Hey guys, this is a one shot, that I wrote recently as a request for a friend of mine on tumblr. It's inspired from the episode where Stefan said that he didn't get to say goodbye to his dying mother since their father send her away after she got sick. Stefan is about six and Damon is..well in his teen years. Hope you enjoy! :)
Damon's POV
I went outside to look for Stefan for probably the hundred time today. He was hiding out, avoiding staying inside the house since he could feel the desperation and the sadness in it. To that add the constant coughs coming from our mother's room and the painful sobs escaping her white lips every now and then, and I'm pretty sure he was scared to death from what was going on inside.
I tried to explain the other day that mom is not doing very good, but he only looked away and asked if he can go and be with the horses again. He loved our horses and he had the undying desire to try and ride my horse Grace, which I received as a birthday present after mom kept persuading father for months.
I loved riding, but I hated taking care of the horses.
Stefan didn't have his own horse, there was this old pony in the barn called Gemma, but she was old and very lazy lately and Stefan couldn't, in his desperate attempts, even make her go out in the yard for a moment. He loved her though, but I knew he was jealous of me having Grace, he wanted a horse of his own as well.
Lately, it was hard for me and our maid Constance to even make him go back in the house to sleep. He has grown accustomed to being constantly outside. He would either play with Jimmy Fell and Jeremiah Gilbert or just be on his own here in the barn. He was filthy from playing outside.
Constance, who has stepped in and tried to explain, that he can't keep avoiding the house and run away like a homeless savage, has managed to achieve only one thing-for Stefan to go to the kitchen and eat there with the rest of the maids and the servants. Then he would run back outside. He didn't even want to talk much to me, because every time I came, I would either get in a fight with him or ask him to come inside and go see mom, but he was scared. He didn't want to. And I'm guessing he was reminded of father's words from a few weeks back when we were playing in the backyard and laughing and he came to scold us to keep quite, because we're making it worse for mom. Since then Stefan became the most silent kid I've ever seen.
"Stefan!" I called him out once I opened the heave wooden door.
I heard a crash from the other end of the barn and then a loud ouch, which made me practically run there, only to find him fallen from a bucket that he's been obviously using in order to get on Grace's back
"What on earth are you doing, brother?" I cross my arms on my chest and look down at him. His blond hair is dirty and he's trying hard not to cry, since obviously he hurt himself when he fell, but I don't bend down to help him right away. I'm really angry with him at the moment.
His white shirt is full of stains and the nice trousers that Constance has ironed this morning for him has acquired a really big hole on his knee. I could see blood coming from there too-he has bruised himself when he fell, but he knew he should cry. Actually, he was restraining himself of letting any human sound out in the past few weeks.
"I-I just-" he stuttered and I sighed as I finally bend down and caught his hands only to raise him gently up.
"Enough of this, Stefan" I scolded him growing angrier with his behavior by the minute. Yes, I knew he was only a six year old kid, but he was acting strange and honestly he was starting to scare me a bit. He was always silent and obeying, but now, it was different and the light in his green eyes was gone, replaced by fear. "Come on!" I pulled him towards the entrance "That's it, you're not going to the barn anymore."
"Damooon!" he cried out
"Stop being such a baby." I leaned down to his level "Mom is bad. She needs us and I'm not going to sit around and watch you avoiding her and playing with the horses all day long. You're a big boy now, act like one."
"But I-" he stuttered again "I just wanted to ride Grace. You promised that you'll ride her with me but you lied!"
"Stefan, now it's not the time to ride horses. Now is the time to listen to what the adults are telling you" I continued pulling him towards the house "Look at yourself!" he stared down at his dirty shirt and then back up to me
"Damy, please" he began again and his green eyes filled with tears, the first of which roll down his rosy cheek
"No, you need to stop doing all this or dad will get mad and you know what happens when he gets mad." I threatened him and I guess finally worked, because he stopped abruptly and gripped my hand so hard, that I was actually surprised by the strength he held inside him.
He was terrified, because he knew father will beat him if he gets mad. He often did that with us both, though usually, as I was the older one, I took the blame if anything happened. Mom was strictly against this and she often argued with our father about it, but she couldn't really change his way of dealing with us, not even after all those years. I think that the more I'm growing up, the more stronger I am becoming-father hates it when I talk back to him, but he knows that soon he won't be able to whip me or punish me the way he did before while with Stefan it was a different thing, he was still young and had to learn and bear the consequences of his mistakes. Also as I said he was bad at defending himself, just like right now.
"And I've told you not to call me Damy, okay?" I said clearly frustrated with him at this point.
Actually if I have to be honest, I was just as rough as father would be with him right now and deep down I knew it was wrong, but I just couldn't stop it-I was angry with everything going on right now, especially after yesterday I heard the doctor talking to my father and telling him that he has no hope of mom getting any better.
Stefan started crying out loud while I was still tugging him towards the kitchen where I was hoping Constance will help me clean him and make him eat something.
"Damon, wait I have to go back to the barn" he let another desperate cry out "Please."
"No, Stefan, I told you, you're not going there anymore" I shoved him inside the enormous kitchen which smelled like fresh bread and fried chicken. My mom loved chicken, I'm guessing Constance was cooking it for her, though she barely even ate these days. The same counted for Stefan-both my mother and my brother looked like ghosts more and more with every passing day.
"Finally!" Constance, our maid, dressed in a simple black dress with a white apron on, her hands were white from the flour and she had a serious expression on her face. As soon as she saw me tugging Stefan in however she let a relieve sigh out "Why did you take so long?"
"He's been trying to go back in there" I stated, hiding the sadness in my voice "Come on, Stefan." I pushed him towards the sink and we made him stand on a chair while Constance was cleaning his hands and his face. He was trying to pull away, he wasn't a big fan of baths and getting cleaned up.
"Damon, please, I have to go back there." he begged and tried to get away from me "Just for a minute."
"Stefan, listen to your brother, young man or you'll leave me with no choice but to go tell your father of your hideous behavior." Constance threatened him as she cleared another black spot from his tiny nose. He seemed so little to me at this moment that I felt bad for treating him so harsh. This was just his way of coping with things-we all had one.
When she cleaned him up, I caught him in my arms and moved him on the big kitchen table since we needed to clean his bruised knee. When I tried to touch him he cried out again and Constance who was combing his hair in the meantime almost scratched him on the forehead because of the sudden movement.
"Stefan!" I scolded him and he cried even louder.
Just when I was about to threaten him with father once again, we heard someone opening the door and much to my surprise I saw my father standing there, extremely serious and quite angry with the fuss we were making. He didn't usually go downstairs to the kitchen but he must've heard us yelling and found himself down here, following the noise.
"What's going on here?" he asked as he raised his eyebrow and began slowly walking towards us.
I lifted Stefan down and put him behind myself, in order to protect him.
"Nothing, Mr. Salvatore. Stefan was just playing outside and he got dirty so we were cleaning him up" Constance tried to explain but my father shot her a deadly glance, which meant she shouldn't intervene anymore and looked back down at me
"Damon, step aside" he said, but I didn't even move. I felt Stefan's hand gripping mine from behind. He was trying very hard not to start crying
"Father, it was nothing" I tried explaining "I'm sorry for the noise."
"Sorry for the noise?" he raised his voice suddenly and I felt Stefan completely freeze behind me.
Constance took a step back as well, she didn't have the courage to stand up to my father, nor was she supposed to cause God knows what he would do to her if she dares speak.
"I am sick of you and your brother's yells all the time" he said trying to sound seriously, though I could guess by the sound of his voice-he's been drinking again and it wasn't even the late afternoon. "Your mother's sick. She needs to rest and not worrying all day long where her two ungrateful sons are and what on earth are you doing!" he caught my by the shoulder and pushed me away from Stefan.
"Now-" he continued in the same mean way as I watched Stefan stare down at his dirty socks and his ripped trousers. I didn't even had the chance to clean the cuts on his knee and the blood was visible "I asked you what's going on? Why do you look like this?" Stefan didn't respond, he didn't know what to say, since he sensed everything's way too doomed already
"I asked you a question boy!" he continued and I tried intervening again, but my father interrupted me "Look up when you're talking to me!"
"Father, I-I-" Stefan stuttered yet again
"Where were you Stefan?" father sighed heavily "It's an easy question."
"In the barn, sir' Stefan said barely audible, so silently that I couldn't even hear him. He was holding his hands behind his back, intertwining his fingers nervously, he was worried and he even looked up at me for help
"I didn't hear you!" father's loud voice echoed in the kitchen and it made Constance jump behind me. I felt like she wants to say something, but I tried to warn her with just a simple look and she nodded slightly, saying that she understands it's better not to cross my father in this state.
"Father, it was my fault" I began again and he turned curiously towards me "I called Stefan and he tripped over while coming towards me." I tried to explain but then Stefan did something I didn't expect him to do
He raised his weak shaky voice and I think it's the first time I ever heard him talking so loudly.
"He's lying, father" my little brother stated "I went to the barn and got myself like this. Damon only tried to help me." with every sentence his voice became more silent and shaky, he was losing his courage, but that didn't really matter to father. He was already pissed off and I watched him grab Stefan's wrist and pushing him towards the door. I knew what was coming after this-he would take him to his room and in a few minutes we would hear Stefan's cry once again.
"Father, please" I tried again but he just pushed me back and I fell on my butt on the floor, feeling like crying myself. Then he grabbed Stefan and threw him over his shoulder. My little brother watched me nervously from there, begging me with his green sad eyes to help him somehow.
I waited until they got upstairs and rushed there, praying impatiently for father to finish what he has just started as soon as possible. I sat down and leaned my back on the wall, covering my ears with my shaky hands.
I hated listening Stefan cry or yell, it broke my heart. I knew mom's room is on the same floor, but I had no idea if she could hear all this as she might've just been asleep. Even if she could, I knew there was no way she would stand up and do something and the maid that was nursing her, was somewhere downstairs so there was no way she could intervene. In a couple of minutes however, inbetween Stefan's crying coming from father's room I recognized the usual coughing coming from hers-she has probably woken up from the noise.
I stood up and went to her room, though father has forbidden us to bother mom too much. I wanted to see her, I needed her in that moment, because I felt helpless.
I gently pushed the door and peeked fearfully before entering. She moved her head in my direction and gently smiled.
"Damon." she stretched her hand and waved me to come in. I gave her a weak smile and stepped in, slowly approaching her bed "Where's this noise coming from?" she asked
"Father is punishing Stefan for playing in the barn again." I bowed my head down as I sat near her, trying hard to suppress my tears. When I felt her hand on mine, I found the courage to look her in the eyes only to see how angry she was with my revelation. She sighed and tried to suppress a cough.
"I will talk to your father later about this" she promised and I nodded feeling weaker and lonelier than ever "But you have to take care of your brother for me, okay?"
"I promise, mother." I gripped her hand and she nodded with a gentle smile on her face, then she closed her eyes for a moment, probably because she felt the need to
"Mom?" I asked after a minute of complete silence and she opened up her eyes again as she gave me another sweet smile and rubbed my hand with her thumb "Are you going to die?" it's a question that's been torturing me for months already. I could see that she was getting worse and I've overheard father and the doctors, but I didn't want to accept it.
She took a minute before actually responding and then she nodded as she gripped my hand harder and I felt a tear fall down my face. She dropped my hand and brushed it away with her pale hand.
"Don't cry, Damon" I saw the tears escape her own eyes "It's going to be fine."
"I don't want you to leave me." I said stubbornly just like Stefan, as if I was a six year old child
"I don't want to leave you too" she whispered before a cough interrupted her. It didn't stop right away this time, though and I didn't know what to do, besides from giving her water, not that this helped her much. I was about to run downstairs and ask for the maid to come but I heard someone's steps echoing in the hallway and I knew she must have heard us and be on our way already.
"Do me a favor, will you?" she asked when she was finally able to catch her breath. "Come back tomorrow and bring your brother, okay? I want to talk to you both." I promised her as I continued gripping her hand and soon she closed her eyes, she looked so exhausted. In that minute the maid came in and I had to leave, even though I didn't want to.
Once again back in the dark hallway I wanted nothing but to sit back down on the ground and cry-my mom has just admitted that she'll leave us, but I noticed that there was light coming from father's room which meant he has let Stefan go already. I ran downstairs to the kitchen and found Constance hugging him closely. She gave me a pitiful look and I felt my knees betraying me so I pulled a chair and sat next to them. Stefan has buried his blond head in her chest and was crying silently, staining Constance perfectly ironed dress with his own sorrow and despair. His small hand was resting on her shoulder and in that moment I felt like the most hopeless human being ever.
I watched Constance gently roll up Stefan's shirt and as soon as I saw the blood on his back, all the cuts and the bruises, I clenched my fist and stood up abruptly, without even realizing it.
"I'm going to kill him" I stated furiously, but Constance gripped my wrist with her free hand and pushed me back on the chair
"You're not going anywhere" she rarely scolded me like this, but now her eyes were demanding. She was persistent and she wasn't going to just let me go-she knew I would only get father more mad than he already was. Stefan pulled away from her chest and gave me a sad look
"Damy" he said sadly "I'm so sorry. I just wanted to go back to the barn, because I left my flowers there." he said through tears. Constance stood up and she handed him to me. I hugged him tightly and ran my fingers through his messy blond hair as I watched our maid go to the drawer above the sink and pull out a bottle of scotch which she would use to clean the cuts on his back. Stefan felt what was going on and gripped my shoulders with his tine hands
"I just wanted my flowers back" he whispered again and I looked at him confused
"Your flowers?" I asked surprised. Stefan wasn't the one to pick flowers. He usually just stomped all over them while riding old Gemma. " Stefan, what are you talking about?"
"I picked up momma's favorite flowers." he said shyly and buried his head in my chest "I wanted to give them to her." he let a little aw out once Constance finally started cleaning up the blood from his back and I held him tightly, not giving him the opportunity to get away with this no matter how much he wanted it.
But I was still thinking on his words-now I understood why he wanted to go back to the barn, he must've left the flowers there. That's why he was in the barn in the first place, he must've been riding Gemma to the meadow down the road next to the Gilbert's mansion and picked them up, then got back.
"Yeah, well you'll give them tomorrow, Stefan" I said with a wide smile on my face "I promise."
"You do?" he asked in disbelief.
"Yes" I confirmed feeling him getting a little bit more optimistic. He hugged himself back in my embrace and I smiled.
After Constance was done and we even managed to change his clothes and made him eat, I put him back to bed. He didn't want to fall asleep while he was alone in the room, though so I had to lay down with him until he finally drifted away. I was convinced that tomorrow will be a better day, that even though mom wasn't feeling alright, that maybe she was wrong when she thought that she'll die. Maybe the doctor will save her and we'll all be happy again. Or maybe all Stefan and I needed to do is be with her more, give her strength, talk to her, maybe this will help her get better.
Next morning, however, when Stefan and I finally approached our mother's room and I opened up the heavy old wooden door, there was no one on the bed. The room was completely empty, cleaned up even. Stefan ran inside and I followed him feeling the desperation stuck in my throat.
He turned around and gave me a concerned glance. I shook my head-mom wasn't here. And god knows what has happened last night.
I watched him drop the flowers he has so carefully picked up and which cost him getting beaten up last night, on the floor. He fell down on his knees and buried his face in his tiny hands.
I stood up there unable to speak. I've broken another one of my promises to Stefan.
