Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight
Hello, all young whipperschnappers.
I be-eth Caius, the old one in the Volturi.
The very un-talented author gypsyrosalie is under the impression that I am the young one.
It is her fault- she MISREAD the books.
Now, I am here to prove my age to you!
Marcus may be mistaken as the old one, especially since he is old in the movie whereas I am quite a dish. But that is some wannabee actor who plays me, and he is jealous of my advanced age.
Marcus is actually very young. He is practically a toddler- only 3569 and a half years old.
What a young whipperschnapp!
I, myself have lived a very long, ooooooooooold life. If you are in disbelief, tough. What do you know, whipperschnapps. Here is some proof that I am old.
When I was a child, the fashion was much more practical than these days. Where I came from, we did not bother with 'groovy' and 'flippy' clothes like you have today!
No, No!
We had much more practical clothes. We used to wear the hide of animals around us in a delightful style I still prefer to underwear; the LOINCLOTH!
Very practical, eh whipperschnapps?
My childhood pet was a lovable companion named Rex. He was remarkably friendly, with lovely scales I used to pat and a collar made of a tree trunk. Unfortunately, my father wouldn't allow him in our cave, since he was enormous, so he ate my father.
I was very old when I was changed (125 years old to be exact). I was just about to die, when a very pale man in an immaculate loincloth came over and bit me. I was restored in no time! It seemed long then, but to someone who is as OLD as I am, three days is nothing!
Oh, I knew all the greats. I was the one who changed Nosferatu and Dracula! Of course, they're not as famous now because Stephenie Meyer leaked our life to the press!
I'm very disappointed with that book, you know. I should be the star, not that Fetus of a lad, Edward Cullen.
So there. I'm old.
Very, VERY old.
And by the way Marcus, what nonsense about flower-print dresses! I'm the one who wears those, as EVERYBODY knows. I wear them each day under my robes and on top of my loincloth.
Still in disbelief that I'm old?
Oh well. You're just whipperschnapps anyway.