Author's Notes:

Hark! I have returned, with a very odd and roundabout sort of topic for someone like me. I kind of lapsed back into my illness for a few more days, and couldn't answer most of the PMs that're still lying in wait in my inbox. I'm very sorry about that. OTL

Take this short story with a grain of salt with what I usually write, this was made purely out of boredom and fun to sass at my friend when I was still bedridden and my only sort of entertainment (other than shadow puppetry), was listening to my friends complain about their younger cousins. (IstillloveyouLizzie)

Deep breath, let it out, and forever mark thine events, Iroha. . .

Tuesday 5th February

In my bedroom

1:07 PM

Hark, dearest diary, it has been decided. Today shall be the day where I will finally free my legs from their hairy prison. I, Nekomura Iroha, SHALL STRIKE WITH THE RAZOR OF JUSTICE TO LIBERATE MY LEGGY FLESH!

Or as most normal people (A.K.A. Miss IA) would say: I'm going to shave my legs.

For far too long my legs have not been living to their full potential as they have been covered with a veil of hair, and kimono pants. But no more! People shall behold the glory of my skin, undettered by some puny pink hairs! Tonight, we dine . . . IN HELL (shut up brain, shut up)!

Sweezus, this is starting to sound more like Braveheart every minute. Just gonna pop off now to hunt for a razor~

1:09 PM

Oh wait a sec, or was it 300? Well it was one of those movies with loads of shouty-fighty men in it. Does it really matter which?

1:32 PM

Apparently it does. Teru-sensei spent the next age explaining the difference between the two. As if I actually cared. Which, in case you were wondering, I really don't. What was I doing before I was so rudely interrupted by my ever so dear Pop-Pop? Ah yes, hunting for a razor.

2:37 PM

Can't find one of those bloody things anywhere. Miki probably hid hers from Yuki (who wouldn't?) and I don't really want to entertain the idea of using Teru's (who would?). Blargh, I'm all hungry now. Looking for things is über hard work (it is okay, so shut up).

Off to heat some waffles!

2:40 PM

Honestly, I swear we have literally NOTHING in our household. All I found in the cupboard was one of Yuki's "dolls" (read: as abominations with Licca-Chan legs attached) and some crisps. Which happen to be marmite flavoured, so that's pretty much a no-no. Well and all of the other stuff like flour and tins of spaghetti hoops but nothing that I actually want.

2:42 PM

Ooh, I found some cinnamon at the back of the "spice rack" (which is basically a plank of wood duct taped to the wall, seeing as Kiyo-Neo is an expert at DIY). At least we have some bread in this house, so I can make cinnamon toast. I was going to have Nutella on toast, but for some reason there was glitter in the jar. I hate to think what else Yuki could've put in there.

2:44 PM

Toast is ready. Yum!

OMNOMNOM

2:51 PM

So the hunt continues...

3:23 PM

Huzzah, at last I have found a razor! It was wedged behind the pipes of the kitchen sink. Why it's there I have no idea, but at least I found one. It looks pretty old, but I found some new blades for it (in Miki's knicker drawer)

Y'know, IN THE BATHROOM

3:33 PM

OK, here we go. I've washed my legs and put on a bit of moisturizer. I don't exactly know what the correct leg-shaving protocol is (protocol, is that the right word? Probably not, but who really cares), but it can't be that hard can it?

3:34 PM

Oh crabcakes, I just cut myself.

3:35 PM

Wait- that makes it sound like I'm an self-harmer or something. Well I suppose I did kind of self-harm. Can you get accidental self-harming (shut-up brain, get back to shaving)?

3:37 PM

How the blithering arses do you do the knees? I just keep on (accidentally) cutting myself. I suppose that's what happens when you use a crappy razor. No- it's what happens when your completely selfish older sister decides to hide everything from you. Perhaps I should give her a lecture about the trials of coming-of-age. Seeing as it was centuries ago when she was an almost-teenager herself.

Give or take a few years.

3:38 PM

I swear my knees are the bane of my existence. Well, almost. My cousin Pikan's knees are pretty bloddy knobbly. She's a leggy one, that girl is.

3:45 PM

One leg down, one more to go! At least it should be easier this time around as I'm now more experienced at all of this leg-shaving malarkey. I think I'm getting the hang of it. Leg out, razor stroke upwards, smoooothy leg down.

3:47 PM

Apparently not. I should really learn not to tempt fate. For all I know this event could've been written in the stars- predestined for thousands of years. Not sure why anyone would bother, but these 'celestial beings' are weird types. Or so I've heard. From my sources. *cough**cough*Gumi,Miki,IA,Piko,Yukari*cough**cough* (What the deuce am I even saying? Shut UP brain.)

3:49 PM

I should also learn not to daydream whilst shaving my legs too, it would seem. I really hope we have some band-aids. Preferably in a place where I can actually find them easilly. Like in box in a bathroom cupboard. Not rolled up in a ball of socks at the back of Miki's and Yukari's wardrobe. Now there's a novel idea. But when is my life so simple? Never, that's when. Absolutely flipping never.

3:54 PM

I found some of Kiyo's in the bathroom cabinet. It's by 'Diesel' according to the label. So it will probably smell like petrol.

Do you even put aftershave on your legs? I don't think so.

3:56 PM

How my convo with Kaiko went:

"Helloooooooo?"

"Cookie, can I ask you something?"

"Oui oui, ma petite cheval. Des legumes dans la bibliotheque."

"The vegetables are in the library? Can you even speak French?"

"That's what I just did, wasn't it?"

"No I meant, like, properly."

"Non."

"Anyway, stop distracting me I wanted to ask you a serious, life-altering question."

"Then just say it, Kitty!"

"Alright, alright! Do you put aftershave on your legs?"

"..."

". . . Cookie Wookie? You still there?"

"What in the name of Meiko's saggy arse cheeks are you on about? Aftershave on legs? What the-?"

"It's nothing don't worry. OK, bye now."

I took that as a big N-O.

4:01 PM

It turns out the aftershave smells like piss. Either that or it is actually piss. Which, to be honest, wouldn't surprise me. After all I have the human incarnation of madness living in my house, A.K.A Yuki. Well not quite human. She's in a phase right now where she thinks she's part crane. So there you go.

4:05 PM

I'm all finished now! Just spent some time patching up my legs, seeing as they were in tatters from all the cuts I gave then. Poor legs. But at least they're all smoothety-smooth now. Mmmm, smooooooth.

4:06 PM

I feel like I should name my legs. Just because.

Hmm... Cinnamoroll and Mimmy perhaps?

4:07 PM

Massaging Mimmy (my right leg) and admiring my handiwork. Well, my shaving technique does leave something to be desired. Oh well.

11:13 PM

Night night Cinnamoroll and Mimmy, my little smoothy-babies. Mmmm... Zzzzzzz...

Thursday 7th August

On my bed

10:05 AM

Christ on a bike, the hairs are back. With a VENGEANCE.

Author's Notes:

Absolutely and bloody pointless. But just to say that I'm still alive back here, thank you.

*S. Narkie :3