Heechul's March 5, 2011
There was a sudden pain on my left cheek. I lost the strength to continue singing and just clutched my face instead. I waited for the pain to subside, but it didn't. Instead, it was becoming more and more painful by every second so I finally decided to leave the stage and get someone to treat me. As I headed for the backstage, I passed by Leeteuk-ssi. He saw me. He knew I was hurt, but he just spared me a glance and then went on performing as if I wasn't there. What did I expect anyway? He had always been like that. He plays this loving role of a leader who takes care of everyone but me. I bet he wouldn't cry a single tear if I were to die right then and there.
A staff ran to me as soon as he saw me clutching my face.
"Omo! Heechul-ssi! What happened to you?" He was yelling and almost everyone else at the backstage gathered around me. The others were either getting some ice and first aid kit or were calling a few more others for help. "What happened?" "Omo! You're bleeding!" "Who the hell did that?"
Everyone was panicking that it started to scare me. It wasn't serious, right? It was just a scratch, why did they have to make a big fuss? My wound was already treated with an ointment, but everyone still looked as if a disaster had happened. I felt as if that scratch would forever be on my face and I'll be ugly forever. It was silly but I couldn't help but get scared. My face was beautiful and my skin was perfect, I know that much. That's why it was really frustrating to think that it's all ruined in a single night.
The other members came in. Sungminnie immediately ran to me and asked how I was feeling. I couldn't utter a single word. Kyuhyun-ssi followed right behind him, but didn't speak. Soon, Siwonnie and Hyukkie were also by my side, asking if I was okay. Shindong-ssi and the others were on their way to me when Eeeteuk-ssi suddenly clapped his hands and said in a loud voice, "Everyone, that's enough! It's just a scratch, he's not gonna die from it. Those who are up for the next number, prepare right away. We still have a show here!"
Although what he said was pretty much what I wanted to tell the others, it was like a knife that cut me in half when it came from him. How can he always make me feel like I'm never an important person? If it was Wookie, I'm sure he'd run to his side and hug him tight to stop him from crying.
After they had gone back to perform, I was brought to a nearby hospital and was given proper treatment. The pain had already subsided but I didn't dare to go back to perform. I knew I'd just be a stupid prima donna and spoil the show. I was too upset to even bother calling them to tell them I'm okay. Leeteuk-ssi probably already told them not to worry anyway. I sighed, throwing myself at my bed. I felt a slight pain as my face hit one of the pillows. Why does my life suck?
Why, of all people, did I have to share a room with Leeteuk-ssi? Why do the other members have their own bestfriends that they want to share a room with and I'm stuck with the leader who wouldn't even give a damn about me? I know I was being unreasonable, but I hated him for saying those things. I didn't feel a single bit of sympathy from him. If only Hankyung-ssi was still with us, I wouldn't have any problem.
Eeteuk-ssi entered the room, with the other eight members behind him. He went straight to the bathroom while the others sat beside me on my bed.
"We were worried because you didn't come back," Siwonnie said. I wanted to smile, but seeing all those worried faces just couldn't make me feel comfortable.
"I'm fine. It stings a little but it's far from serious," I replied bluntly.
"Are you angry? Hyung, you know it was an accident, right?" Sungmin-ssi snuggled beside me.
"I know. I'm not angry. I wish they'd stop throwing things at us though."
"Oh! But I like the things that they give us! Maybe we can just tell them not to throw hard things!" Donghae reasoned out like a child. I wouldn't be surprised. He's the one who always gets cute stuff thrown at him, mostly shirts and fish plush toys.
I snorted. Everyone probably knew I wasn't in a good mood to discuss things, so no one argued when Shindong-ssi told them to let me rest already. They just left when Eeteuk-ssi just finished bathing.
"They left already?"
"No, they're still here. You can see them, right?" I rolled my eyes as I lied down on my bed. I didn't really want to talk to him, and for some reason, I found it awkward to even look at him. I heard him sigh.
"Sleep well then," he said. Something snapped inside of me. Was that really all that he had to say? After all these freakin' five years, did he not even learn to care for me?
I sat up and stared at him with rage. "Well, thank you! I really appreciate your concern!" He stared back at me. At first he seemed calm, but then he seemed to get angrier everytime I answer him.
"What's wrong with you?"
"Oh, wow! I just got hit by a fan and my face is wounded! Nothing is wrong with me!"
"Chullie-ah! Enough with the sarcasm already! I'm tired and I don't want to fight with you," he said, slightly raising his voice.
I grunted. "Sure, you'd be tired! You kept the whole show going! Congratulations!" I knew I was being really selfish, but something inside me just won't let me calm down. I hated him.
"What did you want me to do? Stop the concert just because you got a scratch? Chullie-ah! You know better than that!" He walked towards my bed and stared at me angrily.
"You could've at least stopped and helped me!" I was so angry that I wanted to cry, but hell Kim Heechul would never cry because of this guy! Never!
"Chullie-ah! The other members didn't see what happened. If I ran to your side that very moment, they would've noticed and everyone else would do the same. We can't just stop a performance for that."
"Then how about backstage? You didn't even approach me backstage? You wouldn't even let the others help me!"
"Geez! Kim Heechul! Stop it already! The other members were just worried about you, but in reality, they wouldn't have been able to do anything! They'd just stand there and keep asking you if you're okay! What you needed was proper treatment and we could not have gone with you because that would mean stopping the whole show! I didn't push through with it just to perform. I'm not as hungry for the limelight as you are! I did that because stopping the show would worry not just the members but also the fans! Especially that girl who threw that thing to you! Besides, Super Junior would surely be on the news for being so unprofessional over such a small thing!"
Everything he said was right, but I still couldn't forgive him. He had the chance to ask me how I was doing when they got back to the hotel, but he went straight to the bathroom instead. And even after that, all he said was sleep well? "That," I said sharply, "doesn't excuse you for being such a stupid leader!" I pulled my blanket over my head and lied down again. I hate him! I hate Park Jungsu!
He didn't say another word. I guess he just went to his bed and took some rest. He said he was tired after all. I clenched my fist. I went too far. Jungsoo is a good and responsible leader, but that's what annoys me so much. He cares for everyone so much that he wouldn't hesitate to hurt me just so he could protect everyone else. He's always thinking of "the other members" or the fans or the media and Super Junior's reputation. Seriously! Everyone thinks he's a perfect leader but I really hate him!
Leeteuk's March 5, 2011
I was stricken with horror as I saw Heechul-ssi got hit by a fanboard. He bowed down and clutched his face. He was in real pain. I looked at the other members, only Shindong-ssi seemed to have noticed what happened. Heenim decided to leave the stage and ask for help. I walked towards him, but then I saw his face. He still looked calm despite the fact that he's in pain. If I stopped singing and go with him, he'd surely panic and get scared. Kim Heechul wouldn't give a damn on something if no one cares about it. If everyone crowds over him, he'd get scared and then act like a brat to hide his fear and panic. It was his defence mechanism to hide his weaknesses.
I stared at him as he passed by me. I couldn't do anything. If all the other fans notice what happened, they'd surely gang up on the girl who threw the board, whom by the way was already being harassed by the ones around her.
As I expected, everyone gathered around Heenim at the backstage. He had this annoyed look in his face as he waited for the manager who would take him to the nearby hospital. That is just like Kim Heechul, yelling at one of the staff to get him more water.
"Everyone, that's enough! It's just a scratch, he's not gonna die from it. Those who are up for the next number, prepare right away. We still have a show here!" I yelled when I noticed the other members were on their way to where he was. It was a bit cold of me, but it was the right thing to do. Keeping on asking him if he was hurt or how he felt would be of no use when there's obviously nothing that anyone could do.
I went on performing with the others. All of us were obviously worried about Heenim, but we tried our best to hide it from the fans. Heenim was gone when we went back. I called manager-hyung right away and asked how he was.
"He's fine. Just a minor scratch. I'll take him back to the hotel before I go back there," he said.
I sighed in relief. Well, surely, Kim Heechul would act like a little brat for a few days because of this, but at least he wasn't seriously hurt.
He was on his bed when we entered our room. I knew he was tired and upset, so I didn't want to stress him out but the others insisted on coming with me to check what he was doing. I went straight to the bathroom and took a bath. Kim Heechul was probably not in the mood to talk to anyone, so I didn't really expect the other members to stay for long.
"They left already?" It was a pretty stupid question, but I couldn't think of anything to say. I may be the leader and the one who speaks the most, but despite my MC skills, I was never really good at situations like this. Serious conversations were never my forte.
"No, they're still here. You can see them, right?"
I shouldn't have been surprised. Firstly, he must have been so upset with what happened. He must also be so tired and lastly, he might have been really angry at me for being so mean to him.
"Sleep well then," I said. He then shot up and threw me an angry look.
"Well, thank you! I really appreciate your concern!"
I looked straight into his eyes. I knew I must have done something to upset him, but everything I did so far was for everyone. I was just being careful.
"What's wrong with you?" 'why are you always like this?' was what I really wanted to ask. I was seriously getting tired of all his drama. He'd always be like this every single time.
"Oh, wow! I just got hit by a fan and my face is wounded! Nothing is wrong with me!"
"Chullie-ah! Enough with the sarcasm already! I'm tired and I don't want to fight with you," I yelled. I wish he'd just stop for a while and think of the people around him.
"Sure, you'd be tired! You kept the whole show going! Congratulations!" That was just it. He was really getting into my nerves! Even if we have been together for five years already, I just can't get used to his damn attitude!
"What did you want me to do? Stop the concert just because you got a scratch? Chullie-ah! You know better than that!" Kim Heechul had always been good at handling delicate situations. He always says whatever's on his mind so he gets a lot of both positive and negative feedbacks from the public, but then he always finds a way to get things fixed. I am not like that. If I mess things up, it's hard for me to fix them so I try my best not to do anything wrong.
"You could've at least stopped and helped me!"
"Chullie-ah! The other members didn't see what happened. If I ran to your side that very moment, they would've noticed and everyone else would do the same. We can't just stop a performance for that." I didn't even know why I had to explain myself. Heechul-ssi was just being Kim Heechul. I shouldn't really bother.
"Then how about backstage? You didn't even approach me backstage? You wouldn't even let the others help me!"
"Geez! Kim Heechul! Stop it already! The other members were just worried about you, but in reality, they wouldn't have been able to do anything! They'd just stand there and keep asking you if you're okay! What you needed was proper treatment and we could not have gone with you because that would mean stopping the whole show! I didn't push through with it just to perform. I'm not as hungry for the limelight as you are! I did that because stopping the show would worry not just the members but also the fans! Especially that girl who threw that thing to you! Besides, Super Junior would surely be on the news for being so unprofessional over such a small thing!"
"That," he said sharply, "doesn't excuse you for being such a stupid leader!" He pulled his blanket over and lied down, not throwing me another look. I froze. His words kept on ringing over and over in my head. Did I really deserve that? Was I really being stupid, or was it just one of his petty urges to keep everyone's attention fixed on him?
Damn you, Kim Heechul. Maybe I was stupid for keeping you in the group even after you decided to leave us. I was stupid for accepting you again with arms wide open. Call me stupid. I'd even let you think I'm the worst leader of all, but I won't regret that. And I hope you wouldn't as well.