Disclaimer: I don't own. Which might be a good thing, but still.
A/N: Just so you know, this is a fractured fairytale. And I can't exactly remember how the idea came about, but it did. I wasn't sure if it was worth posting, but my housemate said it was so here we go.
First, and foremost, this is a fairy tale.
You've been warned.
It's a fairy tale that most commonly is known for pumpkins, glass footwear (and how did she walk in that without breaking them and having to get surgery to pull all the shards out?), and dancing mice. Oh, and a happily ever after.
The only thing this version of the story has in common with that one is the happily ever after.
You've been warned.
King Hummel, usually called Burt by those who knew him walked into his son's room and started pacing in front of Kurt's television. Prince Hummel, usually called Kurt by those who knew him, stared beyond his father and continued watching the movie. His father would talk when he found the words.
"My advisors," Burt began and Kurt paused the movie while rolling in eyes. Kurt did not approve of the advisors; they usually gave bad advice. 'Yes, Burt, you're going bald. Try a comb-over.' 'Burt, I think you're spoiling Kurt too much. Try giving him less money for clothes.' 'Y'know, Burt, those jelly-donuts aren't going to eat themselves.' Burt stopped pacing and stood in front of his son, "my advisors," he repeated, "said that you need to be in a relationship." He held up his hand before Kurt could say a word, "And then they suggested a ball."
Kurt clapped his hands, clearly pleased with the suggestion, "That's the best idea ever Dad. I can't wait to plan it and I can invite all my friends," of which there weren't many, "and I can meet some guys. And like your advisors suggested, be in a relationship with one of the guys."
"That's the thing." Burt scratched the back of his head, "They mentioned something about the Royal Line and how it needs to continue and-"
"They want me to have sex with a girl?" Kurt made a face, "Ew."
Burt shrugged, "Well, they're right, Kurt. Royal Line. I mean, I'd be fine if you just adopted or something but the rules are strict on the Royal Line being a Royal Blood Line." He sat down next to the Prince, "You know I support you being," he waved his hand, "gay, but they have a point. Will you think about taking a wife?"
Kurt sighed and nodded, "Sure Dad. At least I get to have a rockin' ball." He gave the King a small smile, "I'll do my best to pick out a fair lady who captures my heart. In a friend-way." He'll just choose a girl who he could be friends with and then be one of those guys who didn't marry for love and had something on the side.
Not that he liked the idea of lying. Having a wife and then a guy? Would he have to keep the guy secret? Kurt hoped not, he wasn't fond of having to hide himself.
Burt nodded and then got up and left Kurt to finish watching his movie and plan his ball. Rolling over on his bed, Kurt decided to call his best friends Quinn and Brittany (Santana would probably end up helping, coming with Britt) so that they could start preparing for the event.
"You could marry me." Brittany said as she put some decorations on the tables, "I like you."
Santana shot a glare at Kurt as he replied, "No, Britt. I don't want to ruin what we have. Plus you gotta keep your options open. Hopefully someone will get her act together and make a commitment." He would've returned the glare but this is a fairy tale and there can only be one glare per story and Santana used it up.
"Think you'll find the lucky girl tonight?" Quinn asked.
Kurt shrugged, "If I don't we'll just have a reason to have another ball. Personally the whole idea is kinda weird and I'd be happy if I never meet the lucky girl." Sighing, he continued, "Though I guess finding another friend would be good."
"I like butterflies." Brittany said as she frowned at some ribbon in her hand, "I can't get this to look like a butterfly."
Kurt smiled and reached out, "Here, let me show you how I do it." He proceeded to weave and tie the ribbon into a simple butterfly shape before placing it in her hair, "There. You look gorgeous. Doesn't she Santana?"
Santana gave a smile at Brittany, "Yes, you do."
Brittany grinned, "Make one for her. Make one for my Santana. We will have matching butterflies in our hair." She clapped her hands.
Kurt chuckled and made another before handing it over to the other girl. "Now you can match Brittany." He then looked at Quinn, "I'll make you a flower for your hair. To show that you're my friend but not with these two."
Quinn nodded, liking the idea, "Just make sure it'll match my dress."
"Please. Who do you think you're talking to?" Kurt said good naturedly.
{{{|
Kurt looked about the room. He had no idea where to even begin to look for a wife. He didn't even want a wife. Sighing to himself, he made sure his suit was perfect (it was) and stepped towards the group of guests.
He almost ran from a crazy girl who seemed to be obsessed with peppers and hid behind a servant when a blonde woman in her thirties looked at him and ran her tongue between her teeth. Only when he thought he was safe from the two, a girl around his age appeared beside him.
"Hello." She held out her hand. Could this girl be the one he was looking for? "My name is Rachel Berry and I have two gay dads so I understand where you're coming from." She didn't pause for breath, "I'm sure you're wondering how two gay men got such a wonderful daughter like me and it's not adoption. They mixed their life force together and found a suitable woman as a surrogate and to this day we aren't sure which one is my biological father. Isn't that wonderful?"
Kurt looked her up and down and was horrified by her outfit, "Surely with two gay dads you would've gotten a better dress."
She frowned at him, "I like my outfit. Thank you."
Rolling his eyes, Kurt walked away. There was no way someone wearing such a hideous outfit could be the girl he was looking for.
Then he saw her.
She was laughing and her style was fantastic. Walking up, he smiled at her. "Your dress is fierce."
She turned to him and grinned, "Why thank you. You're Prince Hummel?"
"Kurt." He nodded, "Call me Kurt."
"I'm Mercedes Jones."
And so a friendship was struck. They spent the night on a bench, talking about many subjects. No matter how often a servant would come up and say he needed to mingle more, he always said that he would continue his conversation with Mercedes. No matter how often another girl would come up wanting to talk or dance, he would say that he would continue his conversation with Mercedes. It was clear that Kurt only had eyes for her.
At twenty till midnight Mercedes explained that her curfew was at midnight and she needed to get home, as the drive would take that long. Kurt bid her goodbye and explained that he might look her up to hang out.
The next day Burt asked how the ball had gone.
"It was wonderful, Dad." Kurt smiled, "And I met Mercedes. I think we could be good friends. Best friends."
Burt nodded, "How about you go to her house and ask her to marry." For this is a fairytale and that is how these things go; you meet once and then marry.
Kurt nodded and got in his Navigator and started going in the direction of the Jones house. He listened to his Wicked soundtrack as he drove, singing along. And when he got to the high F note (which he could pull off easily), his voice faltered. Slowing his Navigator, he parked on the side of the road and got out.
There, in the sun, was the most beautiful creature Kurt had ever laid his eyes on.
Two men were playing football when the taller one accidentally threw it to far. It landed in front of Kurt who picked it up and figured they'd want it back. Now Kurt knew that he threw like a girl, but he was a fantastic kicker. Placing the football down, he tried to kick it towards the taller boy, but as it hadn't been standing up, the course changed and it went to the beautiful boy.
Kurt walked up then, needing to know who they were.
"I'm Finn." The taller one greeted with a bow, knowing who Kurt was.
"Puck." He did not bow.
"Puck?" Kurt asked, raised an eyebrow.
"Noah Puckerman." Puck sighed. "But I go by Puck."
And that was how, when Burt descended the main staircase, Burt looked the person with his son up and down and stated very slowly, "This isn't a girl."
"No. This is Noah. Noah Puckerman." Kurt grinned. "I found him on my way to Mercedes'."
"Yo. I'm Puck." Puck greeted, giving a small bow this time. After all, it was King Hummel.
"Hey, Kurt, can I talk to you for a second?" The two Hummel's went to the other side of the room and left Puck to look around by himself. "Kurt," he glanced at Puck and saw him break a vase. "I thought we talked about getting you a wife?"
"We did." Kurt agreed, nodding, "But on my way to Mercedes' I saw him and one of his friends playing football and I fell in love with him. Love at first sight."
"Uh-huh." Burt nodded, "But you can't have a kid with him."
"I was thinking about that." Kurt grinned, "At the ball I met this horrible girl who mentioned she had two dads and then explained how that came about. And though she was awful enough to give me nightmares, I had listened to her and I figured I could get a surrogate. That's all Mercedes was going to be anyway. And this way I can be with Noah and not marry against my will."
Burt nodded. Kurt was right. That was a viable option. He glanced again at Puck who was now putting bits of the broken vase behind a statue. "But him?"
Kurt looked back and nodded, "Yes. Him."
Puck glanced up and saw them staring at him, "Sorry I broke your vase." He ran a hand through his Mohawk nervously.
Burt sighed, "Okay. Fine. But," he pointed at his future son-in-law, "the Mohawk goes."