Journal entry #308
I thought I was over Christian. I thought I had moved on and was happy with stable, boyfriend material Ben. I knew that I didns not just believable.
Now that Ben and I have been dealing with Saskia interfering and Grace being overly friendly, it seemed as though are relationship was on the rocks. I was watching his interactions with Grace and he always seemed to light up more. Like there was a brighter sparkle in his eye, than when he was with me. I was hoping that his road trip of our performances would provide a different atmosphere than the academy for Ben and me to get to know each other better.
I have determined that the world likes to play with me. It keeps putting obstacles in my path that I must hurdle over all the while being confused. Saskianatural. The feel of his hands on my skin as we move across the dance floor, burn me with such intensity. I feel at a loss the moment they are gone, that I just want to cry. I shouldntheres frame and thought it was nice, but when I looked over to Christian, it created a blush on my cheeks and a warmth that travelled up my body. The tingles began to drift down-ward and I was trying to hold back a groan. He was like Adonis and I was left speechless. These feelings were magnified from the ones that I have when Is going on around me.
I should go, the show will start soon and then itt wait to see Kat again. I miss her so. Maybe she can help me figure out what to do, beyond knowing that I want to spend my life with him.
Tara