickin busy picking up after YOU, i would at least have a little resemblance of what might miraculously be a social life!!
Let me make this clear to you, dearest diary of mine:
ROY MUSTANG IS A CHEAP WOMAN MACINE
Look at his sleek black hair and captivating eyes! so totally FAKE!
It's only good for picking up "trash" off the street!
He can't even sign his paperwork without me having to hold him at gunpoint!
The only reason why I haven't shot him yet is because he's so...
so...
Incredibly cool, i guess.
and sweet.
and smart.
and funny.
and strong - willed.
and considerate.
and thoughtful.
But other than that, he's an ASS!
and he's cheap enough to screw that KVM garbage!
So to sum it up, I don't give a care about Roy what's-his-face Mustang or his whereabouts!
Even if he---
Good God, they're LEAVING?!
What the hell are they up to now?!
And look, that ass left his paperwork behind!
AGAIN!
When I find out what they're up to, I swear I'll SHOOT THEIR FRIGGIN' HEADS OFF!!
Gotta go.
From the ever loving,
Riza Hawkeye