She finally drank her pain away a little at a time
But she never could get drunk enough to get him off her mind
.
"Hey babe, you still workin'?"
Olivia cleared her throat and chuckled "No, I eh, I finished already" She smiled down the phone.
"Who's that?" Jimmy nodded towards her and raised his glass, knocking back the last of the scotch in his glass.
Brian's heart stopped in his chest when he heard the man's voice in the background, it sounded nothing like Fin or Nick and she already said she wasn't working. "Who's that, Liv?"
"Uh, Jimmy Mac" She laughed.
"The reporter?"
"Columnist, the size of Jupiter" She corrected, laughing as she pointed at the man sitting opposite her.
"Liv, have you been drinking?" It wasn't the first time he'd heard her drunken voice. Lately she'd been drinking a lot more than normal and it was starting to worry him. He'd come home to yet another empty bottle of wine, or find one on the floor by the side of the couch.
"Maybe a little bit, why? You mad?"
"I'm not mad, Liv. I'm worried, it's almost midnight"
"Don't be, I've been later before."
"Yeah, I know that" He scoffed down the phone.
"Another one?" Brian rolled his eyes as the muffled, deep male voice in the background asked his girlfriend if she wanted another drink.
"Babe, you want me to come and get you?"
"I think so, yeah" Olivia sighed and ran her fingers through her hair as another glass of scotch was placed neatly in front of her. She said a quick goodbye to her boyfriend, her heart warming when he offered to come and get her, he was so sweet and considerate of her, always looking out for her. Lately they hadn't spent a lot of time together due to her commanding work and his undercover stints and she missed him, unknowingly filling the missing void with alcohol.
"You have a boyfriend?" Jimmy asked, his eyebrow raised slightly
"I do" Olivia grinned, bringing the glass over amber liquid to her lips.
"You love him?"
Olivia took a deep breath "Yeah. I do"
"You hesitated" Jimmy pointed and chuckled "Normally people in love don't hesitate"
She rolled her eyes and placed her glass back on the mahogany wood bar, her fingers began tearing at the edges of the white napkin in front of her. She and Brian had been on a tough road, thirteen years without speaking and then a quick fling that turned into a blossoming romance. She hadn't expected it to go anywhere; more of a 'fun while it lasted' sort of relationship but somewhere along the way in turned into something more.
After her attack he had been there every step of her recovery and still was to this day, when sergeant Tucker wasn't sending him here, there and everywhere. They had hit a stumbling block, a dip in their relationship, neither really knowing how to move forward and it scared her but she never wanted to bring it up, she couldn't be bothered with a fight, she was just too damn tired.
"I love him, Jimmy." She replied sternly "He's been there for me through everything"
"Okay" He shrugged back
"What?" She glared "Come on, tell me"
Jimmy leaned in and placed his hand on hers, he was so close she couldn't help but stare, his breath smelled of scotch and mint, his thumb slowly slipped under her hers and he held her hand.
"You're not the type of person to fall in love" He said quietly "You get bored easily, you're like me, in the beginning it's brilliant, magical even and then after a while it slowly fades" He gently squeezed her hand and trained his eyes to her lips "and you look to someone else for comfort, someone else who can quench your desires…"
"Liv?"
Olivia shot up and turned, pulling her hand away from the man in front of her upon seeing Brian standing a few feet behind them by the front door, a confused expression spread across his face as he took in the sight of her and Jimmy, their bodies close as he practically whispered in her ear.
"Bri, hey" She pushed back and slowly stood, her legs all of a sudden not feeling all that strong, all the alcohol she had consumed running straight through her veins making her body hazy.
"You ready?" He asked, turning his gaze from Olivia he glared at Jimmy Mac who was sitting back in his chair nursing his drink, an impressive smirk on his face. Brian clenched his fist by his side, fighting the urge to punch him in the face and send him flying to the ground.
.
"Hey," Olivia grabbed his hand as the got outside, turning into him "I missed you" She grinned, the alcohol giving her more confidence to admit her feelings, she had always been a little looser after a few drinks. She felt she could tell him everything she was scared to tell him before.
She leaned up and kissed his lips softly, her free hand cupping his cheek, she smiled into the kiss when his hands attached themselves to her waist.
"I missed you too," He replied with a small smile, his mind still running in circles after what he just saw.
They walked, well, Brian walked with Olivia stumbling along beside him in her heeled boots, the fresh air made her drunkenness worse. He pulled the car door open and helped her inside trying not to show his anger, she seemed in a better mood, obviously the drink helped but he didn't want to go back to the way things were before just yet, back when she barely said to words to him and then complained that they never saw each other.
.
Back at the apartment, Brian shrugged off his jacket and hung it in the closet before helping his girlfriend out of hers. Olivia tumbled onto the couch laughing as she kicked off her shoes and sat up, holding her hand out to him.
"Come here" She whispered with a smile.
He moved towards her and sat down, she grabbed his hand and moved closer, their thighs touching. She sighed and leaned into him, her head resting on his shoulder.
Brian tried to bite his tongue, he tried to think of anything else instead of what he saw at the bar but he couldn't, what would've happened if he hadn't been there, if he hadn't walked in at that moment?
"What was that at the bar? With that Jimmy guy…" He asked quietly.
"Nothing, he was just being an idiot."
"That's not what it looked like, Liv" He scoffed, silently cursing himself. One thing about Olivia, her happier mood after drinking was one thing but with it came an angrier her. Rather than her usual just-walk-away-and-don't-talk-about-it attitude, she was always ready for an argument.
"What's that supposed to mean?" She sat up and raised her eyebrow
"Oh come on, Liv. You know exactly what it looked like, the look on your face when I called your name said it all"
Olivia stood "What you think I was gonna make out with him?"
"Were you?" Brian remarked, "Because it sure looked cosy to me"
"You ass, I would never do that to you"
Brian turned away and walked towards the window, resting on the ledge. "Really? Because we haven't exactly been happy this last month or so…"
"That doesn't mean I'd go and fucking cheat on you! My god, Bri!" Olivia marched over to him; her hands gripped his shoulders partly to keep herself standing as her mind went a little fuzzy "I love you"
"The last four times you've told me that, you've been drunk" He countered quietly, watching as she stepped back and rolled her eyes.
"Okay, first I'm about to cheat on you and now I drink too much?"
"I didn't say that"
"Sure as hell sounded like it" She retaliated before moving to the kitchen. She pulled the fridge door open and grabbed the bottle of red she had opened the night before.
Her mind drifted back to Jimmy's words, was she bored? Had the spark faded in their relationship? No. It hadn't. She still got butterflies when she saw his face, a smile automatically spread across her face every time he called her 'babe' or reached for her in his sleep. The way he would come up behind her and kiss the back of her head made her blush and the sound of his sleepy voice first thing in the morning made her weak. She wasn't bored; they had just hit a rough patch, that's all. She tried to convince herself of that as she grabbed a wine glass from the rack by the sink.
Brian stood and walked towards her, he rounded the corner and stood behind her, grabbing the bottle from her hands. Olivia turned sharply, her back pressed against the counter. She glared at him for a few seconds before grabbing him by the neck, pulling him closer to her, she let out a quiet moan as their lips met, her arms wrapping around his neck as he leaned into her.
He dropped the bottle on the counter, his hands resting on her hips, gently gripping her as their tongues battled for dominance. Olivia smirked against his lips as she slid a hand down his chest, her fingers raking against the material of his shirt before grabbing at his belt buckle. The stale taste of scotch on her breath and her hand against the front of his jeans broke him from his trance causing him to pull away and step back from her.
"No" He muttered before turning on the coffee machine
"What the hell, Bri?"
"You're drunk" Brian replied, running his hand through his hair.
"So…we've had drunk sex before" She shrugged "Didn't stop you then"
"When both of us were drunk" He shot back
"You're angry, why are you angry? Is it because of the Jimmy thing?"
"Dammit Liv, of course it is!" He turned back to face her, "How do you think it makes me feel that you'd rather be at a bar getting drunk with some reporter than being with me?"
"You are never here" Olivia shrugged quietly
"Yeah, when I'm working I'm not. But I always come home to you. It kills me that you aren't happy, I never expected to fall for you as hard as I have. I never thought in a million years we'd end up living together, taking an actual shot at this but we are, we were…now it's like we're roommates and I hate it."
"So do I"
Brian silently made a cup of coffee and placed it on the counter beside her.
"What, getting me sober so you can fuck me?"
"No." Brian replied sadly, his heart clenching in his chest that she would even think he would do that to her "You have work in the morning, the last thing you need is to be showing up still drunk."
He pulled open the drawer by the sink and popped a couple of painkillers into his hand. He reached for her hand and placed the little white pills in her palm before handing her a glass of water. "That's for the headache, that hangover's gonna be a bitch"
Olivia looked at him, tears glassing her eyes as she slowly nodded "Thanks"
The silence between them was deafening, neither of them could find any words to say. Olivia quickly swallowed the pills and took a gulp of the steaming black liquid, her mind racing as Brian began to speak words that she never wanted to hear.
He cleared his throat, the words rattled around in his brain; he made a promise to her and was yet to break one. This was something he never wanted to say and he knew she never wanted to hear, but it had to be said before she got any worse.
"You made me promise after your attack to tell you if you were turning into your mother" He said quietly.
She felt a knife in her chest as she recalled those words. She had told him about how her mother turned to alcohol to cope, how aggressive she had been, how barely a day went by when she didn't have a drink and she made him promise to tell her if she was ever turning down that road.
"Am I?"
"When was the last day you went without a drink?"
Olivia glanced behind him to the already opened bottle of red wine that sat there, glaring at her from across the small space. She felt the need to grab it and down the lot. Pulling her bottom lip into her mouth she looked Brian in the eye and quickly turned away, she had spent her entire life trying so hard to avoid turning into her mother. She had vowed to herself that she would have a better life than the one she was raised with and she wouldn't turn to the bottle every time the road got a little rough.
Being commanding officer of an understaffed unit was dragging her down, the negative pregnancy test left a hole in her heart, as did the little baby boy that had yet to be claimed and her crumbling relationship, not to mention the nightmares she still had about her ordeal with Lewis. Every day seemed to just get worse and the only thing that seemed to help her forgot was alcohol.
"What do you want me to say?" She asked, her voice choked with tears
"I want you to tell me what's going on with you rather than running to the nearest bottle when you have a hard day"
"And if I don't?"
"Then you'll probably drink yourself to death and it seems there's nothing I can do to stop you."
He pulled her against him after a few harrowing silent minutes, sighing deeply when her arms automatically wrapped tight around his middle. "I want to help you Olivia. I love you but you have to trust me again," Brian kissed the top of her head and leaned hard against the counter, her body still gathered in his arms.
He tried to be as honest as possible; trying to make her see what was going on and that he was there for her, even if she was too blind to notice. "Otherwise what's the point?"
"Are you leaving me?" Her broken voice mumbled against his shirt after a few minutes.
"If you want me to, I will"
.
I kind of have a mojo again. HOLLA.
comments? do you want part two?
lyrics: Whiskey Lullaby - Brad Paisley ft Alison Krauss
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