This is a sequel to "The Proximate Peril," in which the Baudelaires chose to leave the Hotel Denouement instead of facing the trial. All major characters belong to Daniel Handler, not me.
Chapter 1: Doily
There is a saying that "only the good die young," but in my years of experience as a member of a secret organization I have seen far too many die young in all moral conditions -- good, bad, or chef-salad. The more one experiences of this wicked and woeful world, the harder it becomes to remain good, so perhaps a more correct saying would be "those who die young are somewhat more likely to die good." This story contains many woeful words on the wickedness of the world, so you had best throw it away if you wish to increase your own chances of dying good.
The three Baudelaire orphans (Violet, Klaus, and Sunny), Duchess R. of Winnipeg, and I had just seen far too much death for our own good. We had failed to prevent the mass-murder by poisoned mushrooms of an entire hotel-full of people; we had failed to prevent the murder by harpoon of Justice Strauss, the only good judge on the High Court; and we had failed to prevent the accidental self-murder by gravity of Count Olaf, the villain responsible for all the other murders. We had delivered a message from the future written on a doily, and that had probably resulted in two more deaths. On top of that, we had left the Hotel Denouement, the Last Safe Place, in flames. We were not feeling good about ourselves.
"At least the Quagmire Triplets are noble," said Klaus. "I know we'll feel better once we see them."
Duncan and Isadora Quagmire had been carried off in a self-sustaining hot-air mobile home which was currently flying over the ocean, under attack by eagles and villains. The third sibling, Quigley, was trying to assist them in a helicopter. My sister Kit was going to meet Captain Widdershins to enlist his aid. The stepchildren of the Captain, Fernald and Fiona, were somewhere at sea in a submarine stolen from Count Olaf. The sea was where all the action was, and that was where we were headed.
"Queequeg?" asked Sunny. She was suggesting we take the old submarine the Baudelaires had left at Briny Beach.
"I'd rather not," said Violet. "It's hard to search for something in the air from a submarine."
"A volunteer in the coffee shop yesterday afternoon told the waitress he was going boating and he would be back for the meeting on Thursday."
"So he missed the trial -- he survived," said Klaus.
"Yes, and he has a motorboat. We may be able to find him at the Marina," said the Duchess. "I have his description."
"How do you know we can trust him?" I asked.
"The waitress checked his ankle when he asked for sugar in his coffee," Duchess R. said. "The other side of the schism kept tattooing recruits longer than we did. Given his age, the fact that he has no tattoo means he's on our side."
"Maybe," said Sunny.
We drove to the Marina in my taxi. As we drove, Klaus paged through "Odious Lusting After Finance," the comprehensive book on injustice that Justice Strauss had died holding.
"What's this?" Klaus said. He pulled out a thin, waterproof envelope stuck between the pages.
Klaus read what was written on the envelope: "Death threat? Must investigate!"
He pulled out a white Very Fancy Doily. It was the exact sort used to send messages from the future, using the Vehicle of the Fourth Dimension which was concealed in the Vessel for Disaccharides (a sugar bowl) on the seat beside me. Such messages had never been wrong.
Violet looked over his shoulder. "It's torn," she said. "It reads: '--- Baudelaire will die October 19, 2xxx'. The first name is gone."
(Note: I have suppressed the year for security reasons.)
"Tomorrow," said Sunny in a hushed voice.
"Tomorrow, one of us is going to die," said Klaus in horror.