Crazy cat lady
Just a little idea I had over the origins of the 'crazy cat lady' name for Chandler's assistant in Tulsa, so I guess this takes place in season nine before TOW Rachels' phone number
Nope still don't own anything
Scene: Monica & Chandler's, Joey enters
Joey: so where's my buddy?
Monica: (sad) he's not here yet, his flight was delayed
Joey: but he was supposed to be home like 20min ago, I delayed coming over here so you two could reacquaint
Monica: aw that's so sweet but we'll be 'reacquainting' for a lot longer than 20min believe me!
Joey: oh has someone been missing their hubby?
Monica: just a little bit
Joey: so you're horny
Monica: Joey!
Joey: no its ok because Chandler told me he's so sexually frustrated without you
Monica: (flattered) really?
Joey: yeah so I told him to hire a hooker (Monica looks disgusted) don't worry he wouldn't do it, said its not what husbands are 'supposed' to do
(Chandler enters)
Chandler: hello hello (he goes to hug Monica but Joey gets in the way) hey Joey
Joey: (squeezing Chandler) I missed you so much
Monica: lonely wife standing over here
Chandler: Joe could you let go a little bit
Joey: only if you promise me you missed me more than HER!
Chandler: fine I missed you more (mouths no to Monica)
Joey: ha told you Monica!
Monica: so come on we want to know everything, what's it like being the big important boss man?
Joey: what are Tulsa girls like?
Chandler: Monica I'm so much more than the 'boss man', I'm divisional president
Monica: oh I'm married to the president
Chandler: divisional president
Monica: shhhh president
Chandler: and Joey as for the girls they're not half bad and I think they think I'm good looking, all the female interns keep flirting with me
Joey: its probably because you're the boss
Chandler: hey!
Monica: he's probably right sweetie . . . no offense
Chandler: offense taken! I'm sexy
Joey: in Tulsa, its a lot harder to be sexy in New York
Monica: Chandler I think your sexy obviously but what Joey means is that there's a lot more people in New York so in the sexiness competition
Chandler: what I'd come last!
Monica: not in my eyes
Chandler: its not important what you think, its about the thoughts hot girls!
Joey: do you have an assistant?
Monica: she's not hot is she because I thought I was able to handle you away from me but now all this talk about good looking overly flirtatious Tulsa girls isn't helping things
Chandler: you have absolutely nothing to worry about because I'm sort of crazy about this chef back in New York, you don't know her do you? About yay high, totally gorgeous and pretty much worships the ground I walk on
Monica: aw all that power has just gone to you little head hasn't it
Chandler: no my assistant is a lovely lady but a little weird
Monica: what's up with her?
Chandler: you ever hear of 'crazy cat ladies'
Monica: my biggest fear!
Joey: what's a 'crazy cat lady'?
Monica: I thought I'd become one after Richard broke up with me
Chandler: and then you got with me and shunned the cat lady way of life
Monica: no it was probably when you asked me to move in with you, before that I was convinced you'd freak out and leave me over some trivial argument you'd blow out of proportion
Joey: I still don't get it
Chandler: remember I used to think I would become Mr. Heckles
Joey: you mean be alone for your whole life
Chandler: yea well 'crazy cat lady' is the female equivalent of Mr. Heckles . . . she's kind of scary she keeps bringing in pictures of her cats and she even had a cat wedding for two of them . . . or married one of them the pictures weren't very clear but she's bringing me in the tape next week
Joey: dude you're the boss, dump her and hire a hot assistant
Monica NO! . . . (quieter) I mean no you shouldn't do that because crazy cat lady needs her job to fund her cat hobby
Chandler: is someone jealous?
Monica: well if someone wouldn't hire a hot assistant then someone would not become jealous over someones assistant
Chandler: are we still talking about you? (Monica kisses him really passionately)
Monica: I'll make you a deal, you keep crazy cat lady and I will personally garantee some more of that good stuff . . . I'll just wait for you in the bedroom shall I (she leaves)
Joey: you know hot assistants could probably kiss like that
Chandler: you better leave us for some alone time
Joey: but I want you too!
Chandler: I'll be over later
Joey: so like say 20 minutes (Monica throws her bra out of the bedroom)
Chandler: try 20 hours! (he pushes Joey out the door and runs into the bedroom)